Title: It All Starts With A Kiss
Chapter 16: In Your Dreams, Bucko!
A/N: "In Your Dreams, Bucko!" is definitely the chapter you've been dreaming of...if you're as psychotic as I am. Set two weeks into the futurefrom the last one, which means it's the end of January in 2004, Lorelai's ten weeks pregnant, and Rory and Jess have lived in their apartment for six weeks or something. I dunno. Anyway, this is the chapter for the psychotic in you...I hope it's okay.
~~~~
Weird, Jess thought as he tugged at the collar of his tux. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was getting married.
Jess looked at the priest behind him, the wedding decorations all around, and the tearful town of Stars Hollow staring at him from the pews of the church.
Huh. I guess I am getting married. Okay. Calm Calm Calm Calm Calm PANIC!
Jess looked around, trying to find something to focus on other than the wedding. His eyes darted toward the corner where Lane and Dave's band was playing "White Wedding." That didn't help, so he kept looking around. His eyes caught Luke's and he tried to convey his panic with his eyes. Luke had a slight look of panic in his eyes, too, and Jess noticed the rings on Luke and a very very pregnant Lorelai. Luke obviously wasn't going to help, so Jess focused on the large bouquet of flowers across from him. He was distracted within seconds by a large bundle of white underneath the flowers, so his gaze traveled down to see Richard Gilmore escorting Jess' bride down the aisle. Jess calmed down as soon as he realized it was Rory. He couldn't really see her, only her dress (a silk and lace number that clung in all the right places), but he knew it was Rory. He could just feel it. He got a big grin on his face, and Rory tilted her head under the large wave of crinoline that was hiding her face. Grandfather and grandaughter reached the altar. Rory turned to face her grandfather, and he lifted her veil from her face to kiss her on her cheek. After doing this, he settled in the front row next to Emily, who was clutching a martini in one hand. Rory was already facing the priest, and Jess glanced over the crowd once, noticing most of the town was there (excluding the Foresters, the Kims, and the three or four town loners) and a few guests from out of town were there (including Liz, a few of Jess' friends from New York, and Christopher's family. This part of the guest list surprised Jess to no end). Jess shook his head and turned to face the man that would marry him and Rory. The priest started his speech, going on and on about holy matrimony and marraige. Jess started reciting a scene from The Princess Bride, in which the princess is getting married to the prince against her will. The priest, listed in the credits as "The Impressive Clergyman," pronounces marraige like 'mawwaige'.
"Mawwaige is a dweam wifin a dweam." Jess said very soflty.
Jess looked at Rory to see if she'd heard. Only it wasn't Rory. It was some girl he'd made out with years ago; he couldn't even remember her name. He turned back to the priest, freaked out once again. The priest eventually got to the "do you" part of the vows, and Jess blurted out "No." He turned back to the girl next to him. It was Rory. She had tears in her eyes as she slapped him and fled down the aisle. Lorelai glared at Jess and followed her daughter. Luke just looked shocked. Jess, fully hit with what he'd just done, sank down until he was sitting on the steps of the altar. He covered his face with his hands, only a few tears leaking out and betraying him. Then he felt arms go around him and a tiny hand patting his hair. He looked up to find a little girl looking down at him. Four years old and beautiful, she had her mother's long chestnut hair and her father's dark brown eyes. She settled into Jess' lap and snuggled her head against his chest, patting his hand that was on her knee.
"It'll be okay, Daddy. It's okay. Mommy will be right back, and then you can put the ring on her finger and kiss her, okay?"
"Okay," Jess nodded. The little girl wrapped her arms around her father's neck and squeezed.
~!~
Jess sat up in bed. He looked around him, and much to his surprise, found he was still in his room at Luke's apartment. Then he remembered that Luke didn't have an apartment anymore, and the bed beneath him disappeared. He fell to the ground.
~~!!~~
Jess jerked awake. He was in his bed, in his room, in the apartment he shared with Rory--his never-ever been pregnant girlfriend. Jess checked his clock. 12:30 p.m. Jess groaned and got out of bed. He shuffled into the living room to find Rory, clothed only in a flimsy way-above-knee-length nightgown. She was putting books away.
"Hey."
"Look who's up!"
"Look who's not dressed!"
"You're not dressed either."
Jess looked down to find he was clothed only in his boxers. He shrugged. "I guess I'm not."
"That's okay, it makes it easier for me to do this." Rory threw Jess onto a couch and started...well, it wasn't pretty.
~~~!!!~~~
"AHHHHH!" Lorelai yelled as she fell out of bed. "Dear God, make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop!!!! EWWWWWWW!!! My mind's eye is ruined!!!! Help help help help help!!!!"
"Lorelai, shut up."
"Easy for you to say, you didn't see it!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"Shut up and come back to bed."
"Uch, fine." Lorelai slid back into bed, but didn't lay down.
"What was so bad, anyway?"
"Eww! It was Jess...and Rory...having sex!! Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!"
"Yeah, that is pretty bad. Good thing I'm here, huh?" The person next to Lorelai rolled over to face her.
"EWWWW! Michel, get out of my bed!!" Lorelai jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. She headed for the coffee maker, but it was empty, so she searched throught the cabinets. She didn't find any coffee. "Will this nightmare never end???!!!!!!"
~~~~!!!!~~~~
Luke woke with a start. He looked around his room. It was intact. He looked next to him. There was Rachel, sound asleep. He breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over to go back to sleep.
~~~~~!!!!!~~~~~
Rory woke up in the living room of the apartment she shared with Jess. The TV was on and turned to the Lifetime Network. She'd read once about how if you fell asleep with the radio or TV on, the noise would influence your dreams. She looked at the TV. "Mad About You" was on, and it was the episode where Paul and Jamie had all these different dreams, including one where Jamie, played by Helen Hunt, woke up next to Nat, the dogwalker, played by Hank Azaria and didn't realize anything strange about it. Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria were married in real life. Rory settled back to watch the episode, which was full of ostriches, dogs, Allisons, and jerk-awakes. Yeah, it didn't make much sense to Rory either. She switched to VH1, which was showing eighties videos. The Pretenders were "Walking on Sunshine," Corey Hart wanted his "Sunglasses at Night," The Vapors were "Turning Japanese," and Billy Joel "Didn't Start the Fire." After the Eurythmics walked "On Broken Glass," Rory decided it was time to go to bed and headed back to her bedroom. She settled into her bed, said goodnight to Paris in the other one, and drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~!!!!!!~~~~~~
Paris sprang out of bed and headed to the phone. She dialed a number that she'd dialed many times since Ashley'd moved in over a month and a half ago.
"Answer, goddammit, I know you're there!"
"Paris, what the hell do you want?"
"Jess, get me Rory. Now!"
"She had a hard day at work today, she should sleep."
"Oh, cut out the 'I'm-the-greatest-boyfriend-in-the-world' crap and get me Rory!"
"No, I don't want to wake her up!"
"Do it anyway!"
"No! Wake up your own--" Jess covered the phone with his hand, but Paris could hear him talking to what she figured was Rory.
"See, now, she's up. Give her the phone!"
"Fine!" There was a slight scuffle, and then Rory came on the phone.
"Paris, what do you want?"
"I've had the most disturbing dream ever. It was all about you and your boyfriend, and your mother and her boyfriend, and then some people I didn't even know, and you have to come home!"
"I am home!"
"No, you have to come back here!"
"No! You'll just have to deal with it."
"I'll send you the bill from my therapist!"
"Well, I won't pay it!"
"You drive a hard bargain, Gilmore!"
"You need three times more therapy than you're getting, Gellar!"
"Fine. Stay there with your perfect boyfriend. And let me just say: your kid looks very cute."
"What? Paris!" Rory cried out in desperation as she hung up. She dialed the number back and got a busy number. She looked at Jess, who shrugged. Paris, however, slept peacefully that night, knowing she'd freaked Rory out, and then unplugged her phone. The only thing she said in her sleep that night was--
"Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! It's fun to one-up little Miss I-have-a-boyfriend-so -I-can't-help-you-out-sorry-Paris. Hahahahahahahaha! Lotsa fun, aren't I right, Ashley?"
