Blurry 15/?
Author: Amanda
Rating: PG-13, for now
Summary: Sets place in the summer after Season 6. Willow went with Xander and Giles
to London for a little while, but is back to stay. Giles and Anya have started a
transcontinental relationship – she teleports over to see him. Dawn's in summer school.
And Buffy has agreed to accept help from the council, both in monetary from and by
having Spike help her out. In the last chapter, Spike told Buffy that the demons she'd
been killing around town were extinct and it probably meant it was the end of the world.
Distribution: Please ask. All previous chapters are at
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=230408 (at least for now) and
http://cgi.carnal-sins.net/bscentral/profiles.php?uid=58
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many, many thanks to Mezz for helping in pointing out the many changes that
needed to be made in this chapter.
A/N2: I meant to have this out earlier. Yes I am aware that it has been a month. But I
was in a funk. And my characters weren't talking to me. And I needed some help from
them before I could continue. However, I believe I am out of my funk and we shall
continue as fast as they communicate with me. Starting next week, Monday afternoons
and evenings have been blocked out specifically for fic writing, so that I can avoid the
temptation of the wildfeed.
**************
Giles didn't know how it had started. Just one night, she'd woken him up. He'd been in
his room sleeping. And then she was there, looking for someone to talk to. She said she
hadn't known where else to turn. That she and Buffy were talking now, but she didn't
want to burden Buffy with her problems. Buffy had too many to deal with already.
She had talked about the cries she felt. Cries for vengeance. But how she had no
inclination to answer them. And she was lost. She didn't know what to do, where to turn.
So she'd come to him. And he'd sat and listened.
A few nights later, it had happened again. She had appeared. But this time with a
different hair color. It was darker; the way he loved it. When he had complimented her,
she'd jokingly said that Buffy had said 'She was the only blonde of the group. And it
should stay that way.'
And now it had become a ritual. Every night after she got finished with her work, she'd
pop in and see him. It was so much easier without trying to hide it. He'd warm up left
over curry for her and he'd have a glass of brandy while they talked about their days. It
didn't matter about the hours. It was so much easier keeping your own hours, when all
you did was research and translations.
Though he couldn't forget about the outing he had coming up. Taking a bunch of young
watchers out on a vampire hunting expedition should be interesting. He was sure that
none of them would be full of quips or try to light them on fire. No, this would be a
straight on hunt and stake. The fun was reserved for his other group.
"I know I'm early, but I can't stay."
Anya's voice brought him out of his musings. And the joy he felt when he saw her
slowly faded as her words came to rest on his mind.
***************
Buffy opened the door, grimacing at Xander and Willow on the other side as she
continued her phone conversation. "No, I promise. The check is in the mail. I am sorry
for the delay. But I am gainfully employed now and there should be no problems. You
should have it by tomorrow. And if you don't, please call back."
Hanging up, she motioned them inside. "Did you bring dinner? Cause I've been a little
occupied this afternoon and haven't had time to cook."
"You cook?" Xander asked surprised. So many things had seemed to change in the short
weeks he was gone. Buffy hadn't cooked before. The only time he remembered her
cooking was that Thanksgiving. The one he didn't want to think about, because of
diseases, Anya, and a certain vampire that showed up.
"We have to eat somehow. And leaving Dawn in charge is not good. Trust me, you don't
want to try some of her concoctions. And besides, no more Doublemeat burgers, because
no more job."
Xander looked at her puzzled. "But I thought you just said you were working."
"I am."
Anything else she was going to say on that matter was cut off as Xander's eyes were
drawn to the stairs. Dawn descended, with Spike behind her. Luckily, he had been able
to coerce her out of her bedroom. But she wished that maybe they hadn't made the big
entrance.
"What's he doing here?" He had known he was going to be there. Willow had told him.
But he hadn't really believed it. Or had wanted to believe it. And now it or he was
staring him in the face. Making him believe it. Spike was welcome in Buffy's house.
Spike was welcome to be around Dawn. Spike was welcome to do anything he wanted
to, cause any damage he could. And he, Xander was the only one who cared, the only
one who remembered what he really was.
Spike nudged Dawn along, down the stairs. He had found her curled up on her bed.
Earphones to her ears, music blasting. Which was probably why she hadn't listened to
Buffy's pleas to open the door and talk to her. But he didn't ask. He just jimmied the
lock and walked on in, letting Buffy know he'd get her down for dinner. "Did you get
dinner?"
"Lots of yummy goodness. And here's your change." Willow dug the money out of her
pocket, keeping an eye on Xander at the same time. He had been quiet on the way over,
just looking like he was concentrating on driving. And she had hoped he had been trying
to find his inner self, to try and channel some peacefulness. But apparently not. His
hatred of Spike was still there and being in Buffy's house wasn't going to abate it.
More things were unraveling in Xander's head. More things to cope with. It wasn't just
Spike willingly accepted by everyone, it was not Spike supplying the food. That wasn't
Spike's job. It was his. That's what he was for. He bought donuts and pizza. And now
he didn't have that job anymore. "I thought you were buying dinner Willow."
"I was. Just with Spike's money."
"Robbing school children of their lunch money?" Xander could hear the nastiness in his
voice, but he hadn't been able to help himself. All his reflections about thinking over
what Willow had said about trying to be a good friend. What Giles had pointed out in his
letter. It was still there, but he couldn't do that now. It wasn't in him to be this person
that swept it all away. And why couldn't they understand that? Why couldn't they see
that someone had to protect them and he was the only one left to do it.
