Chapter Four
The long days dragged into weeks and weeks dragged into months as Snape worked himself to the bone on potions for Tom and Lucius. He had never imagined that being a Death Eater would result in his complete breakdown, but then, he had never even fathomed being in Tom Riddle's inner circle. Despite his ragged body, Snape pushed on, drinking Pepper Up potions every hour and bending over his cauldron for the rest of the day. He rarely slept, he just made the potions. Lucius had advised him early on that it would be unwise to miss sleep for the cause but Snape hadn't listened to him. It didn't come as a surprise to either man, for Snape had never listened to Lucius. It was only by pure luck that the two Slytherins hadn't ended up killing each other while they were at school. It amazed most of the student body that they had remained such close friends.
Snape tipped a vial over the cauldron and poured in a measure of powdered Erumpent horn, then stepped back and began to time the reaction. It would take ten minutes for the concoction to boil and the moment it did Snape would have to remove it from the fire. Once the mixture had boiled for only a second it would become a potent exploding potion, able to take apart a house with just a tiny vial. It would be very useful when Tom decided to seek out those who had betrayed him, he would be able to tear them to shreds with this potion.
Snape let himself slide into the single chair he kept in his basement, the only piece of furniture besides the table he used to make his potions. His body immediately melted into the fabric, his tense muscles relaxing as he closed his eyes and waited for the potion to be finished. Tom would be pleased with him, Lucius would even have to admit that he was doing something right. Even if he did pretend they had never been friends, Snape knew Lucius would admire the things he had done. He had to; they were perfect, after all.
He found himself so relaxed by allowing himself to finally sit, that Snape didn't hear the soft pop that announced the arrival of another wizard. His hands moved up to his temples and he massaged them gently, realizing that he felt far too spent for a twenty year old man.
Lucius stared down at Snape, watching as the other wizard massaged his temples and stifled a satisfied groan that rose in his throat. Lucius had to shut his eyes at the noise and he tried to ignore the familiarity of the scene before him, but he couldn't. He had ignored it for months, but now everything reminded him of Snape. Every detail of his day reminded him of the nights they had spent together.
Lucius opened his eyes and he watched Snape massage his head and neck, the movements taking him back to a time that he kept locked away.
Lucius stepped through the portrait hole and into the Slytherin common room after their final exam in their sixth year. It had been potions and if there was one class that Lucius hated more than Muggle Studies, it had to be potions. Severus Snape had finished in half an hour, of course and had left the examination room early, free to spend his day however he pleased while Lucius struggled through the final questions. Two hours later, he too was free.
"I hate you," Lucius drawled, stepping up behind Snape who was sitting in one of the green armchairs.
"Don't lie, Lucius," Snape said coldly. "It's not very becoming."
Lucius had to smile at this, then reached around to where Snape was gently massaging his own temples. "How do you know what's becoming and what isn't?" he asked, his long fingers kneading softly into the skin near Snape's eyes. He leaned down to breath faintly across the other boy's cheek, his lips barely brushing the skin. "I suppose I could find something to do that you might find becoming on me."
Snape snorted. "How old are you, Lucius? Thirteen? Let's play the sexual innuendo game, is that it?"
Lucius' smile grew. "If that's what you want."
"Good Lord," Snape breathed, shaking his head and brushing Lucius' hands away. "You've been skirting around this for as long as I can remember-"
"Three years," Lucius said. "I kissed you at the end of third year."
Snape waved a hand to show that he wasn't concerned with the dates. "As I was saying, you've been skirting around the issue of an 'us' for too long now. If you want it, Lucius, you have to stop with the others."
Lucius' grin abruptly left his face and he moved around to sit in the chair across from Snape. "Is this some sort of 'talk' we're having? Trying to get me to commit?"
Snape just shook his head impatiently, thankful that they were alone in the common room. "I'm stating facts, Lucius. You want me, the feeling is more than mutual, I can assure you, but I am not going to be another conquest on Lucius Malfoy's list."
"Why not? Isn't my list good enough for you?"
Snape had to smile, the comment amused him. "No, Lucius, your list isn't good enough for me. I have some morals left, strange as that may seem."
"Morals?" Lucius asked, pretending to look confused. "What are they?"
"I didn't expect you to know them," Snape responded dryly.
"Come on, Severus," Lucius said. "This isn't a game anymore."
"Precisely."
"What?"
"It's not a game," Snape said. "There are no winners and losers, yet you seem to believe that snogging as many students as possible can make you a winner. I've put up with it for this long, but if this . . . arrangement is going to go any further I have to state my ground rules."
