Okay here it is. You may think your eyes are deceiving you, but no,
honestly, truly, I finally finished this bugger. So, so, so, so (etc.)
sorry for the delay. I'm lazy and easily distracted by real-life issues but
better late than never... right?
**PART TWO** FINAL CHAPTER
A perfect image, framed by the window edges, obliterated and blocked from her view by the black. There was no perfect moment, no photo image, but the black. Behind the eyes she clenched to relieve the burn there were perfect images of friendly smiles and familial warmth and the occasional heart- stopping recollected snapshot of impassioned eyes captured in a gasp of orgasm.
There were moments she could isolate and pair up to the corresponding pang of dread, guilt, pain, grief and loss that either defined or followed. There was always worse to follow. But they were running now, speeding away from the assured dread, guilt, pain and loss that lay-in-wait back in Sunnydale. This was no escape, only preparation. Her time-out and the only way she knew of getting Dawn safe. Get Away From The Hellmouth. From Hell.
- - - -
She liked to watch him drive-ever since that first night when she had drifted in and out of consciousness and spent her most lucid moments furtively watching him under heavy lids. He never acknowledged it, but she had known that he was aware of her every gaze.
He always knew but now, as always, there was no softening of his determined profile, clenched jaw and stiff arms--except for the split seconds he took to take habitual glances of a rear-view mirror that revealed nothing but a sullen and scared Dawn. Then his lips would part slightly as a frown knit at his forehead before his eyes weighted back to the road. But he said nothing, could say nothing to make this any better.
She twisted in her seat to seek out Dawn's hand and found out at the end of a slack, yielding arm. Dawn met her eyes with a tight smile that paled into a grimace that quaked a small tear from glassy eyes. A tear she was quick to dismiss with a sniffle and a wipe of the heel of her palm.
"How far is it now?"
"Not long now, Dawn." She assured with a squeeze of her sisters hand.
The interludes were never long enough. What she wanted was ever-lasting summer. But that was a temporary peace that would only descend with the ashes of yet another averted apocalypse.
- - - -
This had to be as surreal as it got; even in the heyday of the Angel hell that was frought with an unreality etched in her silent screams of 'please don't let this be real', there was still hope until she pushed the sword through his gut. Now there seemed only finality; she went into the fray, beat the bad guy in the nick of time and all was right with the world for a few months.
But what could be right after this? The two sisters cocooned in shadow and trusting the 'minimum safe distance' calculations to a demon. As soon as she thinks she has life figured out something or someone happens to raises the bar. Something like this. The three of them fleeing together in a mockery of a family unit.
(Family) The word twisted in her gut and forced her to think, yet again, of those left behind - of Giles and Willow and Xander and Anya. Their voices - how they understood, understood without question what she had to do. Get. Dawn. Safe. But also understanding in the same breath, that in doing so left them open and vulnerable to attack, with nothing but a box of magic tricks that would stand no stead against the true might of a Hell-God's fury.
(Please let them be safe.) They would be... surely? Glory had no idea about Xander's place - did she? It was only for the night. She only had one night.
Her eyes fell on the dashboard to take in the two spheres that had separated them from Glory and certain death, gave them just enough room for manoeuvre, for getting Dawn safe.
- - - -
"We're here."
"Mmm...?" Dawn mumbled as she unfurled herself from the back seat and out of a sleepless rest. She fingered at the hole in the paint she had chipped her way at during the journey. Squinting through the gap she met with only dark night.
"Angel." Buffy declared, glancing at Spike just in time to catch his flinch.
"Right, well. I'll wait here then shall I?" He shifted in his seat and began patting down his pockets for cigarettes. "Guard the car and all that."
"The car will be fine, Spike."
"Yeah," Dawn agreed with a forced cough of laughter, "who'd wanna steal this lump o' junk-heap meat?"
Spike shot a glare at Dawn through the mirror. With the effect somewhat lessened by his lack of reflection, his features fell away into a grimace, the cigarette search forgotten. "Seriously, I need to, uh, check the oil and... all sorts of other stuff you women wouldn't understand because you don't speak 'car'."
Buffy felt her lips curl despite the dread settling and doubling in her gut. "Spike," She drew the name out, almost as a tease, or what could have been under different circumstances. "You're not scared, are you?"
He pffted the notion with a protest of: "No!" before settling back on reason, "No, I... I think you need to go in alone - just you and the kid."
Dawn's exaggerated clearing of the throat set him off on an eye-roll and a half-hearted back track. "'Young-adult brat' then. That better?"
It was Dawn's turn to mark mock annoyance with a dramatic sigh and shuffle for the door.
"No! Dawn, wait. Just in case."
"Okay, okay!" Dawn moaned in exaggerated petulance that she just didn't have the heart for. She did the moves well enough though: her arms folding, her lip pouting and her eyes lifting up to the inner roof. The tableau was soon interrupted by the spontaneous flutter of a giggle that escaped from Dawn's throat.
Buffy blinked at her sister, "Dawn?"
"I was just, just looking," she pointed upwards. "Spike, why are there day- glo stars on your roof?"
