Bid on Dib: The Evilness of Britney Spears
A story by The Person with No Name. Told in Noname's POV.
A/N: I changed the rating to PG merely because there's a small swear word during this chapter. Nothing much.
Disclaimer: Screw the disclaimer! Whoever says I own Invader Zim will have a little talk with The Mallet of Doomy Doominess a.k.a. MODD!
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Dibby was tied up and was hanging upside-down just inches away from a cauldron filled with boiling rat blood! With Jimmy Neutron's massive head in my TV screen! There was only one person I knew that was insane enough to do such a thing…
"Pikachu!" I cried out. "Why are you doing this? Why? WHY?!"
"Not Pikachu, you insane fool!" A very evil voice said. I spun around to see someone no other than…
"Britney Spears? Eh… I was close enough." I eyed her carefully. She was in a bikini. Ugh.
"No you weren't!" She snapped. "Anyway, I'm here to have my revenge on YOU!"
"For what?"
"For embarrassing and trying to kill me two years ago, that's what! Remember?"
**Flashback**
Our class sat at the very back row. Thankfully.
For some utterly retarded reason, our principle invited Britney Spears to our skool for an assembly. It was "to improve on our singing skills and achieve all our dreams and hopes". I couldn't believe the principal was that stupid. Oh well. I sat at the last seat in the left end, covering my ears so I couldn't hear Britney's horribly mutated voice. So voices can't be mutated. Does it really matter?
Out of nowhere a voice whispered into my ear, "Kill her".
"Wh-what?" I asked nervously.
"Kill the girl dressed in pink."
"You mean Britney?"
"Yes."
"But I can't do that! It's against the law to kill anyone, no matter how stupid, annoying, or mean they are."
"I'll give you a packet of Skiiiittles…"
"Okay!" I slipped quietly out of my seat and crawled on the ground to the stage. I think some people were staring at me, but, that's right, I didn't care. Finally I approached the stage. The pink pop star stopped singing and looked at me, smiling.
"What do you want, adoring fan?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet voice. I shuddered. Now was the chance. I grabbed the nearest thing (which happened to be a glass of rubbing alcohol) and hurled it at her sick-minded head.
"AHH! IT BUUUURNSSS!" She screamed as she fell to the ground, twitching in absolute pain. I smiled. But she was merely injured. The voice told me to kill her…For the sake of Skittles!
"Die Britney Spears! Die and burn in HECK!" I screamed as I seized a microphone, stand and all, and started banging on her. But since I never was really good in PE [A/N: Aren't we all?], I didn't beat her up too well. It was good enough, however, for her wig to fall off and show that she was bald! What a surprise. The audience laughed at her. They roared, chuckled, guffawed, giggled, and chortled at the truth. Britney stood up and glared at me.
"You BEEPHOLE!" She shrieked. "Why the hell did you do that?!" Just then, Britney ran towards me and tackled me. "You'll pay for what you did, you little-"
"Get her!" A masculine voice commanded. Two men with white cloths in their hands dashed towards Britney and detached her from me. After that, they used the white cloths to make a nice jacket for the female singer.
"I'll get you for this, random kid! I'll get you GOOOOOD!!!" Britney hollered as she was dragged away from a stage and was thrown into a padded truck.
**End Flashback**
"Hmm…Now that I think about it, I do remember trying to kill a annoying pop star of some sort." I murmured. "Maybe it was you…"
"That's because it WAS me, you idiot!" Britney yelled. She then cleared her throat. "Anyway, now that you remembered that dreadful thing you did, I will now dip your big-headed friend into boiling rat blood, as mentioned in the first paragraph!"
"My head's not big!" Dibby claimed. "And I'm not her friend."
The pop star smirked. "It doesn't matter." She announced. "I'm going to burn you alive anyway for the fun of it." She then took out a remote control from out of nowhere and pressed a button. The rope that held Dibby began to lower, thus making the poor boy closer and closer to his impending doom! Oh no.
"Wait!" I exclaimed.
The rope stopped lowering, and now Dibby was just an inch away, from being scalped. "What?" Britney asked in a nasty tone.
"Before you kill Dibby, can I ask you one thing?"
"Sure, go right ahead."
"How come you haven't tried to get revenge on me before? I mean, come on! You had two whole freakin' years!"
"There was a lot of preparing. Now, I must continue the revenge!" She cackled insanely, then pressed the button.
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Heh, I'm evil, aren't I? And yes, this will be the last cliffhanger… for now…