I Just Wanted a Normal Life

By: pnaixrose

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or the characters. Don't sue me.

Chapter 3: The Lonely Past

'Where am I? It's pitch black here. I'm scared... Wait, I see something. It's a person with…with a sword? NO! Don't!'

The person points the sword to his stomach and then…he stabs himself. A loud, terrible cry fills the place. A terrified Sakura weeps as she sees the figure's blood spilling onto the floor. 'NO! DON'T!'

"DON'T!"

Sakura sat up panting heavily. It was still dim as she looked around the room.

"It was just a nightmare?" Sakura glanced at the clock and sighed. "Oh, jeez. It's only 5:45!"

She lay back down on her bed with thoughts racing in her mind. 'What a horrible dream. Oh God, now I'll never get back to sleep! I just hope it wasn't a premonition. Poor person…he seemed so familiar somehow though.' Sakura got the jitters just thinking about it so she tried to get it out of her head, but somehow she couldn't. She tried thinking about something else and that led her thinking about what Syaoran had said a week ago.

'What is he hiding? What's going to happen? Ever since that day, we haven't really seen him except for school...I'm getting really worried about him.'

Beep...Beep…Beep…

"Oh god! I woke up early and spent so much time thinking I forgot to get ready for school!"

Sakura walked in silence, listening to the birds chirping. After a long day of school, she was ready to simply relax. She didn't even know where she was going but she ended up at the Tsukimine Shrine with the big cherry blossom tree. She stood in front of the huge tree under the shade, admiring its beauty. Suddenly she saw someone behind it sitting against the trunk.

"Who's there?" Sakura asked.

The person lifted his head and turned around to see who it was.

"Sakura?"

Her eyes brightened in recognition. She had barely seen that mop of brown hair in over a week. He had begun to avoid her at school since she had visited him at his apartment while he was sick. "Oh Syaoran!"

She went to sit next to him under the shade of the tree.

"What are you doing here?" he asked rather drearily, eyes shaded by his hair.

"I was just walking around. What are you doing here?"

"Just thinking…" His voice was raspy and quiet.

Sakura held her breath, realizing that he had indeed been in deep thought prior to her arrival. Maybe he was thinking about that vague comment he made several days ago. "What about?" she urged gently.

Something caught in his throat. "…Nothing. Forget about it."

Uncomfortable silence filled the air. Sakura's hair blew in the wind and the tree's flowers fell to the ground slowly.

"So…isn't this a rather lonely place?" Sakura asked breaking the silence and staring quietly at their isolated surroundings.

"Well…" Syaoran gave a half-laugh. "It seems to suit me..."

He didn't know why he was being like this. He didn't want to show any of the feelings that were going through his head recently.

Especially in front of Sakura.

But...she just made him feel so...comfortable. As if telling her about his past and about his emotions was a safe thing to do.

Something in his voice tugged at Sakura's heart. Somehow, Sakura knew that somewhere deep inside, he was urging to let loose all of his worries and troubles. She wanted so desperately to be that outlet for him. She wanted to help him in any way that she could... "Do you want to talk about it?" She gave a small encouraging smile. "I'm here for you."

A strange, unreadable expression twisted on Syaoran's face. "…You probably have something else to do...Besides, it's kind of hard to explain though."

She thought for a bit. "Hmmm…" Suddenly, an idea came to mind. "Then why don't you show me?"

"Huh?"

She pulled out a Card.

"With this!"

"The Return Card?" Syaoran's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "B-But it takes a lot of energy. I don't want you to tire yourself out just for something like this."

"Really?" she asked in surprise. 'He cares about me?' "Well we can borrow magic from the magic cherry blossom tree we're next to!"

Syaoran was silent, unsure why she was so willing to share in his memories with her. No one had ever made him feel like...his memories and feelings were important. No one except her.

He looked at her determined eyes.

"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer!" she said stubbornly and cheerily.

