A Memory Found
by: Mystical Dragon
Severus leaned back against the bed's headrest, wondering what he was going to say to Longbottom. He wondered what it was like for Longbottom to see his parents but not have them recognize him. Was that worse or better than not having parents? What went through Longbottom's mind when he saw them? Was that Longbottom's main problem?
Looking at the pattern on the blanket covering him, Severus thoughtfully considered Longbottom. The boy messed up in his class quite often and it had always angered Severus, thinking the boy had done it on purpose to make Severus look like a stupid incompetent teacher but maybe there was more to it than that. Not all Aurors had chosen to be Aurors. Some, like Frank Longbottom, had been told they were going to be Aurors because the need for them had been so high. Maybe Longbottom was messing up so he wouldn't ever be considered Auror material. But, if that was the case, he was jeopardizing his future.
Longbottom had been seeing his parents ever since he was a little boy and it was possible that it had messed him up a little. Severus didn't want to think of how hard it had to be for a small child to be told his parents didn't know who he was. It was hard enough for a teenager to be told that. Did they ever hug Longbottom? Did he talk with them? Or did he just view them behind a magic wall that looked solid on one side but was transparent on the other. Severus cringed at the thoughts. No wonder Longbottom was so messed up.
"He's coming, sir," Draco informed him.
Severus glanced up to see Longbottom heading toward him. Vincent and Gregory waved at Severus from the doorway and then wandered off.
"Mr. