Thank you to Awesomegurl, Lolly, Sasja, Sicily Lupin, and Yami Megami for
all of your wonderful reviews. This chapter is dedicated to all of you.
One more thing I forgot to mention in chapter 1, this is set during their fourth year.
~Forever and Always?~
*Sirius's pov*
I sat at the Gryffindor table, stealing more glances at Remus, who sat across from me. He was being very quiet...more than usual.
I leaned across the table. "What's wrong Moony?"
He looked up at me, startled. "Wha...nothing's wrong. What makes you ask?"
"You haven't said a word all through dinner." I point out.
"I usually don't." He looks down at his plate, which he's hardly touched, though that isn't as odd. He usually doesn't eat much of anything this close to the full moon.
"Come on, Remy. Tell me. Something's bothering you, and I wanna help."
"You can't Sirius." He looked up into my eyes, and I almost drowned in the amber depths. "This is something I need to sort out on my own."
I wanted to cry from all the despair I saw in his eyes. He needed me, but he was too stubborn to admit it. I wanted to talk to him, but at that moment I saw someone come up behind him. It was a sixth year Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, Alex La'Monte. He was tall with dark hair and dark eyes. All the girls swooned over him, thought they all knew they had no chance.
"Remus, can I talk to you for a minute?" Remus turned and looked at him.
"Sure." He replied.
I growled deep in my throat and the Quidditch Captain looked at me funny. Remus got up and left with him. James gave me a warning look, then went back to flirting with Lily. What would he want to talk to Remus for? He's two years older than him for christ's sakes. I calmed myself down, at least we beat him in the last match. I pushed my plate away angrily.
"I'm not hungry anymore." I muttered to James, though I don't think he heard me. I stormed out of there and headed towards the Gryffindor dormitories. I didn't see Remus at all. Once I got to the Fat Lady I said the password and I was let inside. I looked around the common room, but he wasn't in there. He's still with Alex. I stomped up the stairs to the fourth years dormitories. I flung open the door and was startled to see Remus sitting on his bed, writing in his journal. The same journal, I noted, that I bought him two years ago for his birthday. I smiled.
He looked up at me, and smiled back.
"Hey Padfoot. Back so soon?"
"I was full, and I need to try and work on that Transfiguration essay I still have hardly started." I glanced at him curiously as I made my way to my bed. He really seemed very happy.
"So...what did Alex want to talk to you about?" I asked, trying not to let the anger show in my voice.
He stopped writing and just stared at the page for a moment, before he hurriedly scribbled something down, and closed it. "Um.." He looked at his hands in his lap for a moment before looking up and staring at me. The happiness was definitely gone.
"Moony?" I asked walking over and sitting on the edge of his bed. "What is it? If he hurt you, I swear I will-"
"No, Padfoot. He didn't hurt me..." He trailed off and looked back down.
"Moony?" He didn't answer me. "Remus..?"
He looked back up with tears in his eyes. "Remus what is it?" I asked urgently.
"I...I can't tell you Sirius."
"Why?! You've told me everything else!"
"You...you'd hate me." That was it. That was the last straw.
"What the hell are you talking about?! You know I'd never hate you! I'd do anything for you Remus." I stopped, getting control of my awful temper. "I didn't hate you when I found out about your lycanthropy. You thought I would then. Remus..." I took a breath. "The thing is..I could never hate you. You're too-"
"I'm gay." He cut me off.
I felt my heart stop. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Remus? Gay? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it from his own mouth...his own beautiful mouth. A mouth that's tortured me for the last three years in every wet dream I've had. Remus is gay?
He must've taken my silence the wrong way.
"I'm sorry Sirius. I should have told you..I should have told all of you, but I know how the world looks at gays, and I couldn't stand losing you. But when Alex came up to me tonight and told me he liked me, and asked to go out with him next week, I didn't know what else to do." Wait a second. Alex asked him out? I wanted to scream. "Sirius, please don't look at me like that. You're always dating around, you always have some girl hanging off your arm. James has Lily. Peter even has that Hufflepuff third year, Mary, or whatever her name is. I've never had anyone. No ones ever liked me this way. Alex does though. He cares about me."
I stood shakily to me feet. I couldn't take anymore. I've probably lost my chance forever now. Remus has found someone, and now he probably would..oh God!
"Sirius.." I looked down at him, down into his large amber eyes. He was so beautiful. "Please don't hate me."
"I don't hate you Remus. I told you...I could never hate you." I saw a look of utter joy cross his face. He jumped up, and wrapped his arms around me. I reveled in the fell of his body so close, his warmth seeping into my body that had gone cold with despair. I fought the tears I could feel coming.
"Thank you Sirius. Thank you for understanding."
"I hope you're happy Remus." He doesn't realize what he's doing to me. He doesn't know how much he is killing me. I try, but I can't lift my arms to embrace him back. "I'm a bit tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep now."
"Oh...okay." He stepped back and wiped the tears off of his face. I turned and walked to my four poster. I toed off my shoes, and not bothering with the rest of my clothing, laid down, and pull the curtains close. I whispered a silencing spell, and began sobbing into my pillow. Letting the tears come, that I could never let Remus see. I swore at that moment, I would make myself move on. I would make myself forget.
That night was when the nightmares started.
~*~
Okay.finally. I know this chapter is kinda short too, but I'll try and make them longer. It just seemed like a good breaking point. Review and tell me how you like it, I won't post the next chapter till I get five more reviews. Thanks.
