Chapter 7 - The Sequel
() -- off stage
(Sanzo : WHAT THE ^#$@?! There's a sequel?)
(sf : It's simple. 'No Angels' simply did not fulfill the role that I originally intended it to -- that is to say, it's message was not broadcasted with sufficient clarity. In that, it became the thing that it was supposed to spoof; a less than satistfactory outcome.)
(Sanzo : Now...)
(sf : *pushes Sanzo back onstage.* Darling, we have a show to run.)
(Sanzo : WHAT THE HELL DID YOU CALL ME?!)
(sf : ^_^)
Sanzo, seated at a writing table, reading various half-written letters/speech drafts :
fs, let's talk about how OOC I'm being in this fic... No, that wouldn't work.
fs, let's talk about how much I detest relationships... no, that'll make her start crying. And I'm not fond of swimming.
fs, I have this policy of non-attachment... No, that's talking about me, and she won't listen...
how about : this story is supposed to be about four people journeying to the west, not about some half-baked, stupid, original female character...
The door banged open, and fs rushed in, wide-eyed. "Sanzo! You're here!"
Sanzo, staring wryly at the boarded up windows and the bolts across the outside of the door... "Where did you think I'd be?"
fs didn't lose a beat. "Sanzo, I'm... I'm... I'm..."
"Stupid?"
"No!"
"Idiotic?"
"No!"
"Moronic?"
"What's moronic?"
Sanzo hunted for his harisen, but the Fates that Be (ie : the script), whispered in his ear : Yo, you can't use that. Because she's female. So he ground his teeth instead. "Forget it. So what are you?"
"I'm ... pregnant!" fs screamed in delight.
Sanzo blanched and charged offscreen.
(Sanzo : Look here, sf-- when the hell did that happen? I didn't..sleep with that... butt-ugly moron, did I?!)
(sf : Shush, at least I didn't write it in.)
(Sanzo : You mean I did?)
(sf : For the sake of the Script, let us consider it as such.)
(Sanzo : Kami-sama......)
(sf : Look at it this way. At least you're *cough* top for once.)
(Sanzo : Damn it, you little twerp!)
(sf : There there, I don't like uke!Sanzo either. I prefer I'll-fight-you-tooth-and-nail-until-you-tie-me-up-and-
(***This section was censored due to content unsuitable to a Mary Sue fic***)
(Sanzo : *going even whiter and slightly red*. I'll kill you for that.)
(sf : *evil gleam in eye* My Muse has been itching to go for a Beat-him-up-so-badly-that-he-can't-move scene in one of the fics...)
(Sanzo : Bastard.)
(sf : Thank you. Do you want a hug?)
(Sanzo : Damnit, no!)
(sf : But I brought the kevlar and all...)
(Sanzo : *eye twitching* Don't make this more difficult than it already is.)
(sf : Hai... Sanzo-sama. *smiles*)
And so we continue.
"I'm... pregnant!" fs screamed in delight.
Sanzo blanched.
"I'm going to have a babbbbeeeeeee!" the scream was Loud, getting Louder.
Sanzo covered his ears.
"I'm going to be a mummy!" Louder yet.
Sanzo hunched down, muttering "Why?!" under his breath.
"Darling, you're going to be a daddy!" fs screamed, and glomped him.
Sanzo : I don't care what they say about her being female... *whips out fan and bashes fs -- hard -- over the head.*
Lightning flashed. And a voice spoke : "Since she's the only female you've ever whacked, she must be something Special."
Sanzo glared. "Yes, she's just the most incapacitatingly stupid, simpering, screaming little female character I've encountered in more than a dozen mary-sue fics!"
And the voice spaketh : "And this is So. Because this is the Mary Sue Fic to Endeth All Others."
"Stop with the funny accent already!"
And so the voice withdrew, with a perky : "Have fun!"
TBC *cough* *smirk* *cough*.