Syaorna sighed in return and gave a slight nod, knowing that he couldn't win with her.

"Okay here we go!" Sakura took out her wand and threw the Card into the air. "Return! Help us to go back to Syaoran's past!"

Bright light surrounded them and suddenly it felt as if they had plunge into another world, devoid of vivid colors and clear senses. When the light died out they saw a little boy with brown, messy hair and amber eyes.

"Who is that? Is that you Syaoran?" Sakura asked.
"Yes…" he replied, staring at the younger splitting image of himself quietly. "That's me when I was four…"
Sakura bristled with a slight unseen embarrassed. If she thought Syaoran was cute now, he was adorable as a toddler.

Syaoran and Sakura were transparent, almost like ghosts, but they can see each other. They were guessing that the little Syaoran couldn't see or hear them because he didn't even look their way once. The little Syaoran was sitting on the edge of a bed.

"Where are we, Syaoran?"
"In my house back in Hong Kong."

Sakura and Syaoran stood there in silence watching the little Syaoran. Then he started talking to himself.

"It's so boring here…"

The boy got off the bed and walked out of the room. Sakura and Syaoran followed him. Little Syaoran stopped in front of a room and walked inside. All four of his teenage sisters were sitting on one bed gossiping and giggling.

"Xiao Lang? What do you want?"
"I…I'm bored…"
"Go play with your friends."
"I-"
"We're busy right now…don't bother us"
"Okay…"

Little Syaoran left the room. When he closed the door he sat down on the floor leaning on it. He was listening to what his sisters said.

"…He kissed you?!"
"…How romantic…"
"…you're lucky to be in love!"

Little Syaoran got up from the floor and looked at the door in confusion.

"Kiss? Love? What are those? ….Maybe when you're in love you won't be lonely! All my elder sisters are in love and they're never lonely!"

The boy ran to his mother. Syaoran and Sakura quickly followed his quick little steps in silence.

"Mother! What is lo-"

"Not now Syaoran, I have a meeting with the elders. I'll be back late."

Yelan, left without a single word. The boy sighed but then spotted Wei.

"Wei, Can you tell me what lo-"

"Sorry Master Xiao Lang. I cannot talk right now I have to go buy groceries. Good-bye."

Little Syaoran watched sadly as Wei left him too. Little Syaoran held his stomach as it suddenly growled.

"I'm hungry…."

There was a bright light again and when it faded Sakura and Syaoran were in the Lis' kitchen. They saw Little Syaoran in front of them standing on a stool with the counter top in front of him. He was cutting vegetables. There was also a dark brown bear near him.

"My sisters are so mean, don't you think so too Kuo? I just wanted something to eat but they shoved me out of the room again."

"Syaoran, who were you talking to?"
"The bear I used to talk to when I was young," he gave her a small grin. "Pretty pathetic, ne?"
"Don't say that."

"OUCH!"

Little Syaoran looked at his finger. It was bleeding. He had cut himself with the knife he was using. It was also pretty deep.

"Ouch…it hurts a lot…"

Little Syaoran looked at the knife and then to his bleeding finger. He started crying softly at first and then louder.

"Why …isn't… anyone…helping me?…."

Sakura looked at little Syaoran in shock. She never pictured Syaoran, young or old, crying. She felt so sad when she saw him cry. In fact from the beginning she was shocked to see a little Syaoran talking to himself, asking to play with his sisters, and trying to ask his mom and Wei what love is. She always thought of him as the arrogant, rude type who always wanted to be alone. She never thought he was this…lonely to begin with.

Sakura glanced at the Syaoran she knew who was standing next to her. He was simply staring at the still crying little Syaoran and she saw loneliness and sadness in his eyes. Before she could comfort him though, a bright light came once again.

When it cleared they were back in little Syaoran's room again. Suddenly Sakura started to become dizzy. She started to fall but Syaoran caught her quickly.

