Former Choices
Chapter Seven
Marita Linde
Author's notes: I don't really know what grade Lindsey is in. I know she's thirteen in the story, and nine on the show. Over here a nine year- old would be in the fourth grade, but on the episode 'The Execution of Catherine Willows", Cat said she was only in the second. So that threw me off track a bit. So if I'm wrong, I apologize. Thanks: Thank you to days off school and the wonderful readers, for reviewing so much!
Warrick had stayed late at work that night to finish up on some paperwork for one of his cases. Catherine had gotten a ride with Sara over an hour ago to Vanessa's house to pick up his car. He knew he should probably call it a night, it was getting late and he didn't want to make his wife or Lindsey worry.
He punched out and walked to his car, noting the way the night sky was breaking open to make way for the early-morning sun. He ran a hand through his unruly curls, organizing his thoughts.
In the last three years of their marriage, he had seen Catherine give up so much of herself that it scared him. He had always known he was to blame for this, but he was tired of feeling guilty about it. The fire she had possessed when they first met was nearly gone now. The only time she showed true passion about something was when she was angry with him. Even their lovemaking, something Warrick had always considered safe, had fallen short of what it used to be.
She was reaching out for something that she needed, something Warrick wasn't sure he knew how to give her.
He pulled up to the house and saw that all the lights were off. He was glad Catherine was sleeping, she had seemed tired and rundown tonight at work, and she needed to be well-rested in order to do the job right.
He quietly opened the door of the house and closed it behind him. Looking around he saw that he was the only one awake. Every single light was turned off except for the oven light in the kitchen, which was glowing on a low setting. Warrick walked over to turn it off but then saw a note on the counter top beside the oven.
Warrick,
I got tired of waiting up so I went to bed. Parent/teacher interviews tomorrow night at seven. I'm going shopping tomorrow with Lindsey, probably all day. I'll be up before you, so see you at six. I want to get to the school early for the interviews.
Catherine.
He sighed. No "I love you" or an invitation for him to come along shopping. Just a short little note so he wouldn't worry himself sick tomorrow wondering where the hell she'd gone.
He didn't feel like sleeping just yet so he sauntered over to the door of Lindsey's room, putting his ear against it and listening. Nothing. She had to be sleeping. But just to make sure, he eased the door open quietly and saw her lying on her huge pink bed, bundled up with covers and breathing softly. For a few minutes he watched the way her chest rose and fell, wishing he could stay there and watch her until morning. She was so beautiful, and for the hundredth time he wished they were closer.
He finally decided to go to sleep. Sighing, he slipped into his and Catherine's bedroom and started to undress. He didn't think to check the bed, just assumed that she'd be sleeping, so he jumped about two feet out of surprise when he heard her voice from across the room.
"Warrick," she said simply. His eyes jerked over to where the sound had come from. She was sitting on a chair beside the window wearing a bathrobe and looking very, very tired. "Sorry," she said, seeing the shocked expression on his face.
"No, it's OK, I just thought you'd be sleeping." He walked over to her wearing a t-shirt and his boxers and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"
She didn't say anything, didn't move, just stared up into his face with a look in her eyes that made him want to cry. He squatted on the ground beside her chair and took her hands in his, brushing a strand of hair away from her face and trying not to overreact. "What's wrong, Cat?"
She shook her head and then rested it against his chest, breathing heavily, fighting tears. "What's wrong with us, Warrick? Why don't we know how to be happy anymore?"
He didn't have an answer for that. He didn't know what to say or do, but he knew that she was right. It had been so long since they had been truly happy that they had forgotten how to act when they were. He sighed, slowly, letting his exhaling breath stir the hair on her head. "I don't know," he said finally, and held her tighter.
"I'm scared, Warrick. Scared that we won't be able to fix this." He knew it had taken her a lot to be able to admit that she was afraid, so he pulled her head off of his chest and rested his palm against her tear- stained cheek.
"I am, too. But we can. We will." He didn't even know if he believed it. All he knew is that he wanted that pained look in her face to go away, and soon. "Come on," he said, grabbing her hand. "Let's get some rest and we'll talk about this in the morning, when our minds are clear, alright?" She nodded, and he led her to the bed, watching as she slipped daintily under the covers after taking off her bathrobe. He made sure everything but her head was totally covered with blankets, grinning back at her when she smiled up at him like a little kid. He kissed her forehead, said goodnight, but it felt empty, like it wasn't enough.
Laying against the sheets of the bed, feeling their coldness seep through his skin, he felt a chill come over him. It started in his toes and traveled all the way up to his eyes, making him want to reach out for her. What if they couldn't fix this? What if they messed up, didn't try hard enough? Or what if they tried as hard as they could and it still didn't help? He shivered, reached out for her hand and whispered, "I love you."
When she didn't answer he frowned, trying not to be hurt at her lack of response. After all, she hadn't said it to him in almost three months. He turned toward her side of the bed, wanting to ask her if his gesture had meant anything to her, if his attempt at a step forward had helped at all. Then he saw her eyes closed and heard the sound of her even breathing. Instead of softly kissing her one last time before the morning, he rested his hand against her arm and let the warmth of her skin seep into his. Hoping it would make the chill go away.
Warrick straightened out his tie and sighed, looking in the mirror one last time before starting for the door. Catherine yelled at him from the hallway to get going, so he exited the bedroom and walked out to the kitchen where she was waiting, purse slung over her shoulder, wearing his sunglasses.
"Ready?" she asked him, her eyebrows raised.
"Yeah," he said, eyeing her carefully. "You look good."
"Thanks," she said absent-mindedly, and walked to where Lindsey was standing by the counter, watching them both with a smirk on her face. "Be good, baby," she told her daughter.
Lindsey nodded. "You guys know you're not going to hear anything bad from my teachers, you have nothing to be nervous about."
"Well," Warrick started, "We know you have straight A's but we don't know how you behave." Lindsey waved a hand in front of her face in dismissal and motioned toward the door.
"Right," Catherine said, her voice tense, "We're going."
They arrived at Lindsey's science classroom just in time for the interview. Her teacher, Mr. Bottomley, was waiting at his desk when they walked in. Catherine entered first, swiping off his sunglasses and handing them to Warrick over her shoulder when he arrived behind her. Looking behind her, she scowled and said, "Straighten out your tie."
Mr. Bottomley had stood and was watching them as they walked in. Two people, one a little younger than the other, of different races, not touching at all, scowling at each other... He could feel the tension in the room already. He forced a smile on his face and held out a hand.
"Mr. Bottomley," he said cordially. Catherine and Warrick smiled.
"Catherine Willows." "Warrick Brown."
They went through the motions of the interview. Mr. Bottomley told Warrick and Catherine how Lindsey was doing in school, about her countless number of A's, etc. Then he rested his hands on the table and looked at them with a serious expression on his face. "Now that I see you here together, I wanted to ask...Is having parents who are separated affecting Lindsey at all, emotionally?"
Catherine frowned. "What, you mean Eddie?"
Mr. Bottomley shook his head. "I was referring to you and Mr. Brown, Ms. Willows." The couple widened their eyes. Warrick coughed uncomfortably.
"I...you must be mistaken. Warrick and I are married." The teacher's face shone with surprise. His cheeks turned crimson. " I just...sometimes I introduce myself with my maiden name..." She shook her head, embarrassment and shame showing on her face. Warrick shuffled his feet.
"Oh my..." Mr. Bottomley cleared his throat. "I am truly sorry, it's just-"
"The name. The way she introduced herself," Warrick broken in, not wanting him to say the real reason he had made the mistake: because he and Catherine acted like a separated couple in public.
Mr. Bottomley looked at him in the eyes for a few seconds before nodding hesitantly. "Yes, yes, of course, that's what did it."
Catherine stood and brushed off her dress pants. "It was nice meeting you, Mr. Bottomley. I assume the interview is...over?" The teacher nodded, and Catherine turned to face Warrick. They eyed each other with mutual embarrassment.
As they walked out of the room Mr. Bottomley threw another apology at them. Catherine said goodbye to him quietly while Warrick held the door open for her. Once inside the car Catherine blew out her breath loudly and ran her fingers through her hair. "I can honestly say that's the worst parent/teacher meeting I've ever been to."
"What do you think the other teachers are going to do when they find out we skipped their meetings?" Warrick asked, not wanting to address the real problem.
Catherine shrugged. "They can shove it. I wanna go home."
