Blurry 4/?
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave in Sunnydale. And Spike's back!
Rating: PG, for now
Disclaimers: Nothing belongs to me I only wish they did, because then I wouldn't be
dragging myself to school everyday and facing repaying lots of loans back.
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
**************
Buffy found Anya, along with Clem, huddled over a bunch of books. It wasn't unusual
for Clem to be at the Magic Shoppe. However, he was usually only there at nights. The
building had been in shambles after Willow's destruction, but surprisingly a lot of the
stock had been spared. Most of the books were fine, after they had picked them up off of
the floor. Somehow, all the words had returned to their pages. She had asked for an
explanation, but twenty seconds after Giles had started to explain, she tuned him out.
Nothing that was breakable had made it through the storm. But herbs, eyeballs, mummy
hands, and whatever else that Anya kept behind the counter and in the basement were
fine. And it seemed that Anya kept most of the expensive goods down in the basement.
Since the store wasn't secure, Anya had hired Clem to stay there at nights and watch over
everything. And Clem had apologized profusely for taking Dawn to Rack's. He had
tried to make amends by offering to fix her dinner, but she had passed upon the gourmet
meal of liverwurst and cheese doodles. She wasn't as upset as she should be, since she
knew how Dawn could be. And no male could resist when Dawn turned her big green
eyes upon him. Spike, Xander, Giles, and Clem all seemed to be under Dawn's spell.
"Buffy! I'm so glad you're here. Wait till you hear the idea I have."
Buffy wondered if it resembled the idea of charging the citizens of Sunnydale for
preemptively saving them. Actually it wasn't a bad idea, just not a feasible one. Too bad
she couldn't do a 'Peter Parker' and earn money that way. But for that to happen,
Sunnydale would have to open their eyes and realize that vampires and demons roamed
about.
"Is it about the job?"
"One of them. You're going to love it! And all the credit goes to Clem."
"Well I just made a suggestion. You're the one that ran with it."
"But without you Clem, I never would have been able to make all these plans. Picture
this Buffy. Lots of money."
Anya beamed at her, waiting for her reply. Buffy though that if she had as much money
as Anya did, she would beam too. "Money's good. I could always use more money."
"We're going to make a fortune."
"I gotta go," Clem interrupted. "I'll think about what other stock you might want to carry
and let you know tomorrow."
"Thanks for watching the store Clem. You know I don't just trust anyone with watching
the store and my money."
Buffy watched Anya and Clem head towards the basement. He always used the tunnels
to get from the crypt to here. She wondered if he knew Spike was back. He could have
been back for a week already and she was just finding out.
"Anya. Are you going to tell me what great job ideas you have for me?"
"We're going to run a store for demons!"
"Huh?"
"Think about it Buffy. Demons need magic supplies and other stuff, just like we do.
Unfortunately, most of them can't get what they need and they pay exorbitant prices on
the black market. So if we open the Magic Shoppe after hours two nights a month to
them, we can make a killing."
"I thought we agreed that I wasn't shop girl material."
"You're the bouncer. Clem, Dawn and I will take care of the customers. You'll keep all
the customers in line. We'll need to get you a partner. Someone I can trust. Keep an eye
out for any demons that look trustworthy and don't kill them till I can talk to them and
see if they are interested in a job."
"Spike's back. Maybe he could help out. I'm sure he'd like the money. Because I'm
sure the pay is going to very high." Buffy made sure to stress the words 'very high.' She
wanted to make sure that Anya was aware that she wouldn't get away with paying them
minimum wage. But she could probably suck it up and work for minimum wage if she
could convince Spike to help out. Actually the part-time job would probably be right up
his alley. Possible violence, a little money, and spending time with her. Okay, the last
one might not work anymore, but the other two would probably be good incentives for
him.
"Is that why you look like shit?"
"Excuse me?"
"Not that your outfit isn't very nice, because it is. And you tried hard, but I can see that
you still look very tired and your hair just has a limp look to it. Was Spike giving you
lots of orgasms last night? Is that why you didn't get any sleep? But most people look
nice and fresh, very relaxed when they receive orgasms. At least I always did."
"Anya, what Spike and I had is over."
