Warnings: Uhh…bad language and people being mean. **nod**
Notes: Whazzap, y'all? ^_~ I finally got this chapter done!! I was actually writing it during class the other day, ehehehe…but it's surprisingly easy for me to keep one ear on the lecture. **shrug** I do not condone this kind of behavior, however. **looks around innocently** Anyway. Hope you guys like this, sorry for the drama. ^_^;;;;
YET ANOTHER STORY
Chapter 23:
Mirror of Tears
"Nuriko," Miboshi said pleasantly, taking a seat in a chair across from me, "how do you feel?"
She had taken me to the giant central bubble thing in the middle of wherever we were, through a thick haze of cloud and into a little room. It was like a scene out of a Country Comfort magazine: big plush armchairs, a woven rug on the floor, a rocking chair in the corner and embroidery hanging on every wall… And through it all, I thought I could smell cinnamon and apples, as if someone was baking a pie. This struck me as a bit strange, since Miboshi didn't really strike me as the culinary type. I don't know if the room was really there or not…I know it's a kind of Matrix-esque thought, but now and then I would see a wall wrinkle, or a lamp shimmer, or something, leading me to believe that the whole place was no more than an illusion.
Illusion, huh? How did she wind up with THAT talent?
"I'd feel better if you hadn't smashed my head against a brick wall," I mumbled, clutching the arms of my chair nervously.
She gave me a sympathetic look. "I'm really very sorry about that. Please try to understand, it was the only way I could have gotten you to come with me; I'm sorry you had to see my bad temper in effect, but your friend"—she used the term scornfully—"had just made off with one of my brothers, after all."
My heart was almost hurting, it was beating so hard, and it was difficult to keep myself from shaking. I felt like I was waiting to give a speech for which I hadn't prepared. This sickeningly nice Miboshi was irritating; how could she believe for a second that I would trust her, after having seen her true face?
I'll fight her. I promised.
"Nuriko." She folded her arms almost childishly, and smiled that same sickening, sweet smile. "I'm so happy you're here. I really need to speak to you."
I was silent for a while, a dubious kind of dread spreading into my fingertips and toes. When I finally spoke, my voice seemed tentative and frightened. "About what?"
"Well," she said, drawing her eyebrows together in worry. "I won't pretend that I know you well. But I've heard so many stories: the noble seishi giving his life for his miko, sacrificing everything so that his friends could live…"
Careful. Be careful.
"You were so loving, they said. So strong. But, Nuriko…I'm worried." She frowned even more deeply, a sad kind of frown, like I imagined a therapist would wear. Condescending. "I don't think you know exactly whom it was you were sacrificing yourself for. Was that heart dedicated to the right people? Was that strength protecting those who deserved to be protected?"
Okay, she had me confused.
"What I mean is," she pressed on, sensing my puzzlement, "you don't really know what they were really like, do you? Your friends. Your wonderful, giving, caring friends." Her voice held more than a hint of a sneer. "Children of Suzaku, the God of Love…but you didn't know who they were, or what they thought of you, in all your noble sacrifices. You still don't know."
"What are you talking about?" I said, my voice getting stronger.
There's evil in her eyes; you can see it. You can see it. Whatever she says, you can't believe it; she's going to try something fishy, but you can't believe it.
Her face turned sad once more. "You really don't know, do you? Poor little boy…" She shook her head, and I was even more confused. "Wouldn't you like to know the truth, though? The truth of what they said about you, in this life and the last one? I have the power to tell you, you know; I now have the power to tell you the truth at last, so you won't have to delude yourself anymore."
It was my turn to shake my head, my jaw clenched. "You don't have power like that. All you can do is summon monsters with your stupid little dreidel thing, you can't see into the minds of others; you can't fool me with lies like that, not that easily." I wished my voice didn't shake so much. It really didn't add to my prowess.
"Oh, but I do," Miboshi breathed quietly, and her eyes seemed to glow just for a moment. "I do have these powers. You could call it insurance, I suppose; whatever you choose to call it, however, it doesn't change the fact that I have gathered quite a collection of abilities in the past few months."
"I don't see how you could," I quavered.
She smirked. "Hm. Well, I assume you've found your own strength to be rather lacking of late…or can it be that you haven't even tried it yet?"
…Tried? Is she talking about…
But that's impossible! It's my power; it's a part of me!
My breath quickening, I gripped as hard as I could on the arm of the chair, hoping to "accidentally" drive my fingers through the fabric and shatter the wooden frame… But as I felt the burning below my collarbone, and I squeezed and squeezed my hands, all that happened was that my fingers sank and sank into the plush of the arm…sank until they couldn't press any farther.
It…it can't be…
"You…you stole my power," I whispered, even more terrified than before. I was weak now, as weak as any normal, scrawny little gay boy would be… I was powerless against her. I couldn't fight her, not like this. I couldn't possibly. "How…how could…"
"It's not a very complicated procedure," she shrugged. "For you, as for all the other seishi I've captured, it only took a touch in the right spot, a murmur of the right words…and the power was mine." She grinned, lifting her eyebrows up and down. "Convenient, huh?"
I couldn't speak. I just clutched weakly at the chair and focused all my concentration on breathing, because I really needed work in that area.
If she has the powers of all the seishi she's captured…if she has the ability to perform spells, and she uses a spell to turn me evil…then I'm lost. I'm as good as turned already, even if I still had my strength… Sai…as selfish as it is, I wish you were here, I wish you were here with me because I'm scared of this…I'm scared of what she's going to do…
"Anyway," Miboshi continued nonchalantly, "I picked up a few useful things here and there, one of them being the power of a Genbu seishi named Iname. Seems she had the ability to see into the past; all she had to do was think of someone to know their past. It turns out she could narrow it down, and narrow it down, and narrow it down…" The smile she turned to me was slightly leering. "So it's easy, you see. And I've used this power a lot for you."
"Why?" I said, barely audible.
"Because you deserve better, Ryuuen. You deserve to be treated better than the way they treat you."
"They're my friends," I hissed. "At least they don't give me concussions and keep me locked in a giant bubble."
"It was the only way I could get you to come," she insisted without raising her voice. She sounded like one of the Pod People…or at least like she was on some kind of drug.
"What, you couldn't ask me like a civilized person?" I said bluntly.
Hey, I kinda sound like Doukun.
"Ryuuen. Listen to me," she said calmly, and I did what she asked, trying to look defiant. "Your mind is so entrenched in the ridiculous belief that these people are your friends that you wouldn't have listened to me. I'm Miboshi; I'm evil, right? Even more evil than Nakago, because my soul couldn't be redeemed." She set her jaw. "That's what they would like you to believe, anyway. That's what you think, isn't it? I knew the only chance I'd have for you to listen to me would be if I got you away from them, if I forced you to listen without your fellow seishi to influence you."
I narrowed my eyes. "You're trying to play with me, but it won't work. You don't know what you're talking about." There was no way she was going to convince me I was on the wrong side! If that was her tactic, I'd never let myself be turned!
This can't be everything…there has to be a catch…
"Don't I?" she said quietly. "You don't know, Ryuuen. You don't know who they really are."
"Say what you want," I said confidently. "You won't get me like that." But I felt a lump of dread in my stomach… She can't think I'm that weak…can she?
"How about if I show you?" Miboshi said after a moment, and in a flash—so to speak—the room went black.
I leaned back, still feeling the comforting warmth of the back of the chair behind me, and clutched the arms even more tightly. As a rule, I wasn't afraid of the dark…but with Miboshi in the same room and an uncertain future looming before me, I couldn't help but feel a little on edge. Okay, a lot on edge. When the blackness didn't let up, my heart started pounding harder and harder in anticipation, because waiting for the unknown is one of the hardest forms of torture. That's what I thought at the time, anyway.
But then, rising before me, there were two shapes. Two people, seeming to glow against the false night behind them; one was an old man with a beard, the other younger, dressed in a long, red robe…
Hotohori-sama.
My breath caught in my chest, making a hollow gasping sound.
"What shall we do with the…with Nuriko…Heika-sama?"
Hotohori-sama's mouth and eyes went hard. "He is a seishi."
"He defiled Your Highness's good name with his perversion and deception! You mean to simply let him be??"
"It is true; he is a disgusting creature. But until the summoning ceremony, we must keep him alive, treat him as a…friend. We cannot have him running away; that would be counterproductive, no?"
Hotohori-sama…
"But, Sire! Does he not repulse you? How can you keep him nearby, knowing that he…knowing that he harbored that impure love for you?"
"We must do what we must. I would like no more than to have him punished, to watch that offensive skin flayed from his body, that deceiving face torn from his skull. But we cannot do any such thing, no matter what our personal desires might be. He is a seishi. He must remain alive."
Mercifully, they faded away after that…but the pain in my chest did not die. I was horrified…horrified, and on the verge of tears.
He never said anything like that…he never could have said those things!
But to have his face before me, to actually see him saying them…
Hotohori-sama… You said you loved me, though…
The voice in my head was urging me to keep things in perspective, crying out that Miboshi was making me lose focus of the truth by showing me these things. And I tried to make myself believe it. I tried so hard…
"The truth is painful, isn't it?" Miboshi mused from somewhere behind me. "So painful…but we must face our pains if we are to truly know our place in the world. Isn't that right, Nuriko?"
"I don't believe it," I whispered hoarsely. "I…I don't believe it! You've got Tomo's powers, haven't you?! That's how you did that, it's not real!"
"Of course, I have Tomo's powers," she said lightly. "But I'm only using them to show you what I see…to show you what Iname's power has shown me. And there are some interesting things in your friends' pasts, believe me…"
And before I could open my mouth again, there were two new figures before me: Genrou and Houjun.
"I don't know why Sai insists on stayin with that fuckin fag," Genrou grumbled. "It's fuckin disgusting, isn't it? All that sweaty guy-guy action…Gahh, it makes me wanna fuckin puke!"
"It's not our place to judge," Houjun put in. "We should hate the sin, not the person, remember?"
"It's fuckin hard not to. He's just…the fuckin embodiment of queerness! All those little femmy fuckin gestures…prancin around like a fuckin girl, cryin all the fuckin time… Makes me wanna fuckin throw him into an all-male prison! Makes me wish Chuin had fuckin done what he set out to do…maybe that'd knock some of the fuckin testosterone back into him!"
"Shh!" Houjun turned his head quickly. "Shh…do you want him to hear you, no da?"
"It hurts, doesn't it?" Miboshi crooned as Gen-chan and Houjun faded, too.
It…it hurts…
I couldn't even respond this time. I tried to. But my heart was being twisted in my body…twisted up and around so painfully… I knew I was crying—silent tears of terror moving slowly down my cheeks—but I couldn't stop them.
"…fuckin fag…"
"…disgusting…"
"…hate the sin, not the person…"
"…Makes me wish Chuin had…"
"…Chuin had…"
"I'm sorry you had to be the victim of such awful lies," Miboshi said, but she didn't sound sorry, she sounded satisfied. "It's never easy, is it?"
Stop it…please, stop it…
But it was too late. Sai and Taka were already standing before me, shining; I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn't. Just like when you're watching something awful on the news, and you don't want to look…but you have to, somehow.
"It's just frustrating," Sai said. "He's so clingy…he's so dependent. I can't do anything I want to do anymore; it's always Ryuuen, Ryuuen, Ryuuen."
"I have the same problem," Taka said. "Luckily, Miaka lives a state away, so I don't have to deal with it every day."
"And the worst part is, I don't even have the rights of a lover," Sai continued, frowning.
"What? You mean he doesn't put out?"
"No. He could at least give me that, you know? He owes me that much, for all I have to put up with…"
"Jeez…I'm better off than you, then. Why don't you tell him you wanna fuck? He'd do it if you insisted, you know he would."
"It's getting to that point. I'm worn out with all this platonic bullshit. What's the use of having a boyfriend, after all, if you can't get off?"
"Maybe it's time you called it quits, if he's that difficult."
"I'm thinking about it…I'm really thinking about it…"
My eyes were huge, my breath coming in heaving, silent sobs, as I watched them fade, as well. An icy feeling, like a dagger, was pushing its way into my heart, coming from the inside, it seemed…
Sai…I'm so sorry, Sai, I'll be better, I'll do whatever you want, don't leave me, please don't leave…
He doesn't care about me, he doesn't care… If he did, he wouldn't want to leave because of that… If he did…
The dagger pushed deeper and deeper into me, spreading the cold farther and farther with every millimeter of pressure.
"…so clingy…so dependent…"
"…perversion…deception…"
"…time you called it quits…"
"…impure love…"
"…fuckin fag…"
"…don't even have the rights of a lover…"
"Ryuuen."
I winced against the freezing pain in my chest, seeing nothing but a clouded mirror before me…a mirror of my own tears.
Sai…
Even in my mind, it came out as a sob.
"Fight it, Ryuuen. If she pushes you much farther, the spell will do the rest."
Spell…
As if hearing its name, the dagger throbbed once inside me, and seemed to shudder. I gritted my teeth at the pain. The spell…of course, she can't turn me all by herself…That's the catch! That's what she's using!
"Fight it, Ryuuen." Now it was Miaka's voice.
"Fuckin kick her midget ass!!"
"You can do it!"
"You were chosen by Suzaku, no da; you were chosen because you can beat her!"
"You must overcome this."
"You CAN overcome it."
My friends…
"We love you." Miaka.
"Fuckin sappy…but ya know it's true." Gen-chan.
"I'll always love you. Always." Sai.
"Open your eyes."
And I did. From the inside.
I saw Miaka hugging me in the holiday store when the stupid magnetic bears wouldn't fit together… I saw Gen-chan sobbing when he saw me after Chuin's attack, trying not to cry, but failing… Houjun's eyes when he greeted me that same day… Doukun leaping at me and laughing, so long ago, when he'd discovered who he used to be… Taka's pained voice—"He…tried to attack our brother…"—and Myojuan's gentle hand squeezing mine—"Everything's all right…You're going to be fine…"—and Sai…
Sai…
"I'm staying with you because I love you… I love you and I want to stay with you, and help you through this…because I can't bear to see you in such pain…"
His eyes, so full of love, staring into mine…
"You're beautiful…The most beautiful person I have ever known, or ever will know."