Buffy could see carnage was about to be shed. And she'd just vacuumed the carpets.
"Xander. Back porch now. Spike, please set the table. Willow, help him out. And
Dawn, homework."
"Why do I have to set the table?"
Buffy could imagine the pout on Spike's face, that went along with his whine. But she
wasn't going to turn around and look. Giving into his pouts had led to grass stains on the
back of her favorite jacket. Though she was sure grass stains weren't going to happen
now, she still knew he could tempt her to change her mind.
"If you'd rather switch with Dawn and cleanup, that's fine. But do something."
"I don't think she's in a good mood." Buffy heard Willow remark to Spike as she
followed Xander out the back door.
"Had a bit of a shock this afternoon I think. Lots of things on her mind. Where does
Buffy keep the placemats?"
Buffy could hear cabinets being opened, as she closed the back door and faced Xander.
Suddenly she wished she was anywhere else but where she was. Anything would be
easier than this.
***************
"I got your favorite from Rajpoot, Chicken Rajastani." He wasn't sure if it was meant as
a plea for her to stay or if he was just stating the facts. This dating thing, if that's what it
was, wasn't easy. Especially when you lived halfway around the world from each other.
Granted it was definitely a lot easier than having to pay for a flight and going through
customs. But the time difference of eight hours wasn't easy on them.
It was nice staying in, eating takeout. Just talking or watching movies. But he wanted to
take Anya out. Dinner in a nice secluded restaurant, while they held hands and the
candles flickered across her face. Maybe take in a play or some music. However she
couldn't do that, without arousing suspicions. And she wasn't ready to let anyone else
know right now. And neither was he.
He could understand what the allure was, having a secret relationship. Just the two of
you, where you didn't have to share the other with anyone else. And he wasn't ready to
face the questions. So for now, secluded times together were what they had.
She didn't want to give up there time together, but she knew she had to. She'd come to
rely on Giles. He understood her. Her fears, her indecision about her life. She knew she
had appeared calm to Xander earlier, that her life was on the right track and she was
happy with it. But she had fears. Fears that only Giles knew. "Can it keep until
tomorrow? Spike called a meeting."
"How's that working out?"
"Well I haven't been yet. But I'm sure it'll be interesting. Xander will be there and I don't
think Buffy's told him anything yet."
"I meant Spike. Is he helping Buffy? Are they fighting? I haven't heard anything, from
either them or the council." He sat down in the cushiony chair by the fireplace. Only
hours before he had sat there, with Anya curled in his arms sleeping. And now, he just
wanted to feel closer to her again without appearing needy.
"I guess it's okay. He got his computer set up today. That's why I'm needed. Willow
was sent to get me. Something about research and Spike could especially use my help."
"Then you should go. Get changed and help him. It will do you good." And he knew it
would do her good. Beneath the strong exterior that Anya showed the world, was a
needy girl. A girl that had so much to offer. And he couldn't hide her away forever.
She crossed over to him, kneeling on the ground by his feet. Her hand reached for his
face. She remembered describing him once as ruggedly handsome. Now she could add
sexy. And she didn't want to leave her sexy man. "I'd rather be with you."
**************
"Why's he here? In your house?"
Buffy took a deep breath in. There was a reason she'd avoided talking to Xander. And
this was it. She knew she couldn't make him understand. There wasn't anything she
could say that would enable him to understand. And she understood that. If she was
standing in his place, she'd probably be the same way. It was crazy letting Spike back
into her house, into her life. But she had to do it. He was a part of her life. A part of her.
A big part. "I thought I went over this. Spike's my friend. Just like you're my friend.
And my friends are welcome in my house."
"But Buffy, he raped you." Xander couldn't understand. He knew Giles wanted him to
stand beside Buffy and support him. But in his conscience he just didn't think he could do
that. He loved her. Really loved her. And even though he knew he would never have a
chance with her, he wasn't going to allow anyone or anything to destroy her. And that's
what he saw happening. Spike would ultimately destroy her.
"How many times do I have to tell you that he did not rape me? And it's my life. Why
can't we just get along?" She knew they could hear her in the house. With her voice as
loud as it was, probably all the neighbors could hear her. But this was her life and she
was done with other people running it. She had control back, she was driving.
"You want me to get along with him? He slept with Anya. He used you."
"Xander, listen to yourself. You and Anya were over. She owed nothing to you. And
Spike didn't use me. This is my life. I've never told you how to live yours."
"And what about when he hurts you. You know what happened."
She did know what happened. She lived it. She had lived it, not anyone else. And they
couldn't understand. They could never understand.
Xander looked at her like she was supposed to just give in to him. That he knew what
was right. But he didn't live inside her body, inside her heart. He didn't know how it
ached for someone. How she needed someone who understood her, someone to stand
beside her. And that was Spike. Whether friends or lovers, he knew her better than
anyone else. He always had. And she couldn't throw that away.
Xander had Willow. Willow had Xander. Yes, they were her best friends, but they
understood each other. She never understood them the way they got the other. And they
never got her. They hadn't stood a day in her shoes. But Spike got her. And she needed
it. The way Xander needed Willow and vice versa, she needed Spike.
"If Spike ever hurts me, Ii he ever leaves, then I'll have my friends to help me pick up the
pieces. But until then, I'm making my own decisions. I just don't want to lose you over
this."
