While Peter, Jacobus and Simon sits down on the floor, exhausted just by
watching the emotional turmoil, Jesus stands like held up by invisible
strings on stage; his eyes glazed over, his face expressionless he
resembles a statue, smooth, cool, but dead inside.
Someone clears his throat. "That was a surprisingly convincing
performance." Herodes` voice sounds oddly muffled and there´s a noise as if
he blew his nose quietly, before he continues. "Judas isn`t such a bad
actor at all."
"He`s the worst." The silent Roman sais with a voice that seems to come out
of a tomb. He directs his dark gaze at Jesus, but he doesn`t even blink.
"How can you say that?" Herodes retorts indignantly. "Where have you been
the last minutes? That was first class-acting, Judas was almost as good as
I would have been."
"Pilate is right." A husky female voice sais quietly. Luzi taughtens her
shoulders and rubs her eyes, as if she has just awaken from a long deep
sleep. Her long black hair clings almost obediently to her slender
shoulders and her black eyes slowly clear. "Judas is a bad actor. I could
have recognized all the time. I should have known. But I didn`t want to
see..." her voice breaks as she tries to keep her suddenly shaking body
under control. God puts an arm around her shoulder and she looks gratefully
up at him.
"I won`t do it." Jesus finally shows signs of life again. "I just won`t do it." He repeats more firmly.
I ONLY WANT TO SAY IF THERE IS A WAY TAKE THIS CUP AWAY FROM ME FOR I DON`T WANT TO TASTE IT`S POISON FEEL IT BURN ME I HAVE CHANGED I`M NOT AS SURE AS WHEN WE STARTED His eyes search God`s and suddenly a determined expression appears on his features; the lines of his face sharpen and the former softness gives place to an almost hard look. "Stop it." He demands of God. God returns his youngest son´s glance calmly, but doesn`t reply. Instead Herod answers. "But Jesus, you know that Azrael said the play can`t be stopped." Without taking his look from the divine face Jesus sais flatly. "It`s not a play anymore. And it never has been, has it, father?" He looks provokingly at God, whose eyes hold a certain gleam. "But father, this time I can`t see it through. I`m not strong enough."
THEN I WAS INSPIRED NOW I`M SAD AND TIRED LISTEN SURELY I`VE EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS TRIED FOR 3 YEARS SEEMED LIKE THRITY COULD YOU ASK AS MUCH FROM ANY OTHER MAN? "I`m tired." Jesus raises his hands and runs them through his curls and suddenly the last 2000 years reflect from the lines of his face. "I don`t want to die. I`ve given you so much, I spread your message, I died for you once. What more do you want of me? Does it give you pleasure to see your son die?" No accuation sounds in his voice, just the desperate need to understand.
BUT IF I DIE SEE THE SAGA THROUGH AND DO THE THINGS YOU ASK OF ME LET THEM HATE ME HIT ME HURT ME NAIL ME TO THEIR TREE I`D WANT TO KNOW I`D WANT TO KNOW; MY GOD ID WANT TO KNOW I`D WANT TO KNOW MY GOD I`D WANT TO SEE; I`D WANT TO SEE MY GOD WHY SHOULD I DIE? He looks pleadingly at God, endearing for a reply, scrutinizing his face for an answer, but it stays expressionless, only the grey eyes sparkle warmly. Jesus` lips curl into a sad smile. "You have no answer for your son? No answer why he has to die? Again no answer? Don`t I deserve to know why? What have I done, that you condemned me to die, even before I have been born?" The unnatural calmness vanishes from his eyes leaving an expression of confused sadness. "And why do I have to die again? What should it be good for?"
WOULD I BE MORE NOTICED THAN I EVER WAS BEFORE WOULD THE THINGS I`VE SAID AND DONE MATTER ANYMORE I`D HAVE TO KNOW I`D HAVE TO KNOW MY LORD I`D HAVE TO SEE; I`D HAVE TO SEE MY LORD I`D HAVE TO SEE I`D HAVE TO SEE MY LORD IF I DIE WHAT WILL BE MY REWARD IF I DIE WHAT WILL BE MY REWARD "Sounds to me as if you still have hopes on Mary." Luzi smirks scornfully. By the mentioning of the name an expression of sharp pain darkens Jesus` eyes; his lips quiver slightly and his voice isn`t more than a whisper as he speaks the name like an entreaty. "Mary." "She`ll never love you." Jesus looks up replying Luzi´s gaze icily. "And Judas has never loved you." Luzi opens her mouth to reply sharply, and closes it again realizing there`s really nothing to say. Jesus turns to God again. "Where is she?" he asks with trembling voice. "Where`s Mary? Where has Judas taken her to? Why did you let him steal her away from me? I am your son, why don`t you help me?" he speaks alarmingly calm, but his eyes send silent cries of pain at God.
