Sorry everyone, I know this chapter took a while. Can you ever forgive me?
I've been really busy, and I had a small bout of writers block. But at
least it's here, ne?
Thank you to Kat, Ice, anonymous person, Goldmund, Milly chan, and Kherezae (Just don't make a habit out of the threatening :) .) All of your reviews are very appreciated.
*Sirius' pov*
I ran through the halls, not caring where I was going. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I'd just ruined my life.
How could I have been so stupid?
I really am an idiot.
I'm a selfish idiot.
I had to fuck everything up with Remus just for the chance of me being able to be with him. I didn't think about him, and now everything is screwed.
How could I have been so daft? How could I have actually thought that he would want to be with me. That kind of stuff only happens in fairy tales. In the bedtime stories my mom told me when I was five. It never happens in real life. Only to good people. I'm not a good person. I just ruined my best friends life on a whim.
I should die.
There is no reason for me to go on living. Remus probably wants me dead now too. How could he not? I'm disgusting. Revolting. I'm unnatural, a freak. How could anyone want me alive? They couldn't.
I run out of Hogwarts, across the wet grass. There is no one out here. They are asleep in there beds, having their normal dreams. They aren't plagued by the nightmares, I'm forced to see. My socks are soaked now, I guess I forgot my shoes...not that it matters. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing but Remus. I look around me. Everything looks so peaceful, covered with a small layer of snow. I hear my teeth chattering, but I hardly pay any attention to the strange sound. I'm still running, and I feel the ice cold wind bite my skin. I can't stand this pain anymore. It's killing me. I should die, I won't hurt if I'm dead. All the pain will leave..won't it?
I run towards the lake. There is a thin layer of ice covering most of it. The cold of the water would kill me in only a few minutes. I get ready to strip. Then I stop.
Can I be this weak?
Can I just give up like this? This isn't like me, I never give up. I've never felt this kind of pain either, though. I can't do this. I need to keep living.
I hear a noise and spin around. I see Remus running towards me, scarf, and coat forgotten.
I can't let him see me like this. I run the other direction. I can't face him yet. I can't face this pain. What can I do?
Padfoot!
Padfoot doesn't feel this kind of pain. I need to escape to his carefree state. Forget who I am. Forget what I feel. Forget everything!
As I run from the only thing in this world and the next, that matters to me. I focus on Padfoot's bulky shape. I feel my body swiftly change, and I head for the Forbidden Forest. Leaving Moony. Leaving everything behind. I surrender myself to the dog's instincts.
I smell a small creature scurrying through the forest. I bark, challenging him. It's a game. I run off after it.
~*~
*Remus' pov*
I saw Sirius standing at the edge of the lake. For a second I though he was something out of a dream. His black robes flowed around him, and his hair was blown back by the wind. His skin was pale from the cold. I saw his hand clenched in a fist.
I was freezing, but seeing him like this brought a strange heat to my body.
It took me a moment to realize what he was doing there. I felt the coldness return with a fierce brutality. My heart stopped in my chest.
"Sirius!" I yelled desperately, hoping he could hear me above the roar of the wind.
How could he do this to me?
How dare him kiss me, then run off like this. I need answers.
He spun around and looked at me. The fear in his eyes evident. His eyes were a much paler blue than normal. His cheeks with a slightly pinkish blush. He looked very alluring like this, and again I had mentally kick myself. This wasn't the time!
"Sirius.." I whispered. With my excellent eyesight I saw a single tear fall down his cheek.
"Don't.." With that he turned and ran away from me. "Shit!" I muttered running after him. Then right before my eyes I saw him change. His clothes faded to thick black fur. He shrunk, though not by much, and fell to all fours. His hands and feet turned to large paws, and a tale sprouted from his nicely sculpted rear, that was now swiftly growing fur. Once the transformation was complete, he took off and ran towards the Forbidden Forest.
A dog..Sirius was a dog. It all made perfect sense. Fate sure had a twisted sense of humor.
It took a second for the shock to wear down. I ran after him into the thick forest.
I wouldn't lose him.
Not this time.
Never again.....
TBC
~*~
Do you like? I need reviews. You guys are the ones that keep me writing this stuff. Without reviews, I have no reason to write. So be a good reader and tell me what you think. And don't worry about being brutally honest. If you don't like something I did, tell me. I want to improve. I don't know how soon I can update. My parents are getting after me for falling behind in school. Oops. I have a ton of work to catch up on. I'll try and update as soon as I can.
