A/N: Thank you for all the sweet reviews! This part was hard to write because everyone knows how much I hate torturing everybody! But that was crucial to this chapter

CHAPTER TWO

Like I said, I heard my last breath, and I heard the roar like water filling my ears, and then - complete silence. And darkness. I thought that was it. I was gone. There would be no more anything - ever again. I'd never really believed in heaven or an afterlife, so when I died, I sort of just figured I would fall into a pit, a black, inhuman, cruel pit of nothingness and stay there until the world ended.

Did I ever mention I was a bit of a pessimist, too?

But then I thought, If nothing else exists, why can you still hear yourself think? Why are you still having thoughts at all? Shouldn't it be like you're asleep?

And then, a moment later (or a moment in my consciousness - up here, you begin to realize that time is a relative thing. But then, I still thought of time as seconds and minutes and hours), I saw the proverbial "bright light." It wasn't so much of a white light at the end of a tunnel as it was a flash, like that of a camera, and then everything around me appeared.

I was in Heaven.

It took me a moment to process it all. There were people everywhere, and good smells, and things I liked. My favorite movies played on big screens on what would have been the walls, if heaven had walls, and I could see stores selling ice cream and toasted walnuts and cranberry sauce, all my favorite foods; stores were filled with clothes I liked and they all fit, with diamond necklaces and earrings - it was a girl's dream. Beautiful parks and cloudless skies and mountains covered in a fresh, clean snow surrounded me. But this was only my superficial heaven, something we see at the beginning to make us feel comfortable as we adjust going from Earth to heaven. Heaven has many layers, and if you become deep enough, you will find them. You can always come back to these things, of course.

For a short while I amused myself window shopping, just about forgetting I had died. During this time, my soul was going through the "red tape" of heaven, and I was alone.

Soon, though, I began to realize the extent of my loneliness. I had not yet, of course, come to grips with my death - I was in shock, much as my loved ones would be. Just when I was feeling my most desperate, someone appeared. It was a middle-aged woman with slightly graying hair. A dog was walking beside her. These were figures I remembered from my childhood.

"Nana?" I said as the woman came into view. It was, in fact, my dead grandmother, just as she had looked when I was a small child. The dog was the dog Ross and I had shared, Chi Chi.

"Hello, Monica, darling," Nana said. I felt like crying all of a sudden. I was scared and confused, and I really still didn't know what was going on.

Nana sat down next to me. Well, actually, we may have been sitting - there is the possibility we were lying down or standing up. Space is another relative thing.

"Nana, is this a dream?" I asked.

"No, sweetheart. You have died, and you are in heaven. I'm sorry." She said this calmly, as if she was telling me we'd made a wrong turn off the freeway.

"I see," I said, almost as calmly. Her words sunk in, but I didn't grasp it. "So - this is heaven."

"Yes. This is your heaven."

"I'm really dead."

"Yes."

"No, I'm dreaming."

"Pinch yourself, darling. Go on."

I did. I grabbed my own arm and pinched, hard. I winced at the pain and watched as my skin slowly turned back to it's original color from white.

"So we're both dead." I grabbed my grandmother's arm and pinched her, but it left no mark. "Nana, doesn't it hurt you?"

"My body does not exist anymore," she told me. "I've left it. But let's not get too complicated now - it's only your first day." We say there quietly as I contemplated my own death. It really is a strange thing, thinking about the moment you died. It's not something you can describe.

"Monica, I can't stay too long. But there are a few things I have to tell you. First - you cannot go back. There is no way to resurrect you, and you are not a ghost. Second - you will soon realize you can communicate with the living."

"I can?" I cried excitedly.

"Yes, but don't - not yet." In one moment, every drop of hope left in me disappeared. "In a while, perhaps, you can contact you husband and friends and parents. But not yet. It will hurt them too much, dear." I pouted. So, apparently, I was able to talk to everyone, but she didn't want me too.

"Thirdly - you may watch them. Whenever you want to see someone, you will. Try it."

I closed my eyes and thought, Chandler. Just the one word. And then, somehow, Chandler was there. I wasn't so much looking down at him, but I wasn't with him either. We were not co-existing. We were in different realms, I later learned.

He was at work, typing something on his laptop, then answering the phone with a quick, "Chandler Bing." Sometimes, when he said that in a particularly stressed-out way, I would say, "Hello, Chandler Bing," seductively. "He doesn't know I'm dead yet," I said out loud. Then I was back with Nana.