WHY SHOULD I DIE? CAN YOU SHOW ME NOW THAT I WOULD NOT BE KILLED INVAIN SHOW ME JUST A LITTLE OF YOUR OMNIPRESENT BRAIN SHOW ME TTHERE`S A REASON FOR YOU WANTING ME TO DIE YOU`RE FAR TOO KEEN ON WHERE AND HOW AND NOT SO HOT ON WHY "So it will happen again, without a reason, without knowing why, I will die. And Judas," he suppresses a sob "Judas will betray me again." He smirks bitterly. "He really will betray me again. But why?" He starts pacing in circles over stage. "Why should he betray me now? Because he hates me so much? Does he really hate me so much to take eternal damnation on him again?" Suddenly he stops raises his head and stares wideneyed at God as the understanding hits him like a flash. "Olivia." He whispers unbelievingly. And then louder. "Olivia; she`s the only one he would risk his sanity for." He slaps his forehead with his hand. "Oh my God, how could I be so blind? He does it to save her. He doesn`t know where she is." He closes his eyes as the realization overwhelms him, and when he opens them again they are full of tears. "I had no idea." He whispers huskily. Then he turns to Luzi his blue eyes flashing. "Do you have her? If you..." Luzi gestures dismissively. "Do you really think I`d still be here if I knew where she was." She snorts scornfully hatred shining in her black-coal eyes. Jesus whirls round and hurries towards Peter. "Peter do you know where she is?" he stares intensely at him, but when Peter shakes his head, he hastens towards Jacobus. "Jacobus." He takes his hand looking at him imploringly. "Where is Olivia?" "I´m sorry, I don`t know." Jacobus replies silently, and Jesus abruptly turns round running towards Simon; grabbing his collar he shakes him vehemently. "Olivia." He screams, then he lets go of him and runs disoriented over stage screaming her name. "Olivia." "OLIVIA!" he yells his voice shrill with panic. No answer, just embarrassed silence. To weak to keep standing, he sinks down to his knees, hiding his head in his hands. "Olivia." He sobs helplessly. After a few moments he raises his head, his look wanders into the nowwhere. "Why couldn`t she love me? Everything would have been different." He pulls himself up and stands shakily on his legs.
ALRIGHT I`LL DIE JUST WATCH ME DIE SEE HOW I DIE SEE HOW I DIE Blue tears drop down to the ground as he continues hollowly as if he declaimed a mantra, a prayer searching for inner balance. THEN I WAS INSPIRED NOW I`M SAD AND TIRED AFTER ALL I TIRED FOR THREE YEARS SEEMED LIKE NINTEY WHEN THEN AM I SCARED TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED
He looks directly at his father, and suddenly his blue eyes flash madly WHAT YOU STARTED I DIDN`T START IT "It´s your fault, my God, you must have known where this would lead us to. You must have known. Your fault, your fault, your fault." He roars like a wounded animal, rearing up against the coming darkness. Then he gets deadly silent for a long terrible moment; he wipes the tears out of his eyes and his lips move a few times without producing a sound, before he speaks. "But you knew. And you wanted it. You wanted me to understand, to understand what I have done." The pain of understanding reflects from his restlessly moving eyes. "It`s my fault. Everything`s my fault, and it has always been." He wipes his feverish forehead as if to chase the thoughts away, but nothing can erase the clearness of truth. "It`s me who failed. I made the pact with the devil. I made Judas betray me. I made Mary suffer. But I love her so." A pleading expression appears in his eyes. "Why can´t she love me? She could learn to love me. Why doesn`t she love me. Why, God, why?" his scream trembles accusingly in the air; unable to bear the desperation anylonger, he clings to an illusory hope. "But when she`ll be transformed to Mary again, she won´t remember any of this. We could start again. She will love me, I know she can love me." Looking at God`s motionless face his shoulders sink. "No," he whispers. "she will never love me. And it`s my fault, if she ..., if anything happens to her, it will be my fault, Mary, Mary, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to endanger you. Mary, my Mary." He moans not really master of his senses, then his shoulders taughten and his eyes focus on God again. "And now there`s only one thing left to do." His lips shiver, his eyes glisten wet, but his voice sounds firm and determined.