He didn't want to give in. But he did. The fight wasn't over, it hadn't left him. But he'd
strategically retreated. One day soon he'd plead his case. Spike would trip up. He would
fail. And Xander would be there to rush in and show Buffy that demons couldn't change.
That Spike wasn't needed in her life, she was better off without him. But until then, he'd
try to stand by her. And he knew that it would be hard.
"I don't like it Buffy. Not at all. But I'm not turning my back on you, someone has to
keep an eye on him. I'm just glad he still has that chip so that he can't hurt you."
**************
"What are you doing?" Dawn stared at Spike in equal parts of horror and fascination.
And she wasn't quite sure which one she was supposed to feel.
"Eating."
"But what is that? Is that blood? Are you dipping your chicken in blood?"
"You're dipping yours in honey mustard sauce."
"But it's blood."
"Pretend it's ketchup."
"Dawn, leave Spike alone and eat. Willow, when did Anya say she'd be here?" Buffy
brought her fingers to her head and started to massage her temples. They were giving her
a headache. Every single one of them. What had started as a nice quiet afternoon had
turned into a three ring circus. And she knew it would be hours before she could get
some time alone.
"Why are we really here anyway?" Xander had to physically bite his tongue to stop the
other question he wanted to ask. 'Just to eat a nice meal with a rapist?'
"Research. Or information. We need to try and figure out this demon. Or whatever
we're dealing with. And when Anya gets here, she and Spike can let us know everything.
Then we can formulate a plan."
"Research usually involves books. I can go to shop and search there. Leave you all alone
with your dinner." Xander didn't want to. He knew he needed to stay, keep an eye on
things. But he didn't think he could sit still another minute and watch Spike as he
casually ate chicken like he belonged in this house.
"They're not there." She knew Xander didn't want to be here. And he was looking for
anyway to escape. Why she didn't let him go was beyond her. But for some insane
reason she wanted all her friends together.
"Well, where are they?"
"Spike's."
"Excuse me?"
She knew she was running. It wasn't like he was her parent and she should be afraid of
telling him the truth. But she just couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him about Spike
helping her out. He was having enough of a problem dealing with the fact that she
wanted Spike in her life. And he only knew about the friend part.
Everyone's eyes were on her, waiting to see what she would do next. And she waited,
hoping someone would take over for her, spill the beans. Spike would have done it
before. He would have been willing to tell Xander everything. But not now. Not since
he'd come back from Africa. He had changed, looking to her to set the rules, the
guidelines. At least for the most part. And now that she wished he would just blurt
everything out, he was keeping letting her keep it a secret.
It wasn't right of her putting this off. She knew that. And she knew Willow was put in
the awkward position of having to lie to Xander or not answer any questions. But she
just couldn't deal with him now. "We took the research material out of the shop. Too
many demons know where I live, so Spike's new place seemed like a good place to put
them. And there isn't a table at Spike's yet, so we have to research here. Except without
the books."
She gave into the look in his eye: the look that said he would rather be in hell than
sharing a table with Spike. And with Anya on the way, she was sure it wasn't going to
get any better. "If you want to go Xander, go. I can make sure Willow gets home okay."
H wanted to go, he really did. It would be easy to walk out the door, not have to deal
with everything. But Buffy was his friend. And you looked out for your friends if they
were in trouble. "It's not like he can hurt you, if I'm not around to protect you. Willy
wannabite doesn't want a headache."
"Actually…." Spike had let Buffy reveal what she was comfortable with. And truthfully,
he was glad she hadn't told Harris everything yet. He couldn't fight back. Either
physically or mentally. Most of the time, he was just holding on, getting through it all
because he was being relied on. And he hadn't wanted to deal with Xander anymore than
Buffy did. But she couldn't keep this from them. He was surprised it hadn't come out
before. That it hadn't been questioned how he had attacked Buffy before.
"Spike." Buffy wanted to stop him. They didn't need to know. All it would do was stir
up controversy. And probably not just with Xander. Willow would get upset. And that
night in the bathroom would be brought up. This wasn't needed tonight. Or ever really.
It was none of their business.
Xander could tell from the look Buffy was shooting Spike, urging him to stay quiet, that
she was hiding something. Something with his chip. He steadied himself in his chair,
ready to run and grab a stake. Ready to do what needed to be done. "No, I want to know
what he was going to say. Did you get the chip out? Are you just biding your time,
waiting for the right opportunity to kill us all?"
"Trust me, I would never kill you. I wouldn't touch your blood with a ten foot pole."
Spike waited. Waited for Xander to rush him. Waited to get everything out in the open.
At least everyone else's secrets.
"Enough." This wasn't the way she had imagined dinner going. And she must have been
living in delusionalville to think it would have gone any other way.
"So you're admitting you did get the chip out." How many steps would it take to reach
the weapons chest? He was closer, but Xander didn't know if he could reach it ahead of
Spike. But he would try.
"I never said that."
"But I don't have any proof that you still have the chip. Is that how you were able to…."
Xander could see Buffy sitting on the ground, a bruise on her thigh. A bruise that should
have triggered a migraine.
"I said enough. For the record, Spike still has his chip." She hoped this was the end of
the conversation, but she could tell from set of Spike's head that it wasn't. He was going
to make her tell. There was another time he had told her she needed to be straight with
her friends. But she hadn't and things had fallen apart then. She didn't want things to fall
apart now.
"You really need to tell them Buffy." She needed to stop protecting them. Willow. Even
herself. It was all going to come out sooner or later. And he would rather it came out
now when he knew Buffy was around to prevent Xander from killing him.
