--

sierra -- Hi, and thanks for the reviews (other fics, namely ATA and TSB, inclusive) ^^. But a pregnant Sanzo? *gasps in mock horror and shock* Not in a Mary Sue fic! The horror! The abomination! A male-preg in a female centric fanfiction?!!

On the otherhand, may I recommend Kanzeon's 'Something in the Water'?
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=595393

Kanzeon -- life jacket muchly appreciated, yes yes. *nods vigorously*

kit, Doc, etc -- Have fun reviewing!! ^^

jashuang -- Don't worry if you can't understand what's going on. You're not supposed to. ^^;;

kei -- Thanks for the suggestion!

Chapter 9 - OOCness prevails
Warnings : Major, major OOCness. Have sick bags on hand.
Also the longest chapter in this fic. Enjoy.

( ) -- off stage.

(sf : *stares at monitor*)
(sf's Muse : *wanders in* sf?)
(sf : Hai..ai?)
(Muse : *whack*. No question marks in Japanese! Your sensei would be most distressed!)
(sf : Hai...ai.)
(Muse : What's the matter?)
(sf : I can't think of how to continue this.)
(Muse : You can't think of how to continue a stupid fic? For crying out loud, sf, these things don't need plots *or* elaboration! Just fast-forward as necessary!)
(sf : Sou ka. Wakarimashita.)

So we plunge several more months into the future, where fs is about to have a baby.

fs : I'm going to have a babbeeeeeeee!!!

And just because she's an Original Female Character, a hospital automatically pops up in fs-land, complete with gynecologists, ultra-scans and stuff.

Sanzo : *arriving in the waiting room*. What the...?
sf : A hospital, Sanzo-sama. Your wife's baby is due.
Sanzo : But I just got back with the christmas pudding with marshmellow sauce and emu meat from the last chapter! And she's not my wife!
sf : Your wife won't need it any more.
Sanzo : ARGH! Damnit! And she's not my wife!
sf : Well, it's your kid. Would you rather be accused of sleeping around and having a child out of wedlock?
Sanzo : Have I told you lately that I hate you? (from the song : Have I told you lately that I love you.) *throws christmas pudding with marshmellow sauce and emu meat out of the window, where it splats merrily off stage*

sf : *hands Sanzo new script*
Sanzo : *glances at script*. It says to wait here in the waiting room.
sf : Yup. You wouldn't want to be in there right now.

Sanzo : *waits* *waits some more*

What do you want to do next?
Sanzo Wait
You have waited
Sanzo Wait some more
You have waited some more
Sanzo Goddamnit!

sf : Since that evidently doesn't work, we need to pass some time. And just because I think this totally unrelated scene is funny (as in, stupid-funny), I've decided to throw it in.

sf : *plunking down on chair next to Sanzo*.
Sanzo : *following script*. So... I hear voices. *not following script* So can you recommend me to a mental asylum? It's better than being in this mad house.
sf : No can do. So what kind of voices do you hear?
Sanzo : *rolling eyes* Yours, for one.
sf : Well, duh.
Sanzo : I don't know! Every damn fanfic author seems to like to throw in the damn 'voice' thing in their damn fics! It's driving me nuts!
sf : I'm sorry.
Sanzo : You ought to be! You've done the same in TLSS and TSB! And hallucinations in ATA! Give it a break, man! And I bet you'll do the same in CTS!
(Acronyms for sf's fics as follows :
TLSS - Till the Loneliness Shadows the Sky, TSB - The Shadows Beyond, ATA - And Time Again, CTS - Count the Stars)
sf : *hangs head*. I was going to.
Sanzo : Knock it off! It's entirely overdone! So's the rain thing! I don't angst everytime it rains! I only started doing so when this stupid journey started! You can check Volume #2 of the manga for yourself!
sf : It only began raining in the series in Volume #2, Sanzo-sama.
Sanzo : Well, yes, but it still says that I hadn't dreamnt about that whole When-I-was-13 fiasco for a long time! And I was happy about that! But no, you crazy fanfic authors have to turn me into a sobbing bundle of nerves everytime it rains!
sf : I'm sorry.
Sanzo : You ought to be! And while you're at it, you can stop beating me into a pulp in every single one of your fictions!
sf : Um... but oftentimes I *need* you beaten into a pulp for plot development.
Sanzo : And other times?!
sf : And other times it just happens. Like in ATA. It was totally unplanned, I swear. Unlike that up and coming scene in TLSS--
Sanzo : *turning pale* What scene?
sf : Sorry, I don't do spoilers.
Sanzo : Naze?!
Muse : *whack* No question marks in Japanese.
Sanzo : *brandishing harisen* But this is a stupid fic with otaku jap, which means that grammatical rules -- for any language whatsoever -- don't apply. *WHACK*
Muse : *staggering* Itai yo...

--

Alright, and because that scene grew rather longer than expected, sf declares that the Due Amount of Time has passed, and the show may go on.

fs : *screams* Where is he? Where is my honey bunny? Where is my darling?
Sanzo : *winces*. Italics..

(sf : She's calling for you, honey bunny.)
(Sanzo : I'm not going in there.)
(Muse : *whacks Sanzo with the Wand-of-OOCness* There you go.)

Sanzo : *springing up from seat* Darling! I'm sorry! I'll be there right away!

(sf : I need a sick bag. *throws up*)

fs : Oh darling!
Sanzo : *tears streaming down cheeks* I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...

(sf : Sorry for what?)
(Muse : Nothing. It doesn't matter.)

fs : *hugs Sanzo* It's alright, I forgive you.
Sanzo : *hugs fs* Be strong! You can do it!

(sf : Oi! We're having a birth scene here!)
(Muse : Sorry, the Wand-of-OOCness is hard to control...)

[Many screams and the usual stuff later]

fs : Oh darling, we have a boy!
Sanzo : It's a boy!
fs : It has your eyes! And your hair! And your nose! And your everything!

(sf : Well. Duh. It's a boy. It's bound to have *some* of Sanzo's traits.)
(Muse : Including the bad temper, yo.)

Sanzo : It has red eyes.
(sf : That's because it's been crying.)
Sanzo : It has red hair.
(sf : That's because kei, the wicked reviewer of the East, suggested it.)

Sanzo : It's a damn halfbreed!

Gojyo : I RESENT THAT!

(sf : Of course. It's a union between kami and mortal.. well, sort of, since fs is an angel. It'll have pretty lil golden eyes when it stops crying.)

Sanzo : Look! Daddy bought something for you! *hands chibi-Sanzo a tiny Smith and Wesson*

*chibi-Sanzo promptly shoots daddy Sanzo*

[Many screams and the usual stuff later]

Sanzo : *marching back into waiting room* Keep that thing away from me.
sf : But he's cute! (So are you, actually.)
Sanzo : *death glares*
sf : *melts into a puddle of drool*
Muse : *discretely, to Sanzo* sf's obsessed with your death glares, Sanzo-sama.
Sanzo : I give up. This is a mad house. *storms out*

sf : At least the effects of the Wand-of-OOCness wore off.
Muse : Um. Yeah.

TBC

(sf : So what do we call the kid? Fsanzo? Fanzo?)
(Muse : Are you kidding? The poor thing will be traumatized for life!)
(sf : Sanzofs.)
(Muse : It lacks a certain... ring to it....)
(Sanzofs : Wahhhhhhhh!!!)