GOD THY WILL IS HARD BUT YOU HOLD EVERY CARD I WILL DRINK YOUR CUP OF POISON NAIL ME TO YOUR CROSS AND BREAK ME BLEED ME BEAT ME KILL ME TAKE ME NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND
"I won`t do it." Jesus finally shows signs of life again. "I just won`t do it." He repeats more firmly.
I ONLY WANT TO SAY IF THERE IS A WAY TAKE THIS CUP AWAY FROM ME FOR I DON`T WANT TO TASTE IT`S POISON FEEL IT BURN ME I HAVE CHANGED I`M NOT AS SURE AS WHEN WE STARTED His eyes search God`s and suddenly a determined expression appears on his features; the lines of his face sharpen and the former softness gives place to an almost hard look. "Stop it." He demands of God. God returns his youngest son´s glance calmly, but doesn`t reply. Instead Herod answers. "But Jesus, you know that Azrael said the play can`t be stopped." Without taking his look from the divine face Jesus sais flatly. "It`s not a play anymore. And it never has been, has it, father?" He looks provokingly at God, whose eyes hold a certain gleam. "But father, this time I can`t see it through. I`m not strong enough."
THEN I WAS INSPIRED NOW I`M SAD AND TIRED LISTEN SURELY I`VE EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS TRIED FOR 3 YEARS SEEMED LIKE THRITY COULD YOU ASK AS MUCH FROM ANY OTHER MAN? "I`m tired." Jesus raises his hands and runs them through his curls and suddenly the last 2000 years reflect from the lines of his face. "I don`t want to die. I`ve given you so much, I spread your message, I died for you once. What more do you want of me? Does it give you pleasure to see your son die?" No accuation sounds in his voice, just the desperate need to understand.
BUT IF I DIE SEE THE SAGA THROUGH AND DO THE THINGS YOU ASK OF ME LET THEM HATE ME HIT ME HURT ME NAIL ME TO THEIR TREE I`D WANT TO KNOW I`D WANT TO KNOW; MY GOD ID WANT TO KNOW I`D WANT TO KNOW MY GOD I`D WANT TO SEE; I`D WANT TO SEE MY GOD WHY SHOULD I DIE? He looks pleadingly at God, endearing for a reply, scrutinizing his face for an answer, but it stays expressionless, only the grey eyes sparkle warmly. Jesus` lips curl into a sad smile. "You have no answer for your son? No answer why he has to die? Again no answer? Don`t I deserve to know why? What have I done, that you condemned me to die, even before I have been born?" The unnatural calmness vanishes from his eyes leaving an expression of confused sadness. "And why do I have to die again? What should it be good for?"
WOULD I BE MORE NOTICED THAN I EVER WAS BEFORE WOULD THE THINGS I`VE SAID AND DONE MATTER ANYMORE I`D HAVE TO KNOW I`D HAVE TO KNOW MY LORD I`D HAVE TO SEE; I`D HAVE TO SEE MY LORD I`D HAVE TO SEE I`D HAVE TO SEE MY LORD IF I DIE WHAT WILL BE MY REWARD IF I DIE WHAT WILL BE MY REWARD "Sounds to me as if you still have hopes on Mary." Luzi smirks scornfully. By the mentioning of the name an expression of sharp pain darkens Jesus` eyes; his lips quiver slightly and his voice isn`t more than a whisper as he speaks the name like an entreaty. "Mary." "She`ll never love you." Jesus looks up replying Luzi´s gaze icily. "And Judas has never loved you." Luzi opens her mouth to reply sharply, and closes it again realizing there`s really nothing to say. Jesus turns to God again. "Where is she?" he asks with trembling voice. "Where`s Mary? Where has Judas taken her to? Why did you let him steal her away from me? I am your son, why don`t you help me?" he speaks alarmingly calm, but his eyes send silent cries of pain at God.
