YET ANOTHER STORY

Chapter Five:

Real

The phone rang, muted in the distance.

Once…

Pick it up pick it up it's someone who can help

Twice…

I can't I can't I have to stay here he'll get me if I move

Three times…

Please…it could be Sai and he can help me

Four times…

But how will I know it's really him?

The answering machine on the table by the stairs clicked on as I trembled.

"Hello, you've reached 555-6764."

Sai…

" I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Those who are special enough to have been given my cell phone number, please try contacting me using it, as I am a sad victim of the technologically addicted society in which we live."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

"Hi, Ryuuen? It's Taka; sorry if you're still sleeping. I'm just calling to tell you that Miaka wants to go out for brunch or lunch or both, hehe, before she drives back, so we're all going to Perkins around ten-thirty, okay? If Sai's not back yet, give me a call, and I can come pick you up. Well, I'll see you later! Bye!"

BEEEEEEP.

And then…his voice.

"R…Ryuuen?"

It was small and choked, barely above a whisper. And it wasn't Sai's voice anymore. It had changed back, just like his face. I couldn't see anything, because my eyes were still closed…but I knew where it was coming from.

stay there don't talk to me stay there and I won't see you I won't hear you and then it'll be okay

"Ryuuen…are you all right?" The last word caught on a sob, and it took a long while before the voice began again. "I…I'm sorry…"

Something in my heart twisted even more than it already was.

He's crying…is he crying?

I don't care, I don't care…he can cry, he can cry until he dies.

"I didn't mean to scare you…I don't know what I was thinking, Ryuuen, are you okay, will you let me out? Please, will you let me out?"

I shrank further into my corner, shaking my head violently from side to side even though I knew he couldn't see me.

No…no, you stay in there…you stay in there, you don't come near me again. Stay in there. Stay in there. Stay in there.

He stopped talking after a few more tries, but I could hear him crying softly. And I told myself I shouldn't care, because he'd made me cry, too. But for some reason, hearing him cry just made me cry again…I still had my hand over my mouth, so I was quiet…maybe if I was quiet he'd think I wasn't there anymore.

I sat there for years, lifetimes, in the dark…and he stopped crying eventually, and was as quiet as I was.

Maybe he died.

Maybe…maybe I died.

My heart still thudded relentlessly, nearly shaking my body with the force of its beating. And I wondered if I would stay there forever…

"Ryuuen??!!"

Footsteps. Footsteps on the stairs, running, frantic. My heart started going even faster at the sound—Someone's here, someone's here…But who? And is it really them? What if I think it's them but it's not them?—and it started to hurt, like I was having a heart attack or something.

The footsteps came to a halt not far from me, but there were more behind them, fainter…I thought maybe if I didn't breathe, then he wouldn't be able to see me. But then, suddenly, he was right in front of me, I could feel it; his hands gripped my shoulders, and I knew who it was…I knew who it was, but how could I be sure? It sounded like him…it felt like him…but he had sounded the same, and he'd…and he'd…

"Ryuuen!!"

I tried to get away, but I'd started shaking again, and my body wouldn't listen to me; I tried to get away, but I was already too close against the wall, and I couldn't go any farther.

A hand on my face, a hand on my head, then back to my face…he didn't know what do to.

"Ryuuen." His voice was quieter this time, but it trembled. "Ryuuen, please… What happened? What happened?! Please…" He tugged gently on the hands that covered my mouth, but they were locked there, and wouldn't budge.

Go away…go away…I don't know if you're you, Suzaku, I don't know if you're you!

And then…

"Look at me," he pleaded, but firmly. "Ryuuen, it's just me; it's Saihitei. Look at me; look into my eyes."

Look look look that's how you can know for sure that's the only way you can know

but what if I look and it's not him what if it's still not him and he tries again I can't go through that again I can't and I'm scared I'm scared I want it to be him but what if it's not what if what if

But I had to look…I had to know. So—slowly—I pried my eyes open, squinting at first…but then I widened my eyes and stared into his, and…

…And it was him. It was really him.

My hands dropped from my mouth and I burst into tears—it's okay, it's okay to cry now because he's here and he's real—flinging myself at him and hugging him as hard as I could. Luckily, that wasn't as hard as it might seem, given my power; I was still too shaky to really squeeze that tightly.

"I knew it wasn't you!!" I sobbed loudly. "I knew it wasn't you…I knew you'd never make me, I knew it wasn't you!"