Chapter 16: In Your Dreams, Bucko!
A/N: "In Your Dreams, Bucko!" is definitely the chapter you've been dreaming of...if you're as psychotic as I am. Set two weeks into the futurefrom the last one, which means it's the end of January in 2004, Lorelai's ten weeks pregnant, and Rory and Jess have lived in their apartment for six weeks or something. I dunno. Anyway, this is the chapter for the psychotic in you...I hope it's okay.
~~~~
Weird, Jess thought as he tugged at the collar of his tux. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was getting married.
Jess looked at the priest behind him, the wedding decorations all around, and the tearful town of Stars Hollow staring at him from the pews of the church.
Huh. I guess I am getting married. Okay. Calm Calm Calm Calm Calm PANIC!
Jess looked around, trying to find something to focus on other than the wedding. His eyes darted toward the corner where Lane and Dave's band was playing "White Wedding." That didn't help, so he kept looking around. His eyes caught Luke's and he tried to convey his panic with his eyes. Luke had a slight look of panic in his eyes, too, and Jess noticed the rings on Luke and a very very pregnant Lorelai. Luke obviously wasn't going to help, so Jess focused on the large bouquet of flowers across from him. He was distracted within seconds by a large bundle of white underneath the flowers, so his gaze traveled down to see Richard Gilmore escorting Jess' bride down the aisle. Jess calmed down as soon as he realized it was Rory. He couldn't really see her, only her dress (a silk and lace number that clung in all the right places), but he knew it was Rory. He could just feel it. He got a big grin on his face, and Rory tilted her head under the large wave of crinoline that was hiding her face. Grandfather and grandaughter reached the altar. Rory turned to face her grandfather, and he lifted her veil from her face to kiss her on her cheek. After doing this, he settled in the front row next to Emily, who was clutching a martini in one hand. Rory was already facing the priest, and Jess glanced over the crowd once, noticing most of the town was there (excluding the Foresters, the Kims, and the three or four town loners) and a few guests from out of town were there (including Liz, a few of Jess' friends from New York, and Christopher's family. This part of the guest list surprised Jess to no end). Jess shook his head and turned to face the man that would marry him and Rory. The priest started his speech, going on and on about holy matrimony and marraige. Jess started reciting a scene from The Princess Bride, in which the princess is getting married to the prince against her will. The priest, listed in the credits as "The Impressive Clergyman," pronounces marraige like 'mawwaige'.
"Mawwaige is a dweam wifin a dweam." Jess said very soflty.
Jess looked at Rory to see if she'd heard. Only it wasn't Rory. It was some girl he'd made out with years ago; he couldn't even remember her name. He turned back to the priest, freaked out once again. The priest eventually got to the "do you" part of the vows, and Jess blurted out "No." He turned back to the girl next to him. It was Rory. She had tears in her eyes as she slapped him and fled down the aisle. Lorelai glared at Jess and followed her daughter. Luke just looked shocked. Jess, fully hit with what he'd just done, sank down until he was sitting on the steps of the altar. He covered his face with his hands, only a few tears leaking out and betraying him. Then he felt arms go around him and a tiny hand patting his hair. He looked up to find a little girl looking down at him. Four years old and beautiful, she had her mother's long chestnut hair and her father's dark brown eyes. She settled into Jess' lap and snuggled her head against his chest, patting his hand that was on her knee.
"It'll be okay, Daddy. It's okay. Mommy will be right back, and then you can put the ring on her finger and kiss her, okay?"
"Okay," Jess nodded. The little girl wrapped her arms around her father's neck and squeezed.
~!~
Jess sat up in bed. He looked around him, and much to his surprise, found he was still in his room at Luke's apartment. Then he remembered that Luke didn't have an apartment anymore, and the bed beneath him disappeared. He fell to the ground.
~~!!~~
Jess jerked awake. He was in his bed, in his room, in the apartment he shared with Rory--his never-ever been pregnant girlfriend. Jess checked his clock. 12:30 p.m. Jess groaned and got out of bed. He shuffled into the living room to find Rory, clothed only in a flimsy way-above-knee-length nightgown. She was putting books away.
