A/N: This is the first chapter of a story I began writing a long time ago.
I didn't think it was very good, so I never posted the original version.
But I read over it, made a few changes here and there, added bits to it and
now here is the first part of JR - PI!
Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE or it's characters.
***
I was sitting in my office wondering if I would get any business when 'business' walked through my door. To be more precise, trouble walked through my door. To be even more precise, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley walked through my door. My name was Jim Ross, otherwise known as JR. I was a Private Investigator, and I knew the dame in front of me had a case.
"I have a case for you, JR," she said. You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to be a PI.
"I'm listening sweetheart," I said. When the billion-dollar princess spoke, you listened. Her father was none other than Vince McMahon, and he ran this town.
"It's my husband HHH - he's gone missing." HHH- The Cerebral Assassin. I'd had some run-ins with him in the past. A real shady character was HHH.
"Tell someone who cares sweetheart," I said. She screwed up her face before bursting into tears. I handed the dame a tissue so she could wipe her eyes.
"Please, he's all I have in the world. You must find him for me. I'll pay anything," she informed me.
"I just want you to pay me." I informed her.
I considered things for a moment. I didn't doubt that HHH had his fair share of enemies. The list of suspects would be endless, no question. It would be nice to get paid, but I had to wonder if I really wanted to find HHH. Also, did HHH really want to be found? Frankly if I were married to this dame I'd have vanished too.
"No can do sweetheart. You want him found, call the cops. I don't work for McMahon scum." The dame had a quizzical look on her face. "I mean, apart from on Monday nights and PPV nights, of course."
"Well then, I guess I'll just have to tell my daddy how un-cooperative you've been Mr Ross."
I didn't like the dame's tone of voice. But I didn't like getting killed by power-crazed loons like Vince McMahon either. I knew if I upset his little girl I'd wake up with a knife in my back. If I had the chance to wake up at all, that is. Worse, I could lose my job. Worse, I could get placed as a trainer on 'Tough Enough - The Search for a Commentator'. I had no choice but to take the case.
"I have no choice but to take the case," I told her.
She smiled sweetly at me. I didn't trust this dame one bit. Her personality had changed several times, and that was just since she had walked into my office.
"Excellent. I'll make sure you get paid well if you find my husband."
"Do you have any idea what's happened to him?" I asked. The dame screwed up her face again.
"What are you suggesting? Are you saying I'm involved in HHH's disappearance? ARE YOU!?" screeched the dame in the most annoyingly whiny voice I had ever heard. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Are you involved?"
"Of course not! You think I would be here talking to you if I was involved?"
"When was the last time you saw your husband?"
"Two days ago at dinner."
"What did you have for dinner?"
"Aren't we getting a little side-tracked here, Mr Ross?"
Perhaps the dame was right.
"Okay, just leave it with me."
Stephanie turned her back on me and went to leave my office.
"I think you misunderstand - I meant the money. Leave it with me."
She turned around with an angry look on her face, then snorted and laid a pile of cash on my desk before storming out. I took my cowboy hat off of my head so I could scratch it. I looked in my desk drawer, perhaps hoping HHH was there and that I'd be able to find him without leaving my office. No such luck. All that was there was my trusty revolver. I figured it might come in handy and I slipped it into my coat pocket.
I pulled out my trusty notepad, I mean casebook, and scribbled down a few notes.
Page 1 - HHH missing
Page 2 - HHH possibly abducted
Page 3 - Suspects - EVERYONE (EXCEPT ME)
Looking through my no- casebook, I was rather frustrated that I couldn't piece together everything from the information I had. It looked as though I was actually going to have to do some work. I decided to score out 'possibly' and assume that HHH had been abducted. HHH was a man with an ego even bigger than his nose and he wasn't just going to stop being a part of the WWE of his own free will. That's free will, not 'Free Willy' which I watched on TV last night.
Now came the toughest part of any case - getting my fat ass out of my chair. It wasn't easy, but I looked at the pile of money laid out on my table and it made it easier. I picked up the money and placed it safely in my safe, where it would be safe. I put my cowboy hat back on and left my office. Business was about to pick up.
I decided against trying to interview the entire roster. It would arouse too much suspicion. It didn't do to pry into the affairs of WWE superstars. They all led bizarre personal lives that I did not want to get involved with. So, in order to narrow down the list of suspects, I decided to pay a visit to an old friend.
"It's pink, it's droopy, it's glistening, it's vile! It's one of Jerry's world famous hotdogs!" said the man at the hotdog stand with the crown on his head.
I said hello to the King.
"Hello King," I said.
"Hey, JR, go on - try a tasty pink one!" said Lawler.
"I'm really not interested in your hotdog's King." I explained. He looked a little deflated by this. He went to say something, but I cut him off. "I don't want your book either."
"What the hell do you want then?"
"Information. You wouldn't happen to know anything about HHH's disappearance, would you?" I asked casually.
"I don't know what you're talking about, JR." He went back to his hotdogs and pretended I wasn't there. I didn't like the way he was acting. King and I had been friends for years. He was the only friend I had, and the only man I could turn to for help on the case.
