"Calm down?" I asked, spinning to face him. "How can you even ask me to calm down? He locked me in a stairwell!"
"Ah'm not askin', Ah'm tellin' ya - calm down. Y'gonna have an aneurism if ya keep this up."
"At least if I have an aneurism I won't be able to think about throttling that bastard."
"I think it's kinda sweet," Trish interjected, causing Matt and I both to turn to her in shock. "...in a weird sort of way."
I narrowed my eyes at her and she jumped up quickly. "You know, I think I'm going to go... somewhere."
"Here," Matt sighed, pulling his hotel key out of his pocket and handing it to her. "Go t'my room, 191."
"Thanks," Trish answered quickly, looking relieved, and bolted out of the door. I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath as I considered punching the wall. I either had to hit something or scream.
"ARGH!" I yelled, not bothering to form actual words as I turned and kicked the wall next to me. In a split second, Matt was behind me again, gently rubbing my arms.
"Amy, please -"
"I just..." I sighed, relaxing into his touch. "I can't believe he did that. And I can't believe your brother helped him. Goddammit, next time I see Jeff -"
"Ames," Matt whispered, kissing my collar bone softly. "Please calm down."
I tensed slightly with a sharp intake of breath, then released it slowly as Matt continued up my neck. Closing my eyes, I let go of my anger with long deep breaths and let his touch disapate my thoughts. Turning to him, I kissed him softly as my hands found their way to the hem of his shirt and I pulled it over his head. He lifted me up by the waist and I wrapped my legs around him, letting him carry be over to the bed. He laid me down gently, kneeling over me and kissing my neck softly again. It wasn't until he slid his hands up my stomach that Chris's words came back to me.
"Wait," I sighed. Matt looked at me, surprised.
"What's wrong?"
"This is. Chris was right."
"What?"
"He... they... well, Jeff told him about us, and he made some comments that made a lot of sense to me."
"Jeff what?"
"He told him. He told Chris that we're..." I shrugged, trying to think of a nice phrase, "friends with benefits, and -"
Matt sat up and leaned back on his heels, with an angry look on his face. "Ah'll kill him."
"Wait, Matt -"
"He has no right t'insult ya 'cause of me, an' -"
"No, no, it wasn't like that."
"What was it like, then?" Matt asked sarcastically, as I propped myself up on my elbows.
"He said... he said that I'm using you as a shield to avoid getting hurt by other people."
"What?"
"As long as we do this, Matt, I feel comfortable with you, and I don't notice other people - people who I could have a healthier relationship with."
"That's not -"
"When was the last time you tried a different relationship?"
"Adam," he answered, matter-of-factly.
"You used to have something special with Adam, but because of me, you let a second chance slip through your fingers."
"No, Ah didn't."
"You did, Matt," I frowned. "But there's more."
"Five minutes ago y'wanted t'kill this guy, now you're usin' his insults as life lessons?"
"I love you."
Matt froze. "No, y'don't."
"Yeah, I do."
He got up from over me and sat on the side of the bed. "Ah thought y'didn't believe in love."
"I didn't... for a long time. Chris reminded me."
"We discussed this, Ames, an' y'said -"
"I said whatever I thought it would take for you to not leave me completely."
"Y'lied t'me?"
I frowned and looked away. "Yes."
"Y'made me think things were fine when Ah was actually leadin' ya on, an' -"
"No!" I turned back to him. "I always knew what you thought, you were never leading me on...I guess I was leading you on in a way."
"Ah'm hurtin' ya."
"I was actually trying to convince myself that I didn't love you, just so we could keep up this facade," I whispered.
"Amy..." he moaned, and dropped his head into his hands.
"I'm so sorry, Matt. I never meant for it to go this far..."
"How far did it go?" he asked into his hands.
"I'm just throwing this all at you, when I originally said I wouldn't..."
"This is true."
"I guess somewhere inside, I just believed that if I waited long enough, you'd come around."
"Come around?"
"But I don't believe that anymore," I explained, getting up to my knees and setting a hand on his back.
"No?"
"No," I repeated. "Somewhere along the line, I came to the conclusion that it was important to me to give off the appearance of being free. What better way to be independant than to not look for a man to complete me?"
"Jus' how much was Chris chargin' ya for this session?"
I sighed. "I'm sorry, Matt."
"Don't be," Matt sighed, leaning back and looking at me. "It's better that we clear th'air."
