Lust
By Tien Riu
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Disclaimer:
Weiss Kreuz and all characters do not belong to me. Plot (what little there is of it ^_^) and depiction of characters are mine.
C&C, R&R and any other derivation there of including flames will be appreciated.
"Lust" is the first of three Weiss Kreuz stories that are determinedly yaoi (that means homosexual relationships for the initiated) and (unfortunately, since I was aiming for a PWP at the start and failed miserable) plot-driven. For those who are interested, "Do you believe in sin?" is a short background story to this series - however, you don't need to read it to understand anything that happens.
Extra Note: Firstly: thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate what has been said so far.
Secondly: really like to know what readers thought of interaction between Aya, Youji, Ken and Omi as well as what you think is wrong with Youji (just to see if I'm clear enough on what's suppose to be happening).
Summary plot line still has relevance, and should make sense by next installment.
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Hate is an unseen breath; yellow roses and insanity
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Ken
I hate hospitals. Ken thought as he trailed behind Omi and Aya. They flanked Manx as she walked down the long, brightly lit corridors.
I hate the smell. I hate the lighting. I hate the fact that even when they try to use colours other than white it still comes out sickly.
He glanced down at the tiles that lined the walls - a case in point for bad taste and institutionalised colour sense. The faint shade of light green might have once been high fashion, but in such quantity, it lent an air of seasickness.
Almost a year and a half ago, now, he had woken up here. In so much pain it had taken all his will power not to curl up in a ball and give up. Or cry.
And after -
But that was the past - and life had gotten better. Exactly three months later when you walked into the Koneko and met Omi and Youji.
But he still hated hospitals - hated being in one. Hated having to be near one. Hated the fact that anybody he knew needed to be in one.
They were headed in the direction of the private suites. He had inhabited one of the rooms down this corridor a year and a half ago. They had redecorated since then - but everything was familiar.
"Are you alright?"
Ken blinked and realised Omi was staring at him, wide eyes filled with concern, "Yeah." He said shortly, running a hand through his hair, "Just - don't like hospitals." He added when the chibi remained staring at him worriedly.
Omi nodded in understanding, "Neither does Youji-kun." He said, "Do you think -" he paused, "Do you think it'll be all right?"
Ken stared at the youngest member of Weiss - and for the first time in weeks, felt the weight of their difference in ages return to his shoulders. It's easy to forget, when he's the most dependable of all of us. Too easy to forget that underneath that aura of maturity, he isn't like the rest of us - he's just a kid.
"I - hope so." He replied softly.
Manx had met them at the entrance of the Magic Bus Hospital and led them straight to the wing where all Kritiker operatives were kept. Ken had supposed that any briefing they would get on Youji's health would occur here, somewhere in the secured perimeter of Kritiker's private wing.
He hadn't expected the debriefing to take place outside Youji's room, and for it to come in the phrase: "You have ten minutes."
Ten minutes? What the hell?
Aya had already opened the door and entered, followed quickly by Omi, leaving Ken to wonder if he had missed some important information when he had trailed behind the others.
Aya
"He's awake."
Manx's words. That one phrase had done what two weeks without missions had not managed.
Suddenly, the tension that had wrapped itself into his muscles and thoughts had - eased. And he didn't know why.
Yeah - 'don't know why'. Sure - keep telling yourself that A~ya.
He had felt - relieved. And for what?
Kudou - useless, womanising Youji Kudou.
What does it matter if he lives or dies? So long as it isn't your fault? It shouldn't matter at all -
Except it did. For some reason he could not phantom it did. And the knowledge burned a hole through his conscious thoughts.
Aya drew a silent, unseen breath and opened the door of the room - so like all the others down this corridor. Identical to his sister's - two floors up and one corridor down in the same wing of the hospital.
Unlike Aya-chan's room however, this one was - empty.
Bare.
A better word would be deserted.
There was all the usual paraphernalia of a hospital room - the machines that beeped reassuring watchfulness, the regulation white curtains over a wide window that overlooked a distant window. But Aya-chan's room had - something else. A sense of peace - as if the cares of the world could be left at the door.
The word you're looking for is 'lived in'. No matter what you would like to say or do - no matter what you think taking up her name means - her room is 'lived' in. And this one is not.
Aya shook away his strange thoughts and stared at the bed and Youji. The machine lines still ran over his body; one to monitor his heart, two to monitor brain wave patterns and an IV drip hooked to his arm. Just like the last time he had seen Youji - except this time, the older man's eyes were open.
"Hey." Youji said, hesitantly, staring at Aya, "Ah -"
"Youji-kun! You're awake!" Omi exclaimed, a smile blazing across his face, "I - if we had known I'd have brought more flowers!"
