Blurry 9/?
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave. Everyone's back in Sunnydale and coping with the
fallout of the last year.
Rating: PG-13, for now
Disclaimers: Not mine, it's all Joss'.
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
Distribution: Please ask.
*************
As Buffy made her way up the steps towards Xander's apartment, she thought back on the
previous evening. Spike had stayed about an hour, sitting on the couch beside her. Just
answering questions and sitting in silence. It was only when she had yawned five times
in a row that he had made his exit. She didn't tell him that she'd go up to bed, lie down,
and then think about him. She'd mull over every word he said, every look. And she'd try
to figure out if he had snuck any peeks at her while she wasn't looking at him.
She had noticed the way his eyelashes curved against his cheeks, when he briefly shut his
eyes. The way his head tilted when he paused to form the words he would say. The way
his body visibly relaxed into the couch, as time had passed. He wasn't comfortable with
her. He had seemed to be on pins and needles, waiting for something to happen. Waiting
for her to happen. And she couldn't blame him.
They hadn't had a real conversation in a long time. If ever. The time they had spent
together, before the sex had started, had been all about her. He hadn't complained. He
had seemed happy to take any crumb she would give him. She was the one that talked.
And it was all about herself. She really hadn't wanted to know his thoughts or opinions.
Or know anything about Spike.
He didn't seem willing to take that crumb anymore. And he seemed leery of her offering
more. It was as though he couldn't trust her. But maybe as their talk had worn on, he had
trusted her a little more. He became a little more forthcoming, a little more relaxed. And
having her interested in him, asking about him, had seemed to do the trick. She had to
remember that it wasn't all about her, as much as she wanted it to be. As much as she
wanted this visit with Willow and Xander to be all about her, it wasn't.
They all seemed to have their demons they would have to work through on this visit.
Hers was just literally, a demon. She didn't know what to expect from Willow. But she
knew what words would be thrown at her from Xander. And she really didn't know what
to say back. She couldn't change his opinion. Angel had had a soul and Xander had
never liked or trusted him. There was no way he was ever going to accept Spike. She
knew that. She just hoped she could get him to tolerate Spike. To leave him alone. And
to let her live her life the way she wanted.
Wrapping one arm tightly around the paper bag of food in her arms, holding on so it
didn't slip, she quickly knocked with the other hand. And waited. She was about to
pound on the door again, when it opened.
"Buffy." Willow's arms pulled her inside.
Luggage was scattered across the floor of Xander's apartment that they had to maneuver
around. She took in the couch, which had blankets and a pillow on it. "Did I wake you
up? I didn't mean to. I'm sure you need your sleep."
"Don't be silly. I needed to get up. And besides, we can talk before Xander gets up. He's
trying to catch up on his sleep and get readjusted, since he has to go back to work
tomorrow."
"Let me put this stuff away." The refrigerator was empty, except for beer and now the
sandwiches and soda. They looked so lonely sitting there. Kind of the way she was
feeling now. She felt alone. She felt like she had to carry on a conversation with her best
friend, that she was afraid she didn't know anymore. Last night talking with Spike had
been hard, but she hadn't felt awkward about it. Not like this.
"I see you found some of the stuff I dropped off here." Buffy indicated the pajamas
Willow was wearing. She remembered folding them up and putting them in a box, when
she and Dawn had cleaned out her room. "I'm sorry that…." She didn't know what to
say.
"It's okay. I understand, I think. It's kinda awkward, huh?"
"Yeah. Do you know where you're going to go? Or are you gonna stay here?"
"Xander wants me to stay. But I think I need to be out on my own. A summer session
starts in two weeks. I'm gonna see if there are any dorm rooms left for the summer. I
haven't thought much beyond that."
"That's good. Getting back with the school thing. I have more stuff, but I didn't want to
clutter Xander's floor up with all the boxes. Just let me know when you want them."
"What about Tara's stuff?"
"Anya has her stuff. Some stuff got sent back to her family, but Anya kept things that
she thought were important. Are you okay?"
Willow knew what she meant. She could see that it hurt Buffy to talk about it. If anyone
knew how she felt, it was probably Buffy. She'd had to kill Angel herself. She knew
what it was like, having to try to move on after having someone you loved died. If
anyone would understand her need for trying to figure things out, it would be Buffy. But
Willow didn't think that running away to LA was in the cards for her. She'd figure it out
here in Sunnydale. "I'm getting there. You know how it is."
She did know. She knew all too well. Angel had left, by her own hand. Willow might
not have killed Tara, but she still felt the pain. Pain that would slowly fade till it was just
an ache. "Yeah. But you look good."
"I feel good. I do. At least right now. Ask me later tonight though."
"Changes all the time, huh?"
"Yeah. But what about you? What have you been up to?"
"Helping Anya get the shop ready to open. And looking for a job are the main things."
"No more burgers?"
"They do eventually fire you, if you skip out on work enough times."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not all your fault. And besides, it wasn't the best place to work. The hours, the pay.
I'm sure I can find something else. And Spike was right, it was slowly killing me."
"How is Spike? I thought he had left. Or that's what Xander said."
"He did. But he's back now."
Willow had questions, but she didn't know if she should address them. And she really
didn't feel as if she had a right to pry into Buffy's life right now. But she remembered
what Tara had said, that Buffy hadn't told her because of the way she would react, or look
at her. She didn't want that. Buffy was being supportive of her and she would be
supportive of Buffy, whatever she needed. "Buffy, Xander said a lot of things about
Spike. And you."
She had wondered what Xander had said. Who he'd run his mouth off to. And she wasn't
surprised. The only thing she was surprised about, was that Angel hadn't shown up. She
knew Xander hated him, but she would have figured he would have called him just so
that Angel could come and take care of Spike. But hopefully that wouldn't happen. She
wanted to prevent that. She wanted to handle everything herself. "I'm sure he did. But
he doesn't know everything. He doesn't have the true story."
"Did he hurt you? I mean with Anya, with him leaving, with anything?"
"Yeah, he did. He hurt me a lot. But you know what, I hurt him too. And we'll have to
find a way to fix it."
"So are you two… are you two like together, or what?"
"We're friends. Beyond that, I don't know."
"Friend friends? Or like sex friends?"
"Just friend friends. That's all he seems to want right now."
"But you want more?" Willow took in Buffy's look. It seemed like she was about to tell
her she wanted more. From Buffy's face, she thought that maybe Buffy really had
feelings for him. Feelings that she hadn't had for anyone in a long time. She wanted to
encourage her. She wanted to be the friend that she hadn't been in the past. "You can
talk to me. We're best friends."
"Buffster. I thought I heard voices out here."
Xander's voice broughtBuffy from her almost immediate confession to Willow. And it
was a good thing he'd interrupted when he did, so that he hadn't come in and heard more
than she wanted anyone to. It was better this way anyhow. This way, no one could
interfere or cloud her judgment about what she wanted. She could figure it out and work
towards it herself. And now, she didn't know what to say, as they both looked
expectantly towards her. So she said the first thing that came to her mind. "I brought
lunch."
"That's great. We can make a day out of it. Catching up. We'll go out tonight. My
treat."
"I can't. I have plans."
"Can't you get out of them?"
He looked put out to her, like she was supposed to cancel her plans just for him. Had he
always irritated her this much? Or just lately? She didn't know what it was, but Xander
was really getting on her nerves. "No, I really can't. The reservations for dinner were
already made?"
"Do you have a date?" Willow was excited. Someone had a date and she was excited
about it. She wanted Buffy to be happy and this was really the happiest Buffy had
appeared in a long time. And if her friend was happy, then she'd be happy for her.
"It's Spike, isn't it?" The hate just poured out of Xander's voice and over the words.
"Giles wanted to talk to me. And since he wasn't here for my birthday, he wanted to take
me out somewhere nice. And I think he wanted to catch up with me and Dawn."
"I'm glad it's Giles you're going with. I was worried for a moment there. Thinking that
maybe you'd lost your mind or something."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Did she sound defensive? Well she was defensive. He
was questioning her choices. He was calling her crazy, in a roundabout way, for being
with Spike. Why couldn't she make her own choice? Her own mistakes?
"I was just afraid that you were going out with Spike. But you wouldn't be that crazy.
It's over between you two. He's just hanging around now. But he should be dusted. If
you can't, I can."
"Xander." Willow could see a light growing in Buffy's eyes. And she was afraid it
wasn't going to be pretty. Buffy had pretty much confided that she had feelings for
Spike. And now Xander was saying that anyone who had feelings for him was crazy. It
wasn't going to be pretty. And she really didn't want a fight. But no one wanted to listen
to her.
"No, Willow. Buffy needs to hear it. She needs to hear the truth. He's bad news. He
always has been and he always will be. Look at what he did to you Buffy. He raped you.
And that's after he took advantage of you being upset in coming back here. And then,
what he did with Anya. It's time to end it."
"No it's not." Buffy didn't think he heard her, as he continued on his tirade.
"Before you know it, he'll be up to his old tricks. What are you waiting for? Do you
want him to rape Dawn?"
"Xander." Willow was shocked at his suggestion. Dawn? Spike hurt Dawn? She didn't
think so. She knew that Spike would protect Dawn with his life. His feelings for Dawn
were the one constant. He adored her, like she was a little sister.
"You can't be blind to his faults too, can you Willow?"
Buffy had had enough. She didn't want to listen any longer. She had hoped to avoid it,
but she wasn't able to now. Time away didn't help matters any. It might have made them
worse. But she was an adult. She hadn't read him the riot act for his behavior, like he
deserved. She hadn't expressed her concern when he had started dating Anya, who could
have gotten her powers back at any time and turned them all into toads. No, she let him
live his life and had been happy when he was happy. And she had commiserated with
him when he was sad. And she wanted that. She wanted the same consideration that she
gave him. She could feel herself shaking, with fear, with anger. She didn't know which.
But maybe it was both. And she didn't think she would feel better until she let her
feelings out on the subject matter.
"Xander, this stops now. Listen to me, as I'm only going to say this once. No one messes
with Dawn. Spike did not rape me. Spike did not take advantage of me. If anything, I
took advantage of him. My life is my life. And that includes my sex life. I don't want to
know about yours and I'm not ever going to ask about it. But since you're so interested in
mine, you get a one time glimpse.
"I started it with Spike. I kissed him first. And I pretty much jumped on top of him after
that. Spike wanted to talk about things and all I wanted was to feel. So after beating him
up, I'd use his body to feel. And he let me. Sure, we had some nice times. But usually, I
attacked him, we had sex, and I ran out on him. What happened in that bathroom, is none
of your business. But it was not rape. And I know that Spike would never hurt Dawn.
He'd protect her with his own life. I trust him with Dawn's life, before I would trust
anyone else, including you two.
"And I'm sorry about what happened with Anya. But you two were broken up. You left
her at the altar, with no explanation. She owed you nothing. And Spike owed me
nothing. Yes, it hurt. I know that. But you have to move on past that. Either you
forgive them, move on, and feel better. Or you let it fester in you, like it's doing right
now. Get over it Xander. Spike's staying around, whether you like it or not. And
whatever happens or doesn't happen between Spike and I is none of your business. I'm
not asking for your opinion. And I don't want it."
"You'll be sorry."
"No, you will be. Don't make me have to choose. I don't want to. But if I have to, you
might not like the result. It could go either way."
"He's a soulless evil thing. He's a vampire."
"Yes he is. And he loves me." She hoped she wasn't lying over that, but she took the
chance that it was still true. "And more importantly, he loves Dawn. And because of
that, he would put his life on the line for my friends. And that includes you. He fought
beside you all summer. You relied on him."
