Self- Destruction
Chapter 2: Draco
He sat on his bed, staring stonily out the window. He could see Hermione's room from here, and he would watch till the lamp went out. The curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see her, but he stared anyway.
He forgot what time it was until it was so late he didn't want to know what time it was. The lamp went out and he sighed. He knew she would be a long time forgiving him for this one.
He loved her, dammit...
He wanted to go to her, tell her that he didn't care whether she slept with him right now or never, that it wasn't about that for him and never would be, if only she'd forgive him. He knew he was stupid to press her like that. But she was so damned beautiful...
Damn his hormones. Damn his conceit. Damn his stupidity for getting her so furious at him that she'd probably never speak to him again. Damn her mouth that tasted so good and damn her body that made his body want to get her alone and horizontal and never, ever let go. And thrice damn his own big mouth that didn't know when to shut up.
He decided to go find his Head of House. Professor Snape was a handsome man. Surely he'd had lots of problems with women in his day. And he'd already blurted out most of the problem to him anyway.
Draco opened the door, smiling when it didn't squeak, and set off down the hall. He wasn't more than ten paces from Snape's door when he heard footsteps not his own coming from the opposite end of the hall.
He rcognized the tall, lionine form of the Potions professor by the light of the small lamp he carried. "Professor?" he said.
"Draco Malfoy. Well, well, well. What are you doing up so late?" Snape's features, eerily lit by the small light, suddenly looked ominous to Draco. There was something in the professor's voice he didn't quite like.
"I-- I wanted to ask your advice..." Curiosity emboldened him. "Where've you been, Professor?"
Snape laughed low in his throat. "Go to bed, Malfoy." The tall man shouldered past him to unlock the door of his chamber, and that was when Draco recognized it-- the smell. Her smell. No one else at Hogwarts used that perfume.
"You've been with Hermione!" He gasped before he thought. Snape looked at him.
"Come on," he said, seizing Draco roughly by the shoulder and pulling him into the room. He shut the door and reinforced the thick walls with a spell for secrecy. "Yes, I've been with your precious Hermione," he smirked at Draco. "What do you propose to do about it, boy?"
"What did you do to her?" Draco cried.
Snape laughed. "Nothing she wasn't willing and eager to have done to her, boy, don't worry about that."
"You bastard." He said it the way he would have said, It's raining. "You spelled her, didn't you? You must've, she wouldn't--"
"Oh, wouldn't she?" Snape said, as if greatly amused. "Maybe you don't know your beloved Hermione quite as well as you'd like, Malfoy. Maybe the only reason she wouldn't with you is that she was waiting for someone better to come along."
Draco was finding it harder and harder to breathe. "I'll tell Dumbledore-- you'll lose your job--"
"No, I don't think you will," the professor said. "Think what that would do to her, Malfoy-- she'd be known all over Hogwarts as the slut who got the Potions professor fired. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
Draco fumed. "They'd hush it up-- it's your fault, you seduced her-- Hermione's a good girl! They'd know who was really to blame--"
"Would they? Dumbledore's a sentimental old fool, I'll grant you, but these things have a way of getting out--you know that as well as I." Snape paused, a feral look in his eyes.
"You wouldn't--"
"Can you be sure of that?" The dark man smiled. "Go to Dumbledore if you wish, boy-- I can't stop you. But do it knowing that you screwed your girlfriend's reputation in the process." His face never lost that amused expression. "I'd say that's about the only way you're likely to be screwing her anytime soon."
Draco's hand struck the professor's face with such force that the crack resounded in the night. Snape cursed and, snarling, pushed the boy hard away from him. Draco stumbled and fell back onto the floor. "Don't try that again, boy," Snape hissed.
Draco scrambled to his feet. "I will find out the truth of this," he said, brushing himself off. "And if you hurt her, Snape, I swear to you I'll kill you with my own hands."
"Which are you more afraid of, boy?" Snape's voice called after him as he opened the door. "That I raped her...or that I didn't have to?"
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Draco arrived in front of Hermione's room panting and out of breath from running around on those damned moving staircases. "Hermione!" he called, pounding on the door with his fists. "Hermione! Let me in!"
The door opened slowly. She stood there in the dim light of a newly-lit lamp, eyes blinking and sleepy. "Draco, my God, you'll wake the dead. Stop shouting." Her hair was rumpled, her eyes squinted in the light, and yet as always when he saw her his heart leapt with her beauty.
"I'm sorry, but I--it's very important. I've got to come in."
She held the door open for him and he shut it carefully as he entered. Quickly spelling secrecy around them, he said, "Hermione...oh, God, Hermione, I'm sorry about before. I'm an idiot, really I am, and I should know by now to let you alone about that. I don't care if you never sleep with me, only please don't be angry anymore."
She looked at him carefully, as if she were trying to judge what he meant--or what he knew. "Draco, I know you think you're sorry. I do, truly. But you always are. And it never keeps you from doing it again."