"Rules?" Lucius asked. "I thought this wasn't a game?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Snape said, standing and turning away. "You know my terms, Lucius. Think on them and get back to me."
And, of course, when Lucius had gone into the dormitory that night he had agreed to everything Snape had wanted. He hated how weak the black haired man could make him, but he couldn't deny the irresistible pull between the two of them. He had never been able to in school and now it was getting more difficult by the day. Spending so much time working side by side, Lucius had begun to feel the familiar burning in his gut whenever he caught Snape's eye.
"Lucius," Snape murmured, shattering his thoughts. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"
Lucius glanced down, startled to find himself standing behind Snape and gently massaging his temples. He froze, his grey eyes widened as he stared into Snape's face. Both men regarded each other in shock, neither of them able to move from where they were. It had been an accident, but the electricity had been undeniable. Their past was coming back to haunt them.
"Sorry," Lucius said abruptly and he stepped away.
Snape stood from the chair and shook his head. "It's quite alright."
They fell silent again, still watching each other for some sign on what to do. Neither had any idea how to react, both wanted to fall together and continue as if they had never been apart, but neither dared. Lucius, for fear of being found out, for fear of being ridiculed by his fellow Death Eaters and losing his wife and unborn child. Snape didn't act on his urges because he feared Lucius' reaction. He didn't want to anger his old friend again, not when they had come so close to recapturing what they had once been.
"I'm sorry," Lucius said again.
Snape opened his mouth to respond, but a shrill whistling pierced the air and he immediately turned his attention back to the potion. Cooling the cauldron with his hand, Snape lifted it off the flame and began to attend to it immediately as Lucius looked on.
Although he hated to admit it, Lucius wondered what would have happened if he had let himself so further. Would his world really come tumbling down around him if he allowed himself to indulge in one kiss, one touch? He longed to reach out and run his fingers through Snape's black hair, touching the nape of Snape's neck and drawing Snape's mouth to his own. His fingers ached to touch the familiar body, to run over the muscles he knew so well, the lines and contours that he had watched develop.
Instead, Lucius watched Snape work and imagined all the things he would do if he ever allowed himself to.
End Chapter Four
The long days dragged into weeks and weeks dragged into months as Snape worked himself to the bone on potions for Tom and Lucius. He had never imagined that being a Death Eater would result in his complete breakdown, but then, he had never even fathomed being in Tom Riddle's inner circle. Despite his ragged body, Snape pushed on, drinking Pepper Up potions every hour and bending over his cauldron for the rest of the day. He rarely slept, he just made the potions. Lucius had advised him early on that it would be unwise to miss sleep for the cause but Snape hadn't listened to him. It didn't come as a surprise to either man, for Snape had never listened to Lucius. It was only by pure luck that the two Slytherins hadn't ended up killing each other while they were at school. It amazed most of the student body that they had remained such close friends.
Snape tipped a vial over the cauldron and poured in a measure of powdered Erumpent horn, then stepped back and began to time the reaction. It would take ten minutes for the concoction to boil and the moment it did Snape would have to remove it from the fire. Once the mixture had boiled for only a second it would become a potent exploding potion, able to take apart a house with just a tiny vial. It would be very useful when Tom decided to seek out those who had betrayed him, he would be able to tear them to shreds with this potion.
Snape let himself slide into the single chair he kept in his basement, the only piece of furniture besides the table he used to make his potions. His body immediately melted into the fabric, his tense muscles relaxing as he closed his eyes and waited for the potion to be finished. Tom would be pleased with him, Lucius would even have to admit that he was doing something right. Even if he did pretend they had never been friends, Snape knew Lucius would admire the things he had done. He had to; they were perfect, after all.
He found himself so relaxed by allowing himself to finally sit, that Snape didn't hear the soft pop that announced the arrival of another wizard. His hands moved up to his temples and he massaged them gently, realizing that he felt far too spent for a twenty year old man.
Lucius stared down at Snape, watching as the other wizard massaged his temples and stifled a satisfied groan that rose in his throat. Lucius had to shut his eyes at the noise and he tried to ignore the familiarity of the scene before him, but he couldn't. He had ignored it for months, but now everything reminded him of Snape. Every detail of his day reminded him of the nights they had spent together.
Lucius opened his eyes and he watched Snape massage his head and neck, the movements taking him back to a time that he kept locked away.