"Are you covering for him? Lying for him?" Xander knew she was hiding something.
He could see it in her eyes. She'd hidden things from them before, why should now be
any different? But he wasn't going to stand by and allow Spike to drain Buffy. He wasn't
going to watch another friend die.
Buffy steeled herself against the onslaught of questions and recriminations she was sure
to come with this revelation. If she had her choice, she'd never tell them. It wasn't their
business, it was hers. Hers and Spike's. But she knew that if she didn't tell them, he
would. And he would bugger it all up, or something like that. "I am not lying. Spike
still has his chip, it just doesn't work on me."
"Am I late? Or did I arrive just in time?" Anya looked around the room. No one seemed
to notice her. Xander's jaw was ticking, his body tensed like he was ready to fight.
Dawn and Willow seemed fixated on Buffy, waiting for her to say something. And Spike
just slouched in his chair, his eyes holding Buffy's. And Buffy, she sat there lost in her
own world.
**************
"Maybe the technology is whacky. Maybe it just shorts out around Buffy." Even to her
own ears it felt like a lame excuse. But Willow didn't want a fight. Things were going
good. Or somewhat good.
Buffy kept one eye on Xander while searching for what to tell Willow. She was afraid
this would hit her the hardest. "It's not a glitch. I'm the only one the chip doesn't work
on. Just me."
She rose from her seat and went to stand behind Spike. What was going to happen, she
didn't know. But she wanted to be prepared. "I want everyone to listen to me. Listen
before you do anything or say anything that you'll regret later on." Everyone nodded as
Anya slipped into the chair that Buffy had abandoned.
"In November Spike realized that he could hit and the chip didn't work. He thought
maybe it had gone kerplooey. So he tested it out. Talked himself up into attacking
someone." She was glad she had gotten the whole story from him one night. Without all
the facts, she would have been lost in what to tell them.
"But as always, Spike got a headache. It wasn't him. It was me." She decided to skip all
the in-between stuff. For one, her sister was in the room and didn't need to know about
the house falling down. And two, she knew Spike didn't want to relive 'her coming back
wrong,' anymore than she did.
They sat in stunned silence for a minute before Willow's sobs broke the silence. Buffy
didn't know if it was the mention of Tara or the reference to her magic and the
consequences it wrecked that made her cry. Probably both. And she didn't know what to
say to her to make it better. Yes it was okay now, she was okay now. But she hadn't
been. She'd held it in, lashed out at Spike over it.
But Buffy was saved from trying to figure out what to say or do as Willow took off. And
Xander took it out of her hands of whether or not she should follow her, by going after
her himself.
**************
Her head was pounding now. It wasn't just the sharp pains in her temples. No, it was her
whole head and she could feel her shoulders begin to tense up. Her talk with Xander, the
chip revelation, Anya popping into the house all contributed to her massive headache.
And Spike and Anya questioning her and conferring about these extinct demons wasn't
helping any.
Then of course there were the descriptions of what the demons were used for. And
finding out that she was impervious to their acid spewing liquid that normally burnt
humans. It seemed it was just another quirk of her resurrection. Another research
project. But now she had to answer Spike about what she did when she encountered
them.
"Well I killed them. About six or so."
He was beginning to think that the watcher had the right idea in leaving. He hadn't
minded the research earlier. But trying to draw answers out from Buffy about her
interactions with the demons was not easy. And if he didn't love her, he might be
tempted to choke her. Actually, he was still tempted. "You need to keep accurate
records."
"That's what you're for."
"So you covered their secreting holes?" Anya asked, piping up.
"No, I chopped off their heads. And they went gooey and sunk into the ground."
"Um Buffy. That's pretty good. Having to get close to them and all while they were
aiming their liquid at you. But they aren't dead." He braced himself for the yelling he
was sure to hear. If he were in her shoes, he'd be yelling. But he was surprised at her
quiet deadly voice.
"What do you mean 'they aren't dead?'"
He didn't want to be the one to tell her. The yelling might start then. And he might yell
back about her awful education in demonology. Yelling wouldn't get them anywhere.
He implored Anya with his eyes to answer her question.
"Imparafa demons can only be killed by drowning in their own secretions. The only way
you can do that is to clog their ducts, or holes. Like with cement. Or maybe glue. Then
you have a red furry body that you burn. If they turn into liquid, they just reform."
"So I could have killed the same demon over and over again?" Buffy enquired, looking
at Anya.
"It's possible." Spike nodded in agreement with Anya's words. This meant that they had
no idea how many demons they were dealing with. It could be one, it could be a
hundred.
"And how did they become extinct? Because that just seems like a pretty impossible
task." Buffy looked to Anya for her answer. It seemed to her that Spike was hesitant to
deal with her, to answer any questions. Other than telling her that she hadn't killed these
stupid fuzzy creatures.
"From what I remember, their numbers were dying out. It could have been for any
number of reasons. Low female count. Dietary problems. But there was an mud slide
around the time they disappeared, most likely caused because of the earthquakes; I think
there were a couple that year. Many believe they drowned from the mud clogging their
pores. And then they were probably buried. You don't really have to burn the body, it
just makes it easier than trying to bury it."
Burying demons, that couldn't be too hard Buffy thought. She was strong. If nothing
else worked, she could dig holes and drop them in there. "So all we need is an
earthquake and mud slides? That's got to be too easy, as we live in California."