"That was obviously a mistake."
Willow wanted to be the peacemaker. She wanted everyone to be happy. Or as happy as
they could be. She knew coming home wasn't going to be easy, but she hadn't known
that her circle of friends would splinter. She didn't know if she could take that on top of
everything else. "Xander, you don't want to do this now. You're tired from our flight.
You aren't thinking."
"Stay out of this Willow."
"Xander, Willow's right." Buffy didn't want to do this right now. She didn't ever want to
do this. But maybe if she got it over with now, it would be done with, finished. And they
wouldn't have to debate this over and over again.
"He's evil, Buffy. He's killed people."
"Does that mean I need to be killed too?" To Willow it seemed that Buffy could see
things outside of the box now, but Xander couldn't. And he was the one that she thought
would have understood. But now he just made her feel like she had no purpose. It all
boiled down to one thing, committing acts of evil. She'd done that, just like Spike. He
was convicted automatically and by Xander's standards, she should be too.
"No, Willow, no. You weren't yourself. It isn't the same."
"Isn't it? I made a choice. Now I have to live with the consequences. I'm not very
hungry. I think I'm gonna take a shower."
"Willow, I didn't mean that." His words fell on deaf ears, as she shut the door to the
bedroom behind her. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't the same. She was Willow.
She wasn't evil. She was just Willow.
"You need to think before you speak Xander. You're becoming the one thing you never
wanted to be, your father. Do you want to alienate everyone that cares about you? Cause
you're on your way. I'm not asking you to be best friends with Spike. I know that's
impossible. But leave him alone. And leave me alone. Let us figure things out for
ourselves."
Xander just stood there. She didn't know if he heard her, or if he was still coming to
terms with what his words had done to Willow. But she'd had enough. She'd had her say
and she knew if he hadn't heard her today, he never would. And this had given her a
headache. "Enjoy the sandwiches. Tell Willow I'll call her later."
Author: Amanda
Summary: A few weeks after Grave. Everyone's back in Sunnydale and coping with the
fallout of the last year.
Rating: PG-13, for now
Disclaimers: Not mine, it's all Joss'.
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
Distribution: Please ask.
*************
As Buffy made her way up the steps towards Xander's apartment, she thought back on the
previous evening. Spike had stayed about an hour, sitting on the couch beside her. Just
answering questions and sitting in silence. It was only when she had yawned five times
in a row that he had made his exit. She didn't tell him that she'd go up to bed, lie down,
and then think about him. She'd mull over every word he said, every look. And she'd try
to figure out if he had snuck any peeks at her while she wasn't looking at him.
She had noticed the way his eyelashes curved against his cheeks, when he briefly shut his
eyes. The way his head tilted when he paused to form the words he would say. The way
his body visibly relaxed into the couch, as time had passed. He wasn't comfortable with
her. He had seemed to be on pins and needles, waiting for something to happen. Waiting
for her to happen. And she couldn't blame him.
They hadn't had a real conversation in a long time. If ever. The time they had spent
together, before the sex had started, had been all about her. He hadn't complained. He
had seemed happy to take any crumb she would give him. She was the one that talked.
And it was all about herself. She really hadn't wanted to know his thoughts or opinions.
Or know anything about Spike.
He didn't seem willing to take that crumb anymore. And he seemed leery of her offering
more. It was as though he couldn't trust her. But maybe as their talk had worn on, he had
trusted her a little more. He became a little more forthcoming, a little more relaxed. And
having her interested in him, asking about him, had seemed to do the trick. She had to
remember that it wasn't all about her, as much as she wanted it to be. As much as she
wanted this visit with Willow and Xander to be all about her, it wasn't.
They all seemed to have their demons they would have to work through on this visit.
Hers was just literally, a demon. She didn't know what to expect from Willow. But she
knew what words would be thrown at her from Xander. And she really didn't know what
to say back. She couldn't change his opinion. Angel had had a soul and Xander had
never liked or trusted him. There was no way he was ever going to accept Spike. She
knew that. She just hoped she could get him to tolerate Spike. To leave him alone. And
to let her live her life the way she wanted.
Wrapping one arm tightly around the paper bag of food in her arms, holding on so it
didn't slip, she quickly knocked with the other hand. And waited. She was about to
pound on the door again, when it opened.
"Buffy." Willow's arms pulled her inside.
Luggage was scattered across the floor of Xander's apartment that they had to maneuver
around. She took in the couch, which had blankets and a pillow on it. "Did I wake you
up? I didn't mean to. I'm sure you need your sleep."
"Don't be silly. I needed to get up. And besides, we can talk before Xander gets up. He's
trying to catch up on his sleep and get readjusted, since he has to go back to work
tomorrow."
"Let me put this stuff away." The refrigerator was empty, except for beer and now the
sandwiches and soda. They looked so lonely sitting there. Kind of the way she was
feeling now. She felt alone. She felt like she had to carry on a conversation with her best
friend, that she was afraid she didn't know anymore. Last night talking with Spike had
been hard, but she hadn't felt awkward about it. Not like this.
"I see you found some of the stuff I dropped off here." Buffy indicated the pajamas
Willow was wearing. She remembered folding them up and putting them in a box, when
she and Dawn had cleaned out her room. "I'm sorry that…." She didn't know what to
say.
"It's okay. I understand, I think. It's kinda awkward, huh?"
"Yeah. Do you know where you're going to go? Or are you gonna stay here?"
"Xander wants me to stay. But I think I need to be out on my own. A summer session
starts in two weeks. I'm gonna see if there are any dorm rooms left for the summer. I
haven't thought much beyond that."
"That's good. Getting back with the school thing. I have more stuff, but I didn't want to
clutter Xander's floor up with all the boxes. Just let me know when you want them."
"What about Tara's stuff?"
"Anya has her stuff. Some stuff got sent back to her family, but Anya kept things that
she thought were important. Are you okay?"
Willow knew what she meant. She could see that it hurt Buffy to talk about it. If anyone
knew how she felt, it was probably Buffy. She'd had to kill Angel herself. She knew
what it was like, having to try to move on after having someone you loved died. If
anyone would understand her need for trying to figure things out, it would be Buffy. But
Willow didn't think that running away to LA was in the cards for her. She'd figure it out
here in Sunnydale. "I'm getting there. You know how it is."
She did know. She knew all too well. Angel had left, by her own hand. Willow might
not have killed Tara, but she still felt the pain. Pain that would slowly fade till it was just
an ache. "Yeah. But you look good."
"I feel good. I do. At least right now. Ask me later tonight though."
"Changes all the time, huh?"
"Yeah. But what about you? What have you been up to?"
"Helping Anya get the shop ready to open. And looking for a job are the main things."
"No more burgers?"
"They do eventually fire you, if you skip out on work enough times."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not all your fault. And besides, it wasn't the best place to work. The hours, the pay.
I'm sure I can find something else. And Spike was right, it was slowly killing me."
"How is Spike? I thought he had left. Or that's what Xander said."
"He did. But he's back now."
Willow had questions, but she didn't know if she should address them. And she really
didn't feel as if she had a right to pry into Buffy's life right now. But she remembered
what Tara had said, that Buffy hadn't told her because of the way she would react, or look
at her. She didn't want that. Buffy was being supportive of her and she would be
supportive of Buffy, whatever she needed. "Buffy, Xander said a lot of things about
Spike. And you."
She had wondered what Xander had said. Who he'd run his mouth off to. And she wasn't
surprised. The only thing she was surprised about, was that Angel hadn't shown up. She
knew Xander hated him, but she would have figured he would have called him just so
that Angel could come and take care of Spike. But hopefully that wouldn't happen. She
wanted to prevent that. She wanted to handle everything herself. "I'm sure he did. But
he doesn't know everything. He doesn't have the true story."
"Did he hurt you? I mean with Anya, with him leaving, with anything?"
"Yeah, he did. He hurt me a lot. But you know what, I hurt him too. And we'll have to
find a way to fix it."
"So are you two… are you two like together, or what?"
"We're friends. Beyond that, I don't know."
"Friend friends? Or like sex friends?"
"Just friend friends. That's all he seems to want right now."
"But you want more?" Willow took in Buffy's look. It seemed like she was about to tell
her she wanted more. From Buffy's face, she thought that maybe Buffy really had
feelings for him. Feelings that she hadn't had for anyone in a long time. She wanted to
encourage her. She wanted to be the friend that she hadn't been in the past. "You can
talk to me. We're best friends."
"Buffster. I thought I heard voices out here."
Xander's voice broughtBuffy from her almost immediate confession to Willow. And it
was a good thing he'd interrupted when he did, so that he hadn't come in and heard more
than she wanted anyone to. It was better this way anyhow. This way, no one could
interfere or cloud her judgment about what she wanted. She could figure it out and work
towards it herself. And now, she didn't know what to say, as they both looked
expectantly towards her. So she said the first thing that came to her mind. "I brought
lunch."
"That's great. We can make a day out of it. Catching up. We'll go out tonight. My
treat."
"I can't. I have plans."
"Can't you get out of them?"
He looked put out to her, like she was supposed to cancel her plans just for him. Had he
always irritated her this much? Or just lately? She didn't know what it was, but Xander
was really getting on her nerves. "No, I really can't. The reservations for dinner were
already made?"
"Do you have a date?" Willow was excited. Someone had a date and she was excited
about it. She wanted Buffy to be happy and this was really the happiest Buffy had
appeared in a long time. And if her friend was happy, then she'd be happy for her.
"It's Spike, isn't it?" The hate just poured out of Xander's voice and over the words.
"Giles wanted to talk to me. And since he wasn't here for my birthday, he wanted to take
me out somewhere nice. And I think he wanted to catch up with me and Dawn."
"I'm glad it's Giles you're going with. I was worried for a moment there. Thinking that
maybe you'd lost your mind or something."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Did she sound defensive? Well she was defensive. He
was questioning her choices. He was calling her crazy, in a roundabout way, for being
with Spike. Why couldn't she make her own choice? Her own mistakes?
"I was just afraid that you were going out with Spike. But you wouldn't be that crazy.
It's over between you two. He's just hanging around now. But he should be dusted. If
you can't, I can."
"Xander." Willow could see a light growing in Buffy's eyes. And she was afraid it
wasn't going to be pretty. Buffy had pretty much confided that she had feelings for
Spike. And now Xander was saying that anyone who had feelings for him was crazy. It
wasn't going to be pretty. And she really didn't want a fight. But no one wanted to listen
to her.
"No, Willow. Buffy needs to hear it. She needs to hear the truth. He's bad news. He
always has been and he always will be. Look at what he did to you Buffy. He raped you.
And that's after he took advantage of you being upset in coming back here. And then,
what he did with Anya. It's time to end it."
"No it's not." Buffy didn't think he heard her, as he continued on his tirade.
"Before you know it, he'll be up to his old tricks. What are you waiting for? Do you
want him to rape Dawn?"
"Xander." Willow was shocked at his suggestion. Dawn? Spike hurt Dawn? She didn't
think so. She knew that Spike would protect Dawn with his life. His feelings for Dawn
were the one constant. He adored her, like she was a little sister.
"You can't be blind to his faults too, can you Willow?"
Buffy had had enough. She didn't want to listen any longer. She had hoped to avoid it,
but she wasn't able to now. Time away didn't help matters any. It might have made them
worse. But she was an adult. She hadn't read him the riot act for his behavior, like he
deserved. She hadn't expressed her concern when he had started dating Anya, who could
have gotten her powers back at any time and turned them all into toads. No, she let him
live his life and had been happy when he was happy. And she had commiserated with
him when he was sad. And she wanted that. She wanted the same consideration that she
gave him. She could feel herself shaking, with fear, with anger. She didn't know which.