"He just... well, I guess he pointed out how selfish I was being. I was controlling you."
"Ah was lettin' ya control me, if anythin'," Matt corrected, and I smiled softly.
"For the longest time, I was just so sure that sooner or later everything would fall into a storybook ending for us. Now I know it won't."
"Is this a good or bad thing?"
I took a deep breath and stood up. "Good. Because now I can move on."
Matt followed me up. "Are y'leavin'?"
I just nodded.
"F'good?"
"Oh, Matt," I smiled, "I could never leave you for good."
"Where're ya goin' t'go? This is your room..."
"I think I owe Chris an apology."
Matt looked at me incredulously. "Chris who locked ya in th'stairwell?"
"I guess it's kinda sweet..." I shrugged. "In a weird sort of way."
I started to leave, but Matt caught my arm. "Amy... wait."
I looked up at him, surprised, and he sighed. "Ah do love ya. Y'know that, right?"
"Of course I know," I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. After a second, he gently dropped his arms around me.
"Good," he kissed the top of my head lovingly. "Do y'regret... what we did?"
I leaned my ear against his shoulder and just listened for a moment, thinking. "No. But would I do it again...? I'm not sure."
"You're a wonderful girl, Amy," Matt whispered. "Ah wouldn't trade ya for th'world."
"Same here, Matt."
"Well, c'mon. Let's get ya t'Chris," Matt sighed. I took a step back from Matt with a grin, and he let me go slowly. He slid his shirt back on, then followed me out of the room. "D'ya know where Chris is stayin'?"
"No," I smirked. "Maybe your brother will."
Matt grinned. "He's pretty connivin' when he wants t'be."
"So I've noticed," I laughed, stopping in front of Matt's room. He knocked on the door, and Trish opened it. She looked at Matt's and my grins, then smiled herself. "Is Jeff around?"
"Yeah - Jeff!"
"Ah'm not goin' anywhere near Amy after what she did t'Chris," a voice drawled from inside the room.
Trish smirked. "It's Matt."
"Oh," Jeff answered, and got up. He froze in his tracks when he saw me. "Y'tricked me."
Trish shrugged with a smile. "Hm. I guess I did. And on that note, I'd better get going."
I don't know where the idea came from, but as Trish tried to step past me, I casually put my foot in front of hers and tripped her - right into Matt's arms. Trish looked up apologetically, but smiled when she looked Matt in the eye and found him smiling at her. It was a smile that I knew well. Job well done, if I do say so myself. Matt started to ask if she was ok and I turned to Jeff. "Hey, where's Chris staying?"
"By th'ice machine," Jeff called, from about six feet away. Aparantly he wasn't taking any chances. I smiled.
"No, really."
"Are ya gonna hit him again? He'll be pissed if Ah direct ya t'givin' him a third right cross."
"I promise not to hit him," I swore.
"Or throw him?"
"Or throw him."
"212, but ya didn't hear it from me."
"I understand," I laughed and took a step back, casting a glance to Matt and Trish. The smooth one was already asking her to go out for some coffee. I bit my lip to hide a smile and went to the stairs. As the door closed behind me, I hesitated for a moment, then shook my head and jogged up a level. When I reached the top, I hesitated again, finding myself face to face with Chris, holding an ice pack on his face. The door behind him was shut.
"You wouldn't hit a guy with a bag of ice on his eye, would you?"
"That depends - is that door behind you locked?"
Chris pushed on it slightly and it didn't budge. My heart stopped beating for a moment, until I heard Chris laugh and he pushed the door open.
"Well, look at that," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "I came up here to apologize and already I want to deck you again."
"What can I say? It's a talent," he shrugged and dropped the ice pack, revealing a slight increase in the size of the black eye, then did a double take. "You were going to apologize?"
"I cut it off with Matt."
"You did?" he asked, sounding more surprised than I had expected. "Why?"
"Because of what you said. Because of you," I explained, taking a step closer to him so we were almost nose to nose. "For you."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, a smirk forming on his lips.
"Yeah," I smiled back, and he kissed me. I cut it short when I started laughing.
"What?"
"I was just wondering what it'd be like to kiss you somewhere other than a stairwell."
Chris raised a brow, then held the door open for me to pass. "That's easy enough to find out..."
.
.
For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down
Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?
I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad
Now all those simple things are simply too
complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
[Gwen Stefani]