You can look but you can't touch
I don't think I like you much
Heaven knows what a girl can do
Heaven knows what you've got to prove
I think I'm paranoid
And complicated
I think I'm paranoid
Manipulated..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love and Normality
~Feared~
A Monster
~Shunned~
A Mutant
~Unloved~
A Mistake
All she was and all she ever would be. A pathetic unlovable mistake. A blip in the gene factory. The butt-joke of all Mother Nature's creations. She knew her power was feared by many, even when those close to her tried to hide it she could see in their eyes. It even came from the fearsome Wolverine. Every time she passed she always caught that slight change in his body posture, the slight stiffening of the body; the movement so small it was almost unnoticeable, except to her as she always looked for it. Despite the inner pain that flooded her whenever she saw it she always looked for the tell-tale signs. Some were more indiscreet like Wolverine's, some more obvious, like the deer-in-headlights look Kitty sometimes gave her. If anyone asked her why she did look out for these signs the answer would be simple. This odd form of self-mental-pain gave her strength, oddly enough. Strength to try that much harder, to push the little bit further, to reach her final goal. To do what she longed for ever since the cursed gene awoke. To finally be able control what controlled her. Yet this odd habit of hers sometimes went the opposite direction, making her curse her life and her powers rather then fire her hope for control. This happened when she noticed how 'normally' people treat her when they didn't know her true power; which then made her fear and dread the time when they would find out. It was happening now in the worst way.
That time on the battlefield when their eyes had caught, a spark had seemed to flow through them, yet that was nothing compared to that time in the club. His eyes burned through her as his touch set her skin aflame with want and need. When he had left her all she had felt was a gaping hole in her that wasn't there before. and which she knew, would never go away. When he held her it wasn't stiff; she wasn't kept at a distance as she always was. In fact it was the opposite, he seemed to clutch her to him as closely as he could, making her feel wanted, like she had a worth in this world that had always spurned her. She had fallen hard and fast for him. And it scared her. Scared her more than anything ever had. The fact she could feel those two things long denied to her, love and normality. and the point that caused her pain, the fact she knew she could easily lose them if he ever found out what she was. not just an outcast to humanity, but an outcast to mutants as well. At times she did have to wonder what on earth drew him to her? She thought she had kept her looks hidden well under layers of make-up, just as she had done to her true emotions and feelings that were hidden under aggression and hostility. She never saw herself as pretty. Monsters were creatures to be feared, not to be admired. That was why the memory of his statement brought her to hollow laughter. and hidden bitter tears, caused by the fact that his statements were more absurd than true. She was not worthy of his admiration, let alone affection.
Demons and angels cannot mix.
Her power, her bane, her curse, made her less than human. His looks, his charm, and the affection he lavished upon her, from simple words to the even simpler, purer sense of touch; made him sit higher in her mind than anyone she had ever met, from her beneficiary Xavier, to her first true crush, Scott. Nothing came close to him. The amazing feeling that coursed through her veins simple being near him made him something new, a discovery that only SHE had made, that she didn't want anyone to see or have. With a heavy heart she knew she had to leave him though, that if she ever saw him again she would have to raise her shields higher than ever, since she knew that if she let him close she would never want to let him go. She would never be satisfied by part of him, the fact that she wouldn't be able to touch him would haunt her forever, or rather, the never-ending fear that if he was to find out about her he wouldn't be able to live a life with her that consisted of an absence of what she saw to be the most valued sense of all. Without it he might do something that would destroy her completely. He would spurn her.
Just as long as it was her who ignored him she was fine. Her heart might crack, but it would not break so bitterly as it would if she knew it was him who left her. It was a pain that she knew well, it was why she never let anyone close since she knew that if she let someone in, it would just hurt more when they betrayed her. And she knew he would. After all everyone that she did let in had. It was her mantra, her automatic defence system. As long as no one got too close, then she would not get hurt; or even worse, hurt them. And as the fates were in a real vindictive mood towards the world the day she was born, her powers ensured that anyone she loved would get hurt by her. A careless slip of her hand could knock them unconscious, or even worse, cost them their life.
She had decided.
