Blurry 3/?
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave in Sunnydale. And Spike's back!
Rating: PG-13, for now
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many thanks to Mezz for her awesome work!
*************
It wasn't the same crypt he'd left behind. Sometime while he'd been gone, it had been
set right again. Scorch marks were gone. Ash and debris cleared out. And a broken
bookshelf and table held together by what appeared to be duct tape had taken residence.
It seemed that Clem had been busy.
But for all the cleaning that had occurred on the lower level, there was nothing down
there that was as comfy as his chair on the upper level. Here, he could sit and rest and
watch TV. At one time, his goal had been to get another TV for the downstairs. He had
imagined snuggling with Buffy and watching late night talk shows after patrolling. But
she'd blown that idea to pieces. And now, it seemed she'd blown all his other thoughts
and ideas about their current state into smithereens.
He didn't know what had happened last night. And he didn't like the fact that he had
been sitting here for the last few hours trying to figure it out. He was almost afraid that it
wasn't the soul feeling sorry for past deeds that made him contemplate life. No, it was
Buffy. He had come to the conclusion that her hot and cold actions towards him caused
the brooding.
No, his past was done with. And he couldn't do much about it, so what was the point of
feeling sorry over it. Okay, he was sorry, he just wasn't going to waste time over it. The
only thing he contemplated over and over again was Buffy. And it wasn't brooding.
Brooding was pondering things in despair, acting all gloomy. He was contemplating,
reflecting and planning. It was so much healthier. And he thought it had been for a good
cause.
His mind had raced through the gauntlet of scenarios he would face upon his return.
Finally, he had found the one that seemed the most likely. And he had planned what he
would say, what he would do. But it was all for naught.
He had never imagined that Buffy would want him to sit down beside her. He had
envisioned themselves on opposite sides, when they faced each other again. But instead,
she had seemed to forget about what had happened to them. Okay, maybe not forget,
since she said they had to talk. But she didn't seem angry, or out to dust him. Instead, it
seemed like she genuinely wanted to talk to him, carry on a conversation.
The Buffy he had faced last night, was foreign to him. Someone that cared about him,
missed him, wanted to talk to him. If she hadn't told him about Tara dying, he would
have thought he was in a perfect world. But no, he was back in Sunnydale, where things
had drastically changed. And he had no clue what to do now. A part of him was afraid
his relationship with Buffy would begin to mirror the past year. At first, it had been nice.
They had patrolled together, talked, spent time together. But when it became something
more, she had kicked him around and he had let her. He didn't think he could handle that
again. And he didn't want that, because they both deserved better.
But then again, maybe she had had time to think and really wanted something different
this time. He refused to get his hopes up, because for all he knew Buffy would show up
any minute and she would rip his heart apart once more and do the Mexican hat dance on
it.
Briefly he entertained the idea of talking to Dawn. It was quickly rejected. The way to
Buffy was definitely not through her sister and he was afraid there were already enough
problems between him and Dawn that Buffy would only complicate things. He'd left
behind a mess. A mess that maybe had halfway cleaned itself up without his help. But
now, he was left floundering in the waste, trying to find his way out without any help.
And he couldn't say he was extremely pleased with that.
It was kind of hard to find your way to shore, when you didn't know where the shore
was. And you weren't sure what awaited you once you reached there. But he should be
used to it. That seemed to describe his past with Buffy.
*************
Dawn watched Buffy reach for the coffee. It was the same routine every morning. Wait
to approach Buffy about something until the coffee was in her hand. Otherwise, the
answer was surely 'no,' even if you were asking if she wanted a million dollars. It didn't
matter if she drank the coffee or not, it just had to be in her hand. Dawn wondered if
osmosis was at play there?
Dawn had tried to drink coffee once. And she made it about halfway to her mouth with
the mug before it had been ripped out of her hands. Buffy had said it was for adults only
and besides, her growth would be stunted. She had that look in her eye that Mom had on
occasion. 'Don't even think of talking back, lest you want to lose your head. Merely
accept what I say.' But it didn't stop Dawn from thinking of her reply.
'Maybe that's what happened to you Buffy, drank coffee too early in life. But hey, I
think I could use some. Stunted growth is needed, especially when I grew another inch in
the last month.' But it was a lost cause. Coffee was not in her future. Milk or orange
juice was considered an acceptable breakfast beverage for her.
"Anya called while you were in the shower. She said she has a job prospect for you.
And she needs some help moving things about at the Magic Shoppe."
It seemed it was typical morning, Buffy thought. Anya calling the house about
something or another, and wanting her help. They never talked much when Buffy went
over to help Anya out. They would just swap niceties about the weather, Dawn, and
discuss the rebuilding of the Magic Shoppe. But it was nice to talk to another adult, to
have someone around that didn't listen to the Backstreet Boys. And she had a sneaking
suspicion that Anya kept changing her mind about where to put the counter that held the
register, just so Buffy would come by and she would have someone to talk to. So
wanting her to come over was nothing new. But the job thing was.
"I'll stop by and see her. Did she give you a clue what kind of job she had in mind.
Should I be scared or grateful?
"She's just trying to help."
"I know she is Dawn. And I appreciate it. I'm just not sure that her idea of a good job is
the same as mine. But I'm fairly certain that it's better than the Doublemeat."
"Anything is better than working there."
"Dawn, we need to talk."
The serious way Buffy said those five words convinced Dawn she'd done something
wrong. Summer school hadn't started yet, so it couldn't be related to that. She hadn't
tried to sneak around lately. She hadn't done anything and wasn't going to be blamed for
whatever had happened. "But I didn't do anything!"
"And I didn't say you did. Spike's back." Buffy just sat and waited for Dawn's reaction.
But there wasn't one. No expression, no comment. "He showed up a little after you went
inside last night."
Dawn wanted to dance a jig, but didn't think it was an appropriate reaction when Buffy
was sitting there with her serious face on. Spike was back and things could be fixed,
problems solved. Maybe then Buffy would quit thinking so much. She was afraid that
Buffy was starting to rival Angel in brooding.
Yeah, she knew things weren't going to be perfect. But she didn't think they could get
worse than they had already been. The only place to go was up. Except when Buffy had
this serious look on her face. She knew that Buffy had missed him and wanted to try and
fix things, so if she was all serious, it must not be good. But then again, sometimes
Buffy's judgment was a little skewed. And hey, even she knew that Buffy had faults and
sometimes her big epiphanies didn't stay with her. She just blurted out the worst possible
thing she could think of, within reason of course, because she didn't think Spike would
really hurt Buffy. "Is he stalking you again?"
"No. He's… he's different Dawn. He seemed broken to me. And for once in his life, he
wouldn't talk. You know how he normally won't ever shut up? He wasn't like that last
night. And before, he always wanted to talk about us. About our relationship. But not
last night."
"Did he say anything about me?" She hoped she projected the right amount of hope,
without appearing overly anxious. Things with Buffy had changed, and she paid more
attention to her now. Maybe when Spike was gone, he realized that he wanted to spend
more time with her as well.
"He asked how you were. And said he'd stop by and see you soon." Buffy could tell
how hopeful Dawn was. She made a mental note to herself to add it to the list of things
to talk to Spike about. Dawn time was a must. For both of them. And if she had to, she
could be devious and use Dawn time as a way of spending time with Spike.
The Spike that came back wasn't the same one she knew. He'd changed. Did he still
love her? Did he still want to spend time with her? Or was someone laughing at her
from up above, waiting for her to try and pursue Spike. Were the tables going to be
turned? She still wasn't quite sure what she wanted, but she knew it was something
better than what she had made it. And Spike had offered her something better at one
time. Who knew if it could ever happen now?