Author's notes: I don't really know what grade Lindsey is in. I know she's thirteen in the story, and nine on the show. Over here a nine year- old would be in the fourth grade, but on the episode 'The Execution of Catherine Willows", Cat said she was only in the second. So that threw me off track a bit. So if I'm wrong, I apologize. Thanks: Thank you to days off school and the wonderful readers, for reviewing so much!
Warrick had stayed late at work that night to finish up on some paperwork for one of his cases. Catherine had gotten a ride with Sara over an hour ago to Vanessa's house to pick up his car. He knew he should probably call it a night, it was getting late and he didn't want to make his wife or Lindsey worry.
He punched out and walked to his car, noting the way the night sky was breaking open to make way for the early-morning sun. He ran a hand through his unruly curls, organizing his thoughts.
In the last three years of their marriage, he had seen Catherine give up so much of herself that it scared him. He had always known he was to blame for this, but he was tired of feeling guilty about it. The fire she had possessed when they first met was nearly gone now. The only time she showed true passion about something was when she was angry with him. Even their lovemaking, something Warrick had always considered safe, had fallen short of what it used to be.
She was reaching out for something that she needed, something Warrick wasn't sure he knew how to give her.
He pulled up to the house and saw that all the lights were off. He was glad Catherine was sleeping, she had seemed tired and rundown tonight at work, and she needed to be well-rested in order to do the job right.
He quietly opened the door of the house and closed it behind him. Looking around he saw that he was the only one awake. Every single light was turned off except for the oven light in the kitchen, which was glowing on a low setting. Warrick walked over to turn it off but then saw a note on the counter top beside the oven.
Warrick,
I got tired of waiting up so I went to bed. Parent/teacher interviews tomorrow night at seven. I'm going shopping tomorrow with Lindsey, probably all day. I'll be up before you, so see you at six. I want to get to the school early for the interviews.
Catherine.
He sighed. No "I love you" or an invitation for him to come along shopping. Just a short little note so he wouldn't worry himself sick tomorrow wondering where the hell she'd gone.
He didn't feel like sleeping just yet so he sauntered over to the door of Lindsey's room, putting his ear against it and listening. Nothing. She had to be sleeping. But just to make sure, he eased the door open quietly and saw her lying on her huge pink bed, bundled up with covers and breathing softly. For a few minutes he watched the way her chest rose and fell, wishing he could stay there and watch her until morning. She was so beautiful, and for the hundredth time he wished they were closer.
He finally decided to go to sleep. Sighing, he slipped into his and Catherine's bedroom and started to undress. He didn't think to check the bed, just assumed that she'd be sleeping, so he jumped about two feet out of surprise when he heard her voice from across the room.
"Warrick," she said simply. His eyes jerked over to where the sound had come from. She was sitting on a chair beside the window wearing a bathrobe and looking very, very tired. "Sorry," she said, seeing the shocked expression on his face.
"No, it's OK, I just thought you'd be sleeping." He walked over to her wearing a t-shirt and his boxers and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"
She didn't say anything, didn't move, just stared up into his face with a look in her eyes that made him want to cry. He squatted on the ground beside her chair and took her hands in his, brushing a strand of hair away from her face and trying not to overreact. "What's wrong, Cat?"
She shook her head and then rested it against his chest, breathing heavily, fighting tears. "What's wrong with us, Warrick? Why don't we know how to be happy anymore?"
He didn't have an answer for that. He didn't know what to say or do, but he knew that she was right. It had been so long since they had been truly happy that they had forgotten how to act when they were. He sighed, slowly, letting his exhaling breath stir the hair on her head. "I don't know," he said finally, and held her tighter.
"I'm scared, Warrick. Scared that we won't be able to fix this." He knew it had taken her a lot to be able to admit that she was afraid, so he pulled her head off of his chest and rested his palm against her tear- stained cheek.
"I am, too. But we can. We will." He didn't even know if he believed it. All he knew is that he wanted that pained look in her face to go away, and soon. "Come on," he said, grabbing her hand. "Let's get some rest and we'll talk about this in the morning, when our minds are clear, alright?" She nodded, and he led her to the bed, watching as she slipped daintily under the covers after taking off her bathrobe. He made sure everything but her head was totally covered with blankets, grinning back at her when she smiled up at him like a little kid. He kissed her forehead, said goodnight, but it felt empty, like it wasn't enough.
Laying against the sheets of the bed, feeling their coldness seep through his skin, he felt a chill come over him. It started in his toes and traveled all the way up to his eyes, making him want to reach out for her. What if they couldn't fix this? What if they messed up, didn't try hard enough? Or what if they tried as hard as they could and it still didn't help? He shivered, reached out for her hand and whispered, "I love you."
When she didn't answer he frowned, trying not to be hurt at her lack of response. After all, she hadn't said it to him in almost three months. He turned toward her side of the bed, wanting to ask her if his gesture had meant anything to her, if his attempt at a step forward had helped at all. Then he saw her eyes closed and heard the sound of her even breathing. Instead of softly kissing her one last time before the morning, he rested his hand against her arm and let the warmth of her skin seep into his. Hoping it would make the chill go away.
Warrick straightened out his tie and sighed, looking in the mirror one last time before starting for the door. Catherine yelled at him from the hallway to get going, so he exited the bedroom and walked out to the kitchen where she was waiting, purse slung over her shoulder, wearing his sunglasses.
"Ready?" she asked him, her eyebrows raised.
"Yeah," he said, eyeing her carefully. "You look good."
"Thanks," she said absent-mindedly, and walked to where Lindsey was standing by the counter, watching them both with a smirk on her face. "Be good, baby," she told her daughter.
Lindsey nodded. "You guys know you're not going to hear anything bad from my teachers, you have nothing to be nervous about."
"Well," Warrick started, "We know you have straight A's but we don't know how you behave." Lindsey waved a hand in front of her face in dismissal and motioned toward the door.
"Right," Catherine said, her voice tense, "We're going."
They arrived at Lindsey's science classroom just in time for the interview. Her teacher, Mr. Bottomley, was waiting at his desk when they walked in. Catherine entered first, swiping off his sunglasses and handing them to Warrick over her shoulder when he arrived behind her. Looking behind her, she scowled and said, "Straighten out your tie."
Mr. Bottomley had stood and was watching them as they walked in. Two people, one a little younger than the other, of different races, not touching at all, scowling at each other... He could feel the tension in the room already. He forced a smile on his face and held out a hand.
"Mr. Bottomley," he said cordially. Catherine and Warrick smiled.
"Catherine Willows." "Warrick Brown."
They went through the motions of the interview. Mr. Bottomley told Warrick and Catherine how Lindsey was doing in school, about her countless number of A's, etc. Then he rested his hands on the table and looked at them with a serious expression on his face. "Now that I see you here together, I wanted to ask...Is having parents who are separated affecting Lindsey at all, emotionally?"
Catherine frowned. "What, you mean Eddie?"
Mr. Bottomley shook his head. "I was referring to you and Mr. Brown, Ms. Willows." The couple widened their eyes. Warrick coughed uncomfortably.
"I...you must be mistaken. Warrick and I are married." The teacher's face shone with surprise. His cheeks turned crimson. " I just...sometimes I introduce myself with my maiden name..." She shook her head, embarrassment and shame showing on her face. Warrick shuffled his feet.
"Oh my..." Mr. Bottomley cleared his throat. "I am truly sorry, it's just-"
"The name. The way she introduced herself," Warrick broken in, not wanting him to say the real reason he had made the mistake: because he and Catherine acted like a separated couple in public.
Mr. Bottomley looked at him in the eyes for a few seconds before nodding hesitantly. "Yes, yes, of course, that's what did it."
Catherine stood and brushed off her dress pants. "It was nice meeting you, Mr. Bottomley. I assume the interview is...over?" The teacher nodded, and Catherine turned to face Warrick. They eyed each other with mutual embarrassment.
As they walked out of the room Mr. Bottomley threw another apology at them. Catherine said goodbye to him quietly while Warrick held the door open for her. Once inside the car Catherine blew out her breath loudly and ran her fingers through her hair. "I can honestly say that's the worst parent/teacher meeting I've ever been to."
"What do you think the other teachers are going to do when they find out we skipped their meetings?" Warrick asked, not wanting to address the real problem.
Catherine shrugged. "They can shove it. I wanna go home."