And then he hugged me back…and everything was almost okay. He pulled me up to his lap like a kid, running his hand gently up and down my shivering back. "It's all right," he said, "it's all right; it's me, I'm here, I've got you now…I've got you…" And I wondered how I could ever have been stupid enough to mistake Chuin's inauthentic imitation for this beautiful voice.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened.

How can I tell him? He'll hate me; he'll hate me if he knows. I thought it was him, oh God, I really thought it was him!! How could I have been so STUPID??

"M…Myojuan," I heard another voice say, above my tears and Sai's hushing.

Taka. Taka…and Myojuan are here…they're all here, and they won't let him come back. I'm safe now…I'm safe now…

"I hear something…closet…"

His voice faded in and out, but I had heard enough, terror growing on me once again, drowning my briefly found safety in a freezing instant. I heard Taka move over to the closet, my eyes snapped open and his hand was on the knob and

No you can't let him out you can't let him out you don't understand he'll

"NOOO!!!" I screamed frantically, the force of the cry burning into my throat, trying to struggle free of Sai and stop him from opening the door before it was too late. "No! He has to stay there…you can't let him out!!!"

I don't know where Sai found the strength to hold me back. Maybe it was my own weakness; I was so tired, I hadn't slept all night. Maybe it was his own inner power that did it. But whatever its root, he kept his arms around me firmly, and I felt an even larger hand on my back, coming to his aid, and was reminded that Myojuan was there, as well. They turned my face away from Taka, and my strength gave out within seconds, overpowered by the energy it was taking to cry.

"He can't come out," I babbled to Sai's confused, worried face. "He can't come out, he looked like you but I knew he wasn't you, I knew he wasn't you, I know you'd never do that, I know you wouldn't lie…"

He kept nodding, keeping his eyes locked on mine, one arm around my shoulders, one hand rapidly smoothing my hair away from my face.

"All right," he kept saying, "all right…it's all right."

I was vaguely aware of Taka saying something, then of Myojuan rumbling out a response…all I caught was the word "illusion."

And Sai looked at me in anguish, and, as they say in stories, realization dawned on his face.

"Oh, my god," he whispered, and I thought he had begun to tremble. "Oh, my god…oh, my god…"

I found myself pulled to his chest once more, barely able to keep my arms around him. He curled his fist in my hair and hugged me so tightly that, for a time, it was hard to remember we were two separate people; the bridge of my nose pressed into his neck and I cried and cried…

I think he was crying, too.

I'm so sorry, Sai… I'm so sorry…

He didn't hate me. He knew what I had done, and he was still there.

Don't let go of me…please don't let go…

"Shhh…I've got you," he whispered, close to my ear. "I won't let you go."

~*~

I held him to that.

Even when, after an eternity, the initial horror had had a chance to wear off and I had stopped panicking, practically normal once more, I refused to break contact with him. This was really him, it was really Sai…and I wouldn't let him leave and come back and maybe not be himself anymore. Luckily for me, he seemed just as insistent on keeping his own arms around me.

We kept to the floor; Sai had wanted to move me to the bed, but I couldn't…I couldn't go on the bed again, not after what had almost happened. So we just sat there quietly, him with his back against the wall and his legs stretched straight out in front of him, me curled up sideways on top of him with my head on his shoulder and my arms around his neck. Taka and Myojuan had taken Chuin into the other room; I hadn't even seen them go.

Neither Sai nor I said anything for a long time. But then, Myojuan came back in, walked softly over to us and knelt down.

He and Sai shared a look, as if Myojuan was asking him permission to do something; then, he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Ryuuen," he said quietly. "Can you tell us what happened?"

My heart began to beat slightly faster at the simple thought of what he'd said, but Sai seemed to sense it and stroked my side with his fingers. Even so, I closed my eyes and swallowed, not even looking at my friend.

Sai's arms tightened around me when I didn't answer, and one of his hands trailed up to my face and brushed at the top of my cheek.

"Open your eyes," he said calmly, his voice reassuring and familiar.

And I opened them. Not because he'd told me to, but because of what he'd said.

That's what the other voice…

"I know it's hard," Sai continued. "But try…to tell us what happened, all right?"

I licked my dry lips and swallowed again. My instinct was to do what I was told, like a machine, and I knew I had to tell them…and I actually got up to the part where "Sai" and I had gotten into bed before I found myself unable to continue. There was a long pause as I tried to fight back tears, and Sai told me again that it was all right, and I believed him. When Sai says things like that, you believe him.

Myojuan tried again, still gentle. "Ryuuen. I need to know if he hurt you."

If he hurt me? I wish he had… I wish that's all that had happened. That wouldn't be as bad as this. All this, spinning around in my head…

"You don't have to say everything. I'll be more specific, all right? Now, I have to ask you some awful questions, and you're not going to like them. But you only have to answer yes or no; you don't have to say anything more unless you want to." He looked at me seriously. "All right?"

Questions? What kind of questions?

"Okay," I whispered.

His mouth tightened in a smile the size of a match, and he took one of my hands between both of his. Closing his eyes briefly, he opened them once more to study my face.

"When Chuin was assaulting you…did he enter you?"

Assaulted…that's what happened. I was assaulted. I was assaulted.

And it could've been worse…it could've been so much worse…

I shook my head slowly, and Sai let out the breath he'd been holding.

"All right." Myojuan sounded relieved, too, and patted my hand. "Almost over. One more question." He took a deep breath as I gave him a small nod. "Did he make you do anything to him with your mouth? Again, please forgive me for asking these things. I just need to know if there is any possibility at all that he could have infected you with something."

While I shuddered at the thought, I shook my head again, but all the while, I was thinking, did he MAKE me? But I would have done it myself if he would have asked; I would have done it, because I thought he was someone else.

Squeezing my hand and smiling, Myojuan shared a few words with Sai, then left for about two minutes before returning. "Everything's all right," he said soothingly, reaching for my foot and slowly pulling it toward him. "All I'm doing now is washing the cut on your foot. You have nothing to worry about from what happened, Ryuuen; all right? You're going to be fine."

But he sounded a little unsure toward the end, because we both knew that the spinning in my head wouldn't just go away like a cut or a bruise.

When he'd finished with my foot and bound it up with gauze—I hadn't even thought it was that bad—Taka's voice came once again from the door.

"Mitsukake…if you don't mind, I'd like to tell Hotohori-sama what he said. The others just got here."

The others? The others are here?

As Myojuan left the room and Taka stepped inside, I was struck with the conflicting desires to be happy that my friends would all be near me, and ashamed because they would know what I had done. Had Taka called them? Myojuan? How much did they tell them, how much did they know? What would they think? Taka had barely opened his mouth to speak, when a sudden roar and a crash sounded from downstairs.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE???!!! WHERE THE FUCKIN HELL IS HE??? I'll KILL the fuckin bastard!!!!"

There were more shouts and scrambling, and I clung on to Sai unconsciously as the footsteps pounded up the stairs, even though I knew very well who it was. Taka had turned toward the hall, and I heard Myojuan shouting firmly:

"Genrou! Keep quiet!! You're not going to 'kill' anyone!"

"The hell I'm not!!! For fuck's sake, get the hell offa me!!"

"TASUKI!!! You will control yourself, or you're out!!! I can't allow you to carry on like this after what's happened!!!" Myojuan thundered. "Do you understand what your ranting is doing to them??!! To Ryuuen??! You either shut up or you leave!!!"

Silence, except for Genrou's frustrated breathing, and the phantom sound of the usually quiet medical student's voice echoing off the walls.

"Where is he?" Gen-chan said finally, his voice completely different now: tired and hoarse. And a moment later, he was standing by Taka in the doorway, looking at us with such pain in his eyes that it burned.

He walked over almost delicately, sinking to a squat at Sai's side. Reaching out a hand, he tucked some hair behind my ears, giving me a small and completely unconvincing smile.

"Heyyyy," he said softly, with more tenderness than anyone else would have thought him capable of, "how ya doin, pal?"

No one could possibly pretend to be Genrou with any amount of realism, I realized, my heart flooding with relief. He was too complex. And no one on the outside would ever know what he was really like, underneath all that bravado. No. I was safe with him. I was always safe with him.

Genrou's hand moved to my head, where it rested for a long while, quivering. And he stared at me with that plastic smile…and then he shut his eyes. And I didn't know he'd been crying until the tears leaked out from beneath his eyelashes, running down his cheeks and hanging there like gems.

"Fuck, Ryuuen…" he said in a tiny, shaking voice. "Fuck…"

I couldn't stand to see him crying. Not him, of all people!! I was the crybaby! Miaka and I were the ones who cried at stupid sappy movies and wars and stuff like that! I'd seen Miaka cry, I'd seen Chichiri cry, I'd seen Tamahome and Doukun and even Mitsukake and…and never Hotohori, but Sai. Never Tasuki, though. Never Genrou; not like this. I was actually startled into letting go of Sai, leaning forward to embrace Gen-chan, instead; and he sobbed aloud, only once, wrapped his fisted arms around me, and buried his face in my hair.