Draco's heart beat faster and he felt the beginnings of panic set in on him. If she didn't forgive him..."Hermione, please. Believe that I mean what I say. I'd do anything to take back what I've done. I love you, Hermione, do you understand? I love you." The last few words had come out almost without him knowing he was going to say them-- but as they hung in the air between them he realized how true they were. He stared at his hands. "I've--I've never said that to anyone before," he breathed wonderingly.
Hermione stood away from him. "Don't say it unless you mean it, Malfoy," she warned, her eyes wide. "And don't you dare try to pull some garbage about me being the first person you've ever loved--don't you dare try to guilt me into forgiving you."
He jumped up. "I do mean it, Hermione, I would never-- I love you!" he exclaimed. "I love you...don't you know that?"
She looked into his face and saw that he was telling her the truth. But he wasn't getting off that easy...and she wasn't yet certain he was getting off at all. "Tell me something, Draco," she said in a quiet, deadly tone. "Are you here because you're sorry, or because you're jealous?"
"Jealous? Sweet Saints, Hermione, I'm not jealous, I'm worried. Whatever Snape did..." He trailed off as he realized what she'd said. "So it's true," he breathed.
` "Yes, it's true. You can wipe that shocked look off your face."
Draco felt as though someone had dealt him a sizeable blow to the chest with something resembling a sledgehammer. "Then he didn't..."
"He's not that stupid, Malfoy. He wouldn't."
He couldn't breathe. He couldn't...breathe. "Then you...you did it on purpose," he managed.
"Yes."
"Why?" The word came out strangled through his constricted throat.
Why, indeed. Hermione had spent the last half hour asking herself that very same question. Pure lust? No, she would have been able to talk herself out of that. A simple desire to get back at Draco? Perhaps a combination of the two. Truly told, she simply didn't know.
She stood up. "I think, Malfoy, that you had better leave."
"But..but..." he struggled to talk around the tears that were fast welling up in his eyes. "What does this mean, Hermione?"
"Mean?"
"For us. Are you...I mean, is he...will you..." Draco couldn't put it into words. It was too horrible to think about.
"I don't know. Suffice it to say I'm considering a few things."
Considering...Oh, God. "Hermione...he's not...he doesn't...I love you."
She smiled kindly at him, and the combination of pity and condescension in her face was almost too much for him to bear. "I know, Draco. I know."
He turned away, so she would not see his tears.
Chapter 2: Draco
He sat on his bed, staring stonily out the window. He could see Hermione's room from here, and he would watch till the lamp went out. The curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see her, but he stared anyway.
He forgot what time it was until it was so late he didn't want to know what time it was. The lamp went out and he sighed. He knew she would be a long time forgiving him for this one.
He loved her, dammit...
He wanted to go to her, tell her that he didn't care whether she slept with him right now or never, that it wasn't about that for him and never would be, if only she'd forgive him. He knew he was stupid to press her like that. But she was so damned beautiful...
Damn his hormones. Damn his conceit. Damn his stupidity for getting her so furious at him that she'd probably never speak to him again. Damn her mouth that tasted so good and damn her body that made his body want to get her alone and horizontal and never, ever let go. And thrice damn his own big mouth that didn't know when to shut up.
He decided to go find his Head of House. Professor Snape was a handsome man. Surely he'd had lots of problems with women in his day. And he'd already blurted out most of the problem to him anyway.
Draco opened the door, smiling when it didn't squeak, and set off down the hall. He wasn't more than ten paces from Snape's door when he heard footsteps not his own coming from the opposite end of the hall.
He rcognized the tall, lionine form of the Potions professor by the light of the small lamp he carried. "Professor?" he said.
"Draco Malfoy. Well, well, well. What are you doing up so late?" Snape's features, eerily lit by the small light, suddenly looked ominous to Draco. There was something in the professor's voice he didn't quite like.
"I-- I wanted to ask your advice..." Curiosity emboldened him. "Where've you been, Professor?"
Snape laughed low in his throat. "Go to bed, Malfoy." The tall man shouldered past him to unlock the door of his chamber, and that was when Draco recognized it-- the smell. Her smell. No one else at Hogwarts used that perfume.
"You've been with Hermione!" He gasped before he thought. Snape looked at him.
"Come on," he said, seizing Draco roughly by the shoulder and pulling him into the room. He shut the door and reinforced the thick walls with a spell for secrecy. "Yes, I've been with your precious Hermione," he smirked at Draco. "What do you propose to do about it, boy?"
"What did you do to her?" Draco cried.
Snape laughed. "Nothing she wasn't willing and eager to have done to her, boy, don't worry about that."
"You bastard." He said it the way he would have said, It's raining. "You spelled her, didn't you? You must've, she wouldn't--"
"Oh, wouldn't she?" Snape said, as if greatly amused. "Maybe you don't know your beloved Hermione quite as well as you'd like, Malfoy. Maybe the only reason she wouldn't with you is that she was waiting for someone better to come along."
