Blurry 14/?
Author: Amanda
Rating: PG or so. For now at least.
Summary: You haven't read the first parts? Summer after season 6. Buffy is slaying for
the council and for money. Spike's helping out. It's been very quiet on the Hellmouth,
except for one demon. Spike's finally found information on the demon.
Distribution: Please ask. Previous chapters are up at fanfiction.net and B/S Central.
Disclaimers: I own nothing. Joss owns everything.
Feedback: All replies are read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many thanks to Mezz for the beta!
**************
Xander peeked in the front windows. The lights were on. The sign read open. But he
didn't see any movement inside. She could be there. They all could. But did he want to
risk it? The last time he set foot inside, he'd encountered two people… no they weren't
people, two demons that he didn't want to see. Two demons that had wrecked his life.
But standing outside The Magic Shoppe wasn't going to find Willow. And he didn't need
to hide. He wasn't in the wrong. He wasn't a demon trying to live like humans.
As he made his way inside, he took note of the craftsmanship. Whoever had done the
rebuilding had done a good job. But then again, Anya would only have the best of
anything, so it wasn't a wonder that everything was shiny and new. As he admired the
woodwork on the display shelves, she appeared from a door behind the cash register. Her
office, if he remembered correctly. It was where Spike and Giles had disappeared last
week.
"Have you seen Willow? She's not at my place. And there's no note."
"She's probably still with Spike."
It was the last place he had imagined Willow would be. Surely Anya was wrong. She
had her information messed up or she was lying. "Spike? What's he doing, raping her
too?"
"I'm not dignifying that with a response. If you want to know what Willow is up to,
you'll have to ask her yourself."
"Why is Buffy keeping him around? And why did Giles leave here with Spike still on the
scene?"
The subject of Xander was pretty much closed between Anya and Buffy. Not for any big
reason. More because Buffy knew that Anya didn't want to talk about him or hear about
him. But she was aware that Buffy hadn't talked to him about the new developments.
For a brief second she considered spilling herself. Even about Spike's soul. Not for any
good reason, just because she wanted to see Xander's face. And because she was a
demon. But she held her tongue. Spilling everything would result in Buffy being mad
and she rather liked the friendship they had developed over the summer.
Taking her keys out of her pocket, she opened the drawer under the cash register. She
knew she had left it there, someplace safe, where no one else could grab it and take it to
him. Giles had entrusted the letters in her care, to make sure that everyone got them.
And she took that duty very seriously. "Here's your letter from Giles. Take it if you want
it. If not, it will be here until you're ready to read it. But you never know, you might find
some answers."
"Maybe from Giles, but what about Buffy?"
"Ask her. She'll probably tell you. Unless you go around accusing people of things
without all the facts. You have a tendency to do that Xander."
"Why do you hate me? I walked out on our wedding, but I came back."
"You walked out Xander. You walked out without any explanations. You left me to tell
everyone. You left me to deal with it all by myself."
"But I came back." He thought she understood. It wasn't her. He had told her that.
"And you think that solves everything. Just coming back. I was supposed to welcome
you with open arms? The great Xander Harris, who thinks he can do no wrong. He came
back for me so I was supposed to be happy? Get it through your head, the world doesn't
revolve around you. We aren't your harem to command.
"I don't hate you Xander. I don't really like you either. I have no feelings for you
whatsoever. Except maybe gratefulness. I'm thankful to you for what you did. Because
you showed me that I don't belong in your world. That I don't belong in the human
world. Especially not with you."
"That's it then. It's my fault that you became a demon. Everything is my fault?"
"It's not your fault. It's just what happened. And sometimes the right things happen for
the wrong reasons. I think this was one of them. I was never meant to be human. Not
forever. I learned so much. Emotions, feelings that I will always carry with me. But that
life wasn't Anyanka."
"And this one is?"
"Yes it is. I'm running a shop. Maybe doling out vengeance wishes on the side. But the
real me is running an after hours shop for other demons. And I have friends. Weird,
mixed-up friends. A slayer, a key, and a vampire. Even a watcher. That's me. It's not
simple or cut and dried. It's just Anyanka.
"Here's the letter. Read it. It might answer some questions you have. Or it might prompt
more. I'll be in my office if you need me."
**************
He ran, the blanket over his head shielding him from the early evening sun. He probably
could have waited. But he hadn't wanted to. And to be truthful, he knew this was Buffy's
demon. With her confirmation, research would follow. Questions would be raised. And
he was afraid of what the answers could be. If they found any answers.
