"I wish you would change your mind about coming with us," Paris says as she buttons her shirt.
"I'll be fine, I could use a little time alone," Rory says.
"You've been in such a funk since you talked to Dean."
Paris rakes through the contents of her purse, deciding what is critical and what can stay.
"Not true."
"It is true, outside of class you've done nothing but lie in your bed all week. Please come out with us tonight, come experience Washington D.C."
"I'm very tired," Rory lies, pulling a blanket around her body. Paris keeps their room at refrigerator temperatures. She fakes a yawn.
"You don't have to lie to me. If you don't want to go, just say you don't want to go."
"I don't want to go."
"Please? You have to come. I'll feel much more comfortable if you're there."
"I promise to go out with you tomorrow, okay?"
"Rory, I know you're hurting because Dean's hurting, but we have five more weeks here. You don't want to throw that away, do you?"
"Tomorrow, Paris."
"Fine."
"Where are you guys going anyway?"
"Promise not to laugh?"
"No."
"Bowling."
"Really."
"I think it'll be fun," Paris says, yanking a brush through her hair.
"Who all is going? Just you, Marie and Leslie?"
Marie and Leslie were from an all girls school in Kansas City and most of their classes coordinated with Paris and Rory's.
"And Matt and Jamie."
"Matt and Jamie as in Matt and Jamie from Atlanta?"
"That's them."
"Jamie as in dimples Jamie?"
"Does he have dimples? I never noticed." Paris pretends to be preoccupied with a set of silver clips.
"Oh please, you're so into him."
"Call if you want to meet up with us later."
"Have a good time."
"You too."
And then Rory is left alone in the dorm room. For a while she works on summer reading but the CD playing weakens her concentration. It's one of Jess's CDs.
Jess.
She's hardly thought of him this week in the midst of her wallowing over Dean and her evening phone calls with Tristan. She's ashamed of herself for not calling Jess, not writing to him, nothing. He'd moved back to Stars Hallow for her. For her. He didn't say so, but she knew. He moved back because he thought she was interested in him. And why shouldn't he think she was interested in him? She'd skipped school and took a bus to New York to spend the day with him. She'd lunged at him at Sookie's wedding. Rory feels her face growing hot as she remembers Jess's hands on her back, his scratchy face against hers.
She rises from bed, invigorated by her feelings of self-hatred. There was no way she could call him and say all she needed to, but she could e-mail him. She pulls her laptop from beneath her bed and rests it on her crossed legs. I can do this she tells herself, taking a deep breath. I can tell him I regret it, that it was a mistake, that I hate myself for what happened.
The phone rings before she can begin.
"Hello?"
"I wasn't sure if I would catch you or not," Tristan says. It's seven-o-clock, his usual calling time.
"Why?"
"I thought you might be out."
"Why?"
"Because it's Friday night."
"Oh, well, Paris wanted me to go out with her but I had some stuff to do."
"Like what?"
"Just stuff."
"Like lay on your bed and mope?"
"Who told you that?"
"Paris."
"Well I'm not laying on my bed," Rory says.
"Sweetie, I know it's tough but you have to get out of that room."
Rory thinks of her room at home- her travel posters, her books, the vanilla scented air freshener. The air freshener...it was from the first time Dean and she broke up, back when she refused to admit that he mattered to her. She wanted to be one of those girls who could walk off heartbreak, the way her mom had been when she was left pregnant without Christopher around to take care of her.
Rory was grateful for the way her mom had been the day after the first break-up, sacrificing her Saturday and letting Rory drag her all around Connecticut running trivial errands. They'd bought so much crap that day- a kitchen soap dish, a welcome mat for the front porch, vanilla air freshener for Rory's room.
She began to cry.
"Rory, don't cry," Tristan says, sounding a little terrified, like he's never had to handle a crying girl before.
"I want my mom," Rory says. She craves Lorelai- her jokes, her smile, the way she treats every ailment with popcorn and a movie. "God I'm so homesick."
"Can you call her?"
"She's at my grandparents' house."
"Well...you'll just have to settle for me."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Rory cries. She gulps for air, choking on her own sorrow.
"What for?"
"That I haven't been any fun this week. That you have to spend your Friday night sitting on the phone listening to me cry."
"Rory, believe me. I would rather sit here and listen to you cry than not talk to you at all. I just wish I could be there."
"Me too," Rory mumbles. There's a knock on the door.
"Is that your door?" Tristan asks.
"Yeah, just a second."
She expects it to be one of her hall mates coming over to invite her out, or maybe Paris forgot her keys. One thing is for sure, it never crossed her mind that Jess might be on the other side of the door.
"Hi," she stutters, clutching the phone.
"Hey," Jess says, hands behind his back, expression blank, rocking on his heels.
"Tristan, I need to go."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just need to go."
"Who is it?"
"I'll call you later."
"Okay, bye."
"Bye."
Rory and Jess stare at each other. Finally Jess motions to the phone and says:
"Sorry about interrupting."
"No, it's fine."
His intense eyes rest on her face, the eyes that drew her to him in the first place.
"Why did you come here?" Rory asks, steadying herself against the door.
"Because you didn't say goodbye," Jess answers. "Have you been crying?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I miss my mom," Rory says, moving her eyes to the ground.
"Oh. Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure, come on in. Sorry about the mess."
"God it's freezing in here."
"I turned it off so it should be warming up. Paris likes it cold."
"Where's Paris?"
"Bowling."
"Why didn't you go?"
"Didn't feel like it."
"How come?"
"I just didn't, okay?"
"Okay, okay," Jess says. He notices the music. "That's my Coldplay CD."
"Yeah."
"Did you plan on returning it?"
"Some day."
"I heard what happened with Dean."
"Yeah I figured," Rory says. She sits on her bed, stares at her hands, twists the thick silver band she wears on her thumb.
"I'm sorry," Jess says, sitting beside her.
"Don't be, it's my fault."
"Well, I didn't help anything out by chasing you around like I did."
"You didn't chase me."
"Yeah I did."
"No you didn't."
"Yeah I did."
"Well, I didn't notice," Rory concedes.
"Everyone else did," Jess says. "Luke, your mom, Dean, everyone knew."
"I guess so," Rory says. She doesn't want to have this talk right now. She wants to go back to the way it used to be with Jess- vague flirting, arguments about music, swapping books. The tension of attraction smothers all that.
"Come on, Rory, talk to me. I just drove hours to come see you, at least give me a conversation."
"Don't act like I owe you anything, I didn't ask you to come."
"So I'm just supposed to hang around Stars Hollow until you decide you're ready to deal with me? I don't think so Rory, I'm not Dean."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Why did you run away when you kissed me?" Jess asks. It's obvious he came to find answers and doesn't plan on leaving until he gets them. How can she explain it to him? That what she loves about him is also what she hates- the way she loosens the rules when she's around him, the careless manner at which he approaches his life, the way he says things just to stir the pot.
"I was scared," Rory admits.
"You didn't need to be."
"Yeah I did. I had a boyfriend."
"But you don't now."
"I know."
They look at each other, he leans toward her.
"Stop, Jess. Not now, not yet," Rory says.
"Okay, okay," Jess says. He stands up, pulls Rory with him.
"What are you doing?"
"Come on."
"What? Where?"
"We're going out."
"I don't want to."
"Too bad," Jess says. "I'm taking you out and you have no say in the matter."
Rory stares at him. He's still holding her hand and she feels like her heart is going to pound right out of her chest. Fifteen minutes ago she was thinking about what a mistake kissing him had been, now she's thinking about doing it again.
"Fine," Rory sighs. "Let's go."