Disclaimer: Still don't own FY. Still has the same warnings as in the previous chapter. Also has some sexual references and stuff in there. It just keeps getting worse, huh?
Happy New Year, people!!! Where did last year go? Too quickly! And I didn't write enough! *groans*
After all the guesses (most of them weren't actually on review) I figured I'd better say something. Some of you are right with some characters but wrong with others. And not all of the names are meant to be taken literally. They are clues, but with some of them, you have to use word association and other word stuff to find out who is who. Kinda like this (a real example, from a friend at school. When my buddy and I write letters, we encode the names so if anyone else reads them they wouldn't know who we're talking about) Person's name: Jed. Jed = Jedi = Luke Skywalker = Mr Skywalker. If it sounds too complicated to you, don't even bother. It's just a little thing to keep you wondering... And there is a red herring character in there too, who actually isn't a seishi. *everyone groans* And there might be more too...
From the Inside - Chapter 2
I woke up and lay in bed for a while, awake but daydreaming. I wanted to return the dream I'd been having but, as usual, it didn't work. Damn. Why do I have to have dreams more vivid than reality?
I eventually got up and staggered around my flat for a while and made myself a cup of coffee. I then decided to have a bath and filled it up, as hot as possible. After soaking for a few minutes, climbed out again. My legs and other body parts in contact with the water were bright red but as long as I don't start smelling tasty, I really don't care how red I get. The best way to relax is to boil yourself alive, that's what I've found.
"Next place I get, I'm getting one with a shower," I muttered, emptying the bath and realising that I'd spent longer than I'd thought in there and my coffee was now cold.
I grabbed some breakfast and looked at the clock. Some ungodly hour. About 6:30. Screw it. They were always waking me up early, now it was my turn.
I swallowed the rest of my breakfast and my meds and then headed downstairs. It was early so the mail hadn't even been delivered yet, so I just carefully made my way through the store, trying not to be noisy enough to wake up all my neighbours.
Outside, the air was cool and it was still dim as the sun was still rising lazily behind a bunch of skyscrapers. There was no one about, probably because all sane people were in bed at that hour. Could you blame them?
I knocked on Arashi's window first, knowing he deserved it the most. From the depths of his dark apartment there was a rumbling noise and as he clambered to the window - butt naked, might I add - I heard an unfamiliar male voice call out sleepily,
"Wha's goin' on, Arashi?"
"Hey, Namida, I'm guessin' this is a late night for ya cos you usually don' wake up until 3," Arashi greeted me, sounding completely awake. I carefully avoided looking down as I could guess why, and the entrance of the stranger, who started kissing Arashi's shoulders enthusiastically, confirmed it. "Whassup? Apart from me, I mean."
"Nothing much," I said, "just thought I'd drag you off to the gym for a while before work."
Arashi gave me an awkward smile. "In case ya haven' noticed, I'm kinda occupied at the moment," he observed.
I sat myself down on a handy chair and gave him a smug smile. "I can wait."
"Hey, threesomes are fine with me," said The Anonymous Stranger.
Arashi shot me an irritated look. "Get the fuck out of here, Namida," he ordered.
"So you'll be there in a hour?" I asked, pausing at the door.
"Where?" Arashi groaned, sinking down on his bed.
"The gym, stupid!" I replied.
I interpreted the various groans he gave as 'yes, sure, of course I'll be there' and got the hell out of there. Watching Arashi get laid was definitely not something I wanted to see.
I headed to Taka's apartment next. Oh yes, I was enjoying this, every minute of it.
I climbed the fire-escape to his window (I'd done it once before with Arashi. Come to think of it, we were all in the habit of climbing in each others' windows. God only knows what our various landlords think of this) and looked inside. Miaka and Taka were curled up in bed together, peacefully sleeping. Miaka looked quiet and serene as she slept, in direct contrast to her usual hyperactivity. It was almost a pity to wake them, they both looked so... right... together, sleeping. Almost, I said.
"Oi! Taka!" I hissed. "Lemme in!"
"Mmph," was his answer and he turned over, somehow managing to avoid squishing Miaka. I'm surprised she isn't flat already, she'd be so easy to crush.
"Oi! TAKA!" I called, tapping on the window, this time managing to wake them both.
"What's that?" Miaka asked, sleepily.
"Namida?" Taka mumbled, voice thick with sleep.
"Namida!" Miaka perked up. "Let him in, Taka!"
"Hang on, lemme get some pants on," Taka muttered unenthusiastically.
He eventually made it to the window and let me in. "What?" he asked, before Miaka's happy squealing of greeting drowned him out. Apparently she didn't seem to see anything odd with me climbing in her window at the crack of dawn. Then again, usually it was Arashi doing it, so she'd be used to it.
"I'm going to the gym in an hour and you're coming," I informed him.
"Oh no, I'm not," he replied.
"Oh yes, you are," I said, sitting down on the bed next to Miaka. "Hi Miaka," I added as an afterthought.
She gave me a smile from her cocoon of blankets and turned to Taka, "I don't mind, Taka."
"I do!" Taka snapped. "As if you wake people up at this hour to go to the gym!"
"You seem to have no problem with it," I said, coolly, and watched him stammer.
He eventually gave up. "Let me get dressed," he groaned, rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock.
"You don't have to come if you don't want to, Miaka," I said, apologetically, "I was just getting my revenge against Taka."
"Good, because I didn't intend on coming anyway!" she laughed, and with that curled up and fell back asleep again. Taka smiled down at her affectionately and planted a kiss on her forehead.
He turned back to me and said, "We going then? I'll get breakfast on the way."
"Don't forget to bring me some on your way back," Miaka's voice drifted up from her pile of pillows and doona.
Taka rolled his eyes. "I won't," he promised.
"And get it from the doughnut shop where Keisuke works, and make sure he put extra cinnamon on," Miaka continued.
"Yeah, yeah," Taka agreed, halfheartedly.
"Make sure he does, Namida," Miaka ordered then continued snoring.
Taka shook her head and as we walked out the door I asked, "was she asleep then or just pretending?"
"Does it matter?" Taka asked.
We wound up dragging Keisuke along to the gym after us, his shift ended as we walked in. So much for extra cinnamon, Miaka would have to make do with the regular amount without employee discounts. Taka didn't seem pleased at all after hearing that.
Keisuke scolded Taka as we strolled the streets. "Eating that defeats the point of going to a gym! You'll just be working off the fat!"
"Yeah, yeah," Taka muttered, dropping the empty wrapper in the bin outside the gym. I noticed that he had finished it before walking in. I guess he didn't want to face the wrath of the heavy-duty fitness freaks, the likes of which grace the gym at this hour. Face it, no one else does, apart from the odd person working out after a night-shift.
"He got ya too, huh?" Arashi called, spotting us as we entered.
"I hope I didn't disturb you," I said, in an oily tone.
"I didn' let it bother me," Arashi grinned. "Almos' considered callin' ya back. Tomasu was quite taken with ya."
"Tomasu?" Keisuke asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Exchange student from England," Arashi explained, "thought I'd give him some fond memories of Japan. Somethin' ta remember us by, ya see."
"Yeah, a sore arse," I muttered, hiding my smile at Taka's shocked face.
He span around to face me. "You did what?!" he asked.
"Well did you really think I was going to work out alone?" I asked. "It just so happened that Arashi was awake when I came by. Lucky coincidence."
"I don't even wanna know," Keisuke muttered.
"Yeah, ya do," Arashi said, enthusiastically.
"No, we don't!" we all chorused.
He shrugged and dumped his bag in his locker. "We gonna hang around here blabberin' all day or what?" he asked, sounding a little put out. We got to work, and for the next hour, the only sounds in the gym were grunts of exertion and the noise made by the various equipment.
We stopped at about 10ish, although I could have kept going longer. My shift at the cinema doesn't start until about 3pm, so I had plenty of time, but Taka wanted to buy Miaka's breakfast before it turned to lunch.
By the time we all headed to the showers and locker area the place was beginning to fill up. Arashi and Keisuke were sweating and panting after the workout but Taka and I were mostly fine.
"How unfit are you!" commented Taka to them.
Keisuke grinned. "Very. Not like you and Namida! You are rough men!"
The last sentence was in English and I picked the cue. "Rough!" I agree.
"Very rough," he continued.
"Rough rough!" Arashi and I replied, laughing.
If we were in an anime, Taka would have been sweatdropping by then and his eyes would have been making interesting shapes. As it was, he made do with giving us a 'what the?!' look and Arashi shook a finger at him. "Pirates of Penzance, stupid! Doncha have any cultural ed-u-kay-shun?"
Taka glared at him. "I don't speak English," he replied.
Keisuke shrugged. "Sorry, I forgot you weren't with us when we all went to see it last year."
"So that's why you didn't come," Arashi realised. He shrugged. "Pity, it was funny!"
"Never knew you were into theatre," Taka snorted.
Arashi poked out his tongue. "I ain't as stupid as I look," he said.
"You couldn't be," Taka retorted.
"Yeah, well at least I've got brains, all ya've got is brawn!" Arashi snorted. "Besides, you conked out too! Only superman," he gestured to me, "managed to keep going. How do ya do it, Namida?"
