Bright red shoes swung to and fro at the end of two very excited little legs, causing the small pieces of red hair that fell about to dance across the smooth white floor of Quatre's room.
"Hold still, young imp." A scolding tone with a touch of humor.
"Wufei, I wanna see. Aren't you done yet."
"I would be, if you would cease wiggling"
The shoes stilled.
"Is it done yet?"
"It is finished."
A mirror was held up, reflecting a very beautiful little girl, her one visible green eye shining with excitement, framed by a new haircut. She blinked. She blinked again. She turned her head. When she turned it back, the tall boy with the light brown hair was standing at the door in front of them. In the mirror, she could see Wufei's blue eyes brighten and a faint smile turned up his lips.
Excitedly, she jumped up and ran to the boy, tugging on his loose fit jeans, and craning her neck to see him.
"Mr. Trowa! Wufei cut my hair! He did a really good job, didn't he?"
Trowa smiled and knelt in front of the girl, looking her in the eye.
"Yes, he did." He straightened her red dress and smoothed it down. "You're the prettiest girl in town."
She smiled, throwing her thin little arms around Trowa's neck before turning back to Wufei, who looked down at the two, still smiling slightly.
"Can I go show Hilde."
"Yes, but don't run."
She nodded and practically bounced out the door. Wufei watched her leave, then turned back to Trowa, concern showing plainly in his stark stare.
"Are you all right?"
Trowa blinked.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Your neck must be sore… and Maremeia likes to hang."
Trowa smiled, a faint laugh escaping his lips.
"That's an interesting haircut you gave her."
Wufei smiled back.
"You've brought much to our little house of Bedlam, Trowa, including your haircut." He turned back to grab a broom and sweep the loose hair into a nice pile.
"It hides her scar almost completely." Trowa replied as he studied the decorative garments the blond was wearing. He was adorned in black silk oriental styled outfit with loop buttons and fashionably rolled sleeves. The outfit hung on his slender body alluringly, casting sculpted shadows in all the right places.
"Yes." Wufei frowned, looking at the door absently. The space on his
nose between his eyebrows crinkled slightly, cutely and Trowa mused that
the outwardly calm alter actually worried quite a lot.
"Sometimes," Wufei continued, "one must hide their scars and heal, so
they can grow strong enough to face them later.
"What happened to her." Trowa asked, sitting on the bed. Wufei took
the chair, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees.
"Maremeia is an odd case. From what I've heard, she was actually a very
nasty child before her accident."
Trowa leaned back, content to allow Wufei his story.
"She lived in a fairly rich home, and from what I gather , it was all
from drug money."
"Her father left, running from the law, leaving the mother with a house,
car, $40,000.00 and a hard addiction to heroine. Eventually, the money
drained and when the girl asked for money one night, the woman became
convinced that Maremeia was stealing it. One night, when she couldn't
find any cash for more heroine and her daughter didn't have any, she
tried to kill Maremeia by splitting her head open with an axe."
Trowa let out a slow breath.
"So, the damage to her frontal lobe changed her nature."
"Mmmm." The boy looked at Trowa with that hawk-like gaze of his, never
nodding, but signifying the affirmative in his own indescribable way. "When she woke up in
the hospital, she was a completely different person and very scared.
They brought her here because her short term memory was shot and in a
town so small, the only care center they had that could care for her
properly was here."
"Couldn't anybody adopt her?" Trowa asked softly, feeling a pang for
the girl, knowing himself, the pain of being rejected by his parents.
"No one in town would take her." Wufei replied. "Besides, though she's
come a long way, it took nearly three years for her to recover and learn
how to function. She has had to become a creature of habit. Anything
she does that does not fall into her daily routine, she will forget.
Even now, she has to leave herself a note to remind her where her new
art set is. She had to learn to write earlier than most children,
simply to function. Most people who want children, want perfect
children. Not a scarred girl who needs full time attention. We won't
even go into the mental problems of a girl with a heroine addict for a
mother."
