The Longest Year
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.
Note: I am sorry, but whoever called me a bitch in a review for my last chapter, it was not appreciated at all. I do not mind constructive critisism, I really don't. As a matter of fact I welcome it. But that was out of line. I don't know if you were kidding, but I really don't care. I do not write this for me, I write it for you. And if that is the kind of response I am going to get then I will stop writing. I know that sounds over-dramatic and people are probably giving me the biggest eye roll ever, but I took the time to write this. I was so sick I could barely stand, but I people kept asking me write more . . . so I did. I'm sorry if some of you did not find the chapter good enough, or Spuffy enough, but hello, this * is* a Spuffy fic. I am one of the biggest Spike/Buffy fans ever. It going to get better. You kinda have to trust me, though. Just keep reading. It WILL get better. I promise. Fluff to come. No worries. Thank you.
*****
It had been one year. The longest year of Buffy's life. Her relationships with her friends had gone back to they way it had been before she died. Dawn was 17 and dating. Xander and Anya were a happily married couple of four months and Willow and Tara had moved out of the Buffy's house and into their own place. Now it was just her and Dawn. Life was actually pretty good. She was happy. Yet still the days seemed slower than usual. She had everything most people wanted except . . . no. She promised herself she wouldn't think about him. A few months back her dreams had become fewer and fewer, until they were gone completely. Then she knew . . . he was truly gone.
It killed her to think about it. She had never talked about it with anyone. As far as they knew, she was over it. She had moved on. Of course she didn't give them any reason to believe otherwise. She had met someone. He was nice, treated her with respect. But it was hard. She had only met up with him a few times, but afterwards she always felt guilty. Part of her still believed that he was alive, but most of her knew that wasn't the case.
Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the door slamming.
"God!" Dawn shouted in frustration.
"Didn't go well, huh?" Buffy asked.
"Only the worst date ever." Dawn sat down next to Buffy on the sofa. "Ya know, I really thought he was different. I mean, I know I have said it before, but this time I am serious. Guess I was wrong. He is just as pig headed as the rest of them. Why can't I find just one decent guy?"
"I dunno Dawnie. It seems the decent ones always get away." Buffy told her.
Dawn realized what her sister meant, and she placed her head on Buffy's shoulder. "Love sucks."
Buffy laughed a bit. "Yeah."
They sat in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.
"It doesn't have to y'know."
"What?" Dawn asked.
"Suck. Love doesn't have to suck. I say we make a pact. No more dates." Buffy told her sister.
"Wait, Buf-" Dawn was cut off.
"No, I know. I mean, not forever. Only for maybe say . . . a year. Okay, no, not a year. A few months. C'mon Dawn. Whaddya say?" She looked at Dawn with a hopeful expression on her face. At least if she didn't date for a while she wouldn't have to feel the guilt that she felt after the few dates she had had since he left.
"Well yeah. I mean, that would be all fine and good, but what about your date with Jacob tonight?" Dawn asked, eyesbrows raised.
"My what with huh and hmm?" Buffy asked quickly.
"Date. Jacob. Tonight." Dawn told Buffy.
"Shit that was tonight!?" Buffy shouted.
"Buffy!" Dawn had never heard Buffy say anything worse than 'kick your ass'.
"Sorry, sorry. That was bad. Never say that. But oh . . . my . . . God! Uh, you wouldn't happen to know what time this date would be, would you?" Buffy asked Dawn.
"In 20 minutes." Dawn told her.
"Oh, okay. Well, let's see. I'm not gonna sleep with him so I don't need to shave." Buffy was counting off on her fingers, the things she needed to do.
"But you have to smell nice so . . . shower." Dawn told her.
"Did that a few minutes ago. So that leaves hair, makeup and clothes. Okay. No biggie." Buffy took a deep breath in and started up the stairs.
Dawn watched as her sister less than enthusiastically made her way up the stairs. She still missed Spike, everyone could tell. Honestly, Dawn had no idea why Buffy even made this date with Jacob. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Spike had been the love of her life and she wasn't even close to over him yet.
*****
"So I am totally over it." Buffy told the man sitting across from her.
"You're sure?" Jacob asked.
"Yeah. I mean, you won fair and square . . . except for the fact that you didn't."
"Buffy, I didn't cheat." Jacob tried to reassure her. "Maybe you're just a sore loser." He said playfully.
"Oh, come on. There is no way anybody could possibly get the eight ball into the side pocket from that angle." Buffy pointed towards the spot on the pool table where the eight ball had previously been.
"Sure there is. Here." Jacob leaned over Buffy placing his left hand over hers and his right hand slightly in front of hers on the pool queue.
