Started: January 3, 2002
Finished: January 4, 2002
Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Skinwalker
Pairing: None
Rating: R
Category: Drama, Angst
Spoilers: None
Summary: "I can't, Clark. I can't go through her stuff. That would just be accepting the fact that she's… And I don't want to believe that."
Disclaimer: I do not own them, blah, blah blah! Or The Verve Pipe.
Author's Note: This is a sad fic. Just a warning. If you want something happy, this isn't it. My stomach was hurting from all the fluff I've been doing lately so this came about. (And I watched the Buffy ep The Body! Horrible sad stuff there!)
For These Sins
*When I was young I knew everything,
She, a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbin' with my head on the floor *
"Pete, open the door," Mike called, knocking hard on the wooden bathroom door.
Pete knelt in front of the toilet, his hands clenching the white seat. He leaned forward as he started to heave again.
"Pete, please? Come on. Tell me what happened," Mike urged.
Tears streamed down Pete's face as he threw up again and again. When he was finally done he lay on the floor, shaking.
* Stoppin' baby's breath and a shoe full of rice no...
Can't be held responsible
She was touchin' her face *
Lana sat in the corner of her horse's stall. She was covered in hay, but she didn't care.
"Go away," she hissed, hitting the horse on the nose when it came near her.
She drew her knees up to her chest, her breath coming out in ragged sobs. Her face was stained with her tears. Lana wrapped her arms around her knees and started to rock herself back and forth.
The horse nudged her again, sensing its' master's deep sadness.
Lana tucked her head into her arms, unsure if she would ever be able to stop crying.
* I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place *
Clark was up in his loft, pacing back and forth. Every once in a while he would grab a book and throw it from the loft. Throw it as far as he could.
Clark was breathing heavily, trying to control his emotions. He picked up his telescope and threw it into the opposite wall. The metal twisted and stuck into the wood. He considered it a moment before picking up his desk. The papers and books flew as he slammed the desk down onto the dirt ground of the barn. He flew around the loft in a flurry, throwing anything he could get his hands on. He only stopped when he noticed there wasn't anything left to throw.
Clark sat on the couch. He began to cry, putting his head in his hands.
* For the life of me
I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise *
"Gabe, is there anything-" Martha started, tears staining her own cheeks.
Gabe put up a hand to stop her question. "Just go."
Martha nodded, looking up at Jonathan before leaving.
Gabe collapsed in the nearest chair, letting his emotions flow. The tears came in streams, not showing any sign of stopping. He ran a hand through his thinning hair, then stood and walked away.
* For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die
For these sins
We were merely freshmen *
"It is a tragedy to lose a child. She was a friend, a daughter, a loved one. Though she was young, she accomplished much in her short lifetime."
As Lana listened her legs gave out. Martha reached over to catch the girl.
Pete sunk to his knees on the hard earth by the grave, staring sightlessly at the coffin.
Though Clark could not feel cold, he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering in the slight wind.
Jonathan stood by Gabe, his arm around the other man as Gabe wept.
* My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
Now he's guilt-stricken, sobbin'*
Martha pulled at the corner of something tucked under a pile of magazines. She pulled it out with a sad smile.
Opening the paper she traced the pictures in the memorial issue of the school paper. All of the stories were students accounts of their interactions with the girl.
A tear ran down Martha' cheek as she read Clark, Pete, and Lana's stories.
* With his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he said
Can't be held responsible *
"Chloe is my best friend. Not even death can change that. She was always by my side, even giving up leads to bring me a Playstation. I will never forget her. She was the world to me. She'll always be with me. Always in my heart."
* She was touchin' her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place *
"Chloe was always pushing me to be a better person, to be the best I could possibly be. Even if I failed, if I had tried my hardest it was always good enough for her. She made me want to strive to be a better person, to reach out and help people. She's helped me realize what I want to do with my life. Save others."
* For the life of me
I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise*
"Chloe was a beautiful person inside and out. She welcomed me into her home with open arms when Nell moved away. I never knew how incredibly selfless she was until that day. We were never very close, but we were getting there. My one regret is not getting to that point sooner."