Author: Amanda
Rating: PG-13, for now
Summary: Sets place in the summer after Season 6. Willow went with Xander and Giles
to London for a little while, but is back to stay. Giles and Anya have started a
transcontinental relationship – she teleports over to see him. Dawn's in summer school.
And Buffy has agreed to accept help from the council, both in monetary from and by
having Spike help her out. In the last chapter, Spike told Buffy that the demons she'd
been killing around town were extinct and it probably meant it was the end of the world.
Distribution: Please ask. All previous chapters are at
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=230408 (at least for now) and
http://cgi.carnal-sins.net/bscentral/profiles.php?uid=58
Feedback: All feedback is read, cherished and given a good home.
A/N: Many, many thanks to Mezz for helping in pointing out the many changes that
needed to be made in this chapter.
A/N2: I meant to have this out earlier. Yes I am aware that it has been a month. But I
was in a funk. And my characters weren't talking to me. And I needed some help from
them before I could continue. However, I believe I am out of my funk and we shall
continue as fast as they communicate with me. Starting next week, Monday afternoons
and evenings have been blocked out specifically for fic writing, so that I can avoid the
temptation of the wildfeed.
**************
Giles didn't know how it had started. Just one night, she'd woken him up. He'd been in
his room sleeping. And then she was there, looking for someone to talk to. She said she
hadn't known where else to turn. That she and Buffy were talking now, but she didn't
want to burden Buffy with her problems. Buffy had too many to deal with already.
She had talked about the cries she felt. Cries for vengeance. But how she had no
inclination to answer them. And she was lost. She didn't know what to do, where to turn.
So she'd come to him. And he'd sat and listened.
A few nights later, it had happened again. She had appeared. But this time with a
different hair color. It was darker; the way he loved it. When he had complimented her,
she'd jokingly said that Buffy had said 'She was the only blonde of the group. And it
should stay that way.'
And now it had become a ritual. Every night after she got finished with her work, she'd
pop in and see him. It was so much easier without trying to hide it. He'd warm up left
over curry for her and he'd have a glass of brandy while they talked about their days. It
didn't matter about the hours. It was so much easier keeping your own hours, when all
you did was research and translations.
Though he couldn't forget about the outing he had coming up. Taking a bunch of young
watchers out on a vampire hunting expedition should be interesting. He was sure that
none of them would be full of quips or try to light them on fire. No, this would be a
straight on hunt and stake. The fun was reserved for his other group.
"I know I'm early, but I can't stay."
Anya's voice brought him out of his musings. And the joy he felt when he saw her
slowly faded as her words came to rest on his mind.
***************
Buffy opened the door, grimacing at Xander and Willow on the other side as she
continued her phone conversation. "No, I promise. The check is in the mail. I am sorry
for the delay. But I am gainfully employed now and there should be no problems. You
should have it by tomorrow. And if you don't, please call back."
Hanging up, she motioned them inside. "Did you bring dinner? Cause I've been a little
occupied this afternoon and haven't had time to cook."
"You cook?" Xander asked surprised. So many things had seemed to change in the short
weeks he was gone. Buffy hadn't cooked before. The only time he remembered her
cooking was that Thanksgiving. The one he didn't want to think about, because of
diseases, Anya, and a certain vampire that showed up.
"We have to eat somehow. And leaving Dawn in charge is not good. Trust me, you don't
want to try some of her concoctions. And besides, no more Doublemeat burgers, because
no more job."
Xander looked at her puzzled. "But I thought you just said you were working."
"I am."
Anything else she was going to say on that matter was cut off as Xander's eyes were
drawn to the stairs. Dawn descended, with Spike behind her. Luckily, he had been able
to coerce her out of her bedroom. But she wished that maybe they hadn't made the big
entrance.
"What's he doing here?" He had known he was going to be there. Willow had told him.
But he hadn't really believed it. Or had wanted to believe it. And now it or he was
staring him in the face. Making him believe it. Spike was welcome in Buffy's house.
Spike was welcome to be around Dawn. Spike was welcome to do anything he wanted
to, cause any damage he could. And he, Xander was the only one who cared, the only
one who remembered what he really was.
Spike nudged Dawn along, down the stairs. He had found her curled up on her bed.
Earphones to her ears, music blasting. Which was probably why she hadn't listened to
Buffy's pleas to open the door and talk to her. But he didn't ask. He just jimmied the
lock and walked on in, letting Buffy know he'd get her down for dinner. "Did you get
dinner?"
"Lots of yummy goodness. And here's your change." Willow dug the money out of her
pocket, keeping an eye on Xander at the same time. He had been quiet on the way over,
just looking like he was concentrating on driving. And she had hoped he had been trying
to find his inner self, to try and channel some peacefulness. But apparently not. His
hatred of Spike was still there and being in Buffy's house wasn't going to abate it.
More things were unraveling in Xander's head. More things to cope with. It wasn't just
Spike willingly accepted by everyone, it was not Spike supplying the food. That wasn't
Spike's job. It was his. That's what he was for. He bought donuts and pizza. And now
he didn't have that job anymore. "I thought you were buying dinner Willow."
"I was. Just with Spike's money."
"Robbing school children of their lunch money?" Xander could hear the nastiness in his
voice, but he hadn't been able to help himself. All his reflections about thinking over
what Willow had said about trying to be a good friend. What Giles had pointed out in his
letter. It was still there, but he couldn't do that now. It wasn't in him to be this person
that swept it all away. And why couldn't they understand that? Why couldn't they see
that someone had to protect them and he was the only one left to do it.
Buffy could see carnage was about to be shed. And she'd just vacuumed the carpets.
"Xander. Back porch now. Spike, please set the table. Willow, help him out. And
Dawn, homework."
"Why do I have to set the table?"
Buffy could imagine the pout on Spike's face, that went along with his whine. But she
wasn't going to turn around and look. Giving into his pouts had led to grass stains on the
back of her favorite jacket. Though she was sure grass stains weren't going to happen
now, she still knew he could tempt her to change her mind.
"If you'd rather switch with Dawn and cleanup, that's fine. But do something."
"I don't think she's in a good mood." Buffy heard Willow remark to Spike as she
followed Xander out the back door.
"Had a bit of a shock this afternoon I think. Lots of things on her mind. Where does
Buffy keep the placemats?"
Buffy could hear cabinets being opened, as she closed the back door and faced Xander.
Suddenly she wished she was anywhere else but where she was. Anything would be
easier than this.
***************
"I got your favorite from Rajpoot, Chicken Rajastani." He wasn't sure if it was meant as
a plea for her to stay or if he was just stating the facts. This dating thing, if that's what it
was, wasn't easy. Especially when you lived halfway around the world from each other.
Granted it was definitely a lot easier than having to pay for a flight and going through
customs. But the time difference of eight hours wasn't easy on them.
It was nice staying in, eating takeout. Just talking or watching movies. But he wanted to
take Anya out. Dinner in a nice secluded restaurant, while they held hands and the
candles flickered across her face. Maybe take in a play or some music. However she
couldn't do that, without arousing suspicions. And she wasn't ready to let anyone else
know right now. And neither was he.
He could understand what the allure was, having a secret relationship. Just the two of
you, where you didn't have to share the other with anyone else. And he wasn't ready to
face the questions. So for now, secluded times together were what they had.
She didn't want to give up there time together, but she knew she had to. She'd come to
rely on Giles. He understood her. Her fears, her indecision about her life. She knew she
had appeared calm to Xander earlier, that her life was on the right track and she was
happy with it. But she had fears. Fears that only Giles knew. "Can it keep until
tomorrow? Spike called a meeting."
"How's that working out?"
"Well I haven't been yet. But I'm sure it'll be interesting. Xander will be there and I don't
think Buffy's told him anything yet."
"I meant Spike. Is he helping Buffy? Are they fighting? I haven't heard anything, from
either them or the council." He sat down in the cushiony chair by the fireplace. Only
hours before he had sat there, with Anya curled in his arms sleeping. And now, he just
wanted to feel closer to her again without appearing needy.
"I guess it's okay. He got his computer set up today. That's why I'm needed. Willow
was sent to get me. Something about research and Spike could especially use my help."
"Then you should go. Get changed and help him. It will do you good." And he knew it
would do her good. Beneath the strong exterior that Anya showed the world, was a
needy girl. A girl that had so much to offer. And he couldn't hide her away forever.
She crossed over to him, kneeling on the ground by his feet. Her hand reached for his
face. She remembered describing him once as ruggedly handsome. Now she could add
sexy. And she didn't want to leave her sexy man. "I'd rather be with you."
**************
"Why's he here? In your house?"
Buffy took a deep breath in. There was a reason she'd avoided talking to Xander. And
this was it. She knew she couldn't make him understand. There wasn't anything she
could say that would enable him to understand. And she understood that. If she was
standing in his place, she'd probably be the same way. It was crazy letting Spike back
into her house, into her life. But she had to do it. He was a part of her life. A part of her.
A big part. "I thought I went over this. Spike's my friend. Just like you're my friend.
And my friends are welcome in my house."
"But Buffy, he raped you." Xander couldn't understand. He knew Giles wanted him to
stand beside Buffy and support him. But in his conscience he just didn't think he could do
that. He loved her. Really loved her. And even though he knew he would never have a
chance with her, he wasn't going to allow anyone or anything to destroy her. And that's
what he saw happening. Spike would ultimately destroy her.
"How many times do I have to tell you that he did not rape me? And it's my life. Why
can't we just get along?" She knew they could hear her in the house. With her voice as
loud as it was, probably all the neighbors could hear her. But this was her life and she
was done with other people running it. She had control back, she was driving.
"You want me to get along with him? He slept with Anya. He used you."
"Xander, listen to yourself. You and Anya were over. She owed nothing to you. And
Spike didn't use me. This is my life. I've never told you how to live yours."
"And what about when he hurts you. You know what happened."
She did know what happened. She lived it. She had lived it, not anyone else. And they
couldn't understand. They could never understand.
Xander looked at her like she was supposed to just give in to him. That he knew what
was right. But he didn't live inside her body, inside her heart. He didn't know how it
ached for someone. How she needed someone who understood her, someone to stand
beside her. And that was Spike. Whether friends or lovers, he knew her better than
anyone else. He always had. And she couldn't throw that away.
Xander had Willow. Willow had Xander. Yes, they were her best friends, but they
understood each other. She never understood them the way they got the other. And they
never got her. They hadn't stood a day in her shoes. But Spike got her. And she needed
it. The way Xander needed Willow and vice versa, she needed Spike.
"If Spike ever hurts me, Ii he ever leaves, then I'll have my friends to help me pick up the
pieces. But until then, I'm making my own decisions. I just don't want to lose you over
this."