But a small part of her wanted to try it, even though it wouldn't be easy after all they had
been through. And that small part of her warred with the part that said it was wrong. In
the middle though, was a vast space that was empty, just waiting to be convinced at
which side to take. Slowly, though she thought it was starting to root for the possible-
boyfriend Spike side. She wondered if he still wanted that. He had at one time. But
what about now that she wanted to maybe try it on and see if it fit? With her luck, the
offer was now rescinded. And she would have no one to blame but herself.
"Hello. Earth to Buffy?"
"Huh?"
"I've been trying to talk to you, but you were all spaced out."
"Sorry."
"I know. You were thinking again. I said that I'm going over to Janice's today. Her
mom said she'd bring me home around six. Can you take me over?"
"Can't you get her to pick you up?"
"But you got your license."
"And I think Giles bribed the guy. Buffy and cars do not mix. You know that."
"Then why did you go and get it? And why do we still have Mom's car sitting in the
garage? Why haven't you sold it? You know we could use the money. Or, maybe
secretly you really want to drive."
"Do you really want to put your life in danger with me behind the wheel?"
"When you put it that way…."
"I'll think about selling car. But in the meantime, get ready. I need to get going, and if
you look presentable, I'll walk you over to Janice's."
"Buffy! It's daylight outside. I think I can walk by myself."
"Just thought you might want someone to talk to." Buffy waited to see if Dawn took her
up on the offer. But Dawn just met her with a look of fifteen year old determination.
"Okay, fine. But lock the door behind you."
"I know. And don't worry; I'll look both ways before crossing the street. And I won't
take any candy from strangers."
Dawn watched as Buffy left through the front door, shaking her head at Dawn's sarcasm.
She wondered if she had time to swing by Spike's crypt and still get to Janice's before
anyone would wonder where she was.
Trying to calculate the time in her head, she picked up the phone after the first ring. But
seeing Spike would have to wait for another day, as plans to be picked up and driven to
the mall were made.
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave in Sunnydale. And Spike's back!
Rating: PG-13, for now
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many thanks to Mezz for her awesome work!
*************
It wasn't the same crypt he'd left behind. Sometime while he'd been gone, it had been
set right again. Scorch marks were gone. Ash and debris cleared out. And a broken
bookshelf and table held together by what appeared to be duct tape had taken residence.
It seemed that Clem had been busy.
But for all the cleaning that had occurred on the lower level, there was nothing down
there that was as comfy as his chair on the upper level. Here, he could sit and rest and
watch TV. At one time, his goal had been to get another TV for the downstairs. He had
imagined snuggling with Buffy and watching late night talk shows after patrolling. But
she'd blown that idea to pieces. And now, it seemed she'd blown all his other thoughts
and ideas about their current state into smithereens.
He didn't know what had happened last night. And he didn't like the fact that he had
been sitting here for the last few hours trying to figure it out. He was almost afraid that it
wasn't the soul feeling sorry for past deeds that made him contemplate life. No, it was
Buffy. He had come to the conclusion that her hot and cold actions towards him caused
the brooding.
No, his past was done with. And he couldn't do much about it, so what was the point of
feeling sorry over it. Okay, he was sorry, he just wasn't going to waste time over it. The
only thing he contemplated over and over again was Buffy. And it wasn't brooding.
Brooding was pondering things in despair, acting all gloomy. He was contemplating,
reflecting and planning. It was so much healthier. And he thought it had been for a good
cause.
His mind had raced through the gauntlet of scenarios he would face upon his return.
Finally, he had found the one that seemed the most likely. And he had planned what he
would say, what he would do. But it was all for naught.
He had never imagined that Buffy would want him to sit down beside her. He had
envisioned themselves on opposite sides, when they faced each other again. But instead,
she had seemed to forget about what had happened to them. Okay, maybe not forget,
since she said they had to talk. But she didn't seem angry, or out to dust him. Instead, it
seemed like she genuinely wanted to talk to him, carry on a conversation.