Trowa again found himself thankful for finding Cathy and Father and
Rashid when he did, and wondering what might have happened if he had not
gotten lost that night, so long ago. Would his parents have
eventually gotten rid of him anyway? Had they planned that, or worse?
Could he have ended up dead? Or, what if that old man who tried to
seduce him that night? Trowa didn't know then what was going on that
night, he knew now. What if he had gone with that man? Where would he
be now?
"Hey…"
Trowa looked up. Wufei had moved forward and now leaned on the bed,
reaching to place a gentle hand under Trowa's chin.
"Are you all right?"
Trowa smiled slightly, pulling his chin away.
"Yeah. Just thinking too much."
Wufei smirked.
"That's not possible."
"I just feel sorry for that girl. I wish I had gotten her a gift."
"You made her feel beautiful." Wufei said, smiling. "That gift is
better than anything she'll unwrap today." He ended, placing a
comforting hand at the back of his neck before drawing back and getting
up.
"The others will be gathering soon. You don't mind do you?"
Trowa rose also.
"No. I'm finished with my report. I can help you get ready."
The sound of paper tearing filled the small room as a newly coifed Maremeia dug into the small collection of presents that had been gathered for her. Howard was not able to attend as he had been moved to a compound with higher security, but there was a small gathering of guests, including Hilde, who was not working that day. During the party, Trowa noticed that the blond changed alters between Wufei and Quatre several times, but Heero never made an appearance. He asked Wufei about it and was told that Heero didn't like social gatherings very much.
When it was all over, Trowa helped Quatre to clean the room. Quatre was in a bright mood and he attacked their cleaning job with gusto, scrubbing the small round table down contentedly. Trowa watched in amusement while he himself wrapped what was left of the cake.
"What has you so cheerful?" He poked. Quatre smiled gently.
"Did you see her face Trowa? She looked so happy. She looked happy and pretty and completely content…"
Trowa smiled as Quatre's fists clenched and he practically seethed with good cheer, whirling on the quiet boy.
"That's not all either Trowa. I could feel it. Ever since Meia's been here, she's been polite and kind, but scared, and lonely. I think today she learned that she's not alone, and that there are real people who care for her. She let go…"
"That makes you feel good." Trowa said, then felt himself tackled bodily by a ball of blond energy as he was ensconced in a tight hug.
"It makes me feel incredible! Most of the time I try to ignore my empathy, because most of what I feel in this place is haunting loneliness. Maremeia's joy today was like a drug." Quatre looked up and reached a hand to cup Trowa's neck as he laid his head against his chest. Trowa looked tenderly upon the soft head and embraced the boy gently.
"I could do the same for you Trowa, if you would let me."
Quatre looked up at him, brushing aside the hair Trowa so carefully hid his eyes behind and Trowa was prisoner to those subtly changing blue green eyes that hid and yet revealed so much.
"You're so lonely Trowa."
Trowa shook his head and tried to pull back, but he was held firmly.
"I'm not… I'm just…"
"Shhhh…"
Quatre moved forward, pressing gentle lips against Trowa's mouth and gathering it for a loving kiss. Trowa moaned helplessly and his hands tightened around the muscular waist. Responding to Trowa's response, Quatre's pulled gently down and deepened the kiss, opening both of their mouths and allowing their tongues to play. He pushed gently back and Trowa found himself pinned playfully in the corner and pushed to sit down. He pulled his mouth away laughing nervously.
"Quatre, What are you?"
"Shhhh." The smaller boy smiled and pointed to the mirror above them. "It's two way. I don't think anyone would watch, but I want you to myself." He smiled.
Trowa tried to relax as Quatre climbed on top of him, and wrapped slender strong arms around him, kissing him softly and molding his lithe body against the tall boy. They sat there for quite a while, making out, fondling, cooing, doing things Trowa had not done for years… things Trowa had thought at one time he would never do again. It felt good… almost too good. Under the tender onslaught, Trowa found it hard to believe that this boy had been sheltered in an institution for two years. Not that he had had that much experience either, but Quatre seemed to be pushing all the right buttons. Or maybe Quatre was the right button. He was so sweet and gentle and… not like anyone Trowa had met before.
