Chapter Nine
Night after night Lucius lay awake, certain that Snape was also awake beside him, but he said nothing. For the first time in his life, Lucius was really torn. His decision to leave Snape after graduation hadn't been easy, but it was nothing like the decision he was facing now. He had given up everything to be able to follow Tom into battle, if he left his entire life would be just a lie. His fairy tale ending would be shattered and he would never live happily ever after as a world ruler with his son and Snape by his side. If he left he would be spitting in the face of everything he believed it, but if he didn't leave he was certain that he would be alone.
He couldn't leave, not when they were so close to finding out where James and Lily Potter were hiding. Tom had been torturing Sirius Black for nearly a week and Lucius was sure that he would crack any day. Sirius still denied that he was the Secret Keeper, but Lucius knew better; there was no one else who James and Lily would have even considered. Not even Dumbledore would have been as trustworthy as their best friend. Soon enough Tom would know where his enemies were hidden and then Lucius would have the world at his feet.
He sighed and turned over, staring at Snape's profile in the dark. It was unfair of him to try and make Lucius choose, both of them knew it was, but neither of them said anything about it. Snape's sudden determination to leave the Death Eater's frightened Lucius; he knew the other man wouldn't make it very far before Tom had him killed for his betrayal and yet Snape didn't seem to even consider this. As days passed by and more mudbloods were slaughtered in Lucius' home Snape became more sure of his decision to leave. There was no going back, in less than a week he would be gone whether or not Lucius decided to go with him.
"I want to," he breathed.
Snape's eyes opened. "Hm?"
"I said I want to."
"You want to what?"
Lucius sighed deeply and propped himself up on one elbow. "I want to leave with you. Couldn't you just wait a little longer and then we can do whatever we want?"
Snape closed his eyes again and shook his head. "No, I can't wait a little longer, Lucius. I'm leaving Thursday and . . ." he trailed off and drew in a deep breath, "and that's your last chance."
Lucius felt his throat tighten and his eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"
"Thursday is your last chance," Snape repeated. "I'm leaving and if you don't come with me I don't want to see you again."
Lucius nearly laughed with disbelief. "Are you giving me an ultimatum, Severus?"
"I believe that's what they're called."
Lucius flopped down onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. "I can't believe I'm hearing you say this."
"Take Draco and come with me," Snape said.
"I can't."
Snape shrugged and turned away from Lucius. "Then I guess you've made your decision."
Lucius licked his lips uncertainly, then said, "I guess I have."
They both fell silent and Lucius wondered if he should try to say anything else. He was about to open his mouth and ask Snape to reconsider when the other man sat up in the bed. Lucius watched as Snape brushed his hair out of his face, then turned to stare at him with his black eyes. They held each other's gaze for a long time before Snape leaned over and pressed his lips to Lucius'.
"I wish you would reconsider," Snape whispered against Lucius' mouth.
"You know I can't."
There was no answer for this but another kiss, then Snape backed away and stood from the bed. He dressed quickly, then sunk into the chair by the window, staring outside at the lush courtyard below. Lucius watched him, taking in the sallow skin and dark features, the lank hair that hung in Snape's face. Snape toyed with the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, twisting them back and forth until the strings broke and he glanced down in surprise. A muttered curse escaped his lips and Lucius had to smile. It was exactly the type of thing Snape would do when he thought no one was watching.
Snape remained in the chair, running the broken button over his fingers as Lucius watched. He didn't want things to change, but he knew they were about to, so he watched Snape instead. As the light crept over the room Lucius watched the shadows on Snape's face deepen, then disappear as the sun beat down on him. Snape stood a moment later, cast a final glance at Lucius and then left the room.
* * * *
Snape swallowed hard, then straightened his shoulders and started down the dirty staircase that led to the dungeons under the Malfoy Manor. It was the only area of the house that Narcissa didn't demand the house-elves clean daily, the only area where she would let even a speck of dust collect and it showed. His shoes scraped against the grime as he walked and he avoided putting his hand on the railing or the stone wall. The torches barely gave him enough light to see where he was going, but he would have rather risked a broken neck from falling down the stairs than having his hand permanently stuck in the dirt on the railing.
He descended quickly and quietly, passing the guard near the door and nodded briskly before entering the dungeons. He didn't want to be seen by more people than he had to, especially on the day that would be his last in the house. All Snape wanted was to finish his business in the dungeon and then get out as fast as possible. He knew it would be a long shot, but he planned on returning to Hogwarts, maybe Dumbledore would be able to protect him.
Snape turned the last corner in the dungeons and faced the only occupied cell in the entire area. Huddled in a corner was the beaten and bruised form of Sirius Black. He looked like he was asleep, but Snape didn't know if it was truly sleep or simply a pain induced unconsciousness.
