Disclaimer: The characters, items, etc. of Beyblade are not mine. These things were used without permission, but…I'm just borrowing them for a little while for my own twisted and demented purposes. So don't you dare sue me, just sue my evil twin. oO' I made this fic for entertainment only, and not for making money.
Broken
By Shinzui
The White Tiger woke up, his body covered in sweat. "It happened again..." He muttered to himself as he lifted his shaking hands to his face. He sighed and he glanced over to the other side of the room. Even in the dark, he could still see the Red Phoenix, sleeping in his own bed, his back facing the raven-haired teenager. He was quite thankful that he hadn't woken up the other blader. Even though they shared the same room, the White Tiger wished that they also shared the same feelings as well.
Rei pushed those feelings away, knowing that Kai was still mad at him - even though he did save his life a while ago. He probably did that because he didn't want to lose a member of the BladeBreakers, Rei thought bitterly. Still, he couldn't help but wish that the slate blue-haired boy treated him more than just a comrade, more than just a friend. He grimaced, he wasn't even sure if Kai saw him as a friend.
For all the White Tiger knew, the Red Phoenix hated him.
Just by thinking about this made him cringe, made him want to kill himself. He closed his eyes and he opened them up again. He sighed heavily, wondering if he would be able to get any sleep.
Probably not. The sun was rising anyway...
Suddenly, his memories crashed down on him, making the boy gasp in horror. Those two men... those two men staring at him - through him, laughing at him, holding him tightly and finally stripping his clothes away with his dignity. "No... n-not again," He stammered and covered his eyes, blocking the images away. But no matter how hard he tried, every scene came back to haunt him with intense clarity.
This incredible fear was destroying him...
The White Tiger stared impassively at the ceiling as sunlight crept up to his bed, warming him up. Yet, he was still cold inside. Cold, numb, bland. He didn't know. It was all jumbled up, each one fighting over for control. Anger, fear, sadness, hatred. He just didn't know.
"Rei?" A groggy voice called, snapping him back to reality. "Are you awake already?"
"..."
"Rei?"
The White Tiger turned his head slowly to face his comrade, much like a live doll. His blank stare frightened the Red Phoenix, but knowing Kai - he didn't dare show any signs of this.
"Are you all right?" Kai asked, yawning sleepily.
The only reply he got was a nod, nothing more than that.
The slate blue-haired boy raised an eyebrow, not believing the White Tiger one bit. But he left it at that, it was obvious that Rei didn't want to talk. Kai knew that he couldn't force the raven-haired boy to talk if he didn't want to. He had known from past experience that Rei was a stubborn person.
The White Tiger sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. As he stood, he glanced at the window, his eyes turning into tiger eyes. When his eyes returned to their normal state, he grabbed a new set of clothes and sighed. He crossed the room, and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him quietly. He flicked the light on and removed his clothes, stepping under the shower.
He desperately tried to get rid of that feeling of dirtiness, but it didn't go away. He inhaled deeply, allowing the scalding water to wash over his body. He stayed there for a while, and then he stepped out. He put on his usual clothing and when he was finished, he caught sight of himself at the mirror. His mirror image reflected exactly what he looked like. Dull orbs of amber, blank expression, pale face - he looked awful.
He walked out of the bathroom and sat down on his bed, staring off into space. He felt his bed shift, but he ignored it and kept on staring. A hand waved in front of his eyes, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Rei? Are you absolutely sure that you're fine?" The Red Phoenix said, although he didn't really sound too concern, much to Rei's dismay.
No response.
"Rei?"
Kai got a response, but it was only a nod.
Sighing in defeat, Kai stood up and went inside the bathroom. His mind was filled with questions - questions that he himself cannot answer. But he was completely focused on one question - what is up with Rei? "I'll never get the answers I need like this... kuso..." He mumbled to himself, shaking his head softly.
Although he didn't listen to himself as he continued to wonder what was bothering the White Tiger. It was pretty obvious that something was definitely wrong and that the White Tiger was hiding something from them all. Heck, it was eating him up, changing him into someone else.
The Red Phoenix sighed, remembering the past. He had awakened several times over the past few nights, usually at dawn, hearing strange sounds. His gaze would always travel over to his friend's bed, seeing the other blader toss and turn in his sleep. And then, Rei would wake up. Kai didn't want the other blader to know that he was awake, so he turned around and pretended to be asleep. Then he would hear Rei mutter something inaudible and then complete silence.
Even though this started not so long ago, this odd behaviour was beginning to worry Kai. Yet, he didn't think that it was his place to ask what was wrong. Forcing out an answer from Rei wouldn't work, let alone help. It was annoying the Red Phoenix, watching the White Tiger go on with his life like a zombie. He just wished that Rei would tell him, or anyone.
These feelings I have right now... they're all so foreign to me... Could it be that I...? No! I can't... but what if I do? God, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I feel, heck - I don't even know if he does feel that way.
Maybe... maybe, I should just wait. Wait for him to make the first move... then that'll confirm what I truly feel. Yeah, I'll just wait for him... I'm not about to risk getting hurt because of this.
He went out of the shower and slipped on his clothes. He emerged from the bathroom and noticed that Rei hadn't moved from his spot on his bed. He was still staring. Kai walked up to his comrade and placed a hand on the raven-haired teenager's head, making him gasp and edge away from Kai's soft touch. "Rei... it's just me," The Red Phoenix said.
The White Tiger looked up at the Red Phoenix, gazing blankly with his eyes. No light, no sparkle, no life, no soul. It was just like a void, a hollow space that was once filled with so many but now held nothing.
This startled Kai, but once again he remained calm. "Want to come down and get some breakfast before Tyson eats them all up?" He gave a small smile, but Rei just stared at him. He wasn't staring at the slate blue-haired boy, but straight through him, as if there was somebody behind him.
"..."
The Red Phoenix sighed, "Will you just tell me what's wrong?"
Silence.
"Rei?"
Silence.
"REI!"
"Just leave me alone," The White Tiger murmured weakly; so weak that Kai had to lean closer. Rei edged away from the Red Phoenix, not wanting the other blader to be so close. When Kai reached out to hold Rei, he recoiled, moving away even more. "Don't touch me..." He pleaded, his voice barely loud enough for someone to hear. Amber-colored eyes flashed with fear and terror, and then it vanished without a trace.
The Red Phoenix backed away, "Fine. If that's what you want, I'm gone." He huffed before he turned around and left.
Rei returned his gaze back to whatever he was staring at, not knowing what else to do. He got lost in his thoughts, his mind plagued by the memories he wanted to go away. And suddenly...
He felt it. The hands were on him again, cold, rough hands. They held him down tightly, not allowing him to break free out of their grasp. He heard their laughter, their evil laughter. Then he felt pain, and sudden blackness.
He whimpered and clutched his head, surpressing his tears. He shuddered violently as he pushed the memories away, stopping them from flooding back into his mind. He didn't want to... not now, not right now. He then had the sudden urge to harm himself - to make it stop... the pain. His dead gaze wandered over to his bag, where his dagger was settled. He stood up, pulled out his dagger and went inside the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and gripped the hilt tightly.
Should he? He stared at the deadly blade, and stared at the mirror. He didn't look at the mirror, but he looked through it. He saw himself as a dirty and filthy rat; a sad and no good teenager. He placed he fatal object on his wrist and without a second thought - he swiftly brought it across, causing a thin river of crimson blood to flow. He gazed at it blankly before he smiled and laughed.
I'm so fucked up...
He slashed his wrist a couple more times because he wasn't contented with the amount of blood flowing. He didn't care about the pain - hell, he didn't feel any. The pain he felt earlier disappeared, along with his blood. Although his amber-colored eyes reflected the intense pain that he always kept hidden behind a blank face.
No one would know, he thought to himself. No one would know what truth lay hidden beneath his lies. For he knew none of them would understand what he was going through, what emotions he felt. He sighed and was about to stab himself when something stopped him. Kai. No, the Red Phoenix wasn't there physically - but to the White Tiger, he was.
Rei closed his eyes. He couldn't leave Kai, he didn't want to cause him any pain. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he died and Kai started blaming himself, saying that he could have stopped it somehow. He didn't want that, so he grabbed some bandages and cleaned up his wounds before applying some antiseptic. He hissed in pain, but when he was done... he wrapped both of his wrists with bandages so that the others won't notice - hopefully.
He cleaned up the floor and sink before he got out of the bathroom. He walked out of his hotel room and was about to head for the elevator when he spotted Tyson and the others. He wore a strained smile, his eyes shining with lies. "Hey guys! What's up?"
"The ceiling, of course!" The Blue Dragon replied, getting a playful whack on the head from the Tortoise. "Itai! What was that for?!"
"Oh nothing," Max replied, wearing his trademark 'puppy' grin. "Hehehe, anyways - to answer your question, Rei... we're heading out to the mall, wanna come?"
Looks like Kai never told them about...
"Nah, I think I'll pass," The White Tiger said, knowing too well why. They were out there, so if he stayed here - he'll be safe. "In any case, I'm gonna go grab some breakfast. Ja!"
"Ah, ja!"
Rei jogged up to the elevator and his smile faded back to oblivion. When the elevator doors closed, he leaned against the wall, sighing. He got off the elevator and walked over to the cafeteria. He gazed at the buffet table, not feeling hungry anymore. He got himself a cup of coffee and saw a mass of two-toned slate blue hair. He grimaced at the thought of sitting with him, but he really didn't have a choice.
He walked up to the table and sat across from the Red Phoenix, setting his cup down. No word was heart, not one of them dared to speak.
Kai casually sipped his coffee while Rei just stared at his. "You know," Kai started. "It would still be coffee after you stared at it for the whole day." He placed his cup down to look at Rei, who had his bangs covering his eyes. Rei looked up at his comrade, but didn't speak.
"I know something's wrong," The Red Phoenix stated.
"..."
"I know I'm... I'm not a good listener. I know I'm not. But I am your team captain... and I am your friend. I'm here for you."
The White Tiger lowered his gaze again, looking at the table blankly.
"Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong so I could help," Kai stated, gazing at his friend thoughtfully.
"I thought you were mad at me..." Rei whispered.
"Well, I will be if you don't talk."
No response.
"Rei?"
No response.
"This is absurd. I'm out of here," The Red Phoenix got up and left again.
As soon as the slate blue-haired boy was out of sight, the raven-haired teenager felt a tear slid down his cheek. He bit his bottom lip and stood up as well. He went straight to his hotel suite. Seeing that Kai wasn't there, he burst into sobs - horrible, frightened sobs. He just fell like a rag doll on his knees, his body shaking with undying sobs.
He felt something cold rub against him and he slowly looked up, expecting to see Kai's face. But much to his dismay, it wasn't. His eyes were nothing but a golden dot when he saw two faces that he wouldn't forget. It was those two guys - Aku and Kagai. He jumped backwards and their images disappeared; it looked like he was only hallucinating.
By this time, he was sobbing in terror. He shivered and didn't even notice the door opening. He was sobbing so hard that he could barely breathe between the heavings of his chest. He suddenly felt someone take his shaking hands and held them firmly. He cried out and tried to push whoever it was away from him, sobbing helplessly.
"Rei... please tell me what's wrong!" He knew right there and then that it was Kai.
"Go away!!" Rei sobbed, as he tried to push Kai off him, but his struggles were weaker now. Soon, he just stopped struggling and hid his face, shaking with pent up fear and pain.
"Rei..." The Red Phoenix swallowed all of his pride as he wrapped his arms around his comrade's frail and frightened body. "I don't know what's hurting you... but you're safe now... you're safe..." He whispered soothingly into Rei's ear.
"Ka... Kai..." The White Tiger sobbed.
"What?"
"I-I thought you were mad at me..."
Kai sighed and held Rei tighter. "I'm not... I was just frustrated that I don't know what's up with you... So please, Rei... please tell me what's wrong."
"I w-w-wanna tell you... but I c-can't..."
"Yes, you can. Just tell me, Rei. I want to help you; not as your captain - but as a friend, a close friend."
The White Tiger wanted to tell the Red Phoenix, but somehow... he can't. He wouldn't burden his comrade with the knowledge of that incident. He knew that Kai would only see him as a disgusting freak. Yet... at the same time, he didn't want to be left alone with it anymore.
I've been raped.
"Rei?"
I've been raped, Kai.
"Rei, please talk to me."
I've been raped, Kai. Twice.
"Come on, don't give me that again."
I've been raped, Kai. Twice. Please help me.
"Iahivuc..." Was all Rei could manage to say. Why was it so hard to talk?
"What? A translation, perhaps?" Kai smiled gently.
"I've..."
"What? What is it?"
"I've been..."
"What happened, Rei?"
I want to die...
Silence fell upon the two boys with Kai looking down at the troubled teenager in his arms. "Rei?"
"Nothing," The White Tiger blurted out.
"Do I have to smack you?!" The Red Phoenix pulled away and grabbed Rei's shirt with both hands, his eyes blazing with fury. He was so close... so close to finding out what's bothering his friend. Then it just disappeared. He sighed softly and hugged Rei gently. "What am I going to do with you? Rei... for God's sake, tell somebody. I don't care who as long as you tell someone..."
Rei ran out of words to say. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say. He just stayed there in Kai's warm embrace, at least - he felt safe. He sighed wistfully and cuddled up even more. Just then, he realized who was with him and he jerked away from the embrace, pushing his back against the wall.
"Rei?"
The White Tiger huddled up into a tight ball, shaking uncontrollably. "Go away, go away, go away," He repeated, over and over and over again.
The Red Phoenix moved closer and slowly reached out, but this triggered something and Rei started to kick and scream at his team-mate, telling him to get away. Kai pulled his hand back, clenching it into a fist. "What happened to you..."
Shinzui's Rolling Rant: Hah! Sorry if this chappie ended this way... but I don't wanna move on further. ^^ I will haff a very special treat fer y'all in christmas! Whee! But maybe ye'll run after meh neck - but whatever! Hahaha! An' I'm done rambling. Rawr! Please leave a nice lil' review an' I might get zeh next chappie out soon. Ah, ja!