Thank you to Kat, Ice, anonymous person, Goldmund, Milly chan, and Kherezae (Just don't make a habit out of the threatening :) .) All of your reviews are very appreciated.
*Sirius' pov*
I ran through the halls, not caring where I was going. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I'd just ruined my life.
How could I have been so stupid?
I really am an idiot.
I'm a selfish idiot.
I had to fuck everything up with Remus just for the chance of me being able to be with him. I didn't think about him, and now everything is screwed.
How could I have been so daft? How could I have actually thought that he would want to be with me. That kind of stuff only happens in fairy tales. In the bedtime stories my mom told me when I was five. It never happens in real life. Only to good people. I'm not a good person. I just ruined my best friends life on a whim.
I should die.
There is no reason for me to go on living. Remus probably wants me dead now too. How could he not? I'm disgusting. Revolting. I'm unnatural, a freak. How could anyone want me alive? They couldn't.
I run out of Hogwarts, across the wet grass. There is no one out here. They are asleep in there beds, having their normal dreams. They aren't plagued by the nightmares, I'm forced to see. My socks are soaked now, I guess I forgot my shoes...not that it matters. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing but Remus. I look around me. Everything looks so peaceful, covered with a small layer of snow. I hear my teeth chattering, but I hardly pay any attention to the strange sound. I'm still running, and I feel the ice cold wind bite my skin. I can't stand this pain anymore. It's killing me. I should die, I won't hurt if I'm dead. All the pain will leave..won't it?
I run towards the lake. There is a thin layer of ice covering most of it. The cold of the water would kill me in only a few minutes. I get ready to strip. Then I stop.
Can I be this weak?
Can I just give up like this? This isn't like me, I never give up. I've never felt this kind of pain either, though. I can't do this. I need to keep living.
I hear a noise and spin around. I see Remus running towards me, scarf, and coat forgotten.
I can't let him see me like this. I run the other direction. I can't face him yet. I can't face this pain. What can I do?
Padfoot!
Padfoot doesn't feel this kind of pain. I need to escape to his carefree state. Forget who I am. Forget what I feel. Forget everything!
As I run from the only thing in this world and the next, that matters to me. I focus on Padfoot's bulky shape. I feel my body swiftly change, and I head for the Forbidden Forest. Leaving Moony. Leaving everything behind. I surrender myself to the dog's instincts.
I smell a small creature scurrying through the forest. I bark, challenging him. It's a game. I run off after it.
~*~
*Remus' pov*
I saw Sirius standing at the edge of the lake. For a second I though he was something out of a dream. His black robes flowed around him, and his hair was blown back by the wind. His skin was pale from the cold. I saw his hand clenched in a fist.
I was freezing, but seeing him like this brought a strange heat to my body.
It took me a moment to realize what he was doing there. I felt the coldness return with a fierce brutality. My heart stopped in my chest.
"Sirius!" I yelled desperately, hoping he could hear me above the roar of the wind.
How could he do this to me?
How dare him kiss me, then run off like this. I need answers.
He spun around and looked at me. The fear in his eyes evident. His eyes were a much paler blue than normal. His cheeks with a slightly pinkish blush. He looked very alluring like this, and again I had mentally kick myself. This wasn't the time!
"Sirius.." I whispered. With my excellent eyesight I saw a single tear fall down his cheek.
"Don't.." With that he turned and ran away from me. "Shit!" I muttered running after him. Then right before my eyes I saw him change. His clothes faded to thick black fur. He shrunk, though not by much, and fell to all fours. His hands and feet turned to large paws, and a tale sprouted from his nicely sculpted rear, that was now swiftly growing fur. Once the transformation was complete, he took off and ran towards the Forbidden Forest.
A dog..Sirius was a dog. It all made perfect sense. Fate sure had a twisted sense of humor.
It took a second for the shock to wear down. I ran after him into the thick forest.
I wouldn't lose him.
Not this time.
Never again.....
TBC
~*~
Do you like? I need reviews. You guys are the ones that keep me writing this stuff. Without reviews, I have no reason to write. So be a good reader and tell me what you think. And don't worry about being brutally honest. If you don't like something I did, tell me. I want to improve. I don't know how soon I can update. My parents are getting after me for falling behind in school. Oops. I have a ton of work to catch up on. I'll try and update as soon as I can.