He was hoping the back door was unlocked. If not, there wasn't much to protect him
unlike the front porch. But it was closer. And he really did like the entrance he created
by running into the kitchen, blanket slightly smoking. And usually it was an entrance.
Buffy and Dawn seemed to congregate more in the kitchen than in the living room, so
they were on hand to witness many superman entrances, blanket flying behind him as he
raced inside out of the reaching fingers of the streaming sun.
As his feet raced up the steps and his hand reached up to try the door, he slightly
registered the legs of in his view. Barreling into the kitchen, he realized it was a person
that he had passed by as her voice reached his ears.
"Spike? Why are you here?"
The volume grew as she moved behind him into the kitchen, shutting the door softly
behind her. It wasn't the loud, harsh angry noise that he usually made as he always gave
the door a firm shove to tightly close it.
"I needed to see you about something. I didn't think…." His voice trailed off as he took
in her appearance. To anyone else, she would have looked normal. Jeans, shirt, bare feet
with bright pink toes. But to him, her eyes looked sad. Melancholy. In the past week,
her eyes had life in them. A vibrancy, a sparkle like when he'd first met her. But now it
was gone. Now her eyes were just dead pools of limp moss, with red seaweed lingering
on the edges. "Have you been crying?"
She wiped at her face. She thought the tears were gone. How could he tell? And why
was she asking herself that. It was Spike, he could always tell. "What? No, it's nothing.
Well maybe not nothing."
"You okay?"
"I don't know. Dawn and I got to talking. Then yelling. And she brought up some valid
points. Things I just didn't want to think about."
"If you need to talk about anything, let me know." He didn't want to push. Or pry. And
he didn't want to send false messages. But he couldn't stand right in front of her and
watch her be unhappy. Whatever happened between them, he would love her. And he
couldn't stand to see her in pain, either over a paper cut or something more dire.
"I will. Maybe it's something I need to figure out on my own first. But then again…
What if, what if this doesn't work?"
She'd lost him. He was an intelligent guy, vamp or whatever. But it took a bloody genius
to sometimes follow her. She could jump from one thing to another.
"You. Me. Maybe you were right. Maybe we should just be friends. But is it wrong to
want something more in my life? But what if I can't have it? What if I can't give it to
you?"
It was them. That's what was causing her pain. Not them, but the obstacles they faced.
And he knew where she was coming from. He was petrified. Scared of what could go
wrong. They could take a wrong turn and end up back where they were before. And this
time they might not even come out of it as friends. And he wasn't sure he could give her
the answers she was seeking, because he wasn't quite sure of anything himself. "I'm the
wrong one to ask pet. For years I wanted something unattainable."
"And now you could have it. All of it."
"Yeah."
"You love me don't you? And I don't mean love me, love me. I mean with all your
heart, till the end of the world, nothing will ever stop it love me. Some huge love." She
thought she might turn blue from holding her breath, waiting for his answer. Deep down
inside, she knew the answers. But she still couldn't believe it sometimes. Couldn't
believe that someone could love her so much and actually stay around. Not leave. Well
except for a few weeks. But he'd come back. And he had every intention of staying for
as long as she wanted him too. And she wanted him to stay. She needed it. But his
feelings, his huge love scared her. Scared her more than anything she'd ever faced, Glory
or the Master. It was something she didn't think she could ever conquer.
"Always."
"What if I can't do that? What if I can't love you like that? I mean I have feelings for
you. Feelings beyond friendship. But what if what you feel can't be returned? What
then?"
He didn't know how to answer. More than anything, he wanted her love. A deep
everlasting love. Something that would transcend time, that would bind them together
forever. But he'd come to the conclusion that he might never get it, that he really wasn't
even worthy of it. And that had taken time, a sojourn to Africa and a soul. He couldn't
tell her that.
He'd found it in himself to remember the good times they'd had. Cherish them, keep
them close to himself where he could draw upon them. Late at night, he could take them
out, play with them. Take the ending and twist it so that she didn't beat him up in an
alley, she listened to him and thanked him for looking out for her. Shape things so that
they were happy in an imaginary world, so that dreams were exquisite. But he couldn't
tell her that.