WHY SHOULD I DIE? CAN YOU SHOW ME NOW THAT I WOULD NOT BE KILLED INVAIN SHOW ME JUST A LITTLE OF YOUR OMNIPRESENT BRAIN SHOW ME TTHERE`S A REASON FOR YOU WANTING ME TO DIE YOU`RE FAR TOO KEEN ON WHERE AND HOW AND NOT SO HOT ON WHY "So it will happen again, without a reason, without knowing why, I will die. And Judas," he suppresses a sob "Judas will betray me again." He smirks bitterly. "He really will betray me again. But why?" He starts pacing in circles over stage. "Why should he betray me now? Because he hates me so much? Does he really hate me so much to take eternal damnation on him again?" Suddenly he stops raises his head and stares wideneyed at God as the understanding hits him like a flash. "Olivia." He whispers unbelievingly. And then louder. "Olivia; she`s the only one he would risk his sanity for." He slaps his forehead with his hand. "Oh my God, how could I be so blind? He does it to save her. He doesn`t know where she is." He closes his eyes as the realization overwhelms him, and when he opens them again they are full of tears. "I had no idea." He whispers huskily. Then he turns to Luzi his blue eyes flashing. "Do you have her? If you..." Luzi gestures dismissively. "Do you really think I`d still be here if I knew where she was." She snorts scornfully hatred shining in her black-coal eyes. Jesus whirls round and hurries towards Peter. "Peter do you know where she is?" he stares intensely at him, but when Peter shakes his head, he hastens towards Jacobus. "Jacobus." He takes his hand looking at him imploringly. "Where is Olivia?" "I´m sorry, I don`t know." Jacobus replies silently, and Jesus abruptly turns round running towards Simon; grabbing his collar he shakes him vehemently. "Olivia." He screams, then he lets go of him and runs disoriented over stage screaming her name. "Olivia." "OLIVIA!" he yells his voice shrill with panic. No answer, just embarrassed silence. To weak to keep standing, he sinks down to his knees, hiding his head in his hands. "Olivia." He sobs helplessly. After a few moments he raises his head, his look wanders into the nowwhere. "Why couldn`t she love me? Everything would have been different." He pulls himself up and stands shakily on his legs.
ALRIGHT I`LL DIE JUST WATCH ME DIE SEE HOW I DIE SEE HOW I DIE Blue tears drop down to the ground as he continues hollowly as if he declaimed a mantra, a prayer searching for inner balance. THEN I WAS INSPIRED NOW I`M SAD AND TIRED AFTER ALL I TIRED FOR THREE YEARS SEEMED LIKE NINTEY WHEN THEN AM I SCARED TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED
He looks directly at his father, and suddenly his blue eyes flash madly WHAT YOU STARTED I DIDN`T START IT "It´s your fault, my God, you must have known where this would lead us to. You must have known. Your fault, your fault, your fault." He roars like a wounded animal, rearing up against the coming darkness. Then he gets deadly silent for a long terrible moment; he wipes the tears out of his eyes and his lips move a few times without producing a sound, before he speaks. "But you knew. And you wanted it. You wanted me to understand, to understand what I have done." The pain of understanding reflects from his restlessly moving eyes. "It`s my fault. Everything`s my fault, and it has always been." He wipes his feverish forehead as if to chase the thoughts away, but nothing can erase the clearness of truth. "It`s me who failed. I made the pact with the devil. I made Judas betray me. I made Mary suffer. But I love her so." A pleading expression appears in his eyes. "Why can´t she love me? She could learn to love me. Why doesn`t she love me. Why, God, why?" his scream trembles accusingly in the air; unable to bear the desperation anylonger, he clings to an illusory hope. "But when she`ll be transformed to Mary again, she won´t remember any of this. We could start again. She will love me, I know she can love me." Looking at God`s motionless face his shoulders sink. "No," he whispers. "she will never love me. And it`s my fault, if she ..., if anything happens to her, it will be my fault, Mary, Mary, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to endanger you. Mary, my Mary." He moans not really master of his senses, then his shoulders taughten and his eyes focus on God again. "And now there`s only one thing left to do." His lips shiver, his eyes glisten wet, but his voice sounds firm and determined.
GOD THY WILL IS HARD BUT YOU HOLD EVERY CARD I WILL DRINK YOUR CUP OF POISON NAIL ME TO YOUR CROSS AND BREAK ME BLEED ME BEAT ME KILL ME TAKE ME NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND NOW BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND