Our story begins in the city of Knoxville, in the house of a fanfic writer.
She's using AIM to chat with a friend who made an important promise to her.
Joey:(typing)Arrgh! You're almost at 100 reviews, and I can't think of a
damn plot for your gift story! I'm sorry!
Kirsten(typing)Come on, just give me a Shingo Yabuki or something!
Joey:(typing)Well, I'll try, but I can't promise much...
Kirsten:(typing)Just try! You still have a day or so!
(Joey's AIM goes blank and after a few minutes auto-disconnects.)
Kirsten:I guess he went to work...hey! Another review! Yay!
(That Sunday, game day for Kirsten, Joey arrives late to the table.)
Kirsten:Hey, you're late!
Joey:Sorry, I was busy..
Kirsten:Well, I got a hundred reviews! So where is it?
Joey:Well, It hasn't been tested...
Kirsten:Tested? I can spell-check if you need!
Joey:No, the speech is fine, I think. I just need to make sure everything
works right.
Kirsten:What do you mean? Show meee!
Joey:Okay...(He whistles, and the sound of a car door opening and then
closing is heard. The door opens, and in walks what appears to be a small,
brown-haired child with a blue outfit and a headband)
Kirsten:............(She falls over.)
Joey:Uh...It's a prototype android. Mecha-Shingo.
(The other person at the table, their GM, Jeff, also notices.)
Jeff:Cute kid. Where'd you get him?
Joey:It's not a kid. It's an android.
Jeff:I see....and I should belive you because....
Joey:Well...he's made of metal?
Jeff:(He knocks on Mecha-Shinigo's head. He hears a metallic
clang.)Alright. I'll pretend for a moment that you have defied all
scientific law and built a sophisticated automaton, a task major industrial
companies are still in the formative processes of doing. Why haven't you
sold the blueprints and become a millionaire?
Joey:Well...first, he's the prototype. Kirsten will have to figure out all
the bugs then I can make a test version. Then I can make a production
model. But even then, I'm not gonna give out my patent.
Jeff:And that would be because you're an idiot, or...
Joey:Well, an android gets his personality from the people around him. An
android needs to spend some time being taught the difference between right
and wrong.
(Mecha-chibi-Shingo falls down next to Kirsten, then looks at her.)
Kirsten:He's soooo cute!!!
Jeff:I'll buy that. So how did you do it?
Joey:Well, there's two parts. First is the AI programming. That's the easy
part. All you need is open-ended code that can rewrite itself as nessecary,
and that draws in from the surrounding and adapts to behaviorial patterns.
Jeff:That's easy?
Joey:It is compared to building an android's body. I mean, I was able to
build the body itself from spare parts and it worked well enough, but
balance is the one thing that's hard to master. Luckily, though, his
programming let him learn how to walk.
Jeff:Alright. So you gave him to Kirsten?
Joey:Well, she wanted one. So I gave him to her. I can trust her to take
care of him and raise him properly.
Kirsten:(She hugs the mecha-shingo tightly)He's so cute!!!And he can fit in
my backpack!!(She stuffs him in)
Jeff:Are you sure about that?
Joey:Well, I was...
Jeff:Do you have anything to occupy yourself while she plays with her robot?
Joey:Just my gameboy.(He pulls a shopping bag, bulging, on top of the table
and shuffles through it)
Jeff:What's all that other stuff?
Joey:What do you mean? This is all my gameboy.(He pulls out a pair of large
speakers, a desk lamp, an AC adapter, a power strip, the game boy itself,
and a number of smaller accessories.)
Jeff:Why all the stuff?
Joey:Well, It's not backlit, so I need a light. It's got crappy speakers,
so I have to bring my own. It eats through batteries, so..
Jeff:Alright, I get it...but isn't the whole point of a game boy for it to
be portable?
Joey:Hey, I carried it here in my bag, didn't I?
Jeff:.....Whatever.
Kirsten:What else can he do?
Joey:Well, he's very strong.
Kirsten:Ooh, how strong?
Joey:uh..he can lift..um..about half a ton.
Jeff:Come on. That's impossible.
Joey:But he's very compact! He's like one of those miniature winches.
Jeff:and he can still move on his own accord? I'm an architech, I know that's structurally impossible!
Joey:Yes, but...
Jef:But what?
Joey:This is a fanfic. I can do whatever I want! MWAHAHAHA!
Jeff:....
Kirsten:Ooh, I wanna see! Come on, chibi-mecha-Shingo!(She walks outside, and the robot follows her)
Joey:I hope she's responsible with it...(SMASH!)Oh, shit.(He runs outside to see his car crumpled into the ground.)
Kirsten:He can lift it! He just can't hold it very well.
Joey:My....my car...
Kirsten:Sorry...He can carry it home, right?
Joey:Not if he drops it...We'll have to tow it. I don't want to risk driving it, either.
Kirsten:Okay..so...mecha-shingo, find us a ride home!
Joey:Um...I never told him to do that..(The robot runs off.)
Kirsten:He could do it, right?
Joey:Yeah, but I'm afraid he'd steal a car or something.
Kirsten:He's too nice to do that!
Joey:He's too literal not too.
Kirstren:Aww...huh? Do you hear something?
Joey:It sounds like a train.(They both hear a rumbling sound. The fence falls over as a tank runs it down. It stops in front of them, and mecha-shingo jumps out.)
Kirsten:It's a...
Joey:A T-74. Russian assault vehicle, commonly sold to other countries fo use in training exercises. Used by many communist countries and cheaper militias, as well as paramilitary groups. Very cheap but very powerful, over 200,000 of these were produced during the cold war, and many of them were sold to American training grounds after the fall of the iron curtain.
Kirsten:A tank.
Joey:Yeah, that too^_^.
Kirsten:How did you know all that?
Joey:History Channel.
Kirsten:Okay, where did he get that? National Guard Armory?
Joey:Naah, all they have there is an Abrams and an APC.
Kirsten:Then that means someone's brought a tank here...
(Elsewhere in the city)
Ralf:It was right here! It's even got the tread marks!
Clark:Dehn waah deed eet goah?
Leona:I told you idiots you left the keys in it.
(Back to our...uh...main characters, who are riding in the tank)
Joey:Um...just drop me off at my house. Please.
Kirsten:Aww. Well, then, we'll have fun by ourselves!(They drop Joey's car off at his house, and he goes inside to sulk over the loss of his car.) Let's go, shingo!
Joey:my poor car..(Watches the tank roll off)
(Back to the Ikari warriors, who are making their way through town with their leader, Heidern. Ralf and Clark are holding a huge piece of plywood, on top of which is Heidern, who is pulling on Ralf's bandana, and Leona, who is standing in place with a bazooka.)
Heidern:Right, I said right!
Ralf:Okay, okay! Right...
Clark:Thees saaks.
Leona:Yeah, boss, I'm getting cramped!
Clark:Shaat aap, aht leest yooh geht too beeh da tahrret.
Heidern:We have to find the NESTS base here! We have to keep them from using the Kyo data they've got hidden! If K'9999 so much as touches it...And I'm not hearing any engine noises!
Ralf:Oh, for...brrrr....
Heidern:LOUDER!!
(Kirsten and mecha-chibi-shingo are...um...joyriding. They've run over a few cars by now, and the police are slowly chasing the tank.)
Kirsten:Eeep...How do I get out of this? I think I'm in trouble...
(She sees a button on the tank's console, and pushes it. The muzzle flares and the tank slows for a second, and a Denny's collapses into rubble.)
Kirsten:heh...it's still got ammo...
(Ralf falls down and the plywood and Heidern and Leona crush him)
Ralf:Aaak!!!
Clark:Oh, sheet.
Leona:Oh, my god! Ralf, are you okay?
Ralf:Erk...
Heidern:Leona, shoot him.
Leona:With the bazooka?? Why?
Heidern:He's now derelict equipment. We have to destroy him, lest enemy forces use him as spare parts to repair their own machines.
Leona:There's no way i'm firing this bazooka at him. For one thing, at this close a range we'd all--
Heidern:Are you disobeying a commander's orders? Gimmie that!(He grabs the rocket launcher from Leona and pulls the trigger. a rocket flies out of the opposite end of the bazooka and goes on an erratic path through the sky before coming back down a few miles away.)
Leona:O_O
Clark:O_O
Ralf:X_x
Heidern:Err...and THAT, troops, is why you should never pull the trigger on a bazooka if it's toward your palm.
(Joey is sitting at home, watching TV, when he hears a loud blast. He runs outside to see that his car has been flipped by a stray bazooka round.)
Joey:NO!!! MY CAR!! AGAIN!!(He cries)
(In the tank)
Kirsten:Um..I hope there wasn't anyone in this Denny's..Do you know in there was anyone in there, Shingo?
(Shingo looks at her, his head tilted sideways)
Kirsten:He didn't give you a voice...;_)))
(In the rubble of the Denny's...)
Kula:EEEEK!!
Angel:@_@....nnngh...note to shelf....don't drink tha' whole bottl uh' boyshenbey...beyshenborry....shenboyberry...shyrup.
K'999:My.....My bike! My...my precious...
Kula:Ohh, poor K'-kun! Those Icky Warriors blew up your bike!
K'9999:My precious is gone...It's all the fault of the Ikarises...We hates the Ikarises...
Angel:K'-dude, yew arrite?
Kula:Hey, look what was hidden inside! It looks like candy!(she pulls out a small flask filled with glowing purple liquid.)What is it, Angel-sama?
Angel:Err...it'sh....I...dun remember.
(Back to the Ikari warriors...)
Leona:well...anyways...shouldn't we try and..uh..."salvage" Ralf?
Clark:Yah, I theenk he's steel alihve.
Heidern:well, in that case...this should do the trick!(He opens up his medic's kit and injects ralf with a syringe, then about 5 more)
Leona:What...was that?
Heidern:Um...medic...stuff
Leona:(She grabs one of the syringes.)My god!! This is a morphene syringe!
Ralf:@_@....I'm a happy tank...
Heidern:There! Ralf has been..uh..upgraded!
Leona:HE'S HOCKED UP ON SIX DOSES OF MORPHENE!!
Clark:Waaht's mohrpheen?
Ralf:Lalalelele...the treads on the meee gooo round and round...round and round...
(They make their way down the street)
(Kirsten hops out of the tank, the police cars have stopped chasing her and are surrounding the Denny's)
Kirsten:Maybe they won't know it was me driving the tank...
(She runs to the Denny's)
Kirsten:Is everyone okay??
Angel:We'sh fine.
Kula:'Cept for mister K'-kun....
K'9999:My..precious...(He grabs the purple vial and it busts and splashes on his metallic arm. It grows fleshy and huge.....)
(The Ikari Warriors are to the site where their rocket exploded)
Clark:(Walks over to a blue grand marquis, flipped and banged)Hoow about thees one? eet loohks kahnda lahk a tahnk...
Ralf:(Staggers over to the car)@_@yo...bro...(falls onto the hood of the car)how's it hangin? You're lookin' a little thin aroun' th' treads! duuuuuuuude! you got that paint job you always been wantin'! sweeeeeeeeeeeeee.....(He falls asleep)
Joey:Um...this is my car..
Heidern:Well, we're comandeering it. Give me the keys.
Leona:Commandeer? You mean steal?
Heidern:No, us army troopers don't "steal", we "commandeer". For example, last week I commandeered a snickers bar from the gas station.
Ralf:(He wakes up and staggers around)Hunh? Dudes, Where'd ya go? Oh, hey, wow...a tree...
Heidern:I said gimmie your keys!(He draws his gun)
Joey:Your safety's on.
Heidern:What?(He flips the gun around to check it.)
Joey:(He grabs the gun.)You're smarter than a normal soldier, you know that?
Leona:Please, don't worry about him..we need a vehicle. Apparently NESTS got a new base around here.
Ralf:(He stumbles over to the tree.)Man...this is a big tree..if it was made of wood instead of tree, I bet you could build a huuuuuge house outta it...(WHAM!! Ralf is hit by a white pontiac grand prix, owned by Joey's roommate Chris.)
Ralf:wheee....(He crawls out from behind the car.)
Chris:I think I just hit someone. I'd better make sure I get the car off him..(He shifts into reverse and backs over Ralf.)
Chris:Dammit, not again...(He gets out of his car to find an unconscious and parked-upon Ralf.)hey...damn...is that a glock-20?(He pulls a gun off of ralf's vest.)cool!
(Over at the wrecked Denny's, K'9999's arm has completely taken him over, and he is now a large fleshy-metallic blob. How original.)
Kirsten:Oh, my god! It's huge! Shingo, we have to stop it!
(The blob consumes Angel, and Kula runs away because I like her more)
Kula:EEEEEEEEEK!! K-kun!!!
(Kula runs over to Kirsten)
Kula:(Sniffles)Please, help me! I'm scared!
Kirsten:I don't know what i can do...
(Chris agrees to drive Joey and the Ikari warriors to the Denny's where the NESTS base was rumored to be located. When they arrive, they get out to see Kula crying to Kirsten.)
Heidern:My....god....
Leona:And you wasted our bazooka round!
Ralf:Oh, sheet.
Clark:Heeea! Dohn't maaak faahn af me!
Joey:Oh, jeezus...
Kirsten:Joey, how can we kill it?
(The blob consumes police cars and officers)
Joey:There's only one way...Mecha-Shingo, Final attack! Go!!
(Mecha-shingo runs up to the blob, which consumes him.)
Kirsten:NOOO!!!
Joey:Activate!!(The blob explodes, sending chunks everywhere)
Kirsten:no!!!!!!!!!! shingo!!!!
(She runs into the gook and cries.)
Joey:That's odd...hmm..
Heidern:well, he saved us. Um...i think.
(A form shuffles in the gooey stuff)
Kirsten:sh..shingo?
(Shingo stands up out of the mess, over 5 feet tall now and looking like normal shingo)
Shingo:Did..did I do well?
Kirsten:You can talk! you did great, shingo!
(She hugs him, and the damn fic ends! mwahahaha!)
She's using AIM to chat with a friend who made an important promise to her.
Joey:(typing)Arrgh! You're almost at 100 reviews, and I can't think of a
damn plot for your gift story! I'm sorry!
Kirsten(typing)Come on, just give me a Shingo Yabuki or something!
Joey:(typing)Well, I'll try, but I can't promise much...
Kirsten:(typing)Just try! You still have a day or so!
(Joey's AIM goes blank and after a few minutes auto-disconnects.)
Kirsten:I guess he went to work...hey! Another review! Yay!
(That Sunday, game day for Kirsten, Joey arrives late to the table.)
Kirsten:Hey, you're late!
Joey:Sorry, I was busy..
Kirsten:Well, I got a hundred reviews! So where is it?
Joey:Well, It hasn't been tested...
Kirsten:Tested? I can spell-check if you need!
Joey:No, the speech is fine, I think. I just need to make sure everything
works right.
Kirsten:What do you mean? Show meee!
Joey:Okay...(He whistles, and the sound of a car door opening and then
closing is heard. The door opens, and in walks what appears to be a small,
brown-haired child with a blue outfit and a headband)
Kirsten:............(She falls over.)
Joey:Uh...It's a prototype android. Mecha-Shingo.
(The other person at the table, their GM, Jeff, also notices.)
Jeff:Cute kid. Where'd you get him?
Joey:It's not a kid. It's an android.
Jeff:I see....and I should belive you because....
Joey:Well...he's made of metal?
Jeff:(He knocks on Mecha-Shinigo's head. He hears a metallic
clang.)Alright. I'll pretend for a moment that you have defied all
scientific law and built a sophisticated automaton, a task major industrial
companies are still in the formative processes of doing. Why haven't you
sold the blueprints and become a millionaire?
Joey:Well...first, he's the prototype. Kirsten will have to figure out all
the bugs then I can make a test version. Then I can make a production
model. But even then, I'm not gonna give out my patent.
Jeff:And that would be because you're an idiot, or...
Joey:Well, an android gets his personality from the people around him. An
android needs to spend some time being taught the difference between right
and wrong.
(Mecha-chibi-Shingo falls down next to Kirsten, then looks at her.)
Kirsten:He's soooo cute!!!
Jeff:I'll buy that. So how did you do it?
Joey:Well, there's two parts. First is the AI programming. That's the easy
part. All you need is open-ended code that can rewrite itself as nessecary,
and that draws in from the surrounding and adapts to behaviorial patterns.
Jeff:That's easy?
Joey:It is compared to building an android's body. I mean, I was able to
build the body itself from spare parts and it worked well enough, but
balance is the one thing that's hard to master. Luckily, though, his
programming let him learn how to walk.
Jeff:Alright. So you gave him to Kirsten?
Joey:Well, she wanted one. So I gave him to her. I can trust her to take
care of him and raise him properly.
Kirsten:(She hugs the mecha-shingo tightly)He's so cute!!!And he can fit in
my backpack!!(She stuffs him in)
Jeff:Are you sure about that?
Joey:Well, I was...
Jeff:Do you have anything to occupy yourself while she plays with her robot?
Joey:Just my gameboy.(He pulls a shopping bag, bulging, on top of the table
and shuffles through it)
Jeff:What's all that other stuff?
Joey:What do you mean? This is all my gameboy.(He pulls out a pair of large
speakers, a desk lamp, an AC adapter, a power strip, the game boy itself,
and a number of smaller accessories.)
Jeff:Why all the stuff?
Joey:Well, It's not backlit, so I need a light. It's got crappy speakers,
so I have to bring my own. It eats through batteries, so..
Jeff:Alright, I get it...but isn't the whole point of a game boy for it to
be portable?
Joey:Hey, I carried it here in my bag, didn't I?
Jeff:.....Whatever.
Kirsten:What else can he do?
Joey:Well, he's very strong.
Kirsten:Ooh, how strong?
Joey:uh..he can lift..um..about half a ton.
Jeff:Come on. That's impossible.
Joey:But he's very compact! He's like one of those miniature winches.
Jeff:and he can still move on his own accord? I'm an architech, I know that's structurally impossible!
Joey:Yes, but...
Jef:But what?
Joey:This is a fanfic. I can do whatever I want! MWAHAHAHA!
Jeff:....
Kirsten:Ooh, I wanna see! Come on, chibi-mecha-Shingo!(She walks outside, and the robot follows her)
Joey:I hope she's responsible with it...(SMASH!)Oh, shit.(He runs outside to see his car crumpled into the ground.)
Kirsten:He can lift it! He just can't hold it very well.
Joey:My....my car...
Kirsten:Sorry...He can carry it home, right?
Joey:Not if he drops it...We'll have to tow it. I don't want to risk driving it, either.
Kirsten:Okay..so...mecha-shingo, find us a ride home!
Joey:Um...I never told him to do that..(The robot runs off.)
Kirsten:He could do it, right?
Joey:Yeah, but I'm afraid he'd steal a car or something.
Kirsten:He's too nice to do that!
Joey:He's too literal not too.
Kirstren:Aww...huh? Do you hear something?
Joey:It sounds like a train.(They both hear a rumbling sound. The fence falls over as a tank runs it down. It stops in front of them, and mecha-shingo jumps out.)
Kirsten:It's a...
Joey:A T-74. Russian assault vehicle, commonly sold to other countries fo use in training exercises. Used by many communist countries and cheaper militias, as well as paramilitary groups. Very cheap but very powerful, over 200,000 of these were produced during the cold war, and many of them were sold to American training grounds after the fall of the iron curtain.
Kirsten:A tank.
Joey:Yeah, that too^_^.
Kirsten:How did you know all that?
Joey:History Channel.
Kirsten:Okay, where did he get that? National Guard Armory?
Joey:Naah, all they have there is an Abrams and an APC.
Kirsten:Then that means someone's brought a tank here...
(Elsewhere in the city)
Ralf:It was right here! It's even got the tread marks!
Clark:Dehn waah deed eet goah?
Leona:I told you idiots you left the keys in it.
(Back to our...uh...main characters, who are riding in the tank)
Joey:Um...just drop me off at my house. Please.
Kirsten:Aww. Well, then, we'll have fun by ourselves!(They drop Joey's car off at his house, and he goes inside to sulk over the loss of his car.) Let's go, shingo!
Joey:my poor car..(Watches the tank roll off)
(Back to the Ikari warriors, who are making their way through town with their leader, Heidern. Ralf and Clark are holding a huge piece of plywood, on top of which is Heidern, who is pulling on Ralf's bandana, and Leona, who is standing in place with a bazooka.)
Heidern:Right, I said right!
Ralf:Okay, okay! Right...
Clark:Thees saaks.
Leona:Yeah, boss, I'm getting cramped!
Clark:Shaat aap, aht leest yooh geht too beeh da tahrret.
Heidern:We have to find the NESTS base here! We have to keep them from using the Kyo data they've got hidden! If K'9999 so much as touches it...And I'm not hearing any engine noises!
Ralf:Oh, for...brrrr....
Heidern:LOUDER!!
(Kirsten and mecha-chibi-shingo are...um...joyriding. They've run over a few cars by now, and the police are slowly chasing the tank.)
Kirsten:Eeep...How do I get out of this? I think I'm in trouble...
(She sees a button on the tank's console, and pushes it. The muzzle flares and the tank slows for a second, and a Denny's collapses into rubble.)
Kirsten:heh...it's still got ammo...
(Ralf falls down and the plywood and Heidern and Leona crush him)
Ralf:Aaak!!!
Clark:Oh, sheet.
Leona:Oh, my god! Ralf, are you okay?
Ralf:Erk...
Heidern:Leona, shoot him.
Leona:With the bazooka?? Why?
Heidern:He's now derelict equipment. We have to destroy him, lest enemy forces use him as spare parts to repair their own machines.
Leona:There's no way i'm firing this bazooka at him. For one thing, at this close a range we'd all--
Heidern:Are you disobeying a commander's orders? Gimmie that!(He grabs the rocket launcher from Leona and pulls the trigger. a rocket flies out of the opposite end of the bazooka and goes on an erratic path through the sky before coming back down a few miles away.)
Leona:O_O
Clark:O_O
Ralf:X_x
Heidern:Err...and THAT, troops, is why you should never pull the trigger on a bazooka if it's toward your palm.
(Joey is sitting at home, watching TV, when he hears a loud blast. He runs outside to see that his car has been flipped by a stray bazooka round.)
Joey:NO!!! MY CAR!! AGAIN!!(He cries)
(In the tank)
Kirsten:Um..I hope there wasn't anyone in this Denny's..Do you know in there was anyone in there, Shingo?
(Shingo looks at her, his head tilted sideways)
Kirsten:He didn't give you a voice...;_)))
(In the rubble of the Denny's...)
Kula:EEEEK!!
Angel:@_@....nnngh...note to shelf....don't drink tha' whole bottl uh' boyshenbey...beyshenborry....shenboyberry...shyrup.
K'999:My.....My bike! My...my precious...
Kula:Ohh, poor K'-kun! Those Icky Warriors blew up your bike!
K'9999:My precious is gone...It's all the fault of the Ikarises...We hates the Ikarises...
Angel:K'-dude, yew arrite?
Kula:Hey, look what was hidden inside! It looks like candy!(she pulls out a small flask filled with glowing purple liquid.)What is it, Angel-sama?
Angel:Err...it'sh....I...dun remember.
(Back to the Ikari warriors...)
Leona:well...anyways...shouldn't we try and..uh..."salvage" Ralf?
Clark:Yah, I theenk he's steel alihve.
Heidern:well, in that case...this should do the trick!(He opens up his medic's kit and injects ralf with a syringe, then about 5 more)
Leona:What...was that?
Heidern:Um...medic...stuff
Leona:(She grabs one of the syringes.)My god!! This is a morphene syringe!
Ralf:@_@....I'm a happy tank...
Heidern:There! Ralf has been..uh..upgraded!
Leona:HE'S HOCKED UP ON SIX DOSES OF MORPHENE!!
Clark:Waaht's mohrpheen?
Ralf:Lalalelele...the treads on the meee gooo round and round...round and round...
(They make their way down the street)
(Kirsten hops out of the tank, the police cars have stopped chasing her and are surrounding the Denny's)
Kirsten:Maybe they won't know it was me driving the tank...
(She runs to the Denny's)
Kirsten:Is everyone okay??
Angel:We'sh fine.
Kula:'Cept for mister K'-kun....
K'9999:My..precious...(He grabs the purple vial and it busts and splashes on his metallic arm. It grows fleshy and huge.....)
(The Ikari Warriors are to the site where their rocket exploded)
Clark:(Walks over to a blue grand marquis, flipped and banged)Hoow about thees one? eet loohks kahnda lahk a tahnk...
Ralf:(Staggers over to the car)@_@yo...bro...(falls onto the hood of the car)how's it hangin? You're lookin' a little thin aroun' th' treads! duuuuuuuude! you got that paint job you always been wantin'! sweeeeeeeeeeeeee.....(He falls asleep)
Joey:Um...this is my car..
Heidern:Well, we're comandeering it. Give me the keys.
Leona:Commandeer? You mean steal?
Heidern:No, us army troopers don't "steal", we "commandeer". For example, last week I commandeered a snickers bar from the gas station.
Ralf:(He wakes up and staggers around)Hunh? Dudes, Where'd ya go? Oh, hey, wow...a tree...
Heidern:I said gimmie your keys!(He draws his gun)
Joey:Your safety's on.
Heidern:What?(He flips the gun around to check it.)
Joey:(He grabs the gun.)You're smarter than a normal soldier, you know that?
Leona:Please, don't worry about him..we need a vehicle. Apparently NESTS got a new base around here.
Ralf:(He stumbles over to the tree.)Man...this is a big tree..if it was made of wood instead of tree, I bet you could build a huuuuuge house outta it...(WHAM!! Ralf is hit by a white pontiac grand prix, owned by Joey's roommate Chris.)
Ralf:wheee....(He crawls out from behind the car.)
Chris:I think I just hit someone. I'd better make sure I get the car off him..(He shifts into reverse and backs over Ralf.)
Chris:Dammit, not again...(He gets out of his car to find an unconscious and parked-upon Ralf.)hey...damn...is that a glock-20?(He pulls a gun off of ralf's vest.)cool!
(Over at the wrecked Denny's, K'9999's arm has completely taken him over, and he is now a large fleshy-metallic blob. How original.)
Kirsten:Oh, my god! It's huge! Shingo, we have to stop it!
(The blob consumes Angel, and Kula runs away because I like her more)
Kula:EEEEEEEEEK!! K-kun!!!
(Kula runs over to Kirsten)
Kula:(Sniffles)Please, help me! I'm scared!
Kirsten:I don't know what i can do...
(Chris agrees to drive Joey and the Ikari warriors to the Denny's where the NESTS base was rumored to be located. When they arrive, they get out to see Kula crying to Kirsten.)
Heidern:My....god....
Leona:And you wasted our bazooka round!
Ralf:Oh, sheet.
Clark:Heeea! Dohn't maaak faahn af me!
Joey:Oh, jeezus...
Kirsten:Joey, how can we kill it?
(The blob consumes police cars and officers)
Joey:There's only one way...Mecha-Shingo, Final attack! Go!!
(Mecha-shingo runs up to the blob, which consumes him.)
Kirsten:NOOO!!!
Joey:Activate!!(The blob explodes, sending chunks everywhere)
Kirsten:no!!!!!!!!!! shingo!!!!
(She runs into the gook and cries.)
Joey:That's odd...hmm..
Heidern:well, he saved us. Um...i think.
(A form shuffles in the gooey stuff)
Kirsten:sh..shingo?
(Shingo stands up out of the mess, over 5 feet tall now and looking like normal shingo)
Shingo:Did..did I do well?
Kirsten:You can talk! you did great, shingo!
(She hugs him, and the damn fic ends! mwahahaha!)