Lucius stepped through the portrait hole and into the Slytherin common room after their final exam in their sixth year. It had been potions and if there was one class that Lucius hated more than Muggle Studies, it had to be potions. Severus Snape had finished in half an hour, of course and had left the examination room early, free to spend his day however he pleased while Lucius struggled through the final questions. Two hours later, he too was free.
"I hate you," Lucius drawled, stepping up behind Snape who was sitting in one of the green armchairs.
"Don't lie, Lucius," Snape said coldly. "It's not very becoming."
Lucius had to smile at this, then reached around to where Snape was gently massaging his own temples. "How do you know what's becoming and what isn't?" he asked, his long fingers kneading softly into the skin near Snape's eyes. He leaned down to breath faintly across the other boy's cheek, his lips barely brushing the skin. "I suppose I could find something to do that you might find becoming on me."
Snape snorted. "How old are you, Lucius? Thirteen? Let's play the sexual innuendo game, is that it?"
Lucius' smile grew. "If that's what you want."
"Good Lord," Snape breathed, shaking his head and brushing Lucius' hands away. "You've been skirting around this for as long as I can remember-"
"Three years," Lucius said. "I kissed you at the end of third year."
Snape waved a hand to show that he wasn't concerned with the dates. "As I was saying, you've been skirting around the issue of an 'us' for too long now. If you want it, Lucius, you have to stop with the others."
Lucius' grin abruptly left his face and he moved around to sit in the chair across from Snape. "Is this some sort of 'talk' we're having? Trying to get me to commit?"
Snape just shook his head impatiently, thankful that they were alone in the common room. "I'm stating facts, Lucius. You want me, the feeling is more than mutual, I can assure you, but I am not going to be another conquest on Lucius Malfoy's list."
"Why not? Isn't my list good enough for you?"
Snape had to smile, the comment amused him. "No, Lucius, your list isn't good enough for me. I have some morals left, strange as that may seem."
"Morals?" Lucius asked, pretending to look confused. "What are they?"
"I didn't expect you to know them," Snape responded dryly.
"Come on, Severus," Lucius said. "This isn't a game anymore."
"Precisely."
"What?"
"It's not a game," Snape said. "There are no winners and losers, yet you seem to believe that snogging as many students as possible can make you a winner. I've put up with it for this long, but if this . . . arrangement is going to go any further I have to state my ground rules."
"Rules?" Lucius asked. "I thought this wasn't a game?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Snape said, standing and turning away. "You know my terms, Lucius. Think on them and get back to me."
And, of course, when Lucius had gone into the dormitory that night he had agreed to everything Snape had wanted. He hated how weak the black haired man could make him, but he couldn't deny the irresistible pull between the two of them. He had never been able to in school and now it was getting more difficult by the day. Spending so much time working side by side, Lucius had begun to feel the familiar burning in his gut whenever he caught Snape's eye.
"Lucius," Snape murmured, shattering his thoughts. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"
Lucius glanced down, startled to find himself standing behind Snape and gently massaging his temples. He froze, his grey eyes widened as he stared into Snape's face. Both men regarded each other in shock, neither of them able to move from where they were. It had been an accident, but the electricity had been undeniable. Their past was coming back to haunt them.
"Sorry," Lucius said abruptly and he stepped away.
Snape stood from the chair and shook his head. "It's quite alright."
They fell silent again, still watching each other for some sign on what to do. Neither had any idea how to react, both wanted to fall together and continue as if they had never been apart, but neither dared. Lucius, for fear of being found out, for fear of being ridiculed by his fellow Death Eaters and losing his wife and unborn child. Snape didn't act on his urges because he feared Lucius' reaction. He didn't want to anger his old friend again, not when they had come so close to recapturing what they had once been.
"I'm sorry," Lucius said again.
Snape opened his mouth to respond, but a shrill whistling pierced the air and he immediately turned his attention back to the potion. Cooling the cauldron with his hand, Snape lifted it off the flame and began to attend to it immediately as Lucius looked on.
Although he hated to admit it, Lucius wondered what would have happened if he had let himself so further. Would his world really come tumbling down around him if he allowed himself to indulge in one kiss, one touch? He longed to reach out and run his fingers through Snape's black hair, touching the nape of Snape's neck and drawing Snape's mouth to his own. His fingers ached to touch the familiar body, to run over the muscles he knew so well, the lines and contours that he had watched develop.
Instead, Lucius watched Snape work and imagined all the things he would do if he ever allowed himself to.
End Chapter Four