She frowned bitterly as she picked up the cards he had given her, with a simple sweep she slid open the window and threw them into the catching wind. The cold blast of night air stung her face bringing tears to her eyes. or had they already been there? She wiped them furiously. This wouldn't do. She shoved her emotions back down into the inner vault of her mind, almost frantically. Closing her eyes, she counted slowly to ten, then re-opened them. She looked down to the vast landscape and sighed as her body gave a small shudder, trying to shake off any lingering trace of regret in vain. She gave a start of surprise as a small twinkle of twin fires shone in the dark grounds shadowed by the veil of night.
Yet even as she watched they were gone in a flash, as if there had never been any trace of them. The sight shocked through her unlocking her mind, allowing a torrential wave of feelings to overcomes her. Just for a moment she allowed herself to drown in them. She told herself, reassured herself that come tomorrow these thoughts would be suppressed back as always, but just for now she wanted to allow herself to float on these waves. All her defences were shut down as; what she had always viewed as naivety, bliss flooded through her. For that one moment she felt that she didn't care if she was a battered broken shell after this, just as long as she could have one more moment with him she would be complete. She fell asleep as dreams enveloped her mind. Dreams of him. and dreams of hope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bend me break me
Anyway you need me
All I want is you
Bend me break me
Breaking down is easy
All I want is you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: how dya like that? Two chaps in one week. (pfft yeah theyre not of the same story, but hey it still two chaps!) this was originally supossed 2 be a one off fic but the idea came to me and I ended up churnin this baby instead ^.^ ive decided this is gonna be a short fic tho, only 4 or 5 chaps max. Good news: im definitely gonna finish this fic cuz ideas are fresh in my head, n it bein hols I got time to type them out! Bad news: heh, about thief n image. god help me, im still stuck in over my head with those two. Im starting to get some idea where thief'll be headed (thanx 2 its now decided sequel stroke of luck) but as for image. hmm. fans of that might have to wait a leeetle bit longer while I try to think up a suitable direction for it to go. profuse apologies!! Well keep them reviews comin ppl! ^.^ I need to know what I gotta do to get better!! Cyz! ~linkin (lyrics from garbage)
I don't think I like you much
Heaven knows what a girl can do
Heaven knows what you've got to prove
I think I'm paranoid
And complicated
I think I'm paranoid
Manipulated..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love and Normality
~Feared~
A Monster
~Shunned~
A Mutant
~Unloved~
A Mistake
All she was and all she ever would be. A pathetic unlovable mistake. A blip in the gene factory. The butt-joke of all Mother Nature's creations. She knew her power was feared by many, even when those close to her tried to hide it she could see in their eyes. It even came from the fearsome Wolverine. Every time she passed she always caught that slight change in his body posture, the slight stiffening of the body; the movement so small it was almost unnoticeable, except to her as she always looked for it. Despite the inner pain that flooded her whenever she saw it she always looked for the tell-tale signs. Some were more indiscreet like Wolverine's, some more obvious, like the deer-in-headlights look Kitty sometimes gave her. If anyone asked her why she did look out for these signs the answer would be simple. This odd form of self-mental-pain gave her strength, oddly enough. Strength to try that much harder, to push the little bit further, to reach her final goal. To do what she longed for ever since the cursed gene awoke. To finally be able control what controlled her. Yet this odd habit of hers sometimes went the opposite direction, making her curse her life and her powers rather then fire her hope for control. This happened when she noticed how 'normally' people treat her when they didn't know her true power; which then made her fear and dread the time when they would find out. It was happening now in the worst way.
That time on the battlefield when their eyes had caught, a spark had seemed to flow through them, yet that was nothing compared to that time in the club. His eyes burned through her as his touch set her skin aflame with want and need. When he had left her all she had felt was a gaping hole in her that wasn't there before. and which she knew, would never go away. When he held her it wasn't stiff; she wasn't kept at a distance as she always was. In fact it was the opposite, he seemed to clutch her to him as closely as he could, making her feel wanted, like she had a worth in this world that had always spurned her. She had fallen hard and fast for him. And it scared her. Scared her more than anything ever had. The fact she could feel those two things long denied to her, love and normality. and the point that caused her pain, the fact she knew she could easily lose them if he ever found out what she was. not just an outcast to humanity, but an outcast to mutants as well. At times she did have to wonder what on earth drew him to her? She thought she had kept her looks hidden well under layers of make-up, just as she had done to her true emotions and feelings that were hidden under aggression and hostility. She never saw herself as pretty. Monsters were creatures to be feared, not to be admired. That was why the memory of his statement brought her to hollow laughter. and hidden bitter tears, caused by the fact that his statements were more absurd than true. She was not worthy of his admiration, let alone affection.