But maybe it was both. And she didn't think she would feel better until she let her
feelings out on the subject matter.
"Xander, this stops now. Listen to me, as I'm only going to say this once. No one messes
with Dawn. Spike did not rape me. Spike did not take advantage of me. If anything, I
took advantage of him. My life is my life. And that includes my sex life. I don't want to
know about yours and I'm not ever going to ask about it. But since you're so interested in
mine, you get a one time glimpse.
"I started it with Spike. I kissed him first. And I pretty much jumped on top of him after
that. Spike wanted to talk about things and all I wanted was to feel. So after beating him
up, I'd use his body to feel. And he let me. Sure, we had some nice times. But usually, I
attacked him, we had sex, and I ran out on him. What happened in that bathroom, is none
of your business. But it was not rape. And I know that Spike would never hurt Dawn.
He'd protect her with his own life. I trust him with Dawn's life, before I would trust
anyone else, including you two.
"And I'm sorry about what happened with Anya. But you two were broken up. You left
her at the altar, with no explanation. She owed you nothing. And Spike owed me
nothing. Yes, it hurt. I know that. But you have to move on past that. Either you
forgive them, move on, and feel better. Or you let it fester in you, like it's doing right
now. Get over it Xander. Spike's staying around, whether you like it or not. And
whatever happens or doesn't happen between Spike and I is none of your business. I'm
not asking for your opinion. And I don't want it."
"You'll be sorry."
"No, you will be. Don't make me have to choose. I don't want to. But if I have to, you
might not like the result. It could go either way."
"He's a soulless evil thing. He's a vampire."
"Yes he is. And he loves me." She hoped she wasn't lying over that, but she took the
chance that it was still true. "And more importantly, he loves Dawn. And because of
that, he would put his life on the line for my friends. And that includes you. He fought
beside you all summer. You relied on him."
"That was obviously a mistake."
Willow wanted to be the peacemaker. She wanted everyone to be happy. Or as happy as
they could be. She knew coming home wasn't going to be easy, but she hadn't known
that her circle of friends would splinter. She didn't know if she could take that on top of
everything else. "Xander, you don't want to do this now. You're tired from our flight.
You aren't thinking."
"Stay out of this Willow."
"Xander, Willow's right." Buffy didn't want to do this right now. She didn't ever want to
do this. But maybe if she got it over with now, it would be done with, finished. And they
wouldn't have to debate this over and over again.
"He's evil, Buffy. He's killed people."
"Does that mean I need to be killed too?" To Willow it seemed that Buffy could see
things outside of the box now, but Xander couldn't. And he was the one that she thought
would have understood. But now he just made her feel like she had no purpose. It all
boiled down to one thing, committing acts of evil. She'd done that, just like Spike. He
was convicted automatically and by Xander's standards, she should be too.
"No, Willow, no. You weren't yourself. It isn't the same."
"Isn't it? I made a choice. Now I have to live with the consequences. I'm not very
hungry. I think I'm gonna take a shower."
"Willow, I didn't mean that." His words fell on deaf ears, as she shut the door to the
bedroom behind her. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't the same. She was Willow.
She wasn't evil. She was just Willow.
"You need to think before you speak Xander. You're becoming the one thing you never
wanted to be, your father. Do you want to alienate everyone that cares about you? Cause
you're on your way. I'm not asking you to be best friends with Spike. I know that's
impossible. But leave him alone. And leave me alone. Let us figure things out for
ourselves."
Xander just stood there. She didn't know if he heard her, or if he was still coming to
terms with what his words had done to Willow. But she'd had enough. She'd had her say
and she knew if he hadn't heard her today, he never would. And this had given her a
headache. "Enjoy the sandwiches. Tell Willow I'll call her later."