He was also definitely doing the right things. Quatre's small hands wormed their way into his loose silk jacket, under his arms and around to knead the tense muscles beneath his shoulder blades. Again, Trowa couldn't stop the helpless whimper that escaped him as the supple form slid erotically –whether meant or not- against his own. Maybe Quatre had had at least some experience, or maybe a good imagination was enough. DID patients often had very vivid imaginations.
Finally though, an inevitable hand brushed between his legs and he automatically tensed and pushed back, grabbing the wandering fingers firmly.
"Please." Trowa swallowed and took in a needed breath. Quatre stared at him questioningly, so he forced out what he had to say. "Please Quatre. I'm not ready for this. I… I'm not comfortable with this yet."
Trowa could see the initial hurt that rose momentarily in the crystal depths of Quatre's expressive eyes, but it passed and was replaced with honest concern.
"I'm sorry Trowa. I thought you wanted this. He moved to get up, but Trowa held him.
"I do." He smoothed the blond hair back. "I do… if you do, but I'm not ready yet. I just… I had a bad experience with this before. I'm a little afraid."
"I sensed that." Quatre said, settling back onto his lap carefully. He stroked a tender hand along Trowa's flushed cheek. "I don't want to scare you Trowa. It felt like you wanted something and I wanted it too. To be honest, I wasn't going to go that far. I was just teasing you a little bit. It's a little bit too public here to do much more than that anyway. Ok?"
Trowa nodded gratefully and let his head roll forward to rest against the small muscular chest and sighed as a hand stroked through his hair.
"I do want you." He whispered. "I just…" He was silent. He put into words what he was feeling.
"Who hurt you Trowa?"
Trowa stopped breathing for a minute. Had Quatre sensed that too? At this point, Trowa felt that it would only be harmful to keep secrets from this mysterious boy he held. The boy who seemed to be delving into his very soul and dredging up all his passions, fears, joys and confusion and consequently throwing Trowa's whole world into chaos. Where was the stability? A week ago, the sure college boy could honestly tell anyone that he was comfortable with where and who he was. Now, he didn't know which way was up anymore. Nothing seemed right and everything he had established in his life seemed wrong.
'Maybe this is what love does to you.' He thought cynically, laughing at himself inside his head. Honestly.
Still, this enigmatic blond boy, who was, let us remember, in a mental institution for being crazy, was opening his heart and welcoming the chaos he had created with open arms, ready to let Trowa sit on the hypothetical couch and talk out all his problems, and the crazy thing, was that Quatre seemed all right. He was the stable one in this. Not Quatre, even, but all three. Right now, Quatre, Heero and Wufei made more sense than anything in his own world. And with all this in mind, Trowa realized there was no stopping himself from telling Quatre exactly why he couldn't let go himself.
"His name was Dekim." He said, still holding the blond, though now more like a favorite teddy bear. "He was my first… and only."
Silence. The slender fingers continued to stroke soothingly through Trowa's hair and he continued.
"He was much older than I was, by at least fifteen years I think. I was around fifteen myself. He worked in the circus as an animal trainer. He taught me everything I know about that. Since I always loved our animals, I would help take care of them after the performances, so naturally I spent a lot of time with him. He caught me staring at him with his shirt off once and started asking me if I liked men or not. He did it very gradually and he was always very friendly, not forceful at all. Eventually I admitted that I really did like men more than women. He started making romantic advances toward me, taking me out to movies and dinner and we would end up necking in his trailer afterward. He bought me gifts and told me how special I was to him."
"He had me wrapped around his little finger and totally fooled." Trowa said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice and remain emotionless. "Between that and my childish desire for romance as well as my raging hormones, he had me practically begging him to 'make love' to me."
The mocking tone with which Trowa used the words 'make love' were tragic even to him, but he continued.