"I need your help, Jerry." I was a proud man, but I could swallow. My pride that is. I noticed he seemed ready to relent, but before he could say anything, a nearby payphone started ringing. Jerry looked nervous.
"We're being watched, JR." His eyes moved about erratically, as if there were puppies everywhere. But it was just us and the payphone.
"Don't be ridiculous King. Nobody watches RAW anymore," I reassured him.
"Answer the phone," he hissed at me before ducking behind his stall. I didn't know what this was about, but I walked over and picked up the phone.
"Hello JR."
"Who is this? And why are you talking in that ridiculous voice?"
"I'm using a voice-box in order to disguise my voice."
"Are you the kidnapper?"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha.. You'll never know the answer to that. Get off of this case NOW. It's putting your life in grave danger. And it'll put your friends life in danger too. HHH is not meant to be found, got it? Don't bother trying to find me. You will never be able to."
I looked across the street and saw Test talking on a mobile phone. He swore as he saw me and dropped the phone. He ran away, and one too many BBQ's prevented me from following him. The question was, was Test the kidnapper? HHH had stolen his fiancee, Stephanie, from him several years ago. Could this be Test trying to get revenge?
"Don't be ridiculous, JR. Test isn't important enough to be the kidnapper. Or smart enough. Or strong enough. Or Tough Enough 4 - coming soon to MTV! Here's a sneak preview!" said King.
The scene opens in a gym where Al Snow is yelling at a bunch of overweight kids.
"Are you TOUGH ENOUGH!? Sing the song I taught you, the one that all wannabee wrestlers sing!"
The kids begin singing.
"I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was. To catch them is my real test... Isn't this the old Pokemon song?"
"You are all Pokemon and I'm training you!" said Al.
TOUGH ENOUGH 4 - COMING SOON!
I didn't know what had just happened, and I thought it best not to ask.
"King, I know you know more than you're telling. So out with it. " I said.
"You can't possibly know that I know that," he replied.
"I do now - you just admitted it." I was impressed by my own intelligenceness.
"Damn!" said King. "Alright, alright already. I know someone who claims they saw HHH being abducted. "
Stacy Kiebler. Like most dames, she had legs, but hers were somewhat longer than was natural.
" Hello Ms Kiebler," I said.
"Ow, Jerry, why'd you have to bring HIM here?" I heard her say to King.
"Just tell him what you saw two nights ago and I'll get rid of him."
I saw a look of horror on Stacy's face. For a second I thought King might have touched her, but I started to think differently around the time I fell to the ground after receiving a blow to the back of the head. I struggled to stay conscious and I heard a voice.
"She didn't see anything."
Then I blacked out.
Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE or it's characters.
***
I was sitting in my office wondering if I would get any business when 'business' walked through my door. To be more precise, trouble walked through my door. To be even more precise, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley walked through my door. My name was Jim Ross, otherwise known as JR. I was a Private Investigator, and I knew the dame in front of me had a case.
"I have a case for you, JR," she said. You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to be a PI.
"I'm listening sweetheart," I said. When the billion-dollar princess spoke, you listened. Her father was none other than Vince McMahon, and he ran this town.
"It's my husband HHH - he's gone missing." HHH- The Cerebral Assassin. I'd had some run-ins with him in the past. A real shady character was HHH.
"Tell someone who cares sweetheart," I said. She screwed up her face before bursting into tears. I handed the dame a tissue so she could wipe her eyes.
"Please, he's all I have in the world. You must find him for me. I'll pay anything," she informed me.
"I just want you to pay me." I informed her.
I considered things for a moment. I didn't doubt that HHH had his fair share of enemies. The list of suspects would be endless, no question. It would be nice to get paid, but I had to wonder if I really wanted to find HHH. Also, did HHH really want to be found? Frankly if I were married to this dame I'd have vanished too.
"No can do sweetheart. You want him found, call the cops. I don't work for McMahon scum." The dame had a quizzical look on her face. "I mean, apart from on Monday nights and PPV nights, of course."
"Well then, I guess I'll just have to tell my daddy how un-cooperative you've been Mr Ross."
I didn't like the dame's tone of voice. But I didn't like getting killed by power-crazed loons like Vince McMahon either. I knew if I upset his little girl I'd wake up with a knife in my back. If I had the chance to wake up at all, that is. Worse, I could lose my job. Worse, I could get placed as a trainer on 'Tough Enough - The Search for a Commentator'. I had no choice but to take the case.
"I have no choice but to take the case," I told her.
She smiled sweetly at me. I didn't trust this dame one bit. Her personality had changed several times, and that was just since she had walked into my office.
"Excellent. I'll make sure you get paid well if you find my husband."
"Do you have any idea what's happened to him?" I asked. The dame screwed up her face again.
"What are you suggesting? Are you saying I'm involved in HHH's disappearance? ARE YOU!?" screeched the dame in the most annoyingly whiny voice I had ever heard. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Are you involved?"
"Of course not! You think I would be here talking to you if I was involved?"
"When was the last time you saw your husband?"
"Two days ago at dinner."
"What did you have for dinner?"
"Aren't we getting a little side-tracked here, Mr Ross?"
Perhaps the dame was right.
"Okay, just leave it with me."
Stephanie turned her back on me and went to leave my office.
"I think you misunderstand - I meant the money. Leave it with me."
She turned around with an angry look on her face, then snorted and laid a pile of cash on my desk before storming out. I took my cowboy hat off of my head so I could scratch it. I looked in my desk drawer, perhaps hoping HHH was there and that I'd be able to find him without leaving my office. No such luck. All that was there was my trusty revolver. I figured it might come in handy and I slipped it into my coat pocket.
I pulled out my trusty notepad, I mean casebook, and scribbled down a few notes.
Page 1 - HHH missing
Page 2 - HHH possibly abducted
Page 3 - Suspects - EVERYONE (EXCEPT ME)
Looking through my no- casebook, I was rather frustrated that I couldn't piece together everything from the information I had. It looked as though I was actually going to have to do some work. I decided to score out 'possibly' and assume that HHH had been abducted. HHH was a man with an ego even bigger than his nose and he wasn't just going to stop being a part of the WWE of his own free will. That's free will, not 'Free Willy' which I watched on TV last night.
Now came the toughest part of any case - getting my fat ass out of my chair. It wasn't easy, but I looked at the pile of money laid out on my table and it made it easier. I picked up the money and placed it safely in my safe, where it would be safe. I put my cowboy hat back on and left my office. Business was about to pick up.
I decided against trying to interview the entire roster. It would arouse too much suspicion. It didn't do to pry into the affairs of WWE superstars. They all led bizarre personal lives that I did not want to get involved with. So, in order to narrow down the list of suspects, I decided to pay a visit to an old friend.
"It's pink, it's droopy, it's glistening, it's vile! It's one of Jerry's world famous hotdogs!" said the man at the hotdog stand with the crown on his head.
I said hello to the King.
"Hello King," I said.
"Hey, JR, go on - try a tasty pink one!" said Lawler.
"I'm really not interested in your hotdog's King." I explained. He looked a little deflated by this. He went to say something, but I cut him off. "I don't want your book either."
"What the hell do you want then?"
"Information. You wouldn't happen to know anything about HHH's disappearance, would you?" I asked casually.
"I don't know what you're talking about, JR." He went back to his hotdogs and pretended I wasn't there. I didn't like the way he was acting. King and I had been friends for years. He was the only friend I had, and the only man I could turn to for help on the case.
"I need your help, Jerry." I was a proud man, but I could swallow. My pride that is. I noticed he seemed ready to relent, but before he could say anything, a nearby payphone started ringing. Jerry looked nervous.
"We're being watched, JR." His eyes moved about erratically, as if there were puppies everywhere. But it was just us and the payphone.
"Don't be ridiculous King. Nobody watches RAW anymore," I reassured him.
"Answer the phone," he hissed at me before ducking behind his stall. I didn't know what this was about, but I walked over and picked up the phone.
"Hello JR."
"Who is this? And why are you talking in that ridiculous voice?"
"I'm using a voice-box in order to disguise my voice."
"Are you the kidnapper?"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha.. You'll never know the answer to that. Get off of this case NOW. It's putting your life in grave danger. And it'll put your friends life in danger too. HHH is not meant to be found, got it? Don't bother trying to find me. You will never be able to."
I looked across the street and saw Test talking on a mobile phone. He swore as he saw me and dropped the phone. He ran away, and one too many BBQ's prevented me from following him. The question was, was Test the kidnapper? HHH had stolen his fiancee, Stephanie, from him several years ago. Could this be Test trying to get revenge?
"Don't be ridiculous, JR. Test isn't important enough to be the kidnapper. Or smart enough. Or strong enough. Or Tough Enough 4 - coming soon to MTV! Here's a sneak preview!" said King.
The scene opens in a gym where Al Snow is yelling at a bunch of overweight kids.
"Are you TOUGH ENOUGH!? Sing the song I taught you, the one that all wannabee wrestlers sing!"
The kids begin singing.
"I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was. To catch them is my real test... Isn't this the old Pokemon song?"
"You are all Pokemon and I'm training you!" said Al.
TOUGH ENOUGH 4 - COMING SOON!
I didn't know what had just happened, and I thought it best not to ask.
"King, I know you know more than you're telling. So out with it. " I said.
"You can't possibly know that I know that," he replied.
"I do now - you just admitted it." I was impressed by my own intelligenceness.
"Damn!" said King. "Alright, alright already. I know someone who claims they saw HHH being abducted. "
Stacy Kiebler. Like most dames, she had legs, but hers were somewhat longer than was natural.
" Hello Ms Kiebler," I said.
"Ow, Jerry, why'd you have to bring HIM here?" I heard her say to King.
"Just tell him what you saw two nights ago and I'll get rid of him."
I saw a look of horror on Stacy's face. For a second I thought King might have touched her, but I started to think differently around the time I fell to the ground after receiving a blow to the back of the head. I struggled to stay conscious and I heard a voice.
"She didn't see anything."
Then I blacked out.