"Oh, so you just couldn't sleep because you were thinking about him all night. I did that
when I was falling in love with Xander. But of course now I wish I hadn't wasted that
time on him."
Buffy tried to block out the 'falling in love' part. She was just admitting to herself that
she missed the guy and wanted to explore something more with him. She wasn't thinking
about love right now. "Do you regret what you had with Xander? Would you ever get
back with him?"
"Do I regret it? No, because then I wouldn't have the store or you as my friend. Do I
wish I hadn't gone through all that pain? Yes. But I learned from it. I learned that
someone has to accept all of me. And if they won't, they don't love me."
That made sense to Buffy. She wanted someone who could accept her and the slayer.
Someone she didn't have to hide from. And she figured that went both ways. She would
have to accept all the qualities of anyone she dated, or was even friends with. "You mean
the demon part of you and your human qualities?"
"Yes. Is this about Spike? You know I have no feelings for him at all. It was nothing.
Just two people comforting each other. And he was very comforting. And I wouldn't
mind that kind of comfort again. But not from him Buffy. And if I had known that you
two were together, or had really been together, it never would have happened. I didn't
want to hurt you. You believe me right? We're still friends?"
"I believe you Anya. And yeah, we're still friends."
"Cause I would hate me, if I were you. I mean, I broke one of the rules in the girlfriend
rule book. It must have hurt you a lot."
"We weren't together. We were never really together. At least not the way couples
should be. And I don't hate you. That doesn't mean that I don't have some bad feelings
about it that I need to work through myself, but I don't hate you."
"That's good then. Just make sure you let me know about any more of your orgasm
buddies, so that I don't break any more rules. Can we get back to Spike now? I want to
know how you feel about his demon."
"Do you think you can find someone who will embrace all of you? Do you think they
will be able to understand your need for vengeance?"
"Oh, I don't have a need for vengeance. I just have a need to help women that hurt, and
let them wreak their own vengeance. But I've been rather busy lately and the vengeance
demon thingy has faltered. But if someone couldn't love all of me, veiny face and all,
then they really didn't know me. So what about you and Spike?"
"But what about all your years of hurting people? How can you expect them to forget
that? Are you sorry?"
"I never thought about it before. It's just what demons do. Is that the problem with you
and Spike? Can you not forget what he did? Is the problem that he isn't sorry?"
"Maybe part of it. How can I trust him if he gets the chip out? And what if I do trust him
and he betrays that trust? What do I do then?"
"I trusted Xander. But just because of him, that doesn't mean I won't trust the next man
that comes around. This time I'll just make sure I know him better. This time maybe
we'll make less with the orgasms and more with the talking… or do both."
"But how do I trust Spike? Could you ever trust Xander again, not to break your heart?"
"Xander wouldn't lower himself to be with me again. He's a speciest. And as for Spike.
If you didn't already trust him at least a little, would you be questioning how you can
trust him? Would you be scared that he would betray it? I don't think so. I think you
wouldn't give another thought about him, if he didn't mean anything and if you weren't
afraid. So… you and Spike. I'll have to find someone and we can double date."
As Anya continued on, about trying to find someone to date, Buffy tuned her out. Anya
had given her some pretty good insight into what she would have to do, to have any type
of relationship with Spike. And she was right. She did trust Spike and that was scarier
than anything else, because she didn't know the last time she had really trusted anyone.
When Glory had been around, Spike was the only one she had trusted to take care of
Dawn. To protect her. She didn't trust Giles, Willow, or Xander. No, only Spike. And
it was scary, to think that something would happen and she couldn't trust him.
And she wanted someone to accept all of her. Spike probably wanted the same thing and
she had hurt him when she couldn't accept all of him. All she had ever wanted him for
was to help her. But she'd taken that help and thrown it back in his face. What had she
ever offered him?
*************
Sitting up, he didn't know where he was, what he was doing. But then it came back to
him. He was in Sunnydale. In his crypt. He wasn't hiding in some cave or abandoned
building, trying to escape from sunlight. No, he was home. And the banging down
below is what had woken him from slumber.
One floppy hand appeared in his view, then another, followed by Clem. Who then gave a
big shout at seeing Spike and fell back down the ladder. It seemed Clem was still
frightened easily. At least some things remained the same.
"Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."
"No, it's okay. I just didn't know you were back. Good to see you. How long you been
back?"
"I got in last night. I saw Buffy and then came here."
"She didn't say anything about seeing you."
"You've seen Buffy this morning?"
"At the Magic Shoppe. She came in to talk to Anya. I've been helping them out, looking
after the place since it was busted up."
"The shop was wrecked?"
"The red headed witch… Willow, she tore the place. They're rebuilding and needed
someone to watch things at night. You sure missed out on a lot while you were gone.
Just a day after you left, Buffy came looking for you, needing your help."
"My help?"
"She had Dawn with her. Wanted you to watch her, keep her safe. She missed you. At
least I think she missed you. Sometimes it's hard to read things with her. I don't think
I've ever seen anyone so closed off from her feelings, like she is. And you know how
Vlarikonov demons are. No feelings, no thoughts. Well, she's way above them."
"Buffy hasn't had it easy. What did she do with Dawn?"
"She stayed here with me. And then we got into lots of trouble, because she told me that
you would take her to Rack's."
Spike continued to listen all that happened in the forty-eight hours after he left. The
terror, the mayhem that had followed his departure. He knew he wouldn't have been able
to prevent it, but if he had been here he could have done something. At least he could
have kept Dawn safe. He could have helped Buffy that way.
"So the watcher took Willow to England? He actually thinks they can help her?"
"They're supposed to remove all her powers. And Xander went with them. You know, if
he had cared about Anya the way he does Willow, he never would have run out on his
own wedding. Anya's absolutely wonderful. And did you know she's a demon now?"
"Yeah, I knew. That boy never did have any sense."
"So you're back now and souled up. Do you feel better now? Do you really think that
you and Buffy are going to work now? Like I told you, she has issues."
"I don't know about Buffy and I, but I know a little more about me now. I've changed
Clem and things aren't going to be the same."
"You seem the same to me."
"I'm not evil anymore. I'm not the big bad."
"Hate to break it to you Spike, old buddy, nobody was scared of you because we thought
you were evil. We were scared because you're one of the good guys."
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave in Sunnydale. And Spike's back!
Rating: PG, for now
Disclaimers: Nothing belongs to me I only wish they did, because then I wouldn't be
dragging myself to school everyday and facing repaying lots of loans back.
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
**************
Buffy found Anya, along with Clem, huddled over a bunch of books. It wasn't unusual
for Clem to be at the Magic Shoppe. However, he was usually only there at nights. The
building had been in shambles after Willow's destruction, but surprisingly a lot of the
stock had been spared. Most of the books were fine, after they had picked them up off of
the floor. Somehow, all the words had returned to their pages. She had asked for an
explanation, but twenty seconds after Giles had started to explain, she tuned him out.
Nothing that was breakable had made it through the storm. But herbs, eyeballs, mummy
hands, and whatever else that Anya kept behind the counter and in the basement were
fine. And it seemed that Anya kept most of the expensive goods down in the basement.
Since the store wasn't secure, Anya had hired Clem to stay there at nights and watch over
everything. And Clem had apologized profusely for taking Dawn to Rack's. He had
tried to make amends by offering to fix her dinner, but she had passed upon the gourmet
meal of liverwurst and cheese doodles. She wasn't as upset as she should be, since she
knew how Dawn could be. And no male could resist when Dawn turned her big green
eyes upon him. Spike, Xander, Giles, and Clem all seemed to be under Dawn's spell.
"Buffy! I'm so glad you're here. Wait till you hear the idea I have."
Buffy wondered if it resembled the idea of charging the citizens of Sunnydale for
preemptively saving them. Actually it wasn't a bad idea, just not a feasible one. Too bad
she couldn't do a 'Peter Parker' and earn money that way. But for that to happen,
Sunnydale would have to open their eyes and realize that vampires and demons roamed
about.
"Is it about the job?"
"One of them. You're going to love it! And all the credit goes to Clem."
"Well I just made a suggestion. You're the one that ran with it."
"But without you Clem, I never would have been able to make all these plans. Picture
this Buffy. Lots of money."