Youji grimaced, "Anything but flowers -" he frowned, staring at Omi, "Chibi - you were really worried?"
Omi looked startled, then nodded, the smile fading a trifle, "I - yes." He said, "I - we were all worried, Youji."
Youji smiled, then looked past Omi, "Ken-Ken. See you made it as well."
Ken faked a glare, "Don't call me that!" and then smiled, "Glad to see you finally decided to wake up, Yo-tan." He said, "I've taken so many of your morning shifts that I can take a holiday for the next month on the days you'll need to work for me alone."
Youji made a mue, "So nice to know I was missed." He said blandly, "You guys hear when they're going to let me get out of here?" he asked, "The doctors keep saying things about another day or two of observations -" he paused, staring at all of them, "Wait - you didn't know I woke up yesterday?"
Aya knew then.
Too quick.
Youji was good at reading people. Personalities, behaviours, emotions - next to Omi, he was the fastest at adapting to required social interaction. But even Omi wasn't this quick to shifts of mood.
"I'll talk to Manx." He said quietly as he left the room, closing the door on Youji's puzzled expression.
"Well?" Manx had been waiting, leaning against the wall.
"What did they do to him?" Aya demanded without preamble.
Manx arched one elegant eyebrow, but answered his question, "What they did to you, Aya." She said, "Except - the effects seem to be taking a longer time to run their course through him."
"Drugs?"
"In part we believe, yes."
Aya turned on his heel, "So this was all a case of guinea pig?" he gritted out through clenched teeth, "They wanted to experiment and chose us?"
"Yes."
"Why did they leave us behind?"
"We think they didn't intend to. The safe house was supposed to be manned. For several reasons, by the time you arrived, it wasn't." Manx said quietly, "A series of coincidences meant you and Youji walked into a trap intended for other victims."
"And the forces you brought scared them away early."
"Precisely."
"So what happens next?" Aya demanded, "What's wrong with him? How is he doing -" he paused, what was Youji doing other than reacting faster than he possibly could to social situations? "That." Aya finished quietly.
"We don't know. We're not even sure if there's something wrong with him or if he's merely shown more observing skills then previously expected."
Aya stiffled a scoff: an observant Youji? Maybe when it came to flirting, remembering phone numbers and pick up lines.
"The only indications of a change is that he has made several people uneasy." Manx continued, "However, there has been no proof of a change. We ran a full scan on his brain late yesterday - there isn't any signs of growths or statistically significant changes from the norm." Manx replied, "His blood tests indicates that the chemicals they injected into his system are almost gone."
"So this - thing - will wear off?"
"If it is caused by what they injected into his blood streams, then we believe so." Manx replied, "By tomorrow, the last of the chemicals will have run their course." She paused, then added, "Kritiker requires Weiss as a stable unit, Fujiyima. Youji's responses to questions on what he remembers of the night inidcated some - hesitation - when it came to you." Aya's head jerked up, and his eyes were caught by hers, steady and unreadable, "I need to know if you have a problem with Kudou."
"No -" Aya stopped, breathed in once to calm himself, "There was an - odd moment - during the first part of the night, before we met 'Fluffy' and his partner."
"Why didn't you tell us of this - 'odd moment'?"
"It didn't signify. It was only Kudou's - sense of humour." Aya said shortly.
"What happened Aya." Manx said.
Aya ignored the sensation of being five once more and brought to task for trailing mud through the kitchen.
"He put his arm around me."
"And -?"
"That was all." Aya replied. The rest were just words. They didn't mean anything.
Manx's eyebrow rose but she remained silent, accepting his 'report'.
"Youji will be released tomorrow afternoon. I expect Weiss to be ready for duty in one month." She said finally.
Aya nodded - it was longer than he himself had expected - and took a hidden breath before entering the room again.
Youji was ruffling Omi's hair, laughing at something that had been said previously. Which was probably the cause of Ken's reddening face. They looked up as he entered - and Aya had the disconcerting sensation of being an outsider in the picture.
Foolish - they are your team mates. We are all part of Weiss.
"Manx says you'll be released tomorrow afternoon." He reported quietly, "Weiss has one month before we return to full duty."
So why did it feel as if he was intruding? Why did it matter when it shouldn't have. When he shouldn't even think of things like this.
Omi
Omi drew a breath as he leaned against the wall behind the door, allowing the flood of schoolgirls to stream past him into the store. Sensei Doko had wanted to talk to him - and because of the strange conversation that had followed, he had gotten to the flower shop at three thirty rather than three. The sight that met his eyes was of chaos; Koneko was filled to the brim with customers - or at least potential customers.