"I'll fuckin kill him," he said brokenly. "I swear, I'll fuckin kill him!"

He trailed off after that, hugging me fiercely, and despite all that had happened, I felt a bitter chuckle rising in my chest at the fact that my Gen-chan sounded like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. But I swallowed it back down with a hiccup, ashamed at thinking this was at all funny, and after a few long moments, I felt Sai get up from behind me.

No, don't go! Don't go don't go! How will I know it's you when you come back?? How will I know???

The distress must have been evident in my eyes as I twisted to look at him, because before standing up, he took my hand and squeezed it. "I'm not leaving the room," he assured me. "I'm just going to talk with Taka, all right? You stay here with Genrou. I'll be right here."

Genrou…I can stay with Genrou. I'm safe with him.

He waited for my tentative nod before rising and going over to Taka, about six feet away. I don't know if they wanted me to listen, but I did anyway; I wanted to know if they were talking about me. I hoped they weren't. And, to my surprise, I was in luck.

"Heika-sama," said Taka in a half-whisper, "Tomo…Chuin…he's really upset…"

Sai set his jaw firmly and folded his arms, a stone cold look on his face; he looked like he was about to say something, but Taka raised his hands in front of his chest. "Hold on, hold on, just hear me out. I know. I don't pity him one bit right now. But listen; he told us something that explains what he did."

Explains it?

The thought was dull, distant. The voice was passive.

What explanation is there? What reason would he have to do this to me?

"Hey," said Gen-chan under his breath, and rubbed my shoulder. I realized I had gone tense, but his strangely gentle touch made me relax. I leaned into him and watched my Sai and Taka in silence; Sai still had his mouth clenched shut, but he waited patiently as Taka began to relate whatever it was that Chuin had said.

I hope he was possessed, or something…I hope he was being manipulated by something magical and evil, because…

It would be so much easier…

It would be so much easier.

TBC…

Notes: Ohhhhh, my goodness… ^^;;;; GAHHHH!!!!! WHYYY, evil muse of mine??? ^^;; Okay, ummm…I just wanna say thank you guys for the great feedback, because all my pals can attest to the fact that I was really scared about how the last chapter would be received. ^^;; In case you haven't noticed, I nevernevernever write stuff like that, and it was a MAJOR challenge for me. ^^;; But it was a good experience as a writer, I think, because…stuff like that happens, and if I can't write about evil gross traumatic stuff, I think some of the topics I'd choose to write about would ring kinda false and naïve. Ahhhh…okay, author rant is over. Sorry. ^^;;

Nuriko: Sooo…what you're saying is, sexually assaulting your favorite anime character is good practice???!!?!??!!!

^^;; Ehehehe…ahem. Anyway. I really have to thank Ryuen for all her wonderful help on the last chapter (and this one, too ^__^ ). **STORY ALERT!!** Okay. So my first version of The Bad Chapter was really really vague where the actual incident was concerned, and I partially traumatized myself while writing it. :P So I showed it to Ryuen, who happened by one merry afternoon, and what followed was an exchange somewhat like this:

Ryuen: Okay. I really like it, it's very good. But you need to go into more detail during the actual assault; as a reader, I want to feel what Ryuuen's feeling, I want to experience his confusion and fear…

Mouse-chan: **bursting into tears** AHHH, YOU'RE SO MEAN!!! DON'T MAKE ME WRITE THIS ANYMORE!!!

Ryuen: ^^;;;;; I don't want to sound like I'm telling you what to do!!

Mouse-chan: No, no…I really appreciate all your comments, and I do think you're right.

Ryuen: ^_^.

Mouse-chan: BUT WHYYYYYYY????? PLEEEEEEEEEEASE, CAN'T I JUST POST IT AND MOVE ONNNN????!?!?!

Ryuen: …

Well, anyway, the short story is, Ryu-chan, I'm really really happy you made me embellish on The Skeleton Version. ^^;; Not that you made me. Oh, you know what I mean. You rock. ^__^ And you don't have Chinese Boy Buns.

(Hotohori: I am the hug machine! Goo goo g'joob! )

So, yeah, anyway….that's my spiel. I felt the need to do a spiel, now that the immediate danger is over.

Note to Kaze-chan: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!! **HIGH FIVE** You're awesome!!! Can I say "I told you so??" ^__~

ANOTHER STORY AKUGI!!!!

(This one comes from Shiro Yuki's review, and I thought it was really funny.)

Shiro Yuki: It seems appropriate that you posted this on April Fool's Day!!

Chuin: Ha ha!! I'm not Sai!! APRIL FOOLS!!

^__^