"Here's your first problem. You're not holding it right. Move your hand up a bit."
Buffy slowly inched her hand towards his until they were touching. They were close . . . too close. His body was pressed up against her back, nice and warm. It was uncomfortable. Her body suddenly tensed up and pulled away from him a bit.
"Uh, you know I-I believe you. It's fine. Really." She looked at the confused expression on Jacob's face and decided to change the subject.
"Okay. How about you get us some drinks and I'll get a table." Jacob shook his head 'yes' and walked away. Buffy looked around a bit for a table and found one. It was probably the only one empty, but she couldn't sit there. It was the table that she had shared with Spike when he told her about his past. The night he almost kissed her, the night she almost let him. The night she told him he was beneath her, and the night he had proved her wrong by comforting her even after everything she had done to him.
No. This table definitely would not work.
"Did you find a table?" Jacob asked as he came up behind her, not startling her a bit.
"Oh, uh . . . no." She lied.
"Well, what about that one?" Jacob asked, pointing to the table right behind them. The exact table she had been trying to avoid.
"Um, bugs. Big, BIG bugs. And I am really not a big bug fan. So uh . . . stairs?" She pointed towards the stair and he agreed. They made they're way over and sat on the first step. It was silent for a while, but eventually they began talking, mostly about past experiences. Jobs, school, everything except-
"Past love life?" Jacob asked.
"Ah, the million dollar question." Buffy looked down into her drink and swirled it around a bit with her straw.
"And from your reaction, I'm guessing things haven't been so great in the past." Jacob told her.
Buffy decided it was best to tell him everything. Not any of the slayage type stuff, of course. But maybe if she told him, he would be the one who would stay. She took a deep breath in.
"Lots of love and loss."
*****
Standing only a few feet away in the shadows of the Bronze, there was a man who seemed fixed on Buffy. He watched as she played pool and let that other man hold her, a pang of jealously striking him hard. He should have expected that, though. He should have known she wouldn't wait for him, after everything. He watched some more and felt relieved when she pulled away, but his heart sank once more as she sat down with that man.
His listened intensely as the two talked. Mostly boring stuff. Jobs, school, everything except-
"Past love life?"
He heard the man ask. He couldn't hear that much from then on, even though he had tried so hard to make out what they were saying. The conversation seemed to last forever, and as far as he could tell, Buffy was the only one talking. She always could hold a decent one-sided conversation, he thought to himself.
He listened as the two finished up their conversation. He decided not to disturb her until the time was right.
*****
"That's pretty much it." Buffy finished. She looked at Jacob who had a sincere 'I am so sorry' look on his face.
"God Buffy. I'm sorry." He told her.
"It's not your fault."
"Yeah, but I opened the emotional gates of hell." He told her. She laughed a bit and it felt . . . different. Good different. She hadn't laughed for a while, at least not on a date.
They sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Jacob spoke.
"So you're ready to move on? Ready to love again?" He asked quietly, not sure whether he should really be asking or not.
"Wow. Check out the intensity of that question."
"Oh, no I-I didn't mean wi-"
"I know what you meant. And to answer your question . . . " her mind raced with thoughts on what to say. Yes, no, maybe, possibly, never again. That is what she really wanted to say. Never again. Her thoughts automatically went to Spike. She hadn't let herself think about him in so long, but now seemed appropriate. He would want her to be happy. Even though he would hate the thought of her falling for another guy, he would want her to be happy. She made her decision. " . . . yes. I-I'm ready. I think cupid as finally pulled his arrow out of my ass. Or, uh, something less confusing and less mixed-metaphor-y." She managed a weak smile.
"Glad to hear it." Jacob smiled back.
"Yeah. Moving on does sound good right about now." This was it. She could feel herself beginning to babble. "I mean, they all left, right? They left me. A-and it was not my fault. At least the last one wasn't. I-I really loved him. Even though I wasn't supposed to. I-it was written. You know, sacred duty and all. But I did. God I loved him. B-but he is gone now. Dead. I mean, he was dead before, but now it is dusty dead. And you can't fix that. So," Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at Jacob, "I think I'm ready to fall in love again."
Buffy felt a cold hand rest on her should and a familiar, soothing voice began to speak.
"I'm sorry to hear that, luv."
*****
Ohhhhhhhh left you hanging. Who is the mystery man (I know, it is obvious who it was)? What will Buffy say? Will they get back together? You'll just have to wait. Am I evil?
Feedback is greatly appreciated! Please review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. No Buffy, no Spike, no nothing.
