Okay, before this chapter trudges ahead, I would like to say that I'm sorry that it has been a while. For those who haven't figured it out, I write stories in stints. I write a little of one, then stop and start another. But! I have returned to this one! As always, I don't own or profit. Blah, blah, blah, just read!



CHAPTER 3

"What the?..." the boy lifted his foot and looked down. "Oh no!" he groaned. "My G.I. Joe." The young kid bent over and picked up Aragorn. He set the toy on the desk in three pieces: a leg, an arm, and the torso, then turned and fled out the door. "Mom!"

Everyone crowded around the mutilated Aragorn.

"Aragorn!" Frodo picked up the arm. "Are you in pain?"

"No," Aragorn responded blandly. "Actually," he started laughing. "I feel really, really giddy!" After a moment, he was laughing hysterically.

"Aragorn?" Legolas raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure your okay?"

Aragorn kept on laughing. "Look! I have no arms!" Suddenly, he became solemn. "Well, actually, I have one arm and only one leg, but my body is still in one piece!" he began laughing again.

"Aragorn?" Gandalf's muffled voice questioned. "Have you been smoking pipe-weed recently?"

"Pipe weeeeeed!" Aragorn giggled.

"Aragorn," Boromir's voice addressed from a little ways away. "What in the name of Gondor is wrong with you?"

Everyone was casting glances at eachother.

"Why are all of you so serious?" Aragorn pouted. "You're ruining all of my fun!"

Legolas folded his arms across his chest and strode over to Aragorn. "Dunadan!" he hauled the Ranger up onto his one leg. "Control yourself!"

Aragorn turned serious and stared at Legolas. "You are one beautiful woman," he said, dazed. "Do you have a lover? Do you want one?"

Legolas shrieked and dropped the Ranger.

"Oooohhhhh!" Aragorn giggled. "You're a strong one! I like that in a woman!"

Legolas dropped his mouth. "Aragorn! What is wrong with you? What about Arwen?"

"Arwen?" Aragorn asked. "Who is Arwen? Isn't she Arwen?" he pointed at Legolas.

"I'm Legolas," Legolas said.

"Noooo," Aragorn shook his head. "Legolas isn't a girl. He's an elf. You look nothing like Legolas. Therefore, you must be Arwen! You promised that you would forsake your mortal life for me. Let me kiss you my love!"

Legolas agilely leapt out of the way. "Aragorn! Are you drunk?"

Aragorn looked at them all with drunken curiosity. "Drunk? Dunadan do not get drunk."

"Yeah, well, Strider," Pippin spoke up. "You are one Dunadan who is."

The door opened and the boy dragged his mother in again. "Can you fix him, mom?"

The mother picked up Aragorn's pieces and examined them. "Oh, hun, this is simple. Look," she held the pieces where the boy could see them. "You just pop them in like this." She popped Aragorn's arm and leg back in. "See? Now come on, we're putting in a movie." She walked back out, followed by the boy who was thanking her profusely.

Aragorn put a hand to his head. "W-w-what happened?"

Legolas eyed the Ranger warily.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Aragorn asked, standing up and shaking out his leg and arm.

"Aragorn, does this ring a bell: 'You are one beautiful woman. Do you have a lover? Do you want a lover?' You were drunk or something," said Pippin.

Aragorn looked horrified. "I said that? What else did I say?"

"It's better if you don't know," Boromir said.

"Wait! Who did I say was a beautiful woman?" Aragorn looked worried. His glance caught the wary Legolas. "Oh no," he moaned. "I didn't! I'm so sorry!" He took a step towards Legolas. "Listen, Legolas, I'm."

Legolas slid backwards, warding Aragorn off with his hands. "No, no, it's okay."

"Excuse me!" Gandalf said, his voice muffled. "Could you help my box get up?"





Again, this WAS NOT SLASH! It was. okay, so I don't really know exactly what it was, but it wasn't slash. All I can say is that when one of the people is "injured", they turn really giddy and almost drunk. Why they do, I'm not sure.