Draco was finding it harder and harder to breathe. "I'll tell Dumbledore-- you'll lose your job--"
"No, I don't think you will," the professor said. "Think what that would do to her, Malfoy-- she'd be known all over Hogwarts as the slut who got the Potions professor fired. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
Draco fumed. "They'd hush it up-- it's your fault, you seduced her-- Hermione's a good girl! They'd know who was really to blame--"
"Would they? Dumbledore's a sentimental old fool, I'll grant you, but these things have a way of getting out--you know that as well as I." Snape paused, a feral look in his eyes.
"You wouldn't--"
"Can you be sure of that?" The dark man smiled. "Go to Dumbledore if you wish, boy-- I can't stop you. But do it knowing that you screwed your girlfriend's reputation in the process." His face never lost that amused expression. "I'd say that's about the only way you're likely to be screwing her anytime soon."
Draco's hand struck the professor's face with such force that the crack resounded in the night. Snape cursed and, snarling, pushed the boy hard away from him. Draco stumbled and fell back onto the floor. "Don't try that again, boy," Snape hissed.
Draco scrambled to his feet. "I will find out the truth of this," he said, brushing himself off. "And if you hurt her, Snape, I swear to you I'll kill you with my own hands."
"Which are you more afraid of, boy?" Snape's voice called after him as he opened the door. "That I raped her...or that I didn't have to?"
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Draco arrived in front of Hermione's room panting and out of breath from running around on those damned moving staircases. "Hermione!" he called, pounding on the door with his fists. "Hermione! Let me in!"
The door opened slowly. She stood there in the dim light of a newly-lit lamp, eyes blinking and sleepy. "Draco, my God, you'll wake the dead. Stop shouting." Her hair was rumpled, her eyes squinted in the light, and yet as always when he saw her his heart leapt with her beauty.
"I'm sorry, but I--it's very important. I've got to come in."
She held the door open for him and he shut it carefully as he entered. Quickly spelling secrecy around them, he said, "Hermione...oh, God, Hermione, I'm sorry about before. I'm an idiot, really I am, and I should know by now to let you alone about that. I don't care if you never sleep with me, only please don't be angry anymore."
She looked at him carefully, as if she were trying to judge what he meant--or what he knew. "Draco, I know you think you're sorry. I do, truly. But you always are. And it never keeps you from doing it again."
Draco's heart beat faster and he felt the beginnings of panic set in on him. If she didn't forgive him..."Hermione, please. Believe that I mean what I say. I'd do anything to take back what I've done. I love you, Hermione, do you understand? I love you." The last few words had come out almost without him knowing he was going to say them-- but as they hung in the air between them he realized how true they were. He stared at his hands. "I've--I've never said that to anyone before," he breathed wonderingly.
Hermione stood away from him. "Don't say it unless you mean it, Malfoy," she warned, her eyes wide. "And don't you dare try to pull some garbage about me being the first person you've ever loved--don't you dare try to guilt me into forgiving you."
He jumped up. "I do mean it, Hermione, I would never-- I love you!" he exclaimed. "I love you...don't you know that?"
She looked into his face and saw that he was telling her the truth. But he wasn't getting off that easy...and she wasn't yet certain he was getting off at all. "Tell me something, Draco," she said in a quiet, deadly tone. "Are you here because you're sorry, or because you're jealous?"
"Jealous? Sweet Saints, Hermione, I'm not jealous, I'm worried. Whatever Snape did..." He trailed off as he realized what she'd said. "So it's true," he breathed.
` "Yes, it's true. You can wipe that shocked look off your face."
Draco felt as though someone had dealt him a sizeable blow to the chest with something resembling a sledgehammer. "Then he didn't..."
"He's not that stupid, Malfoy. He wouldn't."
He couldn't breathe. He couldn't...breathe. "Then you...you did it on purpose," he managed.
"Yes."
"Why?" The word came out strangled through his constricted throat.
Why, indeed. Hermione had spent the last half hour asking herself that very same question. Pure lust? No, she would have been able to talk herself out of that. A simple desire to get back at Draco? Perhaps a combination of the two. Truly told, she simply didn't know.
She stood up. "I think, Malfoy, that you had better leave."
"But..but..." he struggled to talk around the tears that were fast welling up in his eyes. "What does this mean, Hermione?"
"Mean?"
"For us. Are you...I mean, is he...will you..." Draco couldn't put it into words. It was too horrible to think about.
"I don't know. Suffice it to say I'm considering a few things."
Considering...Oh, God. "Hermione...he's not...he doesn't...I love you."
She smiled kindly at him, and the combination of pity and condescension in her face was almost too much for him to bear. "I know, Draco. I know."
He turned away, so she would not see his tears.