He could tell her to be happy. That was all he wanted. When she was happy, he was
happy. It really was that simple. Though he was also happy in her embrace, buried deep
within her body, her heat surrounding him. But those were memories he could take out
and reminisce about at night.
"When were you the happiest in the last year?"
At first she thought it might take a while for her to come up with an answer. But it didn't.
It just came to her. And she was happiest then, there was no doubt about it. "We were
fighting together, side by side. I was looking out for Dawn. Everyone was friends and I
was in charge. But then again, I did have amnesia."
"That was a good time. Well, for some of us."
"Didn't like wandering around in your little tweed suit? Foreshadowed this watcher job
Randy."
"Joan. Such a boring name for a boring girl."
"Hey, I like Joan, Randy."
"It wasn't that bad a day. I actually felt like part of the gang."
"You are part of the gang."
"Not really."
"I'm their leader. So if I say you are a member, then you are. And besides, what good
would I be as a leader if I didn't allow a vampire, on a mission of redemption to help me
fight the evil in the world."
"We were a good team."
"We still are."
"And no matter what happens, we'll make sure we will always be. If we just believe that
Buffy, we can make this work. Whether it's fighting partners or more. That's why the
friendship has to come first."
"You've gotten smart in your old age."
"I'll have you know that I am very young. Well compared to some. And I keep up with
all the latest fashions, unlike some vampires. I can even work a computer and the
internet."
"I thought Willow was with you. Helping you set up your new computer."
"She was, but she's looking for Anya. And Xander too. She's getting dinner, so we can
all eat here."
"Dinner's good. It'll be nice to have everyone around for dinner. Haven't don't that in a
while."
"But that's not why I'm here. Not the main reason. And not for the talk either, not that I
don't care how you're feeling, cause I do. But I came by for another reason. I think we
found your monster. This him?"
**************
He could walk out right now. Leave the letter on the table. Or take it with him and burn
it. He didn't have to read it. He didn't have to read how one other person thought he was
a screw up. But his fingers itched. His eyes burned to trace the letters on the paper, to
find out what Giles said. To see what he felt was important to leave him with. Would it
be words of wisdom? Or sentences of disgust? Everyone else seemed to be disgusted
with him. Even Willow.
But he was right. Wasn't he? Demons were bad. That's what they said. Vampires were
soulless creatures who you staked. You weren't friends with them. You didn't converse
with them. It was what he'd been taught. Angel was the exception. One he could
somewhat overlook. But he was still a vampire. He was the only one who never forgot
that. Everyone else did and Ms. Calendar had died. He was right, they were wrong.
Why couldn't they see that?
Anya had flipped the sign, so that the outside world could see the shop had closed. And
she'd disappeared back into her office, leaving him alone. His fingers moved by their
own choice, sliding under the flap of the envelope, drawing the letter out.
'Xander,
'You've been an adult out in the world longer than the rest of them. You found your way.
You rose out of the basement, literally and figuratively. Jobs were taken, as you searched
for your niche. And you found it. You found what you excelled at. You found your
calling. And you did it on your own. The rest of them will have to do it on their own.
But I ask that you be there beside them. Catch them as they fall, as they take stupid jobs,
like Buffy's at the Doublemeat. Support them as they find their own niche. That's all you
can do is support them.
'I know you don't agree with some of the decisions that you're friends have made in their
lives. They might not agree with some of the choices you've made either. But they've
stuck by you. They've supported you. That's what friends do. You stick by them,
support them. Let them make their own choices, even if you think they're bad ones. Just
be there if they do fail, but don't say you were right. Nobody wants their nose rubbed in
their mistakes.
'Talk to Buffy. Listen to her. And I mean listen. She knows her duty in life and what
she might face one day. We could never comprehend it. If she wants some joy, for all
the heartache and pain that comes her way, who are we to begrudge her that? Don't you
think she deserves it, just like you do? She's not your property. She's just a girl that has
to save the world a lot. And she can be a great friend. Be her friend, Xander. Let her
make her choices and support her as she makes them. You don't have to approve. You
just have to stand by her side. Just like you've stood by Willow over the past month.
'I leave them in your care. I know you'll find it in yourself to do the right thing. It may
take time. It may take many failures, but I have the confidence in you.
'Rupert Giles'
He folded the letter back up. He didn't want to think about the contents right now. He
didn't want to think how maybe Giles was right. How maybe Willow was right, he might
not have been a good friend. Distraction was what he needed. Something to take his
mind off of this.
A knock at the door provided him with the distraction he needed. Crossing over, he
opened it, ushering Willow inside.
"I'm glad I found you. You weren't answering your cell, so I didn't know where you
were."
"It's in the car. What's up?"
"Dinner at Buffy's. I have to pick up food on the way over."
"A Scooby gang dinner? The three of us and Dawn?"
"Spike and Anya too. Anya's here right?"
**************
Buffy settled back into the couch, bringing her feet up beside her. Settling in, getting
comfortable. Eyes roamed the picture, making sure all the details were the same. "It's
him. Or her. Do they have sexes? Right down to the horrid hair color. But you could
have told me later that you found him."
"We've got a problem."
"What? There must be information about what they want, or if they are really dangerous.
We just defeat them, save the world." It seemed simple to her, not really a problem. It
was just another demon. You find out what they are, what they wanted, you kill them.
That was the way it worked.
"Small problem when they're extinct." He waited for her reaction. Would she be as
worried as he was? Would it occur to her that something big had to be going on if extinct
demons were walking around. Her brow wrinkled and he could see her mentally try to
process the world, try to figure out what he meant.
"Extinct? What do you mean?"
"Dead. The species is no longer alive."
"I know what extinct means. But they're not. I've seen at least half a dozen of them in
the last few weeks. And nothing else is out there to cloud my memory. They're not
extinct."
"Well everyone believes they are."
"It's just a typo or something. Or there weren't that many last year. And who keeps track
of extinct demons anyway?"
"It's not a typo. And the council is who keeps track. The last time anyone saw them was
in 1893. I don't think it's a case of none were seen last year. None have been seen for
over a hundred years."
"But this is it. I know it. Every detail is the same. You believe me right?" She wasn't
going crazy again. She knew it, and he had to believe it. She wasn't sure she could
handle another Buffy crazy scenario for at least a few years.
"I believe you."
"But what does this mean? How can this be?" She couldn't wrap her brain around it.
Dinosaurs were extinct, not demons she encountered on nightly patrols.
"That's the question. One that we're going to have to research. I don't know why this
demon has suddenly showed up now, or what it means, but I'm sure it's the end of the
world or something as equally bad."
Author: Amanda
Rating: PG or so. For now at least.
Summary: You haven't read the first parts? Summer after season 6. Buffy is slaying for
the council and for money. Spike's helping out. It's been very quiet on the Hellmouth,
except for one demon. Spike's finally found information on the demon.
Distribution: Please ask. Previous chapters are up at fanfiction.net and B/S Central.
Disclaimers: I own nothing. Joss owns everything.
Feedback: All replies are read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many thanks to Mezz for the beta!
**************
Xander peeked in the front windows. The lights were on. The sign read open. But he
didn't see any movement inside. She could be there. They all could. But did he want to
risk it? The last time he set foot inside, he'd encountered two people… no they weren't
people, two demons that he didn't want to see. Two demons that had wrecked his life.
But standing outside The Magic Shoppe wasn't going to find Willow. And he didn't need
to hide. He wasn't in the wrong. He wasn't a demon trying to live like humans.
As he made his way inside, he took note of the craftsmanship. Whoever had done the
rebuilding had done a good job. But then again, Anya would only have the best of
anything, so it wasn't a wonder that everything was shiny and new. As he admired the
woodwork on the display shelves, she appeared from a door behind the cash register. Her
office, if he remembered correctly. It was where Spike and Giles had disappeared last
week.
"Have you seen Willow? She's not at my place. And there's no note."
"She's probably still with Spike."
It was the last place he had imagined Willow would be. Surely Anya was wrong. She
had her information messed up or she was lying. "Spike? What's he doing, raping her
too?"
"I'm not dignifying that with a response. If you want to know what Willow is up to,
you'll have to ask her yourself."
"Why is Buffy keeping him around? And why did Giles leave here with Spike still on the
scene?"
The subject of Xander was pretty much closed between Anya and Buffy. Not for any big
reason. More because Buffy knew that Anya didn't want to talk about him or hear about
him. But she was aware that Buffy hadn't talked to him about the new developments.
For a brief second she considered spilling herself. Even about Spike's soul. Not for any
good reason, just because she wanted to see Xander's face. And because she was a
demon. But she held her tongue. Spilling everything would result in Buffy being mad
and she rather liked the friendship they had developed over the summer.
Taking her keys out of her pocket, she opened the drawer under the cash register. She
knew she had left it there, someplace safe, where no one else could grab it and take it to
him. Giles had entrusted the letters in her care, to make sure that everyone got them.
And she took that duty very seriously. "Here's your letter from Giles. Take it if you want
it. If not, it will be here until you're ready to read it. But you never know, you might find
some answers."
"Maybe from Giles, but what about Buffy?"
"Ask her. She'll probably tell you. Unless you go around accusing people of things
without all the facts. You have a tendency to do that Xander."
"Why do you hate me? I walked out on our wedding, but I came back."
"You walked out Xander. You walked out without any explanations. You left me to tell
everyone. You left me to deal with it all by myself."
"But I came back." He thought she understood. It wasn't her. He had told her that.
"And you think that solves everything. Just coming back. I was supposed to welcome
you with open arms? The great Xander Harris, who thinks he can do no wrong. He came
back for me so I was supposed to be happy? Get it through your head, the world doesn't
revolve around you. We aren't your harem to command.
"I don't hate you Xander. I don't really like you either. I have no feelings for you
whatsoever. Except maybe gratefulness. I'm thankful to you for what you did. Because
you showed me that I don't belong in your world. That I don't belong in the human
world. Especially not with you."
"That's it then. It's my fault that you became a demon. Everything is my fault?"
"It's not your fault. It's just what happened. And sometimes the right things happen for
the wrong reasons. I think this was one of them. I was never meant to be human. Not
forever. I learned so much. Emotions, feelings that I will always carry with me. But that
life wasn't Anyanka."
"And this one is?"
"Yes it is. I'm running a shop. Maybe doling out vengeance wishes on the side. But the
real me is running an after hours shop for other demons. And I have friends. Weird,
mixed-up friends. A slayer, a key, and a vampire. Even a watcher. That's me. It's not
simple or cut and dried. It's just Anyanka.
"Here's the letter. Read it. It might answer some questions you have. Or it might prompt
more. I'll be in my office if you need me."
**************
He ran, the blanket over his head shielding him from the early evening sun. He probably
could have waited. But he hadn't wanted to. And to be truthful, he knew this was Buffy's
demon. With her confirmation, research would follow. Questions would be raised. And
he was afraid of what the answers could be. If they found any answers.
He was hoping the back door was unlocked. If not, there wasn't much to protect him
unlike the front porch. But it was closer. And he really did like the entrance he created
by running into the kitchen, blanket slightly smoking. And usually it was an entrance.
Buffy and Dawn seemed to congregate more in the kitchen than in the living room, so
they were on hand to witness many superman entrances, blanket flying behind him as he
raced inside out of the reaching fingers of the streaming sun.
As his feet raced up the steps and his hand reached up to try the door, he slightly
registered the legs of in his view. Barreling into the kitchen, he realized it was a person
that he had passed by as her voice reached his ears.
"Spike? Why are you here?"
The volume grew as she moved behind him into the kitchen, shutting the door softly
behind her. It wasn't the loud, harsh angry noise that he usually made as he always gave
the door a firm shove to tightly close it.
"I needed to see you about something. I didn't think…." His voice trailed off as he took
in her appearance. To anyone else, she would have looked normal. Jeans, shirt, bare feet
with bright pink toes. But to him, her eyes looked sad. Melancholy. In the past week,
her eyes had life in them. A vibrancy, a sparkle like when he'd first met her. But now it
was gone. Now her eyes were just dead pools of limp moss, with red seaweed lingering
on the edges. "Have you been crying?"
She wiped at her face. She thought the tears were gone. How could he tell? And why
was she asking herself that. It was Spike, he could always tell. "What? No, it's nothing.
Well maybe not nothing."
"You okay?"
"I don't know. Dawn and I got to talking. Then yelling. And she brought up some valid
points. Things I just didn't want to think about."
"If you need to talk about anything, let me know." He didn't want to push. Or pry. And
he didn't want to send false messages. But he couldn't stand right in front of her and
watch her be unhappy. Whatever happened between them, he would love her. And he
couldn't stand to see her in pain, either over a paper cut or something more dire.
"I will. Maybe it's something I need to figure out on my own first. But then again…
What if, what if this doesn't work?"
She'd lost him. He was an intelligent guy, vamp or whatever. But it took a bloody genius
to sometimes follow her. She could jump from one thing to another.
"You. Me. Maybe you were right. Maybe we should just be friends. But is it wrong to
want something more in my life? But what if I can't have it? What if I can't give it to
you?"
It was them. That's what was causing her pain. Not them, but the obstacles they faced.
And he knew where she was coming from. He was petrified. Scared of what could go
wrong. They could take a wrong turn and end up back where they were before. And this
time they might not even come out of it as friends. And he wasn't sure he could give her
the answers she was seeking, because he wasn't quite sure of anything himself. "I'm the
wrong one to ask pet. For years I wanted something unattainable."
"And now you could have it. All of it."
"Yeah."
"You love me don't you? And I don't mean love me, love me. I mean with all your
heart, till the end of the world, nothing will ever stop it love me. Some huge love." She
thought she might turn blue from holding her breath, waiting for his answer. Deep down
inside, she knew the answers. But she still couldn't believe it sometimes. Couldn't
believe that someone could love her so much and actually stay around. Not leave. Well
except for a few weeks. But he'd come back. And he had every intention of staying for
as long as she wanted him too. And she wanted him to stay. She needed it. But his
feelings, his huge love scared her. Scared her more than anything she'd ever faced, Glory
or the Master. It was something she didn't think she could ever conquer.
"Always."
"What if I can't do that? What if I can't love you like that? I mean I have feelings for
you. Feelings beyond friendship. But what if what you feel can't be returned? What
then?"
He didn't know how to answer. More than anything, he wanted her love. A deep
everlasting love. Something that would transcend time, that would bind them together
forever. But he'd come to the conclusion that he might never get it, that he really wasn't
even worthy of it. And that had taken time, a sojourn to Africa and a soul. He couldn't
tell her that.
He'd found it in himself to remember the good times they'd had. Cherish them, keep
them close to himself where he could draw upon them. Late at night, he could take them
out, play with them. Take the ending and twist it so that she didn't beat him up in an
alley, she listened to him and thanked him for looking out for her. Shape things so that
they were happy in an imaginary world, so that dreams were exquisite. But he couldn't
tell her that.
He could tell her to be happy. That was all he wanted. When she was happy, he was
happy. It really was that simple. Though he was also happy in her embrace, buried deep
within her body, her heat surrounding him. But those were memories he could take out
and reminisce about at night.
"When were you the happiest in the last year?"
At first she thought it might take a while for her to come up with an answer. But it didn't.
It just came to her. And she was happiest then, there was no doubt about it. "We were
fighting together, side by side. I was looking out for Dawn. Everyone was friends and I
was in charge. But then again, I did have amnesia."
"That was a good time. Well, for some of us."
"Didn't like wandering around in your little tweed suit? Foreshadowed this watcher job
Randy."
"Joan. Such a boring name for a boring girl."
"Hey, I like Joan, Randy."
"It wasn't that bad a day. I actually felt like part of the gang."
"You are part of the gang."
"Not really."
"I'm their leader. So if I say you are a member, then you are. And besides, what good
would I be as a leader if I didn't allow a vampire, on a mission of redemption to help me
fight the evil in the world."
"We were a good team."
"We still are."
"And no matter what happens, we'll make sure we will always be. If we just believe that
Buffy, we can make this work. Whether it's fighting partners or more. That's why the
friendship has to come first."
"You've gotten smart in your old age."
"I'll have you know that I am very young. Well compared to some. And I keep up with
all the latest fashions, unlike some vampires. I can even work a computer and the
internet."
"I thought Willow was with you. Helping you set up your new computer."
"She was, but she's looking for Anya. And Xander too. She's getting dinner, so we can
all eat here."
"Dinner's good. It'll be nice to have everyone around for dinner. Haven't don't that in a
while."
"But that's not why I'm here. Not the main reason. And not for the talk either, not that I
don't care how you're feeling, cause I do. But I came by for another reason. I think we
found your monster. This him?"
**************
He could walk out right now. Leave the letter on the table. Or take it with him and burn
it. He didn't have to read it. He didn't have to read how one other person thought he was
a screw up. But his fingers itched. His eyes burned to trace the letters on the paper, to
find out what Giles said. To see what he felt was important to leave him with. Would it
be words of wisdom? Or sentences of disgust? Everyone else seemed to be disgusted
with him. Even Willow.