"Sakura! Are you okay? I told you we shouldn't have done this!"
She gave a small smile, suddenly feeling weak. "Sorry."
But he still looked at her with worry. "Sakura, I'll channel you my magic so you won't faint."
She nodded, a tint of blush coming across her cheeks as she felt his body hold her. 'Is he hugging me?'
Realizing the position they were in, Syaoran blushed. "S-Sorry about holding you in this position…I have to channel my magic to you somehow don't I?"

When they looked ahead of them again, they saw little Syaoran in the middle of his bed crying. It was nighttime now. His finger had a bandage on it now but still he cried. Sakura thought he was crying because he thought it still hurt, but she was wrong. His cries started to subside and he started talking softly to himself again.

"Li Syaoran, you are such a big baby!…Talking to yourself, feeling sorry for yourself…everybody has friends but you…It's because you will never have a big role in the clan…the elders said that you will never become the leader of the Li clan…it's all because you're weak! Nobody wants you!"

Sakura didn't know what to do. Her heart broke just looking at the boy. Tears started forming in her eyes. The older Syaoran saw this and wiped the tears away. Sakura looked at him and noted that he still had loneliness in his amber eyes. It was difficult for her to see such pain was hidden behind them.

"I'm so lonely…it hurts even more than the cut I got. Nobody ever came to help me. I had to bandage it all myself…If…if nobody wants me around…then…"

Little Syaoran took the knife he had cut himself with earlier out from under a pillow, stifling a sniffle.

"…then I'll do them all a favor…"

He lifted the knife to his neck. Sakura watched in horror.

"NO!"
Syaoran held her back as her body attempted to jump at the young boy. "Sakura, he can't hear us…"
"Then let me go to him!" she pleaded, not wanting to watch the scene play out in front of her.
"Don't…just watch…"
But she was too frantic, too scared at what might happen. "Let me go!"
"Sakura, just watch."

As Syaoran held her tightly around his arms, Sakura started crying. She didn't want to see this. But since the Syaoran she knew is alive now, nothing can happen right? She calmed herself down by thinking that. A part of her wanted to stay in his warm, strong embrace but the other part wanted to help the little Syaoran. She didn't know what to do so she just did as Syaoran told her and watched the little boy, fright building inside of her. The knife was getting nearer to his neck. Little Syaoran had his eyes closed. When a beautiful voice said…

"Don't…"

Sakura widened her eyes at what she saw. In front of the boy was a beautiful woman in a white robe emitting a soft glow around her. She had white feathery wings and long, wavy, silvery hair. She had kind, gentle, emerald eyes. The little boy was also shocked that he dropped the knife on the floor.

"Who…who are you?"
"Don't be afraid little one."
"Are…Are you an angel?"
"Yes. Can you tell?"

The angel smiled sweetly at him. Naive little Syaoran relaxed.

"Then…you're from heaven?"
"Yes."
"I need a favor from you."
"What is it, child?"
"Bring me with you to heaven, please."
"But then you will never see your mother your sisters or Wei."
"Yes I will. You're an angel and you're seeing me now."
"Yes but-"
"Tell me, can you find love in heaven?"
"Love…?"
"I heard my sisters talking about it…I thought that when you were in love you won't be lonely anymore."
"You are…lonely?"
"Yes. Even when my father was alive, my family was never there for me…"
"How about your friends?"
"…I don't have any…"

The angel held little Syaoran in her arms. It was then that Sakura realized that the angel seemed oddly familiar to her for some reason. She observed her carefully as the angel continued talking to the crying boy.