Buffy looked up and indeed, there were hundreds of tiny glow-in-the-dark star stickers arranged in intricate constellations above their heads. So tiny that she had never noticed them before and so tiny that even Spike seemed to have forgotten their existence, even though his face gave away enough to know that he was responsible for them. She stared at him as he gaped up at them, his eyes glazing and widening with wonder and the flood of past memories. Finally, in a barely audible voice he admitted: "Dru used to see the stars all the time - read entire fortunes in merest twinkle of one star. I put these up to confuse her."
"Did it work?" Trust Dawn to ask.
He considered this, his eyes glazing in the moment. "I think the stars were inside her. It's what it felt like sometimes when we-" He glanced quickly at Dawn to make sure she hadn't understood. "Never mind."
"Spike!" Buffy stressed through clenching teeth, desperate to get the smirk off his face, desperate for him to be in the here and now and with her. "I need you in there with me."
It worked, in an instant she had his full attention, but then again she always had even when they were fighting to the death. Even so, he wasn't going to make this easy on her, wasn't going to give in every time. She knew the stubbornness - recognised it well. "Yeah so Angel can stake me on sight, great plan."
"I won't let him, okay?" She sighed a slow breath to clear her thoughts. If she wasn't even sure why his presence was so important to her, how could she hope to communicate it to him? "Look, I know it'd be easier if I went in on my own, if Angel never knew about you. I know he's gonna big with the accusations and disappointment faces... But I don't care - I need you... In there. With me."
He met her level gaze with raised eyebrows and said it: "You don't trust me not to leave you."
"I..." She was at a loss for words and since her silence only confirmed the truth in his statement, she decided to go with it, letting it ripple out to fill the vehicle's bubble and resound upon them.
"Looks like I'm coming in then."
She turned to him, her instincts told her that she was smiling but it was only confirmed by the mock-glare he shot at her.
"Well that's better than pouty-face I suppose."
"I was not pouting!" She defended, suddenly giddy despite the situation.
"We're too."
"No, I think you're mistaken, I nev-"
He silenced her with a kiss, gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth he nipped it gently between his teeth. "Yes, you we're and I love it." He mumbled against her lips before pulling away sharply and using the momentum to push himself out of the car.
- - - -
"I don't get it." Spike paused a few feet before the door and gazed upwards. "I mean this is supposed to be some undercover agency he's running, yeah?" He glanced at Buffy and Dawn a moment for silent confirmation. "So why the bloody big hotel?" He lit a cigarette, took a drag and flicked it away, a one-sided grin catching the glare of a street light. "He must be compensating for something."
"Ha, ha, and on with the not-so-funnies-now can we stop procrastinating and get in there?" she snapped, her stomach setting against a stone of irritation that only partially masked the fear.
"'Procrastinating'? Big word for you there, pet-"
"Spike... *Please*!"
He nodded, shuffling forward and reaching for the door. "Is this still counted as a public place?" He mused to himself before pulling at the door. "Soon find out." When he looked back her something in his face made Buffy pause a moment and smile. "After you."
- - - -
It was strange. Stranger than the fact that she'd never been here before but strange when she considered that this was Angel's life now; that he'd moved on so completely. No longer for him a small office and darkened basement living quarters but a proper business in a proper establishment with people at his side. People she'd never met before. Like the black shaven-headed guy pacing the reception area and spinning a battle-axe effortlessly in his hands.
"Er... hi."
The guy's head shot up as if on alert. "Hey there, you hopeless?" he asked with perturbing enthusiasm, "uh, sorry... I mean helpless." A short laugh and a smile as he strode up to greet them, any menace draining away with every step. "We can usually help but I'm not so sure about today."
Okay, that made her nervous. "What's today?"
His nose crinkled as he shrugged. "Today is a bad day."
Buffy nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I got that memo."
"What, you *know*?"
"Know?"
"About Cordy?"
Her attention was piqued despite her growing annoyance. "What about her? Is she-is she okay?"
Another shrug, this time weightier. "Well that's... that's exactly what we don't know. There was this thing with a portal, and zoom, she's gone-Hey, wait a minute - who are you people?"
"Buffy?"
Her eyes shot to him and she froze, suddenly aware of how this looked, suddenly ashamed of the presence she could feel at her side.
"This is Buffy? The Buffy?"
"Yeah," Angel said, his eyes still on Buffy and full of questions. "Gunn, this is Buffy; her sister, Dawn and..." His gaze hardened as it settled on: "Spike."
"What?! The Spike?" Gunn's face set and his body stiffened as he glared at the figure of offence. "The Vampire Spike that Cordy told me about?"
Spike rolled his eyes, annoyed rather than threatened by Gunn and Angel's stares. "Yeah the one and only. But look that's not the issue here, you see there's-"
"Don't you think it *should* be the issue? You-you're the Vampire Slayer - why haven't you staked his murderous, undead butt already?" Gunn's stare was full of accusation that she could take from him; it was the knowing that if she looked at Angel she'd get the same intense glare and that it would make her sick to her stomach.
