The Effect of Having Multiple-Fic-Disorder, or too many fics to write and too little time. Much swearing.
sf : What the hell? I want this damn fic over and done with!
Muse : Calm down...
sf : I want it DONE! GONE! Away from my Multiple-fic-disorder! I still have 'No Devils' if I really want to write crap!
Muse : May I ask what triggered this?
sf : The usual. Bad fic.
Muse : I'm sorry. Shall we make an end?
sf : Damned if I know how.
Muse : And it's below your dignity to simply slap a 'The End' right here without resolving anything. I understand. I'll think of something.
sf : *clutches Sanzo and wails*

--

Chapter 10 - Obligatory angst
(Muse : This is just because even bad fic needs some horribly melodramatic angst.)

sf : *wandering into Sanzo's room*
Sanzo : *loading Smith and Wesson*. Fanfic author.
sf : Yes?
Sanzo : *snaps magazine into place* This has gone on long enough.
sf : Perhaps.
Sanzo : *cocks hammer and chambers the round* I've decided to put an end to it.
sf : *wearily* You can't kill her, Sanzo. She's an angel. And you can't kill me either. I'm a fanfic author. And you can't kill yourself, because I won't let you. 'sides, there's still 'No Devils'.
Sanzo : You know, you might have had a good idea in the beginning, but it got way out of hand.
sf : It wasn't a good idea. I was furious and decided to write some Truly Awful Fic to show the rest of the world what Truly Awful Fic was. It got mixed up with the rest of the Bad Fics and became indistinguishable. It became the very sort of fic it was supposed to condemn.
Sanzo : So let's end it before it goes any further.
sf : But what about the plethora of original characters we've left around? You wouldn't kill your own son, Sanzo-sama.
Sanzo : I will if he keeps up that infernal racket!
sf : So you say. But we all know that you're a sweet, repressed character who loves all his companions.
Sanzo : You're absolutely certain that I can't kill you?
sf : Absolutely.
Sanzo : So what are you going to do, Power that Is?
sf : *angsts*. I don't know! I've allowed this monstrosity to get out of hand and I don't even know how to kill it!
Sanzo : *angsts* I'm stuck here forever...
sf : *clutches Sanzo* I'm so unhappy!!!
Sanzo : *shoves sf away* I'm equally unhappy!
sf : *ANGST*
Sanzo : *ANGST*

And it starts to rain.

(Sanzo : I told you to leave off the rain scenes?)
(sf : But but but...)
(Sanzo : Argh!)

Sanzo : For the sake of the script... *major, major angst. Flashbacks of -- Oh my god, he's dead! And I miss everyone! Angst angst angst. And I shouldn't have been so mean to Goku! Angst angst angst! And I shouldn't have hit him so often! Angst angst angst! Etcetc!* There, are you happy yet?

sf : I'm still unhappy.

And so it went on.

(Muse : There you have your obligatory angst scene. Now let's see about the ending.)
(sf : But should we end it? What if we decide to continue it? It has so much ... potential, as much as I hate to say it.)
(Muse : Sanzofs could always make an appearance in 'No Devils'.)
(sf : Damn original characters. Breeding like spawn.)
(Muse : Spawn doesn't breed. Not immediately, at least)
(sf : Whatever.)

Chapter 10.5 -- Domestic Concerns

Sanzofs : Uwahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Sanzo : URUSAI! *grabs S&W*
fs : *grabs Sanzo* You wouldn't! You horrible man!
Sanzo : Oh brilliant. Domestic quarrels already.
fs : You should know better! After Goku and Lirin...
Sanzo : Yes yes, the harisen's the fastest way of shutting them up...
fs : No! Not the harisen! You'd break his head and make him a permanent retard!
Sanzo : ...... Fine. You spoil him.
fs : That's a mother's job.
Sanzo : *grabs a nikuman* But he can't chew! He doesn't have teeth yet!
(sf : We're not concerned with biological accuracy here.)
Sanzo : *shrugs* If you say so. *throws the bun to Sanzofs*
Sanzofs : *grabs bun and starts quaffing happily. Teeth? Who needs teeth when you can swallow a meatbun whole?*

fs : There, isn't that much better, darling?
Sanzo : I thought that women stopped all of this nonsense after childbirth.

(sf : Not original female characters. They're a breed unto themselves.)

Sanzo : May I point out that--
fs : Honey, let's have another baby!
Sanzo : Already?
fs : Of course! I'm an angel!
Sanzo : What does that have to do with anything?
fs : *giggling*. It doesn't!
Sanzo : Oh. Right. Intelligence.
fs : *throwing Sanzofs at Sanzo* You have to change the baby, darling.
Sanzo : Why me?
fs : Because I say so!
Sanzo : You know, fs. Let's just dump him in the river. He'll be picked up by a kind and understanding master and will rise to fame one day... just like his daddy. (And get hit on by some stupid original female character...)
fs : Oooo, I would love to do that, but that'd mean I'd have to give him up!
Sanzo : That's the point.
fs : How could you even suggest that?
Sanzo : Because.. well... he's a brat!

(sf : *pokes Sanzo with the Wand-of-OOCness*)
(Sanzo : What?!)
(sf : You're a softy who loves kids.)

*zing*

Sanzo : Awwwwww, isn't he just adorable?
Sanzofs : Uwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Sanzo : *pops another nikuman into Sanzofs' mouth* Awwwww, just shut up now, will you?
Sanzofs : ^_^
fs : You have a way with kids, Sanzo-darling.

And so they lived happily until the next chapter.

--

Elsewhere, courtesy of kei :

A youkai, previously seen as a third stone statue from left in Eden episode, dances around fire, chanting: "Thy will be done, Wuhan-sama! The f***ing s.o.b. who couldn't keep his f***ing hands of my Hiei and had to make him go in pieces....... He's got his just desserts coming now..... He's a father!"

--

sf : Since this chapter isn't even remotely funny, I'm calling an end. Until the next time...

And besides, I've been dying to post this for a while.

No Angels Mission Statement
For those who've missed the point.

Alright. How do I say this...?

I abhore original female characters. I detest them. I always have and always will.

Muse : And you are...?
sf : An asexual bacterium. I don't have the F pili and I reproduce by binary fission... if at all.
Muse : Riiiiiight.

And I absolutely despise bad fanfiction, as characterized by characters acting plain weird, exaggeration of Sanzo's aloofness to make him into an Evil!Bastard, non-existent spelling, fics written like plays with no descriptors what so ever, etc etc.

So how do I explain this ficcie?

'No Angels' is not a fic. 'No Angels' is a fic parody -- a spoof of all the Mary Sue fics I've read. It's a gross exaggeration of many of them, posed to be deliberately derogatory and deliberately stupid. If it actually discourages future stupid fics along this line, if it actually points out to authors that sTuPiD cApItAlIzAtIoN, weepy!Sanzo, all-powerful-self-inserts, and other elements that I've slammed throughout the fic are not generally what makes a good fic, then my mission is accomplished.

That's what I intended it to do. Evidently, I did the parody too well.

sf, December 27th 2002.

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