Thanks to the Terrible people who read my blog, I decided to go ahead and post this here :P.

Disclaimer :

We make no pretenses. This is a *MARY-SUE*. Scream and run away NOW. For those of you brave enough to venture forth, beware of extreme cheesiness, fangirl japanese and all other elements characteristic of a Mary-Sue, self insert, Sanzo + original character fic. Don't say that we didn't warn you.

The REAL Disclaimer :

This is bound to offend at least a few people. This is bound to be viewed as 'an absolute piece of rot and a waste of time' by people who've sadly, missed my point completely and should never, ever offer Literature as a subject at any level of education. If that is so, feel free not to read it, the same way I feel free not to read a large number of fics here any more.

If you wish to flame/rant/vent, I will not say useless things like 'do not flame me', because I respect your right to your own opinion. However, to quote from a friend who was quoting from Pat Barker's 'Regeneration' -- "You must speak, but I will not listen to anything you have to say."

Do not stand by my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand by my fic and swear;
I am not here, I do not care.

-- Quoted and mutilated from a poem whose name and poet I do not remember.

Rating : PG-13 for swearing. For the other stuff, I would have used NC-99, but ff.net doesn't have that capability... so I'll settle for PG-Sense of Humor required.

Genre : PARODY/HUMOR - Pay attention to this, and think about it.

Warnings : SARCASM. Swearing. Typos, because I belted this out as fast as I could type. ROMANCE! Sanzo + fs, because, no matter how *HARD* I try, I can't write Sanzo x *anyone*. *URGH*. Let's not go there.

sf works presents :
No Angels, a self-insert ficlet.

--

PROLOGUE

fs awoke with a massive, splitting headache. Ow! She had fallen out of Heaven and landed smack BANG on her ASS in this lousy excuse for a place... Of course, this explained the ass-ache, but didn't remotely explain the headache, but well, this was an MS fic, after all.

"Oh blast. This is Earth, isn't it? What the Hell am I doing here? I miss Heaven, I miss my Mummy and my Daddy and my Doggy and my Tortoise and my pet Goldfish named Bubbles..."

Then, she remembered.

"6&#$%@#$@#$&*@#$, I have to hunt down Sanzo and get him to *WHAT*?" fs smacked her forehead in frustration. "What miserable excuse for a joke is this? SANZO? Why not HAKKAI? Or GOJYO? Or.. or... ah, damn, Goku's way too young..."

Then, just to make sure that there was a plot, she forgot everthing again.


CHAPTER 1

Jiipu trundled along. In the back, Goku and Gojyo were quarreling again.

Goku : *quarrel quarrel quarrel ero-kappa-horny-cockroach-etc-etc*

Gojyo : *quarrel quarrel quarrel baka-zaru-dumbass-ape-etc-etc*

Sanzo : URUSAI! *stands* *WHACK WHACK WHACK* *sits down again*.

Goku : Ne, Sanzo, I'm hungry!

Sanzo : URUSAI! *stands* *WHACK WHACK WHACK* *sits down again*.

Gojyo : *makes random wisecrack about Sanzo-sama*.

Sanzo : URUSAI! *stands* *WHACK WHACK WHACK-----

--Hakkai slammed hard on the brakes, and Sanzo, being the dude who has a _56 cm waist_, promptly went flying.

*slam slam slam roll roll roll*

Sanzn groaned. "I just got tossed out of the jeep and I've broken half a dozen bones. This is so $%#$@# lame."

Hakkai leapt out of the Jiipu. "Sanzo! Daijoubu desu ka?" And, without waiting for an answer, exerted the Incredible Hakkai Healing Prowess. *zing!* and Sanzo was back to 200% Health, Super-charged, and Ready to Rock.

"Eh? What's this?" Sanzo noticed a girl on the ground. "Ah, who cares, let's go."

Goku intervened immediately, belting out his lines as fast as possible (since he couldn't stand them, any way.) "No! We can't do that! She's injured -- look at that massive bruise on her ass, no wait, I can't see her ass, but look at that massive bruise that *should* be on her ass. Falling from 70,000 feet isn't fun, you know. Let's take her to the nearest town and nurse her back to health."

"What the--" Sanzo's solitary attempt to argue the issue was cut off by Hakkai's swift intervention.

"--I second the motion. She might be badly hurt. Besides... she's Someone Special. The wings and the flashy lights are ... fairly blatant."

"Yeah, we can't just leave her here," Gojyo said, inserting a random comment into the issue.

Sanzo, hopelessly overruled and bond by the rules of the fic, just shrugged and headed back to the Jeep.

So they loaded up the Mysterious Girl, and headed for the town that was conveniently situated just an hour's drive away.

***