"He's... he's..." (He's what?) Harmless? Certainly not that. He wasn't even 'okay' by their standards. "He's with me." She turned to Angel, taking in his confused denial. "He's with me, Angel and he's not here to hurt me o-or Dawn, or any of you, okay?"
"How can that be okay? He's... he's a killer, Buffy. H-how can you-?"
"Hey!" Spike protested, briefly and uselessly, as there was nothing he could deny.
She cringed, closing her eyes against the tone and implications in Angel's voice. "Angel, please! This is not what I came here for." Once she was acquiesced that Angel had relented a notch, only a notch, she continued. "There's this woman, this Hell God - she's after us... after Dawn."
"Dawn?"
Dawn took a step forward, ready to deliver the exposition bit, her voice flat with futility. "I'm the key.Yes," she shot a look at Gunn, "The Key."
"The Key to what?" Angel asked, suddenly all business and reminding her, just a touch, of Giles.
"To everything - to all dimensions. Glory wants to use her to get home-only she doesn't know it's Dawn yet." Her face softened as she implored Angel with her gaze. "And I want to keep it that way. I need you, please, to keep Dawn safe. Just until... until this is over." (It's never over.)
And she knew. Knew suddenly, in Angel's stance and the way his eyes flickered to an office door, that he couldn't, wouldn't help. "Buffy, I... we... Cordy, she's missing, we need to go find her. I'm not sure how we can..."
"I know about Cordy and I'm sorry, really I am, but can't you do both? Look for Cordelia *and* keep Dawn safe?" (Can't you do everything like I used to think you could?) Had it really only been a few weeks since he came to her mother's funeral, full of sympathy and offers to stay and be there for her. It was crazy to think how much had changed in those few weeks, but then here she was with her sister and lover vampire in tow stupidly trying to take him up on an offer that had really expired a long time ago.
"I don't kn-Wesley is working on a way to get to her. I need to go - un- unless... Gunn?"
This is what it came to. He had a whole different set of priorities now and Cordelia cam before her. She understood but it still hurt. I guess they really were hopeless. "It's okay... Gunn. I couldn't ask you to. It's okay, we'll think of something else." And she turned to go.
"But-"
"Spike, don't!"
But he stood firm and in her way. "Buffy, there is noth-"
"Spike, we will think of something."
But he didn't relent until Dawn pulled stepped over to him and pulled lightly on the arm of his duster, her mouth forming a line. He seemed to appreciate her attempt at a smile enough as she tugged him towards the door and he responded.
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
She glanced back at Angel and nodded. "I'm sorry too." Never did the word 'sorry' carry so many connotations for her. For them.
"I hope you find her."
- - - -
"So." Spike said, the sound of slammed doors still echoing silently through the car. "What now?"
"I... I don't kn-"
"What about Dad?" Dawn offered leaning forward so to make sure she was heard. "Dad's in L.A."
"No, Dad's in Spain with his secretary, Dawn."
"Oh,"
The sound was so quiet and timid it broke her heart. She turned to face her sister and reached out to stroke her hair. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do and it scares me." Her fingers settling on Dawn's cheek for a still moment. "But I'll get you safe... no matter what."
- - - -
It was a nice sight. At a time like this she was grateful for it. Grateful hat she could look on the sight of Dawn sleeping off her exhaustion and smile to herself. But like all good moments, it never lasted.
"*This* is your plan?" Spike hissed over the sound of the rolling engine and diverted her attention. "You keep Dawn safe by taking her back to *Sunnydale*? By delivering her into the arms of the crazy Hell bitch that's intent on ripping her inside-out?"
(Home.) "I need to get back to the others. We can all protect her - together." All of them together. "It's the only way I know how."
"But -"
"Just drive." She snapped angrily. It was an order with a bite of a threat but he obeyed, turning his eyes back towards the road with no more a small sigh.
- - - -
The car pulls up at a gas station and she gets out to pump the gas because it's daylight. She wonders briefly how it got light so soon, but the feel of the morning sun on her tired skin is too delightful to question. Something is wrong here, more wrong than going back into hell but with the breeze swarming around her and alleviating the stress, she doesn't want to question.
Not until he gets out of the car and she sees him. In sunlight. All surrounded by white-yellow light and she smiles, really smiles... before she remembers.
"Spike, what are you -? Get back in the car before -"
"No," he states so sternly that it causes her to flinch. "Not until you see."
And she does see. See him. Sees the smoke and the eruptions of fire, his skin being eaten away by the flames. She wants to shout, tell him to get back into the car but her heart is in her mouth and she can't talk - can't take her eyes off him. She desperately lurches for him, dropping the pump and spilling gas that only fuels the fire and he's dust - dust filtering between her fingertips as it settles to the ground.
- - - -
She awoke with a start, her hand grasping around something sold and encased in leather and when she looked she found him staring at her, eyebrows lifted and the question in the droop of his bottom lip before he spoke.
"Bad dream?"
She took a deep breath, loosening her strangle hold on his arm and letting her back relax against the seat again. "Something like that." Rolling down the window she stared out at the sky. "It's so dark."
"Yeah, it's always darkest before the -"
(Dawn.) "Stop the car." She knew.
