And this fic being what it is, a disclaimer is necessary on every chapter :
Do not read this. Just don't. You're asking for trouble.
Self-insert, MS, swearing, alcoholism, blatant-cheesy-romance-scenes, bad dialogue, fanfic-author on crack.
And the Awful Fic Trundled Along.
CHAPTER 5
And just to insert a leedle leedle bit of non-Sanzo-centrism, Gojyo and Hakkai were currently having s--- talking.
Yeah, talking, that's it. No yaoi in MS fics, remember?
So they were talking, talking, talking, and since there was nothing else to talk about in this forsaken excuse for a village, they were talking about fs.
"She's an angel, isn't she?"
"How did you guess? Oh, don't tell me... the wings and the halos and the lights gave it away?"
"Gojyo, you don't have practice your sarcasm on me, you know."
"Oh. I don't?"
"Did you notice her eyes?"
"No. Well, I noticed that she had eyes, I just didn't notice--"
"They're purple."
"Oh, that's no surprise. She has gold hair too. And a foul temper. And an alcohol habit. And she hates rain. Sounds familiar?"
"Well, yes..."
"..."
"..."
And having run of things to talk about, they proceed to have s--- to sleep. SLEEP! In separate beds!
***
Sanzo shtaggered up the shtairs.
And shtaggered into his room.
And because the Fates That Be (ie : the fanfic author) had switched the layout of the place on him, he stumbled into fs's room instead, and collapsed on the bed.
fs : WHAT THE SMUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Sanzo : WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
fs : This is my room, damnit!
Sanzo : This is my room, so get the hell out!
fs : My room!
Sanzo : It's my room because I say so and I damned well paid for it, so get your ass in gear before I make you! *brandishes fan evilly*
fs : Oh, you'll make me?
Sanzo : *evil glint in eye*.
fs : I'd like to see you try.
And so a fight broke out. And that was how Goku found them, wrestling on the bed caught in a deadlock.
Goku : WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *screams*
Gojyo and Hakkai and promptly came running.
Gojyo : Told you he'd do it.
Hakkai : Oh dear. I owe you a drink, don't I?
Goku : *nosebleeding* That's... that's... Sanzo... that's...
Sanzo : URUSAI NA! *flings paper fans at all of them.* Get the fuck out of my room! And that includes you, damn angel!
fs : Kotowaru. Huh? What did I just say?
Hakkai : That means 'I refuse', angel-san.
fs : Name's sf. I mean, name's fs.
sf : I disavow any relationship to fs. *nods vigorously*.
Hakkai : Hai, fs-san.
fs : That's fs-sama to you, monocle guy!
Sanzo : Shut. The. Fuck. Up. And. Get. The. Fuck. Lost!
Gojyo : So that you can bonk her in peace, Sanzo-sama?
There was a resounding crash as lightning zipped overhead and the Paper Fan of Doom smashed onto Gojyo's cranium.
There was a click of a Smith and Wesson's safety catch snapping off. Sanzo, turning red from fury (and one too many bottles of vodka), levelled the Youkai Exterminating Revolver at everyone and glared.
Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai all turned and ran for their lives.
And fs stood in the middle of the room and laughed.
TBC, because this chapter is too long for a bad fic already.
Behind the scenes again.
No Angels, Chapter 5, Take 1.
There was a resounding crash as lightning zipped overhead and the Paper Fan of Doom smashed onto Gojyo's cranium.
sf : I should have copyrighted 'Paper Fan of Doom' when I first used it...
Muse : Shush, sf. The audience is listening.
sf : You stole that from THX!
THX : Copyright infringement!
sf : And that, minna-san, is why I wrote an essay on copyright issues for this year's exams.
***
No Angels, Chapter 5, Take 2
There was a click of a Smith and Wesson's safety catch snapping off. Sanzo, turning red from fury (and one too many bottles of vodka), levelled the Youkai Exterminating Revolver at everyone and glared.
Muse : How does a single-barreled revolver point at everyone? *waves wand*
Sanzo's revolver promptly spouted four extra barrels and four extra magazines. It morphed into a belt-fed semi-auto with multiple target acquisition and ITTS and--
Zenon : HEY! That's MINE!
Sanzo's gun sprouted another barrel, pointing at him.
Sanzo : Care to die, kisama?
sf : *nodding in approval* And that is much cooler than a single barrel 5 bullet magazine revolver.
Sanzo, glaring : Yes, but how the hell am I going to fit it into my sleeve pocket?
***