Anya beamed at her, waiting for her reply. Buffy though that if she had as much money
as Anya did, she would beam too. "Money's good. I could always use more money."
"We're going to make a fortune."
"I gotta go," Clem interrupted. "I'll think about what other stock you might want to carry
and let you know tomorrow."
"Thanks for watching the store Clem. You know I don't just trust anyone with watching
the store and my money."
Buffy watched Anya and Clem head towards the basement. He always used the tunnels
to get from the crypt to here. She wondered if he knew Spike was back. He could have
been back for a week already and she was just finding out.
"Anya. Are you going to tell me what great job ideas you have for me?"
"We're going to run a store for demons!"
"Huh?"
"Think about it Buffy. Demons need magic supplies and other stuff, just like we do.
Unfortunately, most of them can't get what they need and they pay exorbitant prices on
the black market. So if we open the Magic Shoppe after hours two nights a month to
them, we can make a killing."
"I thought we agreed that I wasn't shop girl material."
"You're the bouncer. Clem, Dawn and I will take care of the customers. You'll keep all
the customers in line. We'll need to get you a partner. Someone I can trust. Keep an eye
out for any demons that look trustworthy and don't kill them till I can talk to them and
see if they are interested in a job."
"Spike's back. Maybe he could help out. I'm sure he'd like the money. Because I'm
sure the pay is going to very high." Buffy made sure to stress the words 'very high.' She
wanted to make sure that Anya was aware that she wouldn't get away with paying them
minimum wage. But she could probably suck it up and work for minimum wage if she
could convince Spike to help out. Actually the part-time job would probably be right up
his alley. Possible violence, a little money, and spending time with her. Okay, the last
one might not work anymore, but the other two would probably be good incentives for
him.
"Is that why you look like shit?"
"Excuse me?"
"Not that your outfit isn't very nice, because it is. And you tried hard, but I can see that
you still look very tired and your hair just has a limp look to it. Was Spike giving you
lots of orgasms last night? Is that why you didn't get any sleep? But most people look
nice and fresh, very relaxed when they receive orgasms. At least I always did."
"Anya, what Spike and I had is over."
"Oh, so you just couldn't sleep because you were thinking about him all night. I did that
when I was falling in love with Xander. But of course now I wish I hadn't wasted that
time on him."
Buffy tried to block out the 'falling in love' part. She was just admitting to herself that
she missed the guy and wanted to explore something more with him. She wasn't thinking
about love right now. "Do you regret what you had with Xander? Would you ever get
back with him?"
"Do I regret it? No, because then I wouldn't have the store or you as my friend. Do I
wish I hadn't gone through all that pain? Yes. But I learned from it. I learned that
someone has to accept all of me. And if they won't, they don't love me."
That made sense to Buffy. She wanted someone who could accept her and the slayer.
Someone she didn't have to hide from. And she figured that went both ways. She would
have to accept all the qualities of anyone she dated, or was even friends with. "You mean
the demon part of you and your human qualities?"
"Yes. Is this about Spike? You know I have no feelings for him at all. It was nothing.
Just two people comforting each other. And he was very comforting. And I wouldn't
mind that kind of comfort again. But not from him Buffy. And if I had known that you
two were together, or had really been together, it never would have happened. I didn't
want to hurt you. You believe me right? We're still friends?"
"I believe you Anya. And yeah, we're still friends."
"Cause I would hate me, if I were you. I mean, I broke one of the rules in the girlfriend
rule book. It must have hurt you a lot."
"We weren't together. We were never really together. At least not the way couples
should be. And I don't hate you. That doesn't mean that I don't have some bad feelings
about it that I need to work through myself, but I don't hate you."
"That's good then. Just make sure you let me know about any more of your orgasm
buddies, so that I don't break any more rules. Can we get back to Spike now? I want to
know how you feel about his demon."
"Do you think you can find someone who will embrace all of you? Do you think they
will be able to understand your need for vengeance?"
"Oh, I don't have a need for vengeance. I just have a need to help women that hurt, and
let them wreak their own vengeance. But I've been rather busy lately and the vengeance
demon thingy has faltered. But if someone couldn't love all of me, veiny face and all,
then they really didn't know me. So what about you and Spike?"
"But what about all your years of hurting people? How can you expect them to forget
that? Are you sorry?"