But he was right. Wasn't he? Demons were bad. That's what they said. Vampires were
soulless creatures who you staked. You weren't friends with them. You didn't converse
with them. It was what he'd been taught. Angel was the exception. One he could
somewhat overlook. But he was still a vampire. He was the only one who never forgot
that. Everyone else did and Ms. Calendar had died. He was right, they were wrong.
Why couldn't they see that?
Anya had flipped the sign, so that the outside world could see the shop had closed. And
she'd disappeared back into her office, leaving him alone. His fingers moved by their
own choice, sliding under the flap of the envelope, drawing the letter out.
'Xander,
'You've been an adult out in the world longer than the rest of them. You found your way.
You rose out of the basement, literally and figuratively. Jobs were taken, as you searched
for your niche. And you found it. You found what you excelled at. You found your
calling. And you did it on your own. The rest of them will have to do it on their own.
But I ask that you be there beside them. Catch them as they fall, as they take stupid jobs,
like Buffy's at the Doublemeat. Support them as they find their own niche. That's all you
can do is support them.
'I know you don't agree with some of the decisions that you're friends have made in their
lives. They might not agree with some of the choices you've made either. But they've
stuck by you. They've supported you. That's what friends do. You stick by them,
support them. Let them make their own choices, even if you think they're bad ones. Just
be there if they do fail, but don't say you were right. Nobody wants their nose rubbed in
their mistakes.
'Talk to Buffy. Listen to her. And I mean listen. She knows her duty in life and what
she might face one day. We could never comprehend it. If she wants some joy, for all
the heartache and pain that comes her way, who are we to begrudge her that? Don't you
think she deserves it, just like you do? She's not your property. She's just a girl that has
to save the world a lot. And she can be a great friend. Be her friend, Xander. Let her
make her choices and support her as she makes them. You don't have to approve. You
just have to stand by her side. Just like you've stood by Willow over the past month.
'I leave them in your care. I know you'll find it in yourself to do the right thing. It may
take time. It may take many failures, but I have the confidence in you.
'Rupert Giles'
He folded the letter back up. He didn't want to think about the contents right now. He
didn't want to think how maybe Giles was right. How maybe Willow was right, he might
not have been a good friend. Distraction was what he needed. Something to take his
mind off of this.
A knock at the door provided him with the distraction he needed. Crossing over, he
opened it, ushering Willow inside.
"I'm glad I found you. You weren't answering your cell, so I didn't know where you
were."
"It's in the car. What's up?"
"Dinner at Buffy's. I have to pick up food on the way over."
"A Scooby gang dinner? The three of us and Dawn?"
"Spike and Anya too. Anya's here right?"
**************
Buffy settled back into the couch, bringing her feet up beside her. Settling in, getting
comfortable. Eyes roamed the picture, making sure all the details were the same. "It's
him. Or her. Do they have sexes? Right down to the horrid hair color. But you could
have told me later that you found him."
"We've got a problem."
"What? There must be information about what they want, or if they are really dangerous.
We just defeat them, save the world." It seemed simple to her, not really a problem. It
was just another demon. You find out what they are, what they wanted, you kill them.
That was the way it worked.
"Small problem when they're extinct." He waited for her reaction. Would she be as
worried as he was? Would it occur to her that something big had to be going on if extinct
demons were walking around. Her brow wrinkled and he could see her mentally try to
process the world, try to figure out what he meant.
"Extinct? What do you mean?"
"Dead. The species is no longer alive."
"I know what extinct means. But they're not. I've seen at least half a dozen of them in
the last few weeks. And nothing else is out there to cloud my memory. They're not
extinct."
"Well everyone believes they are."
"It's just a typo or something. Or there weren't that many last year. And who keeps track
of extinct demons anyway?"
"It's not a typo. And the council is who keeps track. The last time anyone saw them was
in 1893. I don't think it's a case of none were seen last year. None have been seen for
over a hundred years."
"But this is it. I know it. Every detail is the same. You believe me right?" She wasn't
going crazy again. She knew it, and he had to believe it. She wasn't sure she could
handle another Buffy crazy scenario for at least a few years.
"I believe you."
"But what does this mean? How can this be?" She couldn't wrap her brain around it.
Dinosaurs were extinct, not demons she encountered on nightly patrols.
"That's the question. One that we're going to have to research. I don't know why this
demon has suddenly showed up now, or what it means, but I'm sure it's the end of the
world or something as equally bad."