My Life, My Love, My Death...
By: Lilly

Author's Note: The first part of this is written from Subaru's POV after he becomes the Sakurazukamori. It may or may not be OOC since I don't know a lot about Sak Subaru yet. Anyways, spoilers ahead. S/S, S/K.

Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst.

Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to I don't own neither Seishirou *drools*, Subaru *drools some more*, Kamui *fills the drool bucket*, Fuuma *dies*, nor Hokuto. All of these wonderful characters and Tokyo Babylon, X/1999 belong to CLAMP. Whoever is reading MUST bow before CLAMP like me. *Bows*

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You're now dead Seishirou-san... You can't know how many tears I spilled over your dying body... you can't know how much I cried for you after that... It hurts me so that I was the one that killed you... But you probably knew it... probably even wished that I would be the one to kill you... For is it not the best form to die for the Sakurazukamori...? Is it not the way you wished to die...? To be held in my arms as the life slowly left your body...? Seishirou-san...

But along with you not being here, there's something else. Having been the one who killed you, it is I who now has to take over your duty as the Sakurazukamori... It is I who now has to please the Sakura... It is I who has to kill people and feed the Tree their blood and souls... A job I never wished to take... Countless times I've wondered: did you want me to become your successor...? Did you want me to continue the Sakurazukamori clan...? Did you want me to be the one to guard, keep, and feed that damned Tree of yours...? Did you Seishirou-san...?

Fuuma came by to see me, he brought me a "gift" or so he said it was... A gift you left me... Your one good eye... Your left-eye... I did not want it at first, how could I take your eye as mine? But Fuuma convinced it was your Wish... to heal the wound he made... to heal my right eye... So I took it, for your sake...

And yes, I'm glad I took it, because even if we're no longer connected by the magic bounds you set one me, this one eye of yours still makes me yours. No, this eye isn't mine, it's only the proof that I'm still only yours and will always be yours. No one can take that right away from you. I wished to die in your arms, but I killed you instead. But my death is still yours, and my blood will still be the Sakura's...

Kamui... yes, he came to visit me before I left them forever. He's the one person I would allow to see my that day. He pleaded with me to let go, to let go off your memory, because he wants to be mine, and for me to be his. Will he ever understand that I can't stop loving you even now ? He will, because he feels the same for Fuuma, his enemy, his first love... Like you were to me... Kamui will never let go off Fuuma, the way I'll never let go off you...

Such a pure soul he has, broken down by pain and betrayal. And shattered even the small pieces that remain. I did that myself, when I left his side. I can no longer be a Dragon of Heaven. How can I, when I lost everyone I wished to protect, when I lost the will to live, when I can't think of the future because it holds nothing for me. That's why I left Kamui, I wonder if he will ever know it was because of that.

What holds me onto life ? Life no longer holds any meaning or sense to me. Death is all I wish for, because it will finally bring me to peace and to you, Seishirou-san. If I cannot die by your hand, I'll die at your Tree. I'm the Sakurazukamori, but the Tree is not mine, and I'm not his. I can't be his because there's no one to bind my soul to it. I will die, and go to you nee-san... Seishirou-san...

~ Owari ~