"One night it happened, in his trailer. He took me. He let me take him. I was clumsy and inexperienced, but he was patient and it was incredible for me. I thought I had never been happier as I fell asleep in his arms. When I woke up, he had disappeared."
"Oh Trowa."
"He didn't even leave a note. When my father called the police, we found out he was a criminal. He had been charged with at least 13 counts of sexual harassment of underage boys across the country."
Quatre's hands had stopped their soft calming strokes, but Trowa felt lips pressed to the top of his head in an affectionate kiss.
"Did they ever find him?"
"No. We didn't try. I never told Cathy… my sister, what had happened. I was too ashamed. I just went and got myself checked as soon as I could… since we hadn't used any protection… and then pretend it never happened."
"You were Ok?"
"Yeah." Trowa raised his head to look at Quatre. Something had changed in the blond's eyes. "Really I should consider myself lucky. I've heard worse stories about gay boys and their first times. At least I enjoyed the sex."
"But he used you."
"Maybe." Trowa replied, matter of factly. "What hurt was his manipulation. If it was just sex, then it was just sex and I would have said yes or no, but I would have been okay with it."
"But he made you think it was more."
Trowa scrunched his eyes and looked up into the blonde's eyes again. It was Wufei. At some point the Chines alter had taken over. Trowa tried not to let this phase him, continuing with his story, even as he tried to figure out what was happening.
"I… yeah. I thought he really cared about me."
"Maybe he did."
"Well, I'll never know. Anyway, that's why I'm skittish."
"We would never do that to you Trowa."
We…
"It's not just that I'm afraid of it happening to me... again." Trowa shook his head. "It's that I'm afraid of doing it to someone else. I do care about you." He said, looking at the boy above him, wondering what was going on inside the tempestuous boy. At the same time, he was wondering who he was talking to. If he was talking to one, two or all three of them. "But I want to be sure before I try making it physical… and you're so hard to interpret." Trowa admitted honestly, knowing Wufei would understand what he meant. "You just said we… so are you talking about all three of you?"
Wufei let that full lipped half smile slip onto his analytical features as he looked down in amusement.
"Of course. You can't really get one of us without the other two can you?"
Trowa shook his head, shifting a bit to get the circulation back into his legs. Wufei adjusted with him.
"I wasn't sure." The taller boy admitted. "I find this very confusing.
"I don't blame you." Wufei assured. "However, Heero, Quatre and I have discussed quite a bit. We do want you physically... Someday." Wufei said, placing an assuring hand on his shoulder, an almost signature gesture for the alter. "We want you emotionally though. We will respect your wish to remain… plutonic until you are sure."
Once again, Trowa felt lost in uncertainty as his own reality was compromised by this perplexing situation. He wanted this boy more than he had wanted anyone… ever, but he was in a place where he didn't know what to do.
"Wufei…" He started. "I'm not even sure if I could be with you. Even if we could get you released, could it work?"
Wufei sighed. "Are you afraid to try Trowa? Are you afraid to take the risk at all? You know that it could be a while before we are released. Are you willing to wait?"
"I…" Trowa hugged the boy closer. His embrace was returned mutually… no more, no less. "I'm not sure Wufei."
"You are confused. Perhaps you need time to think."
Wufei stood and pulled the brooding green eyed boy up. Trowa leaned against the wall staring at the smaller boy, sadly, wondering if he had closed a door already because he was not willing to walk through. Wufei smiled and moved close to Trowa, kissing him lightly on the neck and holding him firmly by the arms, capturing Trowa with his stern but benign gaze.
"Do not trouble yourself so much Trowa. You give yourself far to little credit. We are willing to wait, because we do care about you. All of us."
He pulled Trowa's head close to his lips, turning it sideways, and Trowa let his eyes slip shut with desire as he felt the warm breath brush his ear in a somewhat erotic whisper.
"We could make you happy, quiet one… if you let us. Please consider carefully."
Trowa found himself wondering if it was truly possible.