Chapter 8a -- The Nightmare Continues, Take 2

Warnings : Crazy Mary Sues, stupid jokes, hastily written unbetaed fic characteristic of the run of the mill fanfic these days... Relentless fic bashing.

(sf : *coughing water out of nose* To continue where we left off ...)
(Sanzo : I need a break.)
(Muse : I need a hazelnut coffee.)
(fs : I don't need a break! *giggles*)
(sf, sf's Muse and Sanzo : GET OUT OF HERE!)

Sanzo : So, what do we do next?

fs : I dunno! *smiles brightly. So brightly, in fact, that Sanzo has to scramble backstage to pick up a pair of Uber-cool-Sanzo-ikkou shades. Check out our catalogue -- in Act #1 of Saiyuki RELOAD -- for pictures.*

(sf : Actually, most of their coolness value stems from the fact that they're on *Sanzo*. But let's not get more offtrack than we already are...)
(Muse : This is an MS fic. 'Off track' holds no meaning.)
(sf : Right.)

Sanzo : *returning with shades* Alright, so how fast will this... baby ... arrive?

fs : I dunno!
Sanzo : What do you mean 'you don't know?!'. You're the mother! You should know!
fs : And you're the father! You should know too!
Sanzo : *groans* Damn idiotic original female characters...

(sf : We interrupt the fic with an entirely pointless author note. Because that's the fashion, these days.)

fs : look @ me! I speek in pidgin speech! I wuv u! frenz 4eva!!!

(sf : *grabs Muse* When did this happen? When?!)
(Muse : I don't know...)
(sf : CHANGE IT! NOW! I ABHORE SUCH SPEECH!)
(Muse : Everyone in the country speaks and spells as such, sf.)
(sf : WHICH IS WHY I HATE IT! *bristles*)
(Muse : *bows* Consider it done. *whacks fs*)

fs : Owie. What happened?
Sanzo : "..."

And so they---

(sf : Let's see. I ran out of inspiration half way, so let me talk about me. I just received a mail from some unknown spammer. The subject? 'Does your baby talk?' [1] Heyyyyy, Sanzo! Does your baby talk?)
(Sanzo : How the f*ck! Would I know?!!!) [2]
(sf : Profusion of exclaimation marks. You're in bad shape, Sanzo.)
(Sanzo : It gets worse the longer I stay in this fic.)

[1] -- This was an actual event, not planned.
[2] -- This was an actual typo, not deliberate.

(sf : Lookie! Footnotes placed inconveniently so as to interrupt the flow of the fic!)
(Muse : A masterful touch!)

And so we skip to the future, because I can't think of what to write in between here. You know, I'm just typing this to increase the word count...

--

*zing*.

Several months later, because sf's biology text is buried in the cupboard and who cares about scientific accuracy, anyway?
And because these things are just irresistible..

fs : Sanzo! I want cavier on marmalade with mango chutney and jelly fish!
Sanzo : *gasping for breath* But I just got you the durians with whipped cream and parmesan cheese...
fs : But I don't want that any more! I want blueberries with red rice and a half boiled egg.
Sanzo : Look, can we talk about an abortion here? I don't want the baby--
fs : You don't want my baby? How could you not want my baby?
Sanzo : I'm not ready to be a father.
fs : But it's our baby!
Sanzo : Do you want it?
fs : Of course I want it! I also want luncheon meat with pepper corns and lemon rind and mozarella ice cream!
Sanzo : Doushite? Doushite?????!! (Because it's so much more fun to yell 'Doushite?!!' than 'Why?!!!' ^_____^)
fs : Because it's mine! And how could you even suggest an abortion? You're going to kill it! KILL IT IN COLD BLOOD! You... you horrible man! *bursts into tears*.
Sanzo : *wearing a sign reading 'I've slaughtered so many youkai I lost count along the way'* Alright, alright, calm down... before you drown all of us again!

sf : Fear not. I've improved the drainage.
Sanzo : But it's getting clogged up with durian with whipped cream and parmesan cheese.
sf : DAMN.

fs : You horrible man! Go get me broiled quail with shark's fins and pine cones!
Sanzo : That's not environmentally friendly, fs.
fs : I DON'T CARE! I want christmas pudding with marshmellow sauce and emu meat!!!!! And if you don't get it I'm going to KEEP SPEAKING IN CAPITALS!
Sanzo : *fleeing the scene* Right away!

***
TBC
***

Whaddya mean I only got _3_ reviews for the last chapter?! That's disasterous! I don't care that the chapter has barely been up for 8 hours... I demand MORE REVIEWS! Or I won't continue this fic! Gggrrrr!

sf : Where are my legions of adoring fans?! Reviews only I ask ! Let me write, then come! I summon you to the Stone of Erech!

(Quoted and mutilated from the Lord of the Rings.)

On a totally unrelated note, we must not forget to insert bOlD foNtS wItH sTuPiD cApItAlIzAtIoN iN tHe AuThOr nOtEs.