AN: Hey! Thanks for the reviews, guys! *Blushes* you make me feel loved. I
still don't know how to work the BLOODY html, so I'm sticking with
asterisks and /pretend italics/ and stuff. ^^; Heh. Oh well. You asked for
it, you got it! MORE of Nny's Christmas Tales of DOOM!
Disclaimer: I still own Rudolph, despite his twitching and creepiness. But now I claim rights to Santa's elves. Hey, if slave labor works as well as it does for him, it's gotta work for me! ^_^ But alas, I still do not own Jhonen Vasquez's things. As much as I wish I did, so I could do dirty things with them. *Evil laughter*
~~~~~ ON TO THE STORY! ~~~~~
Well, boys and girls, now it's that fateful night, Christmas Eve. And you know what that means. Yep! Another ripped-off version of Major Henry Livingston JR's "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Yes, but please, don't applaud yet. Nny and Squee are sleeping now. They've had a very busy night. You wouldn't want to wake them up, now, would you? Nny may be pacified slightly by Squee, but he's still a homicidal maniac. But, for your enjoyment, and to keep you loud, raucous bunch happy and quiet, I'll now read Nny's version of this lovely poem. *Ahem*
"'Twas the Night before Christmas- Homicidal Style"
'Twas the Night before Christmas, And all through Nny's Shack
Not an asshole was screaming, Not even that guy on the rack.
The socks were hung by the guillotine with care, in hopes that an old fat man soon would be there
The lovers were snuggled all cute in their bed
With visions of S&M dancing in their heads
And Squee holding Schmee, and I with my knives
Had just settled down, after a long snog of strife
When down in the dungeons there arose such a clatter
I glared from my bed to see what was the matter
Away down the stairs I flew like a flash
Threw on the lights and tore open on some guy, a new gash
The blood splattered fresh on the unpainted walls
Gave a nice, pretty gleam in the mad minds of all
Then, what to my groggy eyes should appear?
But a fat old guy in red, and nine tiny reindeer
With a jerk-off so drunk, and his insults so quick,
I knew in a moment that it must be St. Nick
Scared, confused and twitching, his coursers glared at me with blame
He stuttered a bit, then called them by name:
"Now, Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, on, Donner and Blitzen!
Just ignore the entrails and the blood-spattered wall,
Close your eyes, Rudolph, what twitching, what gall!"
Slowly, but surely, the vermin stopped shaking
Their fleas in their coat halted itching, and started quaking.
They drew nearer to our mad maniac, (Rudolph hopped)
And sniffed in the air, for they smelled frooty pops
Then, with a bottle I recognized on sight
Samuel Adams was this fat bastard's plight
What drove this poor soul to drinking this eve?
Rare pity took hold, and he I did not bereave
He was dressed all in red, from his nose to his socks
His clothes looked disheveled, reminded me of Squee when our bed, we rock
A black garbage bag was flung o'er back,
I looked suspiciously for anything he might have slung in his pack
His eyes were all bloodshot-twinkled with inebriated merry
His cheeks were inflamed, nose like a cherry!
Drool hung from his mouth, and he stared kinda weird
A small raccoon had made its nest in his beard
A brightly decorated bowl was clutched tightly from his teeth
Smoke and giggles circled his head, as did a wreath
He had a round face and a big fat beer belly
As he laughed, it shook like a brain full of jelly
He was a drunken old hobo, 'twould seem without his elves
Oh yes, they were there, I cheered, despite myself
With a wavering nod, and help from his slave labor
He began to set packages for me and my neighbor
Normally I'd chain this intruder, but he seemed a good sort
Besides, some presents looked for my knife sport
He stepped on a body, I don't think he noticed,
As he collapsed on his sleigh, belching and bloated
The elves disappeared with the stinking reindeer
I looked around the settling dust, with something akin to fear
Running through my house till I stood outside
I saw the silhouette of that drunken team ride
And as I leaned against the door, with Squeegee still in bed
I thought I heard a voice, but not in my head
As Father Christmas ascended and flew out of sight,
"Haaaappy Hanukkah-I mean *giggle* Christhmash t' all, an' t' all a good night!"
~~~~~BACK TO NNY AND SQUEE ~~~~~~~~~
Squee woke up slowly, hugging Schmee. Looking around, he raised himself on his elbows. Nny was leaning against the doorway, looking content. Curious, his lover rose from his bed and snuggled under the maniac's arms. He looked up at him with drowsy eyes, and asked,
"Enjoying the stars, Nny?" the older boy nodded and tightened his grip around Squee's waist and nodded. He pointed to the sky, and Todd looked up. A small sleigh and reindeer were disappearing into the black night.
"Was that Santa?!" Squee asked excitedly. His huggable maniac grinned.
"A very /drunk/ Santa." Todd frowned.
"He was probably just stressed out about Christmas. Mrs. Claus must be very nervous, though." Nny laughed and ruffled Todd's hair. He lowered his head to Squee's, then glared out from the computer screen.
"Hey, you perverts! Can't you leave us alone for a /second/?! Don't you have anything better to do than watch us two snog all night? Really."
~~~~~ SORRY FOLKS, BUT NNY AND SQUEE NEED THEIR PRIVACY!! ~~~~~~~
AN: Heh. Squee apologizes for Nny's rudeness. I apologize for nothing. DO YOU HEAR ME??? /NOTHING!/ Oh yes, and Squee /is/ of age. ^_^ 17, to be exact. So it's all good.