The Buffy he had faced last night, was foreign to him. Someone that cared about him,
missed him, wanted to talk to him. If she hadn't told him about Tara dying, he would
have thought he was in a perfect world. But no, he was back in Sunnydale, where things
had drastically changed. And he had no clue what to do now. A part of him was afraid
his relationship with Buffy would begin to mirror the past year. At first, it had been nice.
They had patrolled together, talked, spent time together. But when it became something
more, she had kicked him around and he had let her. He didn't think he could handle that
again. And he didn't want that, because they both deserved better.
But then again, maybe she had had time to think and really wanted something different
this time. He refused to get his hopes up, because for all he knew Buffy would show up
any minute and she would rip his heart apart once more and do the Mexican hat dance on
it.
Briefly he entertained the idea of talking to Dawn. It was quickly rejected. The way to
Buffy was definitely not through her sister and he was afraid there were already enough
problems between him and Dawn that Buffy would only complicate things. He'd left
behind a mess. A mess that maybe had halfway cleaned itself up without his help. But
now, he was left floundering in the waste, trying to find his way out without any help.
And he couldn't say he was extremely pleased with that.
It was kind of hard to find your way to shore, when you didn't know where the shore
was. And you weren't sure what awaited you once you reached there. But he should be
used to it. That seemed to describe his past with Buffy.
*************
Dawn watched Buffy reach for the coffee. It was the same routine every morning. Wait
to approach Buffy about something until the coffee was in her hand. Otherwise, the
answer was surely 'no,' even if you were asking if she wanted a million dollars. It didn't
matter if she drank the coffee or not, it just had to be in her hand. Dawn wondered if
osmosis was at play there?
Dawn had tried to drink coffee once. And she made it about halfway to her mouth with
the mug before it had been ripped out of her hands. Buffy had said it was for adults only
and besides, her growth would be stunted. She had that look in her eye that Mom had on
occasion. 'Don't even think of talking back, lest you want to lose your head. Merely
accept what I say.' But it didn't stop Dawn from thinking of her reply.
'Maybe that's what happened to you Buffy, drank coffee too early in life. But hey, I
think I could use some. Stunted growth is needed, especially when I grew another inch in
the last month.' But it was a lost cause. Coffee was not in her future. Milk or orange
juice was considered an acceptable breakfast beverage for her.
"Anya called while you were in the shower. She said she has a job prospect for you.
And she needs some help moving things about at the Magic Shoppe."
It seemed it was typical morning, Buffy thought. Anya calling the house about
something or another, and wanting her help. They never talked much when Buffy went
over to help Anya out. They would just swap niceties about the weather, Dawn, and
discuss the rebuilding of the Magic Shoppe. But it was nice to talk to another adult, to
have someone around that didn't listen to the Backstreet Boys. And she had a sneaking
suspicion that Anya kept changing her mind about where to put the counter that held the
register, just so Buffy would come by and she would have someone to talk to. So
wanting her to come over was nothing new. But the job thing was.
"I'll stop by and see her. Did she give you a clue what kind of job she had in mind.
Should I be scared or grateful?
"She's just trying to help."
"I know she is Dawn. And I appreciate it. I'm just not sure that her idea of a good job is
the same as mine. But I'm fairly certain that it's better than the Doublemeat."
"Anything is better than working there."
"Dawn, we need to talk."
The serious way Buffy said those five words convinced Dawn she'd done something
wrong. Summer school hadn't started yet, so it couldn't be related to that. She hadn't
tried to sneak around lately. She hadn't done anything and wasn't going to be blamed for
whatever had happened. "But I didn't do anything!"
"And I didn't say you did. Spike's back." Buffy just sat and waited for Dawn's reaction.
But there wasn't one. No expression, no comment. "He showed up a little after you went
inside last night."