Note: I am sorry, but whoever called me a bitch in a review for my last chapter, it was not appreciated at all. I do not mind constructive critisism, I really don't. As a matter of fact I welcome it. But that was out of line. I don't know if you were kidding, but I really don't care. I do not write this for me, I write it for you. And if that is the kind of response I am going to get then I will stop writing. I know that sounds over-dramatic and people are probably giving me the biggest eye roll ever, but I took the time to write this. I was so sick I could barely stand, but I people kept asking me write more . . . so I did. I'm sorry if some of you did not find the chapter good enough, or Spuffy enough, but hello, this * is* a Spuffy fic. I am one of the biggest Spike/Buffy fans ever. It going to get better. You kinda have to trust me, though. Just keep reading. It WILL get better. I promise. Fluff to come. No worries. Thank you.
*****
It had been one year. The longest year of Buffy's life. Her relationships with her friends had gone back to they way it had been before she died. Dawn was 17 and dating. Xander and Anya were a happily married couple of four months and Willow and Tara had moved out of the Buffy's house and into their own place. Now it was just her and Dawn. Life was actually pretty good. She was happy. Yet still the days seemed slower than usual. She had everything most people wanted except . . . no. She promised herself she wouldn't think about him. A few months back her dreams had become fewer and fewer, until they were gone completely. Then she knew . . . he was truly gone.
It killed her to think about it. She had never talked about it with anyone. As far as they knew, she was over it. She had moved on. Of course she didn't give them any reason to believe otherwise. She had met someone. He was nice, treated her with respect. But it was hard. She had only met up with him a few times, but afterwards she always felt guilty. Part of her still believed that he was alive, but most of her knew that wasn't the case.
Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the door slamming.
"God!" Dawn shouted in frustration.
"Didn't go well, huh?" Buffy asked.
"Only the worst date ever." Dawn sat down next to Buffy on the sofa. "Ya know, I really thought he was different. I mean, I know I have said it before, but this time I am serious. Guess I was wrong. He is just as pig headed as the rest of them. Why can't I find just one decent guy?"
"I dunno Dawnie. It seems the decent ones always get away." Buffy told her.
Dawn realized what her sister meant, and she placed her head on Buffy's shoulder. "Love sucks."
Buffy laughed a bit. "Yeah."
They sat in silence for a while until Buffy spoke up.
"It doesn't have to y'know."
"What?" Dawn asked.
"Suck. Love doesn't have to suck. I say we make a pact. No more dates." Buffy told her sister.
"Wait, Buf-" Dawn was cut off.
"No, I know. I mean, not forever. Only for maybe say . . . a year. Okay, no, not a year. A few months. C'mon Dawn. Whaddya say?" She looked at Dawn with a hopeful expression on her face. At least if she didn't date for a while she wouldn't have to feel the guilt that she felt after the few dates she had had since he left.
"Well yeah. I mean, that would be all fine and good, but what about your date with Jacob tonight?" Dawn asked, eyesbrows raised.
"My what with huh and hmm?" Buffy asked quickly.
"Date. Jacob. Tonight." Dawn told Buffy.
"Shit that was tonight!?" Buffy shouted.
"Buffy!" Dawn had never heard Buffy say anything worse than 'kick your ass'.
"Sorry, sorry. That was bad. Never say that. But oh . . . my . . . God! Uh, you wouldn't happen to know what time this date would be, would you?" Buffy asked Dawn.
"In 20 minutes." Dawn told her.
"Oh, okay. Well, let's see. I'm not gonna sleep with him so I don't need to shave." Buffy was counting off on her fingers, the things she needed to do.
"But you have to smell nice so . . . shower." Dawn told her.
"Did that a few minutes ago. So that leaves hair, makeup and clothes. Okay. No biggie." Buffy took a deep breath in and started up the stairs.
Dawn watched as her sister less than enthusiastically made her way up the stairs. She still missed Spike, everyone could tell. Honestly, Dawn had no idea why Buffy even made this date with Jacob. It wasn't going to go anywhere. Spike had been the love of her life and she wasn't even close to over him yet.
*****
"So I am totally over it." Buffy told the man sitting across from her.
"You're sure?" Jacob asked.
"Yeah. I mean, you won fair and square . . . except for the fact that you didn't."
"Buffy, I didn't cheat." Jacob tried to reassure her. "Maybe you're just a sore loser." He said playfully.
"Oh, come on. There is no way anybody could possibly get the eight ball into the side pocket from that angle." Buffy pointed towards the spot on the pool table where the eight ball had previously been.
