Lesson from the Past
Pre-TPM. Obi-Wan questions Qui-Gon about his former master.
Obi-Wan sat on the balcony of the apartment he shared with his master. In the distance, the sun began dipping behind the far off buildings, but the padawan was more focused on Qui-Gon. His master had his eyes closed and seemed to be deep in thought. Obi-Wan could sense that the man's mind was clear. The young padawan approached the subject he was about to tackle, carefully.
"Master?"
Qui-Gon responded without opening his eyes. "Yes, Padawan?"
"Why don't you speak of your own master much?"
The question had caught him off guard and he turned his head towards his apprentice, but not far enough to make eye contact. "It's just something I have chosen to keep to myself." Qui-Gon paused, past images suddenly consuming his consciousness. Swirling around in his mind. And then a thought. Perhaps it was time he allowed Obi-Wan in to some of those memories of his apprenticeship that he'd kept hidden for so many years. After a few minutes of silence, he decided that it was time. "He and I were very much alike in some ways, but I rarely agreed with this methods. His ideas where unique, but his actions sometimes went to far. Why do you ask?"
The young man sighed as he sat forward on the soft bench. "I ran into him today in the hall. He mentioned that he'd spoken to you recently and that you had told him how well I was doing. He said you spoke very highly of me."
"Yes, I did as a matter of fact. Does that surprise you?"
"It's not that, Master. It's just...I am curious is all. Each time he sees me, he mentions how much you think of me. I just wonder why you don't seem to share a closer bond with him than you do. You never speak of him, and he rarely directs his conversations towards you. I thought it a bit odd is all. I would assume that your relationship would continue after you had become knighted and then a master."
By now Qui-Gon had moved from the bench to the railing. He stood with arms spread wide and his hands on the rail. "He was a good master, Obi-Wan. But he was...difficult. His views on even the most basic issues were often trivial to me. It seemed he enjoyed going against all that the Jedi had worked to achieve. He and the council clashed often. And he many times dismissed himself from their chambers suddenly and without warning. Leaving me in an uncomfortable position. I believe I lost count of how many times I was left standing before them after he had decided to walk out on a meeting. I was there, a student, alone. Standing with the entire council staring at me. It can be nerve wracking for an apprentice of any age. Eventually I got used to it, but it was an uneasy time for me. He's was and is a great Jedi and a brilliant thinker, but his methods are unorthodox to say the least."
A small crooked smile crossed the padawan's face as the word 'unorthodox' was voiced. How many times in his nine years as Qui-Gon's apprentice had Obi-Wan thought the same about his master. Qui-Gon glanced back at Obi-Wan, knowing exactly what he was thinking.
"Yes, Obi-Wan. I know. I can be a bit unorthodox myself sometimes. Trust me, however when I say that my ways carry little weight when is comes to what Master Dooku was capable of. I think the council eventually tired of his ways and they did not encourage him to take another apprentice once I was knighted."
Obi-Wan came to stand next to Qui-Gon. "He's not at the temple much anymore, is he?"
"No, from what I gather he requests missions that keep him away for long periods of time. Other Jedi have never welcomed his ideas and he does very much prefer to work alone. Even when he was training me, I can only recall several times that we were sent out with another master/padawan team. And I would also assume that his current missions are not politically focused. He's never trusted politicians and tends to refer to all of them as corrupt, regardless of what he knows about them."
"He has little trust for anyone," Obi-Wan said with a short sarcastic laugh.
"So you see," Qui-Gon continued as he moved from the balcony and into the common area of the apartment, "why he's not a fond topic of our conversations."
"Do you regret that you had a master with such radical views?"
Qui-Gon handed Obi-Wan a cup of hot tea as they sat on the couch. "No, I don't think so. I learned a great deal from Dooku. It was a good experience for me to train under such a man. And as much of him as you might think you see in me after this discussion, let me tell you that I also knew when to step back and not follow his every direction. I knew some of his ways were wrong, and I learned from that as well. As you have probably done with my teachings." He smiled at his student as Obi-Wan looked down at the cup in his hands.
"I have learned a great deal from you, Master. I am very proud to be your apprentice"
"And you have also discovered ways that you will not handle situations as well. From just watching how I deal with them. Correct?"