"Black!" Snape hissed, shaking the cell bars slightly. "Wake up."
Sirius groaned and murmured something unintelligible into the floor.
"Get up," Snape growled.
With another groan Sirius heaved himself off the floor and swayed unsteadily. "Go ahead," he murmured finally in a hoarse voice. "I don't know anything."
"I'm not here to torture you!" Snape said sharply.
Sirius stared blearily at him for a moment, then blinked quickly. "Snape."
"That would be my name."
"What do you want?" Sirius asked.
"To get you out of here," Snape replied, bending down to examine the lock.
Sirius snorted. "Why the hell would I want your help?"
Snape stopped looking at the lock and raised his gaze to Sirius. "Are you joking?"
"No. I don't want anything you have to give me," Sirius said.
"Your only other choice is to stay here and have Tom torture you until you tell him where the Potters are hiding," Snape reminded him.
Sirius continued to glare at him. "I know my options, Death Eater."
"And you would rather stay here and risk the lives of your friends than let me help you? Is that it?" Snape asked.
Sirius nodded firmly.
Snape backed away slowly. "Fine, have it your way, Black. But I certainly hope that their deaths don't end up on your shoulders because of your stupid desire to keep your pride in tact," he snarled, then turned and walked briskly down the hall.
His footsteps echoed loudly in the confined area, but he didn't care. If Sirius Black was too stupid to accept his help, then that was just fine. Snape only hoped that people didn't end up dead because of one man's ridiculous need to protect his ego.
With a growl of frustration he slammed the dungeon door behind him and set off into the house to find Lucius. It was time for him to go.
* * * *
Lucius felt him enter the room before he heard him but he didn't turn. He remained seated at the desk in his study, his quill poised over a parchment and he waited. The air around him grew completely still and even the birds outside hushed their song. It was their goodbye, nothing could destroy their final goodbye.
"I'm about to leave," Snape said finally.
Lucius closed his inkwell and carefully set down his quill before turning. When his eyes finally met Snape's he nodded slowly.
"I thought you might be," he said.
"You can still come with me."
A smile twitched at the corners of Lucius' mouth. "I suppose I could if I wanted to die."
Snape sighed deeply, but said nothing.
"I'll keep him fooled for as long as I can," Lucius said quickly, "but I can't promise anything."
Snape nodded. "I know and I appreciate anything you can do."
"Where will you go?" Lucius asked.
"Are you sure I should tell you? If he finds out that you know anything . . ." Snape trailed off. "I saw Black. I don't want him doing to you what he did to Black."
Lucius nodded. "You're right. It's probably best that I don't know."
They fell silent and Snape watched Lucius carefully, his gaze burning into the other man.
"I suppose it's only fair you're leaving this time," Lucius said.
Snape frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I left you at school and now you're going to leave me here," Lucius explained. "We're even now."
"Are we?"
Lucius glanced at him quickly. "Of course."
"I expect you to stick by that," Snape said.
Lucius rose from his chair and went to the man in the doorway. "I promise I won't hurt you again. I can't."
Snape nodded slowly. "I believe you."
"Take care of yourself," Lucius said, his fingers brushing across the skin of Snape's hand. "Don't let me hear that you got yourself killed doing something stupid."
Snape almost smiled. "And when have you known me to do anything stupid?"
"Are you sure you can't stay?" Lucius asked suddenly.
Snape shook his head. "You know I can't. Not after seeing what he does so willingly . . . I'm not like that. I might be a cold hearted bastard, but I'm not a murderer."
"But I am," Lucius whispered.
Snape held his gaze steady. "You have what it takes to get ahead, Lucius. You can do anything. I'm too weak."
"You're strong enough to leave," Lucius said.
"Then I suppose we see this situation quite differently, don't we?"
"I suppose so."
Snape took a step backward. "I'm still going to blame you when I'm a bitter old man." He tried to smile. "Goodbye, Lucius. Good luck."
"Thank you," Lucius murmured. "And the very same to you."
Snape took another step away, then seemed to think better of his decision and stepped into the room once more. One of his hands came up to tangle in Lucius' hair and he pulled the other man forward to capture his mouth in a kiss. It ended too abruptly, but Snape stepped away quickly, breathing hard and looking frightened.
"Goodbye," he said again quickly, then turned and walked down the hall.
Lucius watched him go, the taste of Snape still on his lips. He touched his fingers to his mouth softly, as if by some miracle he would be able to capture some of what Snape had left behind. His hand fell and he watched the shoulders clad in dark material disappear down the stairs.
It would be the last time Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape saw each other for a very long time.
End Chapter Nine
Night after night Lucius lay awake, certain that Snape was also awake beside him, but he said nothing. For the first time in his life, Lucius was really torn. His decision to leave Snape after graduation hadn't been easy, but it was nothing like the decision he was facing now. He had given up everything to be able to follow Tom into battle, if he left his entire life would be just a lie. His fairy tale ending would be shattered and he would never live happily ever after as a world ruler with his son and Snape by his side. If he left he would be spitting in the face of everything he believed it, but if he didn't leave he was certain that he would be alone.
He couldn't leave, not when they were so close to finding out where James and Lily Potter were hiding. Tom had been torturing Sirius Black for nearly a week and Lucius was sure that he would crack any day. Sirius still denied that he was the Secret Keeper, but Lucius knew better; there was no one else who James and Lily would have even considered. Not even Dumbledore would have been as trustworthy as their best friend. Soon enough Tom would know where his enemies were hidden and then Lucius would have the world at his feet.
He sighed and turned over, staring at Snape's profile in the dark. It was unfair of him to try and make Lucius choose, both of them knew it was, but neither of them said anything about it. Snape's sudden determination to leave the Death Eater's frightened Lucius; he knew the other man wouldn't make it very far before Tom had him killed for his betrayal and yet Snape didn't seem to even consider this. As days passed by and more mudbloods were slaughtered in Lucius' home Snape became more sure of his decision to leave. There was no going back, in less than a week he would be gone whether or not Lucius decided to go with him.
"I want to," he breathed.
Snape's eyes opened. "Hm?"
"I said I want to."
"You want to what?"
Lucius sighed deeply and propped himself up on one elbow. "I want to leave with you. Couldn't you just wait a little longer and then we can do whatever we want?"
Snape closed his eyes again and shook his head. "No, I can't wait a little longer, Lucius. I'm leaving Thursday and . . ." he trailed off and drew in a deep breath, "and that's your last chance."
Lucius felt his throat tighten and his eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"
"Thursday is your last chance," Snape repeated. "I'm leaving and if you don't come with me I don't want to see you again."
Lucius nearly laughed with disbelief. "Are you giving me an ultimatum, Severus?"
"I believe that's what they're called."
Lucius flopped down onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. "I can't believe I'm hearing you say this."
"Take Draco and come with me," Snape said.
"I can't."
Snape shrugged and turned away from Lucius. "Then I guess you've made your decision."
Lucius licked his lips uncertainly, then said, "I guess I have."
They both fell silent and Lucius wondered if he should try to say anything else. He was about to open his mouth and ask Snape to reconsider when the other man sat up in the bed. Lucius watched as Snape brushed his hair out of his face, then turned to stare at him with his black eyes. They held each other's gaze for a long time before Snape leaned over and pressed his lips to Lucius'.
"I wish you would reconsider," Snape whispered against Lucius' mouth.
"You know I can't."
There was no answer for this but another kiss, then Snape backed away and stood from the bed. He dressed quickly, then sunk into the chair by the window, staring outside at the lush courtyard below. Lucius watched him, taking in the sallow skin and dark features, the lank hair that hung in Snape's face. Snape toyed with the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, twisting them back and forth until the strings broke and he glanced down in surprise. A muttered curse escaped his lips and Lucius had to smile. It was exactly the type of thing Snape would do when he thought no one was watching.
Snape remained in the chair, running the broken button over his fingers as Lucius watched. He didn't want things to change, but he knew they were about to, so he watched Snape instead. As the light crept over the room Lucius watched the shadows on Snape's face deepen, then disappear as the sun beat down on him. Snape stood a moment later, cast a final glance at Lucius and then left the room.
* * * *
Snape swallowed hard, then straightened his shoulders and started down the dirty staircase that led to the dungeons under the Malfoy Manor. It was the only area of the house that Narcissa didn't demand the house-elves clean daily, the only area where she would let even a speck of dust collect and it showed. His shoes scraped against the grime as he walked and he avoided putting his hand on the railing or the stone wall. The torches barely gave him enough light to see where he was going, but he would have rather risked a broken neck from falling down the stairs than having his hand permanently stuck in the dirt on the railing.
He descended quickly and quietly, passing the guard near the door and nodded briskly before entering the dungeons. He didn't want to be seen by more people than he had to, especially on the day that would be his last in the house. All Snape wanted was to finish his business in the dungeon and then get out as fast as possible. He knew it would be a long shot, but he planned on returning to Hogwarts, maybe Dumbledore would be able to protect him.
Snape turned the last corner in the dungeons and faced the only occupied cell in the entire area. Huddled in a corner was the beaten and bruised form of Sirius Black. He looked like he was asleep, but Snape didn't know if it was truly sleep or simply a pain induced unconsciousness.