"Tell me everything, dear…I'm here for you…"
"…I think that even when I die, my sisters and my mother won't even care. They have too much going on in their lives…and I'm not a part of them anymore. I'm too weak to do anything. The Elders said that that's why I won't be leader of the clan. I won't ever have a special part in life…that's why I train everyday. Then I'll become stronger and maybe my family would notice. But…I guess it's not working…"
"You won't always be lonely. Someday you'll find people you care about. They'll care about you too. You'll fight for them and protect them. And you won't be lonely anymore…"
"…maybe…I want to be in love…"
"You do?"
"You're never lonely when you're in love right?"
"Yes love makes everyone happy."
"You're in love right? You sound like you know a lot about it."
The angel smiled, rays of pride emitting from her bright face. "…I am…I have two children too. My daughter is your age now and my son is a little older. My husband is a teacher. They always made me happy and I'm never lonely when I'm with them."
"You visit them? Even as an angel?"
"Yes, my son can see into the spirit world. My daughter too has powers but she doesn't know yet. My husband well…he also has powers but only half of a whole."
"Angel Lady, will I ever be in love?"

The boy seemed content, his previous thoughts of hurting himself totally forgotten. He yawned sleepily, a small smile appearing on his lips. "…thank…you…"
"Go to sleep now…"

The angel put him to bed and covered him with his bed covers. She stood up and smiled at his angelic face. Then, surprisingly, she turned and looked straight at where Sakura and Syaoran were like she knew they were there.

"He will fall in love, right Sakura? Syaoran?"

Sakura's emerald orbs widened as she let out a small gasp. "You know?"

The angel nodded, a small knowing smile on her lips. "I know…everything."

"Sakura…My powers…they are…"

Sakura looked at Syaoran. He looked very weak and was about to fall but since Sakura was in his arms he didn't.

"Sakura…we have to go…"

Sakura nodded and looked back at the angel. Then it hit her. The angel looked exactly like her mother!

"Okaa-san?!"

The woman let out a chuckle. "You finally found out…"

"Why are you-"

"No questions for now. Syaoran is getting weaker. You must return to where you once were. Good-bye...I love you."

"Okaa-san…"

The bright light surrounded them once again. But this time when it faded they were back in the shrine. Syaoran fell to the ground panting a bit.

"Syaoran! Are you okay?" Sakura exclaimed as she knelt beside him.

He attempted to catch his breath. "I'll be alright…"

"I'm so sorry. But why didn't I get weaker?" she mumbled to herself.

Syaoran blushed but didn't say anything. He didn't want to tell her that he hadn't let her energy leave her body. He didn't want her to faint too after all.

"Syaoran, that was my mother," she said in a daze.

His eyes widened. "The angel?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I have an idea. C'mon!"

"W-Wait…!"

But Sakura was already dragging him and didn't let go as they ran throughout the town. Not saying a word as they ran together, they finally arrived in front of Sakura's house, panting from the sprint. Sakura was edgy and excited though and barely noticed the cramp in her leg from the running.

"Syaoran, my dad and onii-chan will be in there…so we'll just go in, say 'hi' real quick, grab the picture and go up to my room. Okay?"

He blinked in confusion. "…eh…"

"Okay, let's go."

Sakura once again dragged him into the house and into the kitchen.

"Hi otou-san, onii-chan," Sakura said quickly, stopping to wave at them only momentarily.

"Sakura where have you-" Touya started but then he noticed that Sakura was holding Syaoran's hand. His dark eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here, gaki?" His jaw tightened as he spotted Syaoran's hand holding Sakura's.

"…I-I'm not…" Syaoran started to explain, nervousness building up in his chest.

"Okay we're off to my room, bye!" Sakura said with quick cheer. Before she went up the stairs she grabbed picture of her mom from a shelf, dragging Syoaran with her.

"Sakura! What are you two gonna do in there?!" Touya shouted from the kitchen, a vein popping from his forehead.

She blushed at the implication and sighed. "Onii-chan! I just have to show him something!" she yelled, not even bothering to see whether he had heard her or not.

"Sakura…what's happening?" Syaoran was confused.

When they got inside Sakura's room they sat on her bed and Sakura let go of his hand.

"Is this how the angel looked like?" Sakura said handing the picture frame to him hurriedly.

He gasped as he stared into the eyes of the angel that had saved his four-year-old self.