One more thing I forgot to mention in chapter 1, this is set during their fourth year.
~Forever and Always?~
*Sirius's pov*
I sat at the Gryffindor table, stealing more glances at Remus, who sat across from me. He was being very quiet...more than usual.
I leaned across the table. "What's wrong Moony?"
He looked up at me, startled. "Wha...nothing's wrong. What makes you ask?"
"You haven't said a word all through dinner." I point out.
"I usually don't." He looks down at his plate, which he's hardly touched, though that isn't as odd. He usually doesn't eat much of anything this close to the full moon.
"Come on, Remy. Tell me. Something's bothering you, and I wanna help."
"You can't Sirius." He looked up into my eyes, and I almost drowned in the amber depths. "This is something I need to sort out on my own."
I wanted to cry from all the despair I saw in his eyes. He needed me, but he was too stubborn to admit it. I wanted to talk to him, but at that moment I saw someone come up behind him. It was a sixth year Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, Alex La'Monte. He was tall with dark hair and dark eyes. All the girls swooned over him, thought they all knew they had no chance.
"Remus, can I talk to you for a minute?" Remus turned and looked at him.
"Sure." He replied.
I growled deep in my throat and the Quidditch Captain looked at me funny. Remus got up and left with him. James gave me a warning look, then went back to flirting with Lily. What would he want to talk to Remus for? He's two years older than him for christ's sakes. I calmed myself down, at least we beat him in the last match. I pushed my plate away angrily.
"I'm not hungry anymore." I muttered to James, though I don't think he heard me. I stormed out of there and headed towards the Gryffindor dormitories. I didn't see Remus at all. Once I got to the Fat Lady I said the password and I was let inside. I looked around the common room, but he wasn't in there. He's still with Alex. I stomped up the stairs to the fourth years dormitories. I flung open the door and was startled to see Remus sitting on his bed, writing in his journal. The same journal, I noted, that I bought him two years ago for his birthday. I smiled.
He looked up at me, and smiled back.
"Hey Padfoot. Back so soon?"
"I was full, and I need to try and work on that Transfiguration essay I still have hardly started." I glanced at him curiously as I made my way to my bed. He really seemed very happy.
"So...what did Alex want to talk to you about?" I asked, trying not to let the anger show in my voice.
He stopped writing and just stared at the page for a moment, before he hurriedly scribbled something down, and closed it. "Um.." He looked at his hands in his lap for a moment before looking up and staring at me. The happiness was definitely gone.
"Moony?" I asked walking over and sitting on the edge of his bed. "What is it? If he hurt you, I swear I will-"
"No, Padfoot. He didn't hurt me..." He trailed off and looked back down.
"Moony?" He didn't answer me. "Remus..?"
He looked back up with tears in his eyes. "Remus what is it?" I asked urgently.
"I...I can't tell you Sirius."
"Why?! You've told me everything else!"
"You...you'd hate me." That was it. That was the last straw.
"What the hell are you talking about?! You know I'd never hate you! I'd do anything for you Remus." I stopped, getting control of my awful temper. "I didn't hate you when I found out about your lycanthropy. You thought I would then. Remus..." I took a breath. "The thing is..I could never hate you. You're too-"
"I'm gay." He cut me off.
I felt my heart stop. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Remus? Gay? I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it from his own mouth...his own beautiful mouth. A mouth that's tortured me for the last three years in every wet dream I've had. Remus is gay?
He must've taken my silence the wrong way.
"I'm sorry Sirius. I should have told you..I should have told all of you, but I know how the world looks at gays, and I couldn't stand losing you. But when Alex came up to me tonight and told me he liked me, and asked to go out with him next week, I didn't know what else to do." Wait a second. Alex asked him out? I wanted to scream. "Sirius, please don't look at me like that. You're always dating around, you always have some girl hanging off your arm. James has Lily. Peter even has that Hufflepuff third year, Mary, or whatever her name is. I've never had anyone. No ones ever liked me this way. Alex does though. He cares about me."
I stood shakily to me feet. I couldn't take anymore. I've probably lost my chance forever now. Remus has found someone, and now he probably would..oh God!
"Sirius.." I looked down at him, down into his large amber eyes. He was so beautiful. "Please don't hate me."
"I don't hate you Remus. I told you...I could never hate you." I saw a look of utter joy cross his face. He jumped up, and wrapped his arms around me. I reveled in the fell of his body so close, his warmth seeping into my body that had gone cold with despair. I fought the tears I could feel coming.
"Thank you Sirius. Thank you for understanding."
"I hope you're happy Remus." He doesn't realize what he's doing to me. He doesn't know how much he is killing me. I try, but I can't lift my arms to embrace him back. "I'm a bit tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep now."
"Oh...okay." He stepped back and wiped the tears off of his face. I turned and walked to my four poster. I toed off my shoes, and not bothering with the rest of my clothing, laid down, and pull the curtains close. I whispered a silencing spell, and began sobbing into my pillow. Letting the tears come, that I could never let Remus see. I swore at that moment, I would make myself move on. I would make myself forget.
That night was when the nightmares started.
~*~
Okay.finally. I know this chapter is kinda short too, but I'll try and make them longer. It just seemed like a good breaking point. Review and tell me how you like it, I won't post the next chapter till I get five more reviews. Thanks.