His voice, wrapping around my heart like a blanket, soothing and gentle…
"I would have loved you either way. Girl or boy, man or woman…I would have loved you."
Fight it. Fight it; she's taken your strength, but not the strength in your heart.
And all those things she showed me…they weren't real. They weren't real. I know the truth. The truth is in my heart.
In my heart.
I let my body relax and smiled. And then, I felt the dagger in my chest…the spell…I felt it tremble even more violently, and suddenly…it shattered.
There was pain, icy pain, like slivers of glass tearing through me…but as the spell melted, the pain went away, and it was as if…it was as if it had never been there at all. And the room was still dark, and the tears were still on my cheeks…but I knew I'd beat it. I knew I'd won.
I love you, Sai… Everyone…I love you.
When the world faded into light, I kept the smile on my face; when Miboshi walked around to meet my eyes, her expression washed in false sympathy, I kept the smile on my face, and sat there calmly, like a good soldier…because I knew what I had to do. This battle was over, but I couldn't let her know it. Not yet.
"Please forgive me for showing you those things," she said, her voice still musical. "Do you understand now? Do you see the truth for what it is?"
I will never forgive you.
"I see the truth," I repeated, hoping my smile was as dangerous as I was trying to make it: dangerous, but masked with kindness. That's the effect I was going for. "Send me to them; they need to suffer." I kept my tone nonchalant, hoping it would add to the effect.
God, I sound like someone out of a bad action movie. Hmm. Well…let's go for that, shall we?
Miboshi's pretty face spread into a grin. "I knew you'd see reason. You, of all people…your poor heart was so fragile, you didn't have a fighting chance. It almost makes me feel guilty."
I know something you don't knowwww… I sang in my mind, fighting hard not to smirk.
"Nuriko…you can't kill them, you know," she told me. "I need them. I need their powers. Hurt them if you must, and I'll understand; but you must wait at least until you bring them to me, and I have the opportunity to drain them. Then, if it suits my purpose, I'll allow you to do with them as you will. Does that sound like a good bargain?"
My stomach churned a bit, but I forced myself to grin wider. "How much can I hurt them? Does it matter, as long as they're still breathing?"
She laughed. "I simply ask that you leave their brains intact."
"Well, I suppose," I said. Crazy psycho freak.
"And bring me some of the Seiryuu, as well," she ordered. "That's who I really need." When I agreed to this, she smirked and brought up her hand…and I felt a warm heat encircle my left wrist.
Trying to contain my panic—Did she see through me? Are these shackles?—I looked down and saw that I had been given a glowing blue bracelet of what seemed to be nothing but light and air. It didn't hurt, but it pulsed along with my heartbeat.
"Say Suzaku," she instructed, and I did so; immediately, the bracelet disappeared, and I blinked in surprise. I flipped my hand over and back again, as if that would somehow show me where it had gone, but it had completely vanished. She laughed again, and said, "Now, say Seiryuu." When I had, it was back, glowing against my skin. "This is how you will find your way back here to bring me your targets. All you must do is make it appear by saying the name of Seiryuu, and once it has appeared, you must touch it here"—she indicated a slightly silvery diamond-shaped spot, also seemingly made of air—"and here you will be. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Miboshi-sama," I said, thinking that, evil tool or not, the thing was pretty darn cool.
"Are you ready to go now?"
Was I ever. "Yes, Miboshi-sama; please, send me," I hissed, and held back a wince as I realized I sounded like Gollum. Curse you to death and darkness, all you Miboshisesssss!!!
And she smiled. That's all it took, and I felt the wind pick up around me, swirling around me like a cyclone; I closed my eyes to keep the dust out, and was wrapped in a sensation that was somewhat like falling…like jumping off the high dive at the swimming pool…and then…
The wind stopped. And I opened my eyes slowly, and found myself staring at the night sky.
~
TBC…
~
Notes: Ahahahaha!…phew! Sorry that was so intense. --;; Chalk it up on my list of Nuriko Tortures. And yeah, so it was a little cheesy and cliché…but it's a recurring FY motif! (The overbearing love of friends, that is. ^_~ ) Uhh…again, really sorry about the psychological bastardization of our beloved characters. It makes me feel bad. ^_^;; But, hey…it's just Miboshi being dumb. ^_^; Hope you liked it, anyway. ^_~
YET ANOTHER STORY AKUGI!! Take One:
Miboshi: And bring me some of the Seiryuu, as well. And a chicken sandwich. And some chips, and a small Diet Coke. Okay?
Ryuuen: **grumble grumble**
Take Two:
Miboshi: Say Suzaku.
Ryuuen: Suzaku.
Miboshi: I didn't say Simon Says!! Ahahaha, I win! I win!!
Ryuuen: …??