"Black!" Snape hissed, shaking the cell bars slightly. "Wake up."
Sirius groaned and murmured something unintelligible into the floor.
"Get up," Snape growled.
With another groan Sirius heaved himself off the floor and swayed unsteadily. "Go ahead," he murmured finally in a hoarse voice. "I don't know anything."
"I'm not here to torture you!" Snape said sharply.
Sirius stared blearily at him for a moment, then blinked quickly. "Snape."
"That would be my name."
"What do you want?" Sirius asked.
"To get you out of here," Snape replied, bending down to examine the lock.
Sirius snorted. "Why the hell would I want your help?"
Snape stopped looking at the lock and raised his gaze to Sirius. "Are you joking?"
"No. I don't want anything you have to give me," Sirius said.
"Your only other choice is to stay here and have Tom torture you until you tell him where the Potters are hiding," Snape reminded him.
Sirius continued to glare at him. "I know my options, Death Eater."
"And you would rather stay here and risk the lives of your friends than let me help you? Is that it?" Snape asked.
Sirius nodded firmly.
Snape backed away slowly. "Fine, have it your way, Black. But I certainly hope that their deaths don't end up on your shoulders because of your stupid desire to keep your pride in tact," he snarled, then turned and walked briskly down the hall.
His footsteps echoed loudly in the confined area, but he didn't care. If Sirius Black was too stupid to accept his help, then that was just fine. Snape only hoped that people didn't end up dead because of one man's ridiculous need to protect his ego.
With a growl of frustration he slammed the dungeon door behind him and set off into the house to find Lucius. It was time for him to go.
* * * *
Lucius felt him enter the room before he heard him but he didn't turn. He remained seated at the desk in his study, his quill poised over a parchment and he waited. The air around him grew completely still and even the birds outside hushed their song. It was their goodbye, nothing could destroy their final goodbye.
"I'm about to leave," Snape said finally.
Lucius closed his inkwell and carefully set down his quill before turning. When his eyes finally met Snape's he nodded slowly.
"I thought you might be," he said.
"You can still come with me."
A smile twitched at the corners of Lucius' mouth. "I suppose I could if I wanted to die."
Snape sighed deeply, but said nothing.
"I'll keep him fooled for as long as I can," Lucius said quickly, "but I can't promise anything."
Snape nodded. "I know and I appreciate anything you can do."
"Where will you go?" Lucius asked.
"Are you sure I should tell you? If he finds out that you know anything . . ." Snape trailed off. "I saw Black. I don't want him doing to you what he did to Black."
Lucius nodded. "You're right. It's probably best that I don't know."
They fell silent and Snape watched Lucius carefully, his gaze burning into the other man.
"I suppose it's only fair you're leaving this time," Lucius said.
Snape frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I left you at school and now you're going to leave me here," Lucius explained. "We're even now."
"Are we?"
Lucius glanced at him quickly. "Of course."
"I expect you to stick by that," Snape said.
Lucius rose from his chair and went to the man in the doorway. "I promise I won't hurt you again. I can't."
Snape nodded slowly. "I believe you."
"Take care of yourself," Lucius said, his fingers brushing across the skin of Snape's hand. "Don't let me hear that you got yourself killed doing something stupid."
Snape almost smiled. "And when have you known me to do anything stupid?"
"Are you sure you can't stay?" Lucius asked suddenly.
Snape shook his head. "You know I can't. Not after seeing what he does so willingly . . . I'm not like that. I might be a cold hearted bastard, but I'm not a murderer."
"But I am," Lucius whispered.
Snape held his gaze steady. "You have what it takes to get ahead, Lucius. You can do anything. I'm too weak."
"You're strong enough to leave," Lucius said.
"Then I suppose we see this situation quite differently, don't we?"
"I suppose so."
Snape took a step backward. "I'm still going to blame you when I'm a bitter old man." He tried to smile. "Goodbye, Lucius. Good luck."
"Thank you," Lucius murmured. "And the very same to you."
Snape took another step away, then seemed to think better of his decision and stepped into the room once more. One of his hands came up to tangle in Lucius' hair and he pulled the other man forward to capture his mouth in a kiss. It ended too abruptly, but Snape stepped away quickly, breathing hard and looking frightened.
"Goodbye," he said again quickly, then turned and walked down the hall.
Lucius watched him go, the taste of Snape still on his lips. He touched his fingers to his mouth softly, as if by some miracle he would be able to capture some of what Snape had left behind. His hand fell and he watched the shoulders clad in dark material disappear down the stairs.
It would be the last time Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape saw each other for a very long time.
End Chapter Nine