* For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die
For these sins
We were merely freshmen *
Lana walked through the hallways of the school like an automaton. Her face was devoid of emotion. She could feel people's eyes on her, watching the normally peppy brunette turn into a lifeless shell. Her regular pinks had been exchanged for colors that reminded her of Chloe. Deep greens, maroons, and beiges. They only helped to heighten the pain she felt every time she looked down.
* hey yeah yeah yeah yeah
hey yeahhhhhhh
hey yeah yeah yeah yeahhhhhh *
Pete was late to class. Always late to class. His path to English usually took him by the Torch office. He'd stick his head in, remind Chloe that class was about to start, then walk her to English.
Now he took the long way. He refused to go in that part of the hall. He wouldn't do it.
Once he was just walking and ended up in front of the door. He looked up and almost vomited right there. The only thing that stopped had been Lana's hand on his shoulder.
*Tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lack of relationships
Now we're guilt-stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor*
Clark had been to Nebraska. He'd seen the snowy peaks of Colorado. He'd felt the desert sun in New Mexico, and the blue birds in Missouri.
Clark ran. When he started to think, he ran. Ran from the pain. He ran from the memories. Ran from the tiny things that reminded him of Chloe.
Most of all, he ran to forget. He wanted to forget so he wouldn't hurt so much. The problem with that was, he could never forget her.
*We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip we'd say...
Can't be held responsible
She was touchin' her face*
Gabe sat at his desk, a piece of paper in front of him. There was a black ballpoint pen in his hand. He was trying to write to his ex-wife. She should know that her daughter was dead. Gabe wadded up the paper and threw it into the pile. None had words on them. He had been sitting so long that his tears had dampened the paper, making it useless to write on. He wondered if Chloe's mom would even care if Chloe were alive or not.
*I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place*
"I- I can't do this, I'm sorry," Pete said, rushing from the room.
"Pete," Clark called after him, racing down the hallway.
Pete stopped at the front door. He turned back to Clark, tears in his eyes. "I can't, Clark. I can't go through her stuff. That would just be accepting the fact that she's… And I don't want to believe that."
Clark's breath became ragged as he walked toward Pete. "You have to, Pete."
*For the life of me
I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise*
Lana's small voice came from behind Clark. "She'll never drink coffee again, or laugh again, or…" Lana trailed off, wiping her cheek on her sleeve.
"Come on," Clark said, leading his friends back to Chloe's room. "If we don't do it now we'll never get the chance."
Lana walked into the room. She winced, remembering the times they had spent together laughing, talking.
"Lana, are you okay?" Pete asked moving in behind her.
Lana held up her hand, watching it shake.
For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die
For these sins
We were merely freshmen
Clark threw down a piece of paper and stood abruptly. "No more. Not now."
Lana, and Pete looked up from where they were sitting immersed in Chloe's belongings. "Clark?" Lana asked, looking at him with concern.
Clark's eyes watered. "Please don't make me, you guys. Can't I just stop? Isn't this enough for now? Please just let me stop," Clark begged.
Pete stood beside Clark, worried at the amount of emotions pouring out of his usually somber friend. "Yeah. Let's get some cof…"
*For the life of me
I can not remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise*
Lana smiled nervously. "Uhm, I think there's sodas in the kitchen. There may be. Or not," she said, her face showing the amount of thought she was putting into it. "I- I was supposed to go to the store. She- She wanted more cof- But then it happened, and I didn't."
Clark pulled Lana to her feet. "It's okay. I just need to get out of this room," he said, holding her hand.
Pete took Lana's other hand and squeezed it gently. "I think I saw some sodas in there earlier. I'm sure there are."
*For the life of me I can not believe we'd ever die
For these sins*
The three teens sat around the kitchen table. All of them were concentrating on the cups in their hands, as if the liquids could turn back time.
"She wouldn't want us to be sad," Lana said, her eyebrows furrowed.
"I never did do what she told me to," Pete said with a sad laugh.
Clark took a deep breath. "She'd want us to feel however we wanted to."
Lana nodded once. "I don't know about you guys, but I just feel like crying."
*We were merely freshmen*