I made a modest sound. "I've been working out regularly for years. When I first started I was worse than you, I had to use the lightest weights and could barely keep going."
Arashi made a rude signal at him then started stripping off and the group broke up as we started doing the same.
I slid into a shower cubicle and, as usual, cursed the lack of doors. I stripped off and started running the water over myself, washing away my sweat. I wrapped a towel around me and ran back to my locker. I pulled out my stuff and dried myself off facing the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see all the other guys walking around, naked and uncaring. I was jealous. I could never do that, never. What I was doing now was a step up from before, when I couldn't even take my top off, I was so scared. They were unashamed, and Arashi was the worst of the lot. He'd been known to hump people in the toilet cubicles when the gym was either completely full or nearly empty, both of which meaning he wouldn't be heard or interrupted.
Me? I just hunched my back and prayed they'd leave me alone.
No such luck. Arashi thought it was funny to bait me, but as well as that, I think he was also trying to help. He couldn't understand why I was like that, it was completely alien to him.
"Ya still hidin'?" he asked, walking over to me. I hunched my shoulders further and didn't answer. I yanked my pants on with some force and winced at the resulting wedgie. Luckily, Arashi didn't notice. "Wassup? We've all seen it all before. If ya're that strong'n fit'n all, ya'd be sexy as hell, have it made if ya went to Time Out." Time Out. One of Arashi's frequent haunts, a gay bar.
I reached for my top but he grabbed it first and offered it to me. I snatched it as he was threatening to shred it and held it to my chest for a few seconds, glaring at him.
He gave me a startled look. "Namida--" he started and reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't help it. I flinched back.
I don't know what he saw in my eyes but his own widened and he raised his hands defensively. "Sorry," he muttered, stepping back.
I pulled my top on as Keisuke said, "Leave him alone, Arashi," and said nothing until we were out of there.
"So whadda we do now?" Arashi asked, feigning boredom.
I shrugged. "I'm going on home to dump my stuff. You can come if you want." I was trying to break the tension I'd caused at the gym, and it worked.
"You woke us up, so, by rights, we have full permission to gatecrash your house," Taka announced, "but only for a little while though, I've got to get breakfast for Miaka."
"He lives above a store," Keisuke reminded him, "buy something there."
"I was supposed to get doughnuts from where you work but you're off duty," Taka grumbled, "and Miaka claims she can taste the difference."
Keisuke shook his head in amusement. "I wouldn't be surprised."
We entered my apartment to find Atsui there.
"ANIKI!"
Everyone found it funny as I tried to detangle myself from her arms. "Atsui, what in the hell are you doing here?" I asked. Then something else occured to me. "And where did you get the key yesterday anyway?"
"Koeta," Atsui said, smugly. Koeta hates to be called "Grandma", so we just call her by her name. I used to live with her before getting my own place, and she often comes to visit. None of the guys mind. For an old lady, she's pretty cool. She's a chiropractor and acupuncturist, which is always pretty handy.
"Should've guessed," I muttered, getting up again, "but you still didn't say why you're here."
"To plan a party!" she said, patiently.
"Am I invited?" I asked, pulling my sweaty tracksuit out of my bag and shoving it in the washing machine.
"Of course you are, silly!" Atsui giggled. "It's for your birthday!"
I froze. I'd completely forgotten about it. The others seemed to have too.
"Your birthday?" asked Keisuke, interested. "How old are you turning?"
"Twenty," I muttered.
"Oh, you geriatric, you!" Atsui laughed.
"I'm not a geriatric, you're just a young'un," I smirked. "Eighteen? Feh, you barely are old enough to drink!"
She gave me a sunny smile. "You think that ever stopped me?"
I decided the washing machine was full enough, pulled out the laundry powder and dumped a good amount in. I slammed the door shut, pressed various buttons and it started humming.
"Been to the gym?" she observed.
"Yeah," Taka said, his hair still sweaty. Mine was just as bad, worse even, because it was longer.
"I'd better be going," Taka said, after a short pause.
"I'll come too, better see how my lil sis is doing," Keisuke agreed. They turned to the door. "Nice meeting you, Atsui," Keisuke added, as they left.
"You new in town?" Arashi asked. His eyes gleamed. Oh no. "Want some one to show you around?" Not good. He's cracking onto my sister. Whadda I do?
But Atsui can take care of herself. "My boyfriend is doing a good job already," she said, smoothly. She gave him a warm smile and Arashi went back to normal, thank Gods.
"So when is this bash?" he asked.
Atsui shrugged. "Two days time?" she tried. I nodded. "Okay, go spread the word, then," she ordered him.