Disclaimer: I still own Rudolph, despite his twitching and creepiness. But now I claim rights to Santa's elves. Hey, if slave labor works as well as it does for him, it's gotta work for me! ^_^ But alas, I still do not own Jhonen Vasquez's things. As much as I wish I did, so I could do dirty things with them. *Evil laughter*
~~~~~ ON TO THE STORY! ~~~~~
Well, boys and girls, now it's that fateful night, Christmas Eve. And you know what that means. Yep! Another ripped-off version of Major Henry Livingston JR's "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Yes, but please, don't applaud yet. Nny and Squee are sleeping now. They've had a very busy night. You wouldn't want to wake them up, now, would you? Nny may be pacified slightly by Squee, but he's still a homicidal maniac. But, for your enjoyment, and to keep you loud, raucous bunch happy and quiet, I'll now read Nny's version of this lovely poem. *Ahem*
"'Twas the Night before Christmas- Homicidal Style"
'Twas the Night before Christmas, And all through Nny's Shack
Not an asshole was screaming, Not even that guy on the rack.
The socks were hung by the guillotine with care, in hopes that an old fat man soon would be there
The lovers were snuggled all cute in their bed
With visions of S&M dancing in their heads
And Squee holding Schmee, and I with my knives
Had just settled down, after a long snog of strife
When down in the dungeons there arose such a clatter
I glared from my bed to see what was the matter
Away down the stairs I flew like a flash
Threw on the lights and tore open on some guy, a new gash
The blood splattered fresh on the unpainted walls
Gave a nice, pretty gleam in the mad minds of all
Then, what to my groggy eyes should appear?
But a fat old guy in red, and nine tiny reindeer
With a jerk-off so drunk, and his insults so quick,
I knew in a moment that it must be St. Nick
Scared, confused and twitching, his coursers glared at me with blame
He stuttered a bit, then called them by name:
"Now, Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, on, Donner and Blitzen!
Just ignore the entrails and the blood-spattered wall,
Close your eyes, Rudolph, what twitching, what gall!"
Slowly, but surely, the vermin stopped shaking
Their fleas in their coat halted itching, and started quaking.
They drew nearer to our mad maniac, (Rudolph hopped)
And sniffed in the air, for they smelled frooty pops
Then, with a bottle I recognized on sight
Samuel Adams was this fat bastard's plight
What drove this poor soul to drinking this eve?
Rare pity took hold, and he I did not bereave
He was dressed all in red, from his nose to his socks
His clothes looked disheveled, reminded me of Squee when our bed, we rock
A black garbage bag was flung o'er back,
I looked suspiciously for anything he might have slung in his pack
His eyes were all bloodshot-twinkled with inebriated merry
His cheeks were inflamed, nose like a cherry!
Drool hung from his mouth, and he stared kinda weird
A small raccoon had made its nest in his beard
A brightly decorated bowl was clutched tightly from his teeth
Smoke and giggles circled his head, as did a wreath
He had a round face and a big fat beer belly
As he laughed, it shook like a brain full of jelly
He was a drunken old hobo, 'twould seem without his elves
Oh yes, they were there, I cheered, despite myself
With a wavering nod, and help from his slave labor
He began to set packages for me and my neighbor
Normally I'd chain this intruder, but he seemed a good sort
Besides, some presents looked for my knife sport
He stepped on a body, I don't think he noticed,
As he collapsed on his sleigh, belching and bloated
The elves disappeared with the stinking reindeer
I looked around the settling dust, with something akin to fear
Running through my house till I stood outside
I saw the silhouette of that drunken team ride
And as I leaned against the door, with Squeegee still in bed
I thought I heard a voice, but not in my head
As Father Christmas ascended and flew out of sight,
"Haaaappy Hanukkah-I mean *giggle* Christhmash t' all, an' t' all a good night!"
~~~~~BACK TO NNY AND SQUEE ~~~~~~~~~
Squee woke up slowly, hugging Schmee. Looking around, he raised himself on his elbows. Nny was leaning against the doorway, looking content. Curious, his lover rose from his bed and snuggled under the maniac's arms. He looked up at him with drowsy eyes, and asked,
"Enjoying the stars, Nny?" the older boy nodded and tightened his grip around Squee's waist and nodded. He pointed to the sky, and Todd looked up. A small sleigh and reindeer were disappearing into the black night.
"Was that Santa?!" Squee asked excitedly. His huggable maniac grinned.
"A very /drunk/ Santa." Todd frowned.
"He was probably just stressed out about Christmas. Mrs. Claus must be very nervous, though." Nny laughed and ruffled Todd's hair. He lowered his head to Squee's, then glared out from the computer screen.
"Hey, you perverts! Can't you leave us alone for a /second/?! Don't you have anything better to do than watch us two snog all night? Really."
~~~~~ SORRY FOLKS, BUT NNY AND SQUEE NEED THEIR PRIVACY!! ~~~~~~~
AN: Heh. Squee apologizes for Nny's rudeness. I apologize for nothing. DO YOU HEAR ME??? /NOTHING!/ Oh yes, and Squee /is/ of age. ^_^ 17, to be exact. So it's all good.