"What?" Spike's voice full of surprise and a bite of hope that only confirmed her sudden revelation. "You thought of something, somewhere else?"
"Someone." She bit her lip, not sure whether it was safe to smile. (Not safe yet.) "Where are we?"
"About a mile from home."
(He calls it home.) "Perfect. Stop the car." She looked out the window as the car slowed to a stop, the blurred scenery identifiable finally in stillness. Once the vehicle was stationary she pushed open the door and got out - stretching out her muscles and arching her head up to the sky. She waited for the sound of his door before walking towards the car's trunk and opening it.
"Care to fill me in, Love?"
She shrugged, wincing slightly against the knots in her shoulders. "Okay, it's simple really. I'm going back alone, you're taking Dawn somewhere. Somewhere safe and far way."
A moment's silence while she pondered the contents of the trunk and he questioned, first his own and then her, sanity.
"*What*?!"
"You heard." She risked a look at him and shrugged once more.
"I don't-are you *mad*? Seriously have you just gone completely off your rocker? Because that's what it sounds like to me. Great plan is that, yeah - leave your little sis' in the capable hands of a bloodsucking monster while you go off and get yourself killed."
Buffy crossed her arms and faced him. "Are you finished?"
He choked on a laugh. "I could go on."
"Please *don't*. Spike, this is me - once I've made up my mind there's not much beside the end of the world-and, hey, already there-that will change it." There was a begrudging assent to her point. "I'm not leaving my sister with just any 'bloodsucking monster', Spike, I'm leaving her with you."
"Oh yeah, big difference there."
"Yeah. There is." She took a step closer to him, inclining her head to force him to meet her eyes. "What makes you different is the way I feel about you."
She had to stop at the look on his face; the shock and wonder so clear and present in a way that made him look so fragile for the briefest moment. Another snapshot for her collection "I trust you. I know you haven't always given me reason to, but I still do.
"Dawn is my world, okay - you know that. She's a part of me and I love her more than anything. You think I'd leave her with you if I didn't know, know that you'd take care of her?"
His gaze flickered and there was an air of defeat about him, that there was no way he could argue with her, make her reconsider. There was no question of saying 'no' though. "I don't want you to go back there alone."
"I won't be alone. And I can fight a whole lot better knowing Dawn is safe... with you-God I know how strange that sounds, how strange this is, but it *feels* right."
"And you can't think of anything else? This is your last resort?"
She had to touch him them, make contact. "No. Not last resort." She traced the arch of his cheek with her thumb and kissed him. "Say yes, please."
He laughed then, his eyes glassy and reflecting starlight. "I thought I already had." He met her eyes and she had to reconsider notions of ground and reality for a second. "Alright then, yes, I'll protect her... 'til the end of the world and all that. "
"Oh God." There was urgency in the way she clutched at him, a sure sense that there was chance she could never see him again. He felt it too, he must have to kiss her like that, like his life, or un-life, whatever, depended upon it.
- - - -
"Promise you'll be okay?" Dawn cried as she sank into Buffy, clinging to her and gripping fistfuls of clothing.
There was something barring her throat, something that couldn't let her promise, couldn't lie. "You'll be okay, Dawn. It will all be okay."
- - - -
"Axe?"
"Check."
"Sword?"
"Check?"
"Here, what's this?" Spike said leaning into the trunk and heaving at some object. "Bloody heavy thing."
"What?" Buffy reached for what was troubling him and picked it up with ease. "This?"
"Uh, yeah. Bloody-heavy-mallet thing?"
She twisted the weapon to catch the waning street light. "Troll hammer - check." Dawn was fast approaching.
"Right now, do me." He smirked and she had to smile.
"Glowy sphere thingies?"
"Check."
"Car with gas in tank."
"Er..." he ran round and peered at the dashboard before coming back to her, "check."
"My sister."
Dawn hovered into view and forced a smile. "Check."
"Goodbye kiss?"
His face clouded and any good spirits melted away. "You'll bring her back in a few days. Once you know it's all... over."
He nodded. "Yeah."
Peering at the sky the first tinges of sunlight were beginning to appear over the horizon and she felt the suddenly urge to get him safe in the car, safe with Dawn and safely driving away. There was time for another hug for Dawn, a glance and attempt to memorise every aspect of her face.
And then his goodbye kiss, soft short and a new flavour of bitter- sweetness.
"Thankyou."
- - - -
She watched them pull away, saw the white palm of Dawn's palm as she waved out the window, heard her cries of 'I love you, Buffy'. But nothing of him except the stopping of the car for a moment before he sped on.
Waited until the car was a blip on the horizon before picking up her bag of weapons and walking home back to her friends, back to her job.
She knew she was there when she reached the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign. A new one as they had to be replaced every time he came back to town. She smiled momentarily and set her eyes forward.
THE END
(Phew!)
Thanks to everyone who has read all this and to those of you who have stuck with this through my writer's block. I don't blame you if you were thinking anything along the lines of 'Who does she think she is? J.K. Rowling?!' But thanks to all of you who have liked this and made the experience worthwhile. You know who you are. But I should say special thanks to Olga who has been pretty-much the closest thing I have to a beta reader.