"Yes, m'am," Arashi saluted her. He shot a look at me. "I get a hint. Ya want me out, right?"
I looked at Atsui and she nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Sibling stuff," I apologised to Arashi. He span on his heels and gave us a wave over his shoulder before exiting. I waved after him then looked at my fingernails. If I grew them any longer I could've painted them. I sighed and wondered what it was that Atsui wanted. I sat back and listened.
Taka let himself into his apartment bearing gifts of gold, or at least gifts with had cost nearly as much, he thought with some irritation. However, it was worth it to see Miaka's happy face as she tucked into her meal, and Yui seemed happy as well.
"Did... you... have... fun?" Miaka asked, in between mouthfuls.
He shrugged. "It was okay," he replied, "but Namida was weird - as usual - and Arashi was irritating - as usual."
"Arashi, he really is Tasuki, isn't he?" Miaka asked, looking up. "He doesn't look the same but he definately is his reincarnation. He acts just like him." Hope shone from her face. "It would be just like old times, wouldn't it?" She placed her hands on her pregnant belly and smiled at him.
Taka pondered this. "It has to be him, it has to, but what about the others?" He sighed. "You know the feeling, like one of familiarity, but it could be anyone. They don't act like they did before, that's for sure, not completely. Keisuke says he senses something too, but the thing is, we've felt it with more people than there were Suzaku seishi. Some of them must be Seiryuu, but we don't know which.
"But Arashi is Tasuki," Miaka repeated. "What about Namida?" she asked.
"Suzaku only knows!" Taka exclaimed, and he made a gesture of frustration. "I swear, the guy is completely neurotic. There's times he's so normal, then others when he's paranoid. Whenever anyone touches him... I dunno, it's weird. His eyes go all funny, he looks almost scared. And he always seems to hide his body, is so shy at times I have to fight the urge to slap him. And he's always cleaning, making sure he's clean."
Miaka turned to Yui. "You're studying psychology, what does it mean?" There was concern in her eyes. "Is he okay?"
Yui, who had been quiet until then, gave her a thoughtful look and spoke up, slowly. "I don't think he is. It doesn't sound good. He sounds as if he's got some kind of mental problem... or as if he's suffered violence or even rape."
There was stunned silence at this. "Violence or rape?" Miaka repeated, sounding shocked.
"It's only a guess," Yui added, hastily.
"Suzaku," Taka murmured, "poor guy. I hope not."
"Rape..." Miaka whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
Taka saw this and patted her back. "It's only a guess," he said, reassuringly, "there is also a chance he's just your average crazy. Cheer up, Miaka!" He rubbed her belly and she gave him a tearful smile.
Atsui's journal
I am not a diarist. I never have been. It was always Hikaru's thing, never mine. But now I feel as if I can't keep quiet, that if I do I'll go crazy, and if I go crazy, who'll look after aniki? It's weird, how I feel compelled to, but I suppose you wouldn't understand. How could you, you're just an empty book, there's nothing to understand.
I'm surprised Namida doesn't write in a diary, he'd have so much more to write than me. I think that the secret is poisoning him, it's so big that I'm surprised he hasn't already told. I know it's always my first urge to explain everything, it's on the tip of my tongue. But Hikaru and I have always been such opposites, and Namida, he is just the same. I don't hide a thing. If I want to be a bitch, I am and let the world deal with it. Screw them. I act as I want, hold nothing back. I only have one life and don't intend to waste it worrying. But Namida and Hikaru... they worry. They can't meet the other people's eyes, can't be true even to themselves. To me, the worst thing in the world is to be made to be ashamed of who you are, it's worse than having nothing to believe in at all. And they were made to feel that way.
Perhaps it explains the way they are.
Hikaru lies. "Of course not." "What do you think?" "As if!"
Namida hides. He just doesn't say a damn thing. He pretends it's not there. In a way, that's lying too, lying to himself.
Now Hikaru doesn't have to worry about what other people think, she's far away from all those who ever hurt her. It's Namida I'm worried about.
If it were me, I'd tell, I'd tell everything. But I can't, it's his secret. I just wish that he'd forgive Hikaru. And perhaps then he could forgive himself.
****
I pulled out my nail clippers and cut my nails, one by one...
***
Skipsida's Ramblings:
The end of another chapter. To all those who guessed Arashi was Tasuki (ie. everyone) give yourself a pat on the back! You were 100% right. But things are only just getting started.
Sorry for the long break between this chapter and the last, but at least I've finally planned out the story in some degree of detail. I figured that as this is a mystery, it would be a good idea, to say the least. Now I'll probably be able to update more frequently, which is a relief. This story has lurked in my skull too long, it needs to be written!