"No, none of them do," Nana said. "Monica, I have to go, but whenever you need me, I'll come. Your grandfather is here too - I expect you'll see him soon." Nana stood up and started to walk away, with Chi Chi trailing her.

"Wait, Nana!" I called after her, panic flooding me. "Please, don't leave me!"

"Watch, darling... watch," she said, her voice coming from far away - and then she was gone.

I sighed. Watch. I had to watch. I closed my eyes and thought, Rachel.

I was immediately transported to where Rachel was. She was home, and Emma was in her arms. She was singing softly to the little girl, and Emma was falling asleep. Rachel stood up and put Emma in her crib in the other room, and then came back to the kitchen, where she put a potato in the oven.

Ross entered the apartment. His eyes were hollow and clouded and his face was white as a sheet, and I knew instantly - he knew.

"Rachel," he said, his voice choked.

"Ross, what's the matter?" Rachel asked, worry lines crossing her face.

"Sit down," he said gruffly. Rachel, now looking petrified, did.

"What happened, Ross? You're scaring me," Rachel said.

Ross took Rachel's hands in his own. "Rachel, there was an accident. Monica was hit by a car." His voice broke on the last work.

Rachel gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God! Is she - is she okay?"

Ross shook his head numbly. "No. She - she died, Rach."

Rachel's face was blank for a second. Her mouth was wide open in shock and terror, and then she let out a scream, a purely involuntary scream. "Nooo!" she cried. She hit Ross's shoulder with a closed fist. "No! You bastard, you're lying to me!" She continued to hit him until he gave her a quick slap, startling her out of her frenzy. Then she fell against him, and they both sobbed hysterically, holding each other and crying.

I realized I was crying too, and I left them. It was so painful to watch. But I wasn't done. I couldn't go to Chandler yet, so I thought, Phoebe.

Phoebe was in Joey's apartment, and they were sitting with vacant expressions. Tears flowed freely down each of their faces.

"Oh my God," Phoebe said quietly. "We have to tell Chandler."

"Oh, God, no," Joey said, a look of horror coming over him. "Please. No one has to tell him."

"We do, Joey. Please. We don't want the police to tell him."

"No. Pheebs - he's going to die," Joey cried. "She is - was - oh my god... his whole life!"

She stood up and took his hand. "Wipe your eyes. We have to go."

No, I thought. I like Joey's idea. He doesn't need to know. But he did, and Phoebe was right. It would be worse to find out from some impersonal cop.

And so I watched the worst moment of my husband's life.

Tonight, Phoebe knocked on the door instead of barging in. Chandler opened it, looking confused. "Hey, guys, what's - oh my God, what happened?" he asked as he saw their red eyes and tearstained faces.

"We have to tell you something," Phoebe said. "Let's sit down."

Still looking confused, Chandler, followed by Phoebe and Joey, sat on the couch.

"Chandler," Phoebe began. "Something has happened. I want you to know that we're all here for you, and we love you very much."

"What's going on, Pheebs?" Chandler asked. He still looked confused, but now apprehensive too.

"On the way home from work, Monica was hit by a car. She died before they got to the hospital." Phoebe looked away as she said that last sentence.

But I could not tear my eyes from Chandler's horror-stricken faces. His eyes closed, and I thought he was going to pass out. Then he opened them and said harshly, "You're lying to me."

"No, Chandler, I'm - I'm so sorry," Phoebe said, starting to cry.

"You're lying!" he screamed, standing up and pulling Phoebe up with him.

"I'm not!" Phoebe said, biting her lip and shuddering with grief.

"Please, Phoebe!" he shouted, shaking her. "Please, God - tell me you're lying! Monica is not dead!"

"Yes," Phoebe whispered. "She is." Chandler saw the incredibly sad, resigned look on her face, and he collapsed into her arms. Joey stood up and held both of them, and then they fell onto the couch, crying.

I could not stand watching them cry for me. I couldn't stand watching, my husband and brother and best friends weep until they were drained and their eyes stung, and then keep on crying. I pulled myself away, back into heaven.

And I sat on the soft, warm ground and cried myself to sleep.

A/N: This is probably more difficult to write than it is to read. I think the next part will be even worse, but please don't give up on this story! It will get better!