Dawn wanted to dance a jig, but didn't think it was an appropriate reaction when Buffy
was sitting there with her serious face on. Spike was back and things could be fixed,
problems solved. Maybe then Buffy would quit thinking so much. She was afraid that
Buffy was starting to rival Angel in brooding.
Yeah, she knew things weren't going to be perfect. But she didn't think they could get
worse than they had already been. The only place to go was up. Except when Buffy had
this serious look on her face. She knew that Buffy had missed him and wanted to try and
fix things, so if she was all serious, it must not be good. But then again, sometimes
Buffy's judgment was a little skewed. And hey, even she knew that Buffy had faults and
sometimes her big epiphanies didn't stay with her. She just blurted out the worst possible
thing she could think of, within reason of course, because she didn't think Spike would
really hurt Buffy. "Is he stalking you again?"
"No. He's… he's different Dawn. He seemed broken to me. And for once in his life, he
wouldn't talk. You know how he normally won't ever shut up? He wasn't like that last
night. And before, he always wanted to talk about us. About our relationship. But not
last night."
"Did he say anything about me?" She hoped she projected the right amount of hope,
without appearing overly anxious. Things with Buffy had changed, and she paid more
attention to her now. Maybe when Spike was gone, he realized that he wanted to spend
more time with her as well.
"He asked how you were. And said he'd stop by and see you soon." Buffy could tell
how hopeful Dawn was. She made a mental note to herself to add it to the list of things
to talk to Spike about. Dawn time was a must. For both of them. And if she had to, she
could be devious and use Dawn time as a way of spending time with Spike.
The Spike that came back wasn't the same one she knew. He'd changed. Did he still
love her? Did he still want to spend time with her? Or was someone laughing at her
from up above, waiting for her to try and pursue Spike. Were the tables going to be
turned? She still wasn't quite sure what she wanted, but she knew it was something
better than what she had made it. And Spike had offered her something better at one
time. Who knew if it could ever happen now?
But a small part of her wanted to try it, even though it wouldn't be easy after all they had
been through. And that small part of her warred with the part that said it was wrong. In
the middle though, was a vast space that was empty, just waiting to be convinced at
which side to take. Slowly, though she thought it was starting to root for the possible-
boyfriend Spike side. She wondered if he still wanted that. He had at one time. But
what about now that she wanted to maybe try it on and see if it fit? With her luck, the
offer was now rescinded. And she would have no one to blame but herself.
"Hello. Earth to Buffy?"
"Huh?"
"I've been trying to talk to you, but you were all spaced out."
"Sorry."
"I know. You were thinking again. I said that I'm going over to Janice's today. Her
mom said she'd bring me home around six. Can you take me over?"
"Can't you get her to pick you up?"
"But you got your license."
"And I think Giles bribed the guy. Buffy and cars do not mix. You know that."
"Then why did you go and get it? And why do we still have Mom's car sitting in the
garage? Why haven't you sold it? You know we could use the money. Or, maybe
secretly you really want to drive."
"Do you really want to put your life in danger with me behind the wheel?"
"When you put it that way…."
"I'll think about selling car. But in the meantime, get ready. I need to get going, and if
you look presentable, I'll walk you over to Janice's."
"Buffy! It's daylight outside. I think I can walk by myself."
"Just thought you might want someone to talk to." Buffy waited to see if Dawn took her
up on the offer. But Dawn just met her with a look of fifteen year old determination.
"Okay, fine. But lock the door behind you."
"I know. And don't worry; I'll look both ways before crossing the street. And I won't
take any candy from strangers."
Dawn watched as Buffy left through the front door, shaking her head at Dawn's sarcasm.
She wondered if she had time to swing by Spike's crypt and still get to Janice's before
anyone would wonder where she was.
Trying to calculate the time in her head, she picked up the phone after the first ring. But
seeing Spike would have to wait for another day, as plans to be picked up and driven to
the mall were made.