"I never thought about it before. It's just what demons do. Is that the problem with you
and Spike? Can you not forget what he did? Is the problem that he isn't sorry?"
"Maybe part of it. How can I trust him if he gets the chip out? And what if I do trust him
and he betrays that trust? What do I do then?"
"I trusted Xander. But just because of him, that doesn't mean I won't trust the next man
that comes around. This time I'll just make sure I know him better. This time maybe
we'll make less with the orgasms and more with the talking… or do both."
"But how do I trust Spike? Could you ever trust Xander again, not to break your heart?"
"Xander wouldn't lower himself to be with me again. He's a speciest. And as for Spike.
If you didn't already trust him at least a little, would you be questioning how you can
trust him? Would you be scared that he would betray it? I don't think so. I think you
wouldn't give another thought about him, if he didn't mean anything and if you weren't
afraid. So… you and Spike. I'll have to find someone and we can double date."
As Anya continued on, about trying to find someone to date, Buffy tuned her out. Anya
had given her some pretty good insight into what she would have to do, to have any type
of relationship with Spike. And she was right. She did trust Spike and that was scarier
than anything else, because she didn't know the last time she had really trusted anyone.
When Glory had been around, Spike was the only one she had trusted to take care of
Dawn. To protect her. She didn't trust Giles, Willow, or Xander. No, only Spike. And
it was scary, to think that something would happen and she couldn't trust him.
And she wanted someone to accept all of her. Spike probably wanted the same thing and
she had hurt him when she couldn't accept all of him. All she had ever wanted him for
was to help her. But she'd taken that help and thrown it back in his face. What had she
ever offered him?
*************
Sitting up, he didn't know where he was, what he was doing. But then it came back to
him. He was in Sunnydale. In his crypt. He wasn't hiding in some cave or abandoned
building, trying to escape from sunlight. No, he was home. And the banging down
below is what had woken him from slumber.
One floppy hand appeared in his view, then another, followed by Clem. Who then gave a
big shout at seeing Spike and fell back down the ladder. It seemed Clem was still
frightened easily. At least some things remained the same.
"Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."
"No, it's okay. I just didn't know you were back. Good to see you. How long you been
back?"
"I got in last night. I saw Buffy and then came here."
"She didn't say anything about seeing you."
"You've seen Buffy this morning?"
"At the Magic Shoppe. She came in to talk to Anya. I've been helping them out, looking
after the place since it was busted up."
"The shop was wrecked?"
"The red headed witch… Willow, she tore the place. They're rebuilding and needed
someone to watch things at night. You sure missed out on a lot while you were gone.
Just a day after you left, Buffy came looking for you, needing your help."
"My help?"
"She had Dawn with her. Wanted you to watch her, keep her safe. She missed you. At
least I think she missed you. Sometimes it's hard to read things with her. I don't think
I've ever seen anyone so closed off from her feelings, like she is. And you know how
Vlarikonov demons are. No feelings, no thoughts. Well, she's way above them."
"Buffy hasn't had it easy. What did she do with Dawn?"
"She stayed here with me. And then we got into lots of trouble, because she told me that
you would take her to Rack's."
Spike continued to listen all that happened in the forty-eight hours after he left. The
terror, the mayhem that had followed his departure. He knew he wouldn't have been able
to prevent it, but if he had been here he could have done something. At least he could
have kept Dawn safe. He could have helped Buffy that way.
"So the watcher took Willow to England? He actually thinks they can help her?"
"They're supposed to remove all her powers. And Xander went with them. You know, if
he had cared about Anya the way he does Willow, he never would have run out on his
own wedding. Anya's absolutely wonderful. And did you know she's a demon now?"
"Yeah, I knew. That boy never did have any sense."
"So you're back now and souled up. Do you feel better now? Do you really think that
you and Buffy are going to work now? Like I told you, she has issues."
"I don't know about Buffy and I, but I know a little more about me now. I've changed
Clem and things aren't going to be the same."
"You seem the same to me."
"I'm not evil anymore. I'm not the big bad."
"Hate to break it to you Spike, old buddy, nobody was scared of you because we thought
you were evil. We were scared because you're one of the good guys."