He didn't want to give in. But he did. The fight wasn't over, it hadn't left him. But he'd
strategically retreated. One day soon he'd plead his case. Spike would trip up. He would
fail. And Xander would be there to rush in and show Buffy that demons couldn't change.
That Spike wasn't needed in her life, she was better off without him. But until then, he'd
try to stand by her. And he knew that it would be hard.
"I don't like it Buffy. Not at all. But I'm not turning my back on you, someone has to
keep an eye on him. I'm just glad he still has that chip so that he can't hurt you."
**************
"What are you doing?" Dawn stared at Spike in equal parts of horror and fascination.
And she wasn't quite sure which one she was supposed to feel.
"Eating."
"But what is that? Is that blood? Are you dipping your chicken in blood?"
"You're dipping yours in honey mustard sauce."
"But it's blood."
"Pretend it's ketchup."
"Dawn, leave Spike alone and eat. Willow, when did Anya say she'd be here?" Buffy
brought her fingers to her head and started to massage her temples. They were giving her
a headache. Every single one of them. What had started as a nice quiet afternoon had
turned into a three ring circus. And she knew it would be hours before she could get
some time alone.
"Why are we really here anyway?" Xander had to physically bite his tongue to stop the
other question he wanted to ask. 'Just to eat a nice meal with a rapist?'
"Research. Or information. We need to try and figure out this demon. Or whatever
we're dealing with. And when Anya gets here, she and Spike can let us know everything.
Then we can formulate a plan."
"Research usually involves books. I can go to shop and search there. Leave you all alone
with your dinner." Xander didn't want to. He knew he needed to stay, keep an eye on
things. But he didn't think he could sit still another minute and watch Spike as he
casually ate chicken like he belonged in this house.
"They're not there." She knew Xander didn't want to be here. And he was looking for
anyway to escape. Why she didn't let him go was beyond her. But for some insane
reason she wanted all her friends together.
"Well, where are they?"
"Spike's."
"Excuse me?"
She knew she was running. It wasn't like he was her parent and she should be afraid of
telling him the truth. But she just couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him about Spike
helping her out. He was having enough of a problem dealing with the fact that she
wanted Spike in her life. And he only knew about the friend part.
Everyone's eyes were on her, waiting to see what she would do next. And she waited,
hoping someone would take over for her, spill the beans. Spike would have done it
before. He would have been willing to tell Xander everything. But not now. Not since
he'd come back from Africa. He had changed, looking to her to set the rules, the
guidelines. At least for the most part. And now that she wished he would just blurt
everything out, he was keeping letting her keep it a secret.
It wasn't right of her putting this off. She knew that. And she knew Willow was put in
the awkward position of having to lie to Xander or not answer any questions. But she
just couldn't deal with him now. "We took the research material out of the shop. Too
many demons know where I live, so Spike's new place seemed like a good place to put
them. And there isn't a table at Spike's yet, so we have to research here. Except without
the books."
She gave into the look in his eye: the look that said he would rather be in hell than
sharing a table with Spike. And with Anya on the way, she was sure it wasn't going to
get any better. "If you want to go Xander, go. I can make sure Willow gets home okay."
H wanted to go, he really did. It would be easy to walk out the door, not have to deal
with everything. But Buffy was his friend. And you looked out for your friends if they
were in trouble. "It's not like he can hurt you, if I'm not around to protect you. Willy
wannabite doesn't want a headache."
"Actually…." Spike had let Buffy reveal what she was comfortable with. And truthfully,
he was glad she hadn't told Harris everything yet. He couldn't fight back. Either
physically or mentally. Most of the time, he was just holding on, getting through it all
because he was being relied on. And he hadn't wanted to deal with Xander anymore than
Buffy did. But she couldn't keep this from them. He was surprised it hadn't come out
before. That it hadn't been questioned how he had attacked Buffy before.
"Spike." Buffy wanted to stop him. They didn't need to know. All it would do was stir
up controversy. And probably not just with Xander. Willow would get upset. And that
night in the bathroom would be brought up. This wasn't needed tonight. Or ever really.
It was none of their business.
Xander could tell from the look Buffy was shooting Spike, urging him to stay quiet, that
she was hiding something. Something with his chip. He steadied himself in his chair,
ready to run and grab a stake. Ready to do what needed to be done. "No, I want to know
what he was going to say. Did you get the chip out? Are you just biding your time,
waiting for the right opportunity to kill us all?"
"Trust me, I would never kill you. I wouldn't touch your blood with a ten foot pole."
Spike waited. Waited for Xander to rush him. Waited to get everything out in the open.
At least everyone else's secrets.
"Enough." This wasn't the way she had imagined dinner going. And she must have been
living in delusionalville to think it would have gone any other way.
"So you're admitting you did get the chip out." How many steps would it take to reach
the weapons chest? He was closer, but Xander didn't know if he could reach it ahead of
Spike. But he would try.
"I never said that."
"But I don't have any proof that you still have the chip. Is that how you were able to…."
Xander could see Buffy sitting on the ground, a bruise on her thigh. A bruise that should
have triggered a migraine.
"I said enough. For the record, Spike still has his chip." She hoped this was the end of
the conversation, but she could tell from set of Spike's head that it wasn't. He was going
to make her tell. There was another time he had told her she needed to be straight with
her friends. But she hadn't and things had fallen apart then. She didn't want things to fall
apart now.
"You really need to tell them Buffy." She needed to stop protecting them. Willow. Even
herself. It was all going to come out sooner or later. And he would rather it came out
now when he knew Buffy was around to prevent Xander from killing him.