Bye Bye.
**PART TWO** FINAL CHAPTER
A perfect image, framed by the window edges, obliterated and blocked from her view by the black. There was no perfect moment, no photo image, but the black. Behind the eyes she clenched to relieve the burn there were perfect images of friendly smiles and familial warmth and the occasional heart- stopping recollected snapshot of impassioned eyes captured in a gasp of orgasm.
There were moments she could isolate and pair up to the corresponding pang of dread, guilt, pain, grief and loss that either defined or followed. There was always worse to follow. But they were running now, speeding away from the assured dread, guilt, pain and loss that lay-in-wait back in Sunnydale. This was no escape, only preparation. Her time-out and the only way she knew of getting Dawn safe. Get Away From The Hellmouth. From Hell.
- - - -
She liked to watch him drive-ever since that first night when she had drifted in and out of consciousness and spent her most lucid moments furtively watching him under heavy lids. He never acknowledged it, but she had known that he was aware of her every gaze.
He always knew but now, as always, there was no softening of his determined profile, clenched jaw and stiff arms--except for the split seconds he took to take habitual glances of a rear-view mirror that revealed nothing but a sullen and scared Dawn. Then his lips would part slightly as a frown knit at his forehead before his eyes weighted back to the road. But he said nothing, could say nothing to make this any better.
She twisted in her seat to seek out Dawn's hand and found out at the end of a slack, yielding arm. Dawn met her eyes with a tight smile that paled into a grimace that quaked a small tear from glassy eyes. A tear she was quick to dismiss with a sniffle and a wipe of the heel of her palm.
"How far is it now?"
"Not long now, Dawn." She assured with a squeeze of her sisters hand.
The interludes were never long enough. What she wanted was ever-lasting summer. But that was a temporary peace that would only descend with the ashes of yet another averted apocalypse.
- - - -
This had to be as surreal as it got; even in the heyday of the Angel hell that was frought with an unreality etched in her silent screams of 'please don't let this be real', there was still hope until she pushed the sword through his gut. Now there seemed only finality; she went into the fray, beat the bad guy in the nick of time and all was right with the world for a few months.
But what could be right after this? The two sisters cocooned in shadow and trusting the 'minimum safe distance' calculations to a demon. As soon as she thinks she has life figured out something or someone happens to raises the bar. Something like this. The three of them fleeing together in a mockery of a family unit.
(Family) The word twisted in her gut and forced her to think, yet again, of those left behind - of Giles and Willow and Xander and Anya. Their voices - how they understood, understood without question what she had to do. Get. Dawn. Safe. But also understanding in the same breath, that in doing so left them open and vulnerable to attack, with nothing but a box of magic tricks that would stand no stead against the true might of a Hell-God's fury.
(Please let them be safe.) They would be... surely? Glory had no idea about Xander's place - did she? It was only for the night. She only had one night.
Her eyes fell on the dashboard to take in the two spheres that had separated them from Glory and certain death, gave them just enough room for manoeuvre, for getting Dawn safe.
- - - -
"We're here."
"Mmm...?" Dawn mumbled as she unfurled herself from the back seat and out of a sleepless rest. She fingered at the hole in the paint she had chipped her way at during the journey. Squinting through the gap she met with only dark night.
"Angel." Buffy declared, glancing at Spike just in time to catch his flinch.
"Right, well. I'll wait here then shall I?" He shifted in his seat and began patting down his pockets for cigarettes. "Guard the car and all that."
"The car will be fine, Spike."
"Yeah," Dawn agreed with a forced cough of laughter, "who'd wanna steal this lump o' junk-heap meat?"
Spike shot a glare at Dawn through the mirror. With the effect somewhat lessened by his lack of reflection, his features fell away into a grimace, the cigarette search forgotten. "Seriously, I need to, uh, check the oil and... all sorts of other stuff you women wouldn't understand because you don't speak 'car'."
Buffy felt her lips curl despite the dread settling and doubling in her gut. "Spike," She drew the name out, almost as a tease, or what could have been under different circumstances. "You're not scared, are you?"
He pffted the notion with a protest of: "No!" before settling back on reason, "No, I... I think you need to go in alone - just you and the kid."
Dawn's exaggerated clearing of the throat set him off on an eye-roll and a half-hearted back track. "'Young-adult brat' then. That better?"
It was Dawn's turn to mark mock annoyance with a dramatic sigh and shuffle for the door.
"No! Dawn, wait. Just in case."
"Okay, okay!" Dawn moaned in exaggerated petulance that she just didn't have the heart for. She did the moves well enough though: her arms folding, her lip pouting and her eyes lifting up to the inner roof. The tableau was soon interrupted by the spontaneous flutter of a giggle that escaped from Dawn's throat.
Buffy blinked at her sister, "Dawn?"
"I was just, just looking," she pointed upwards. "Spike, why are there day- glo stars on your roof?"
Buffy looked up and indeed, there were hundreds of tiny glow-in-the-dark star stickers arranged in intricate constellations above their heads. So tiny that she had never noticed them before and so tiny that even Spike seemed to have forgotten their existence, even though his face gave away enough to know that he was responsible for them. She stared at him as he gaped up at them, his eyes glazing and widening with wonder and the flood of past memories. Finally, in a barely audible voice he admitted: "Dru used to see the stars all the time - read entire fortunes in merest twinkle of one star. I put these up to confuse her."
"Did it work?" Trust Dawn to ask.
He considered this, his eyes glazing in the moment. "I think the stars were inside her. It's what it felt like sometimes when we-" He glanced quickly at Dawn to make sure she hadn't understood. "Never mind."
"Spike!" Buffy stressed through clenching teeth, desperate to get the smirk off his face, desperate for him to be in the here and now and with her. "I need you in there with me."
It worked, in an instant she had his full attention, but then again she always had even when they were fighting to the death. Even so, he wasn't going to make this easy on her, wasn't going to give in every time. She knew the stubbornness - recognised it well. "Yeah so Angel can stake me on sight, great plan."
"I won't let him, okay?" She sighed a slow breath to clear her thoughts. If she wasn't even sure why his presence was so important to her, how could she hope to communicate it to him? "Look, I know it'd be easier if I went in on my own, if Angel never knew about you. I know he's gonna big with the accusations and disappointment faces... But I don't care - I need you... In there. With me."
He met her level gaze with raised eyebrows and said it: "You don't trust me not to leave you."
"I..." She was at a loss for words and since her silence only confirmed the truth in his statement, she decided to go with it, letting it ripple out to fill the vehicle's bubble and resound upon them.
"Looks like I'm coming in then."
She turned to him, her instincts told her that she was smiling but it was only confirmed by the mock-glare he shot at her.
"Well that's better than pouty-face I suppose."
"I was not pouting!" She defended, suddenly giddy despite the situation.
"We're too."
"No, I think you're mistaken, I nev-"
He silenced her with a kiss, gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth he nipped it gently between his teeth. "Yes, you we're and I love it." He mumbled against her lips before pulling away sharply and using the momentum to push himself out of the car.
- - - -
"I don't get it." Spike paused a few feet before the door and gazed upwards. "I mean this is supposed to be some undercover agency he's running, yeah?" He glanced at Buffy and Dawn a moment for silent confirmation. "So why the bloody big hotel?" He lit a cigarette, took a drag and flicked it away, a one-sided grin catching the glare of a street light. "He must be compensating for something."
"Ha, ha, and on with the not-so-funnies-now can we stop procrastinating and get in there?" she snapped, her stomach setting against a stone of irritation that only partially masked the fear.
"'Procrastinating'? Big word for you there, pet-"
"Spike... *Please*!"
He nodded, shuffling forward and reaching for the door. "Is this still counted as a public place?" He mused to himself before pulling at the door. "Soon find out." When he looked back her something in his face made Buffy pause a moment and smile. "After you."
- - - -
It was strange. Stranger than the fact that she'd never been here before but strange when she considered that this was Angel's life now; that he'd moved on so completely. No longer for him a small office and darkened basement living quarters but a proper business in a proper establishment with people at his side. People she'd never met before. Like the black shaven-headed guy pacing the reception area and spinning a battle-axe effortlessly in his hands.
"Er... hi."
The guy's head shot up as if on alert. "Hey there, you hopeless?" he asked with perturbing enthusiasm, "uh, sorry... I mean helpless." A short laugh and a smile as he strode up to greet them, any menace draining away with every step. "We can usually help but I'm not so sure about today."
Okay, that made her nervous. "What's today?"
His nose crinkled as he shrugged. "Today is a bad day."
Buffy nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I got that memo."
"What, you *know*?"
"Know?"
"About Cordy?"
Her attention was piqued despite her growing annoyance. "What about her? Is she-is she okay?"
Another shrug, this time weightier. "Well that's... that's exactly what we don't know. There was this thing with a portal, and zoom, she's gone-Hey, wait a minute - who are you people?"
"Buffy?"
Her eyes shot to him and she froze, suddenly aware of how this looked, suddenly ashamed of the presence she could feel at her side.
"This is Buffy? The Buffy?"
"Yeah," Angel said, his eyes still on Buffy and full of questions. "Gunn, this is Buffy; her sister, Dawn and..." His gaze hardened as it settled on: "Spike."
"What?! The Spike?" Gunn's face set and his body stiffened as he glared at the figure of offence. "The Vampire Spike that Cordy told me about?"
Spike rolled his eyes, annoyed rather than threatened by Gunn and Angel's stares. "Yeah the one and only. But look that's not the issue here, you see there's-"
"Don't you think it *should* be the issue? You-you're the Vampire Slayer - why haven't you staked his murderous, undead butt already?" Gunn's stare was full of accusation that she could take from him; it was the knowing that if she looked at Angel she'd get the same intense glare and that it would make her sick to her stomach.
"He's... he's..." (He's what?) Harmless? Certainly not that. He wasn't even 'okay' by their standards. "He's with me." She turned to Angel, taking in his confused denial. "He's with me, Angel and he's not here to hurt me o-or Dawn, or any of you, okay?"
"How can that be okay? He's... he's a killer, Buffy. H-how can you-?"
"Hey!" Spike protested, briefly and uselessly, as there was nothing he could deny.
She cringed, closing her eyes against the tone and implications in Angel's voice. "Angel, please! This is not what I came here for." Once she was acquiesced that Angel had relented a notch, only a notch, she continued. "There's this woman, this Hell God - she's after us... after Dawn."
"Dawn?"
Dawn took a step forward, ready to deliver the exposition bit, her voice flat with futility. "I'm the key.Yes," she shot a look at Gunn, "The Key."
"The Key to what?" Angel asked, suddenly all business and reminding her, just a touch, of Giles.
"To everything - to all dimensions. Glory wants to use her to get home-only she doesn't know it's Dawn yet." Her face softened as she implored Angel with her gaze. "And I want to keep it that way. I need you, please, to keep Dawn safe. Just until... until this is over." (It's never over.)
And she knew. Knew suddenly, in Angel's stance and the way his eyes flickered to an office door, that he couldn't, wouldn't help. "Buffy, I... we... Cordy, she's missing, we need to go find her. I'm not sure how we can..."
"I know about Cordy and I'm sorry, really I am, but can't you do both? Look for Cordelia *and* keep Dawn safe?" (Can't you do everything like I used to think you could?) Had it really only been a few weeks since he came to her mother's funeral, full of sympathy and offers to stay and be there for her. It was crazy to think how much had changed in those few weeks, but then here she was with her sister and lover vampire in tow stupidly trying to take him up on an offer that had really expired a long time ago.
"I don't kn-Wesley is working on a way to get to her. I need to go - un- unless... Gunn?"
This is what it came to. He had a whole different set of priorities now and Cordelia cam before her. She understood but it still hurt. I guess they really were hopeless. "It's okay... Gunn. I couldn't ask you to. It's okay, we'll think of something else." And she turned to go.
"But-"
"Spike, don't!"
But he stood firm and in her way. "Buffy, there is noth-"
"Spike, we will think of something."
But he didn't relent until Dawn pulled stepped over to him and pulled lightly on the arm of his duster, her mouth forming a line. He seemed to appreciate her attempt at a smile enough as she tugged him towards the door and he responded.
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
She glanced back at Angel and nodded. "I'm sorry too." Never did the word 'sorry' carry so many connotations for her. For them.
"I hope you find her."
- - - -
"So." Spike said, the sound of slammed doors still echoing silently through the car. "What now?"
"I... I don't kn-"
"What about Dad?" Dawn offered leaning forward so to make sure she was heard. "Dad's in L.A."
"No, Dad's in Spain with his secretary, Dawn."
"Oh,"
The sound was so quiet and timid it broke her heart. She turned to face her sister and reached out to stroke her hair. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do and it scares me." Her fingers settling on Dawn's cheek for a still moment. "But I'll get you safe... no matter what."
- - - -
It was a nice sight. At a time like this she was grateful for it. Grateful hat she could look on the sight of Dawn sleeping off her exhaustion and smile to herself. But like all good moments, it never lasted.
"*This* is your plan?" Spike hissed over the sound of the rolling engine and diverted her attention. "You keep Dawn safe by taking her back to *Sunnydale*? By delivering her into the arms of the crazy Hell bitch that's intent on ripping her inside-out?"
(Home.) "I need to get back to the others. We can all protect her - together." All of them together. "It's the only way I know how."
"But -"
"Just drive." She snapped angrily. It was an order with a bite of a threat but he obeyed, turning his eyes back towards the road with no more a small sigh.
- - - -
The car pulls up at a gas station and she gets out to pump the gas because it's daylight. She wonders briefly how it got light so soon, but the feel of the morning sun on her tired skin is too delightful to question. Something is wrong here, more wrong than going back into hell but with the breeze swarming around her and alleviating the stress, she doesn't want to question.
Not until he gets out of the car and she sees him. In sunlight. All surrounded by white-yellow light and she smiles, really smiles... before she remembers.
"Spike, what are you -? Get back in the car before -"
"No," he states so sternly that it causes her to flinch. "Not until you see."
And she does see. See him. Sees the smoke and the eruptions of fire, his skin being eaten away by the flames. She wants to shout, tell him to get back into the car but her heart is in her mouth and she can't talk - can't take her eyes off him. She desperately lurches for him, dropping the pump and spilling gas that only fuels the fire and he's dust - dust filtering between her fingertips as it settles to the ground.
- - - -
She awoke with a start, her hand grasping around something sold and encased in leather and when she looked she found him staring at her, eyebrows lifted and the question in the droop of his bottom lip before he spoke.
"Bad dream?"
She took a deep breath, loosening her strangle hold on his arm and letting her back relax against the seat again. "Something like that." Rolling down the window she stared out at the sky. "It's so dark."
"Yeah, it's always darkest before the -"
(Dawn.) "Stop the car." She knew.
"What?" Spike's voice full of surprise and a bite of hope that only confirmed her sudden revelation. "You thought of something, somewhere else?"
"Someone." She bit her lip, not sure whether it was safe to smile. (Not safe yet.) "Where are we?"
"About a mile from home."
(He calls it home.) "Perfect. Stop the car." She looked out the window as the car slowed to a stop, the blurred scenery identifiable finally in stillness. Once the vehicle was stationary she pushed open the door and got out - stretching out her muscles and arching her head up to the sky. She waited for the sound of his door before walking towards the car's trunk and opening it.
"Care to fill me in, Love?"
She shrugged, wincing slightly against the knots in her shoulders. "Okay, it's simple really. I'm going back alone, you're taking Dawn somewhere. Somewhere safe and far way."
A moment's silence while she pondered the contents of the trunk and he questioned, first his own and then her, sanity.
"*What*?!"
"You heard." She risked a look at him and shrugged once more.
"I don't-are you *mad*? Seriously have you just gone completely off your rocker? Because that's what it sounds like to me. Great plan is that, yeah - leave your little sis' in the capable hands of a bloodsucking monster while you go off and get yourself killed."
Buffy crossed her arms and faced him. "Are you finished?"
He choked on a laugh. "I could go on."
"Please *don't*. Spike, this is me - once I've made up my mind there's not much beside the end of the world-and, hey, already there-that will change it." There was a begrudging assent to her point. "I'm not leaving my sister with just any 'bloodsucking monster', Spike, I'm leaving her with you."
"Oh yeah, big difference there."
"Yeah. There is." She took a step closer to him, inclining her head to force him to meet her eyes. "What makes you different is the way I feel about you."
She had to stop at the look on his face; the shock and wonder so clear and present in a way that made him look so fragile for the briefest moment. Another snapshot for her collection "I trust you. I know you haven't always given me reason to, but I still do.
"Dawn is my world, okay - you know that. She's a part of me and I love her more than anything. You think I'd leave her with you if I didn't know, know that you'd take care of her?"
His gaze flickered and there was an air of defeat about him, that there was no way he could argue with her, make her reconsider. There was no question of saying 'no' though. "I don't want you to go back there alone."
"I won't be alone. And I can fight a whole lot better knowing Dawn is safe... with you-God I know how strange that sounds, how strange this is, but it *feels* right."
"And you can't think of anything else? This is your last resort?"
She had to touch him them, make contact. "No. Not last resort." She traced the arch of his cheek with her thumb and kissed him. "Say yes, please."
He laughed then, his eyes glassy and reflecting starlight. "I thought I already had." He met her eyes and she had to reconsider notions of ground and reality for a second. "Alright then, yes, I'll protect her... 'til the end of the world and all that. "
"Oh God." There was urgency in the way she clutched at him, a sure sense that there was chance she could never see him again. He felt it too, he must have to kiss her like that, like his life, or un-life, whatever, depended upon it.
- - - -
"Promise you'll be okay?" Dawn cried as she sank into Buffy, clinging to her and gripping fistfuls of clothing.
There was something barring her throat, something that couldn't let her promise, couldn't lie. "You'll be okay, Dawn. It will all be okay."
- - - -
"Axe?"
"Check."
"Sword?"
"Check?"
"Here, what's this?" Spike said leaning into the trunk and heaving at some object. "Bloody heavy thing."
"What?" Buffy reached for what was troubling him and picked it up with ease. "This?"
"Uh, yeah. Bloody-heavy-mallet thing?"
She twisted the weapon to catch the waning street light. "Troll hammer - check." Dawn was fast approaching.
"Right now, do me." He smirked and she had to smile.
"Glowy sphere thingies?"
"Check."
"Car with gas in tank."
"Er..." he ran round and peered at the dashboard before coming back to her, "check."
"My sister."
Dawn hovered into view and forced a smile. "Check."
"Goodbye kiss?"
His face clouded and any good spirits melted away. "You'll bring her back in a few days. Once you know it's all... over."
He nodded. "Yeah."
Peering at the sky the first tinges of sunlight were beginning to appear over the horizon and she felt the suddenly urge to get him safe in the car, safe with Dawn and safely driving away. There was time for another hug for Dawn, a glance and attempt to memorise every aspect of her face.
And then his goodbye kiss, soft short and a new flavour of bitter- sweetness.
"Thankyou."
- - - -
She watched them pull away, saw the white palm of Dawn's palm as she waved out the window, heard her cries of 'I love you, Buffy'. But nothing of him except the stopping of the car for a moment before he sped on.
Waited until the car was a blip on the horizon before picking up her bag of weapons and walking home back to her friends, back to her job.
She knew she was there when she reached the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign. A new one as they had to be replaced every time he came back to town. She smiled momentarily and set her eyes forward.
THE END
(Phew!)
Thanks to everyone who has read all this and to those of you who have stuck with this through my writer's block. I don't blame you if you were thinking anything along the lines of 'Who does she think she is? J.K. Rowling?!' But thanks to all of you who have liked this and made the experience worthwhile. You know who you are. But I should say special thanks to Olga who has been pretty-much the closest thing I have to a beta reader.
Bye Bye.