"Sure there is. Here." Jacob leaned over Buffy placing his left hand over hers and his right hand slightly in front of hers on the pool queue.
"Here's your first problem. You're not holding it right. Move your hand up a bit."
Buffy slowly inched her hand towards his until they were touching. They were close . . . too close. His body was pressed up against her back, nice and warm. It was uncomfortable. Her body suddenly tensed up and pulled away from him a bit.
"Uh, you know I-I believe you. It's fine. Really." She looked at the confused expression on Jacob's face and decided to change the subject.
"Okay. How about you get us some drinks and I'll get a table." Jacob shook his head 'yes' and walked away. Buffy looked around a bit for a table and found one. It was probably the only one empty, but she couldn't sit there. It was the table that she had shared with Spike when he told her about his past. The night he almost kissed her, the night she almost let him. The night she told him he was beneath her, and the night he had proved her wrong by comforting her even after everything she had done to him.
No. This table definitely would not work.
"Did you find a table?" Jacob asked as he came up behind her, not startling her a bit.
"Oh, uh . . . no." She lied.
"Well, what about that one?" Jacob asked, pointing to the table right behind them. The exact table she had been trying to avoid.
"Um, bugs. Big, BIG bugs. And I am really not a big bug fan. So uh . . . stairs?" She pointed towards the stair and he agreed. They made they're way over and sat on the first step. It was silent for a while, but eventually they began talking, mostly about past experiences. Jobs, school, everything except-
"Past love life?" Jacob asked.
"Ah, the million dollar question." Buffy looked down into her drink and swirled it around a bit with her straw.
"And from your reaction, I'm guessing things haven't been so great in the past." Jacob told her.
Buffy decided it was best to tell him everything. Not any of the slayage type stuff, of course. But maybe if she told him, he would be the one who would stay. She took a deep breath in.
"Lots of love and loss."
*****
Standing only a few feet away in the shadows of the Bronze, there was a man who seemed fixed on Buffy. He watched as she played pool and let that other man hold her, a pang of jealously striking him hard. He should have expected that, though. He should have known she wouldn't wait for him, after everything. He watched some more and felt relieved when she pulled away, but his heart sank once more as she sat down with that man.
His listened intensely as the two talked. Mostly boring stuff. Jobs, school, everything except-
"Past love life?"
He heard the man ask. He couldn't hear that much from then on, even though he had tried so hard to make out what they were saying. The conversation seemed to last forever, and as far as he could tell, Buffy was the only one talking. She always could hold a decent one-sided conversation, he thought to himself.
He listened as the two finished up their conversation. He decided not to disturb her until the time was right.
*****
"That's pretty much it." Buffy finished. She looked at Jacob who had a sincere 'I am so sorry' look on his face.
"God Buffy. I'm sorry." He told her.
"It's not your fault."
"Yeah, but I opened the emotional gates of hell." He told her. She laughed a bit and it felt . . . different. Good different. She hadn't laughed for a while, at least not on a date.
They sat in an awkward silence for a while, until Jacob spoke.
"So you're ready to move on? Ready to love again?" He asked quietly, not sure whether he should really be asking or not.
"Wow. Check out the intensity of that question."
"Oh, no I-I didn't mean wi-"
"I know what you meant. And to answer your question . . . " her mind raced with thoughts on what to say. Yes, no, maybe, possibly, never again. That is what she really wanted to say. Never again. Her thoughts automatically went to Spike. She hadn't let herself think about him in so long, but now seemed appropriate. He would want her to be happy. Even though he would hate the thought of her falling for another guy, he would want her to be happy. She made her decision. " . . . yes. I-I'm ready. I think cupid as finally pulled his arrow out of my ass. Or, uh, something less confusing and less mixed-metaphor-y." She managed a weak smile.
"Glad to hear it." Jacob smiled back.
"Yeah. Moving on does sound good right about now." This was it. She could feel herself beginning to babble. "I mean, they all left, right? They left me. A-and it was not my fault. At least the last one wasn't. I-I really loved him. Even though I wasn't supposed to. I-it was written. You know, sacred duty and all. But I did. God I loved him. B-but he is gone now. Dead. I mean, he was dead before, but now it is dusty dead. And you can't fix that. So," Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at Jacob, "I think I'm ready to fall in love again."
Buffy felt a cold hand rest on her should and a familiar, soothing voice began to speak.
"I'm sorry to hear that, luv."
*****
Ohhhhhhhh left you hanging. Who is the mystery man (I know, it is obvious who it was)? What will Buffy say? Will they get back together? You'll just have to wait. Am I evil?
Feedback is greatly appreciated! Please review!