Obi-Wan refused to look up. He sipped on his tea quietly.
"I'm not criticizing you for that, Padawan. That's a normal part of learning. With Master Dooku however, things were a bit more extreme. Some of his actions were more to benefit himself than those we were helping. Dooku was and still is a very idealistic man. He has and will always follow his own path." He put a hand on Obi-Wan's knee and patted it softly. "Anything else you wish to know?"
The young knight shied away briefly, thinking his master might be a bit irritated with his prying into a past life that he'd never talked about before. "I'm sorry, Master, no."
"Don't worry, Obi-Wan. Just because this is something that I've chosen not to speak of much does not mean that it's something you should be afraid to ask me about. Most knights have good relationships with their teachers after the trials. Master Dooku and I are still friendly and I do seek him out on occasion. But the bond he and I had was and is not as satisfying as what you and I share. As you've gotten older, I've come to consider you more a friend than just an apprentice. I look forward to the days when you take a padawan of your own and come to me for advice or guidance. I also look forward to the times when you and I can just sit and talk, as we are now."
Obi-Wan finally caught Qui-Gon's gaze. "I would very much enjoy that as well, Master. Perhaps we will even work together on a mission once I am knighted." He paused a moment before continuing. "And I do admit, I will need your guidance when I decide that the time is right for me to take an apprentice. Just the thought of being completely responsible for a young life, raising and training them, is overwhelming."
"Wait until you've raised three of them," Qui-Gon laughed. "Although it does get a bit easier. You have been a great joy for me to train, despite our differences. I foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan. You are a wise and very bright student. It has been my privilege to be your teacher. You are more a son to me than an apprentice. I never felt that with my old master. He was to concerned with is own ideas to allow himself to get to close to me. That feeling of family was lost on me. He cared about me, of that I have no doubt. But the closeness that I feel for you, I don't think ever existed between Master Dooku and myself."
Gathering the now empty cups, Qui-Gon walked into the kitchen area and placed them in the sink. He looked across the room and met Obi-Wan's eyes. "I shall miss you when you are knighted, Obi-Wan. I will miss your constant presence in my life. But I know that I have taught you all that I can. And I know that you will honor your training."
"Master," Obi-Wan said as he approached the area where Qui-Gon stood, "as much as I'd like to think I am ready for my trials now, I know I have much to learn. And you still have much to teach me. But as you are always quick to remind me, we should focus on the present."
"Yes, my padawan, we should. And you should be off to bed. We leave early tomorrow morning for a new mission. We both need to be rested." He moved closer to Obi-Wan and draped an arm around his shoulders, squeezing gently. "My life with my former master is in the past. Perhaps one day in the future he and I will make amends for differences that took place long ago. Until then, I will enjoy the one who I consider to be my family."
A small blush reddened Obi-Wan face briefly as he realized the depth of his master's statement. "Thank you, Master. You are my family."
Qui-Gon's eyes lit with pride as he ushered Obi-Wan in the direction of the young man's bedroom. "Get some sleep, Padawan. I will see you in the morning, bright and early."
"But not to early, Master. You know how much I hate flying when I am groggy," the boy laughed and disappeared into his room."
The master was left alone, chuckling quietly under his breath. His mind wandered back once again to his days with Master Dooku. He didn't recall ever being as lighthearted as Obi-Wan seemed to be at times. Perhaps it was because of his former teacher's inability to enjoy the small pleasures in life. Or his unwillingness to allow himself to form a closer bond with his apprentice. Perhaps it was his lack of trust in anything but himself. Qui-Gon realized that he was glad of everything that Dooku had taught him. And he learned from those issues that he and his master did not agree on. He applied the opposite to his teachings with Obi-Wan. And the end result was a solid, respecting and close bond that he and Obi-Wan shared.
Qui-Gon knew he didn't regret the years he trained with Dooku, but he was determined that their sometimes strained relationship would never interfere how he and Obi-Wan related. And how he chose to teach his apprentice. He also knew that Dooku's influence on him was evident. But he never allowed himself to follow it blindly. Where Dooku was led by his beliefs, Qui-Gon was led by the Force. And to the best of his ability, he would be sure that the path he lay down for Obi-Wan and the memories that he would leave him with were so much more than what he remembered as an apprentice.
END