"Are you covering for him? Lying for him?" Xander knew she was hiding something.
He could see it in her eyes. She'd hidden things from them before, why should now be
any different? But he wasn't going to stand by and allow Spike to drain Buffy. He wasn't
going to watch another friend die.
Buffy steeled herself against the onslaught of questions and recriminations she was sure
to come with this revelation. If she had her choice, she'd never tell them. It wasn't their
business, it was hers. Hers and Spike's. But she knew that if she didn't tell them, he
would. And he would bugger it all up, or something like that. "I am not lying. Spike
still has his chip, it just doesn't work on me."
"Am I late? Or did I arrive just in time?" Anya looked around the room. No one seemed
to notice her. Xander's jaw was ticking, his body tensed like he was ready to fight.
Dawn and Willow seemed fixated on Buffy, waiting for her to say something. And Spike
just slouched in his chair, his eyes holding Buffy's. And Buffy, she sat there lost in her
own world.
**************
"Maybe the technology is whacky. Maybe it just shorts out around Buffy." Even to her
own ears it felt like a lame excuse. But Willow didn't want a fight. Things were going
good. Or somewhat good.
Buffy kept one eye on Xander while searching for what to tell Willow. She was afraid
this would hit her the hardest. "It's not a glitch. I'm the only one the chip doesn't work
on. Just me."
She rose from her seat and went to stand behind Spike. What was going to happen, she
didn't know. But she wanted to be prepared. "I want everyone to listen to me. Listen
before you do anything or say anything that you'll regret later on." Everyone nodded as
Anya slipped into the chair that Buffy had abandoned.
"In November Spike realized that he could hit and the chip didn't work. He thought
maybe it had gone kerplooey. So he tested it out. Talked himself up into attacking
someone." She was glad she had gotten the whole story from him one night. Without all
the facts, she would have been lost in what to tell them.
"But as always, Spike got a headache. It wasn't him. It was me." She decided to skip all
the in-between stuff. For one, her sister was in the room and didn't need to know about
the house falling down. And two, she knew Spike didn't want to relive 'her coming back
wrong,' anymore than she did.
They sat in stunned silence for a minute before Willow's sobs broke the silence. Buffy
didn't know if it was the mention of Tara or the reference to her magic and the
consequences it wrecked that made her cry. Probably both. And she didn't know what to
say to her to make it better. Yes it was okay now, she was okay now. But she hadn't
been. She'd held it in, lashed out at Spike over it.
But Buffy was saved from trying to figure out what to say or do as Willow took off. And
Xander took it out of her hands of whether or not she should follow her, by going after
her himself.
**************
Her head was pounding now. It wasn't just the sharp pains in her temples. No, it was her
whole head and she could feel her shoulders begin to tense up. Her talk with Xander, the
chip revelation, Anya popping into the house all contributed to her massive headache.
And Spike and Anya questioning her and conferring about these extinct demons wasn't
helping any.
Then of course there were the descriptions of what the demons were used for. And
finding out that she was impervious to their acid spewing liquid that normally burnt
humans. It seemed it was just another quirk of her resurrection. Another research
project. But now she had to answer Spike about what she did when she encountered
them.
"Well I killed them. About six or so."
He was beginning to think that the watcher had the right idea in leaving. He hadn't
minded the research earlier. But trying to draw answers out from Buffy about her
interactions with the demons was not easy. And if he didn't love her, he might be
tempted to choke her. Actually, he was still tempted. "You need to keep accurate
records."
"That's what you're for."
"So you covered their secreting holes?" Anya asked, piping up.
"No, I chopped off their heads. And they went gooey and sunk into the ground."
"Um Buffy. That's pretty good. Having to get close to them and all while they were
aiming their liquid at you. But they aren't dead." He braced himself for the yelling he
was sure to hear. If he were in her shoes, he'd be yelling. But he was surprised at her
quiet deadly voice.
"What do you mean 'they aren't dead?'"
He didn't want to be the one to tell her. The yelling might start then. And he might yell
back about her awful education in demonology. Yelling wouldn't get them anywhere.
He implored Anya with his eyes to answer her question.
"Imparafa demons can only be killed by drowning in their own secretions. The only way
you can do that is to clog their ducts, or holes. Like with cement. Or maybe glue. Then
you have a red furry body that you burn. If they turn into liquid, they just reform."
"So I could have killed the same demon over and over again?" Buffy enquired, looking
at Anya.
"It's possible." Spike nodded in agreement with Anya's words. This meant that they had
no idea how many demons they were dealing with. It could be one, it could be a
hundred.
"And how did they become extinct? Because that just seems like a pretty impossible
task." Buffy looked to Anya for her answer. It seemed to her that Spike was hesitant to
deal with her, to answer any questions. Other than telling her that she hadn't killed these
stupid fuzzy creatures.
"From what I remember, their numbers were dying out. It could have been for any
number of reasons. Low female count. Dietary problems. But there was an mud slide
around the time they disappeared, most likely caused because of the earthquakes; I think
there were a couple that year. Many believe they drowned from the mud clogging their
pores. And then they were probably buried. You don't really have to burn the body, it
just makes it easier than trying to bury it."
Burying demons, that couldn't be too hard Buffy thought. She was strong. If nothing
else worked, she could dig holes and drop them in there. "So all we need is an
earthquake and mud slides? That's got to be too easy, as we live in California."