Omi hid a grin as he watched Aya clench the silver ribbon; it wasn't hard to know that somewhere, the very short fuse to Aya's temper was blowing sparks. Wonder if he realises that they very reason he has so many 'fans' is because he keeps yelling at them? Half the girls are convinced that they'll be the ones to save 'Poor Aya' from his 'tragic memories'.
Youji was standing at the register, serving the last of the non-peak time customers, a blue-haired old woman who smiled gently at something Youji said and waved goodbye before making her way slowly through the giggling crowd.
Three. Two. . . One.
Almost on cue, Aya put down the silver ribbon, picked up the watering can and stalked to the backroom - the girls followed him. We have blast off.
The red head growled, sending the group of girls around him several feet back in shock. They giggled, too used to his habitual: "Buy something or leave!" to be scared for very long.
Youji had looked up at Aya's outburst; a slight smile touched his lips before he turned back to the register, "Thank you! And come again." He said, flashing his usual smile at the girl before him.
Same old Youji - you'd never know he was unconscious two weeks ago.
The close call with perpetual sleep had sent Youji into a spate of good behaviour. He hadn't missed a shift for the two weeks he had returned from the hospital. The same could not, unfortunately, be said for his sudden spate of alcoholism. He might make it to his morning shift, but he was usually so hung over he was useless for anything but Aya-reminiscent grunts.
"Aya-san is so - so meaningful. He has depth - and personality." A girl several feet away chirped to her giggling friend, "Don't you think he's the best? There's really something to fall in love with!"
"I prefer Ken-Ken. He's so much easier to talk to -!" her friend replied.
"No way - Youji-kun! He's the best. And he always has time to talk with us - not like all the others!" another girl piped up as she walked past and stopped, "See I'll show you - bet you I can get him to smile at me." She grinned, glancing towards Youji, "Way better than angst and sports any day."
Omi hid a smile - wondering if he should pass these facts to his teammates to see if they would attempt to loose the qualities attracting their fans.
Ken pretending to be anti-social and refusing to talk I can almost imagine. But Aya becoming talkative?
He swallowed a snicker, then frowned as he watched Youji suddenly turn to stare at the girls talking in front of Omi. Was it his imagination or did Youji seem - shocked? Youji? Shocked? Impossible - right?
Omi stared across the store. It was filled with women - usually Youji's favourite time of day. He was usually the one in the centre of the crowd, calmly handling the giggling girls before Aya lost his temper completely and tried to use the sheering scissors as a katana.
Never knew how much attention he drew away from the rest of us.
"Oi - Omi. You going to stand there all day or are you going to help us?"
Omi jerked out of his thoughts, flushing as he realised Ken was staring directly at him, a pile of pots tilting gently in his right arm as he tried to fend off several girls with his other.
"Ye-yes Ken-kun! Sorry!" Omi called, "I'll help you with those -!"
"Hiya Youji-kun." The girl had made it to the register, and was now leaning over it, a flirtatious smile on her lips, "Guess what?" she leaned closer as a circle of silence spread from the counter outwards, her school friends eager to see the latest exploit since one of their own had given Ken a flower on his birthday.
And how they found out it was his birthday I wish I knew. . . Omi thought ruefully, watching the exchange between the girl and Youji out of the corner of his eye.
Youji smiled as he leaned back, "Ah - you have found a boyfriend and must break the news to your heartbroken followers?" he husked gently.
The girl shook her head, leaning closer, "Nope." She paused, flipping her hair over one shoulder, her smile dazzling, "My eighteenth birthday is tomorrow -" she said, "Youji-kun."
Youji smiled, opened his mouth as if he was about to say something - and then his eyes widened.
And stumbled off the chair - it tipped over, clattering as it hit the floor.
Aya looked up, puzzled - Omi already watching, stared - as Youji muttered something and strode - no ran - into the backroom.
What the -?
"What's wrong with Youji?" Ken asked in confusion.
Around them, the level of speech rose. At the register, the girl who had been speaking with Youji - Makoto, Omi dredged the name out of his memories - flipped her hair back and smiled smugly. I guess to them, any response is better than none. Omi thought, staring at the backroom. The door was half open - I should go see what's wrong with him.
"I - I don't know." Omi said, "I'll go -"
"Omi. Take the register." Aya barked from where he was standing, putting down the watering can and striding to the backroom.
"Oh -" Omi blinked, then forced a smile to his lips, "Yes Aya!"
"Ne - Omi-kun?" he blinked, realised a girl - in his level at school, but in another class, "What's wrong with Youji-kun?"
"Ah -" Damn - what to say? It was impossible that Youji had actually been shocked, startled and - Frightened? - by what Makoto had been saying.
It hadn't even been explicit.
"Youji just recovered from a bad case of the flu." Omi said, "I don't think he's been feeling well all day." He glanced at Ken - hoping the oblivious older man would get the hint for once.
Ken looked startled, then nodded, "Hey - I just remembered that we're lowering the prices on the yellow roses today." He added, "Right Omi?"
"Um - yes." Omi withheld a groan.
Oh gods - now they're all going to buy roses for Youji.
Aya
Sunlight streamed through the backroom's sole window highlighting the dust motes as they filtered slowly to the bare, gray, concrete floor.
The noise from the Koneko shop floor was muffled - the backroom shared the wall with the corridor leading to the mission room, and thus, shared the soundproofing.
The sound of water running through the old pipes echoed briefly overhead. Youji was leaning over the sink, head bowed, face hidden by tendrils of gold-tinged brown locks escaping from his habitual pony tail.
He was breathing hard, and droplets of water stained the pale white of his shirt.
What's wrong with him?
It had been two weeks since Ken and Omi had brought him back; the reports from the doctors had been inconclusive. Kritiker's medical staff were still trying to understand why Youji had refused to resurface from the coma - or why he had woken in the end.
Remind you of anybody A~ya?
The alarming speed of responses to social stimuli had vanished. Except. . .
He is unnerved by the customers and the way they treat him. Youji Kudou - who flirts with anything that moves. . .
It was only his sense of humour remember? Words don't mean anything - remember? Said it yourself, A~ya.
Shut up.
"Youji?"
Youji stiffened at the sink; he straightened slowly, water dripping from his hands. Aya noticed for the first time, the dark circles under his eyes.
"What?"
The droplets of water were tinted gold by the sunlight streaming through the window. They sparkled as they fell to the floor, creating dark droplets amongst the dust of the floor.
"What?" Youji repeated, anger and - exasperation? - flickering in his eyes, "Look - I'm sorry about what happened okay? I'm a stupid ass with a bad sense of humour - and if I had enough brain cells left over, I'd have realised you don't like having your personal space invaded."
Aya stiffened himself. He was trying to apologise - again.
For a scene Aya had been trying to forget.
As if you could forget -
Shut up.
Youji had appeared at his door, the first night he had returned from the hospital, intent on apologising.
That's not what you thought. . . a soft voice whispered, holding up his memory of Youji standing there, dressed in nothing more than a pair of dark blue boxer shorts.
And for a moment - you thought -
Shut up!
He had closed the door on Youji's apology.
You were angry weren't you? Slighted. Because it was all a joke to him - and it wasn't to you was it A~ya?
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
"What do you want from me?" Youji suddenly demanded, "A piece of flesh - some blood? What?" he stepped forward, close enough that another step forward would have brought them up against each other, and spread his arms out, "Go ahead - look I'll make it easy for you. Do - whatever. I won't stop you. Hit me, slap me. Punch me. Kick me - whatever."
Aya stood there, suddenly frozen. His fingers twitched. Would it be easy to reach out, to hit Youji? To punch him? To bruise the tanned surface of his face?
Youji seemed surrounded by a golden aura of dust motes; his eyes glittered emerald green.
Do you really believe that you're angry at him for touching you? Do you really believe you don't want somebody to touch you? Do you A~ya?
Shut up - please - shut up - shut up - shut - up -
"Well? Come on - I know you've been -"
Aya caught hold of Youji's wrist - and watched as the older man flinched.
Somehow, they had gotten close enough to he could see the man's pupils contract.
"A-Aya."
So close he could feel the warmth of Youji's breath on his skin.
His skin was cold to the touch, and wet from the water.
What am I doing?
"What's wrong with you?"
Youji blinked, "Wh-what?"
"What's wrong with you?" Aya repeated.
"I - I -"
"Are you sick?"
"No -"
Aya nodded curtly, and turned to leave.
"Maybe - yes!" Youji suddenly called out, an edge of - Desperation? Why is he desperate?
Aya stopped, half turned and stared at the man.
Youji stood, one foot forward, rubbing his wrist, staring at the younger man, "I mean - ah -" he trailed off, looking confused.
"Take the rest of the day off. You have morning shift tomorrow."
Aya said, and walked out of the door, closing it behind him.
Behind him, Youji shuddered, staring at the closed door. He rubbed his wrist, still shivering.
"Oh god." It was a whisper, loud only in the silence of the backroom. He slowly sank to the ground, "I'm going insane."