Demons and angels cannot mix.
Her power, her bane, her curse, made her less than human. His looks, his charm, and the affection he lavished upon her, from simple words to the even simpler, purer sense of touch; made him sit higher in her mind than anyone she had ever met, from her beneficiary Xavier, to her first true crush, Scott. Nothing came close to him. The amazing feeling that coursed through her veins simple being near him made him something new, a discovery that only SHE had made, that she didn't want anyone to see or have. With a heavy heart she knew she had to leave him though, that if she ever saw him again she would have to raise her shields higher than ever, since she knew that if she let him close she would never want to let him go. She would never be satisfied by part of him, the fact that she wouldn't be able to touch him would haunt her forever, or rather, the never-ending fear that if he was to find out about her he wouldn't be able to live a life with her that consisted of an absence of what she saw to be the most valued sense of all. Without it he might do something that would destroy her completely. He would spurn her.
Just as long as it was her who ignored him she was fine. Her heart might crack, but it would not break so bitterly as it would if she knew it was him who left her. It was a pain that she knew well, it was why she never let anyone close since she knew that if she let someone in, it would just hurt more when they betrayed her. And she knew he would. After all everyone that she did let in had. It was her mantra, her automatic defence system. As long as no one got too close, then she would not get hurt; or even worse, hurt them. And as the fates were in a real vindictive mood towards the world the day she was born, her powers ensured that anyone she loved would get hurt by her. A careless slip of her hand could knock them unconscious, or even worse, cost them their life.
She had decided.
She frowned bitterly as she picked up the cards he had given her, with a simple sweep she slid open the window and threw them into the catching wind. The cold blast of night air stung her face bringing tears to her eyes. or had they already been there? She wiped them furiously. This wouldn't do. She shoved her emotions back down into the inner vault of her mind, almost frantically. Closing her eyes, she counted slowly to ten, then re-opened them. She looked down to the vast landscape and sighed as her body gave a small shudder, trying to shake off any lingering trace of regret in vain. She gave a start of surprise as a small twinkle of twin fires shone in the dark grounds shadowed by the veil of night.
Yet even as she watched they were gone in a flash, as if there had never been any trace of them. The sight shocked through her unlocking her mind, allowing a torrential wave of feelings to overcomes her. Just for a moment she allowed herself to drown in them. She told herself, reassured herself that come tomorrow these thoughts would be suppressed back as always, but just for now she wanted to allow herself to float on these waves. All her defences were shut down as; what she had always viewed as naivety, bliss flooded through her. For that one moment she felt that she didn't care if she was a battered broken shell after this, just as long as she could have one more moment with him she would be complete. She fell asleep as dreams enveloped her mind. Dreams of him. and dreams of hope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bend me break me
Anyway you need me
All I want is you
Bend me break me
Breaking down is easy
All I want is you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: how dya like that? Two chaps in one week. (pfft yeah theyre not of the same story, but hey it still two chaps!) this was originally supossed 2 be a one off fic but the idea came to me and I ended up churnin this baby instead ^.^ ive decided this is gonna be a short fic tho, only 4 or 5 chaps max. Good news: im definitely gonna finish this fic cuz ideas are fresh in my head, n it bein hols I got time to type them out! Bad news: heh, about thief n image. god help me, im still stuck in over my head with those two. Im starting to get some idea where thief'll be headed (thanx 2 its now decided sequel stroke of luck) but as for image. hmm. fans of that might have to wait a leeetle bit longer while I try to think up a suitable direction for it to go. profuse apologies!! Well keep them reviews comin ppl! ^.^ I need to know what I gotta do to get better!! Cyz! ~linkin (lyrics from garbage)