"Hey."
"Look who's up!"
"Look who's not dressed!"
"You're not dressed either."
Jess looked down to find he was clothed only in his boxers. He shrugged. "I guess I'm not."
"That's okay, it makes it easier for me to do this." Rory threw Jess onto a couch and started...well, it wasn't pretty.
~~~!!!~~~
"AHHHHH!" Lorelai yelled as she fell out of bed. "Dear God, make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop!!!! EWWWWWWW!!! My mind's eye is ruined!!!! Help help help help help!!!!"
"Lorelai, shut up."
"Easy for you to say, you didn't see it!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"Shut up and come back to bed."
"Uch, fine." Lorelai slid back into bed, but didn't lay down.
"What was so bad, anyway?"
"Eww! It was Jess...and Rory...having sex!! Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!"
"Yeah, that is pretty bad. Good thing I'm here, huh?" The person next to Lorelai rolled over to face her.
"EWWWW! Michel, get out of my bed!!" Lorelai jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. She headed for the coffee maker, but it was empty, so she searched throught the cabinets. She didn't find any coffee. "Will this nightmare never end???!!!!!!"
~~~~!!!!~~~~
Luke woke with a start. He looked around his room. It was intact. He looked next to him. There was Rachel, sound asleep. He breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over to go back to sleep.
~~~~~!!!!!~~~~~
Rory woke up in the living room of the apartment she shared with Jess. The TV was on and turned to the Lifetime Network. She'd read once about how if you fell asleep with the radio or TV on, the noise would influence your dreams. She looked at the TV. "Mad About You" was on, and it was the episode where Paul and Jamie had all these different dreams, including one where Jamie, played by Helen Hunt, woke up next to Nat, the dogwalker, played by Hank Azaria and didn't realize anything strange about it. Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria were married in real life. Rory settled back to watch the episode, which was full of ostriches, dogs, Allisons, and jerk-awakes. Yeah, it didn't make much sense to Rory either. She switched to VH1, which was showing eighties videos. The Pretenders were "Walking on Sunshine," Corey Hart wanted his "Sunglasses at Night," The Vapors were "Turning Japanese," and Billy Joel "Didn't Start the Fire." After the Eurythmics walked "On Broken Glass," Rory decided it was time to go to bed and headed back to her bedroom. She settled into her bed, said goodnight to Paris in the other one, and drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~!!!!!!~~~~~~
Paris sprang out of bed and headed to the phone. She dialed a number that she'd dialed many times since Ashley'd moved in over a month and a half ago.
"Answer, goddammit, I know you're there!"
"Paris, what the hell do you want?"
"Jess, get me Rory. Now!"
"She had a hard day at work today, she should sleep."
"Oh, cut out the 'I'm-the-greatest-boyfriend-in-the-world' crap and get me Rory!"
"No, I don't want to wake her up!"
"Do it anyway!"
"No! Wake up your own--" Jess covered the phone with his hand, but Paris could hear him talking to what she figured was Rory.
"See, now, she's up. Give her the phone!"
"Fine!" There was a slight scuffle, and then Rory came on the phone.
"Paris, what do you want?"
"I've had the most disturbing dream ever. It was all about you and your boyfriend, and your mother and her boyfriend, and then some people I didn't even know, and you have to come home!"
"I am home!"
"No, you have to come back here!"
"No! You'll just have to deal with it."
"I'll send you the bill from my therapist!"
"Well, I won't pay it!"
"You drive a hard bargain, Gilmore!"
"You need three times more therapy than you're getting, Gellar!"
"Fine. Stay there with your perfect boyfriend. And let me just say: your kid looks very cute."
"What? Paris!" Rory cried out in desperation as she hung up. She dialed the number back and got a busy number. She looked at Jess, who shrugged. Paris, however, slept peacefully that night, knowing she'd freaked Rory out, and then unplugged her phone. The only thing she said in her sleep that night was--
"Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! It's fun to one-up little Miss I-have-a-boyfriend-so -I-can't-help-you-out-sorry-Paris. Hahahahahahahaha! Lotsa fun, aren't I right, Ashley?"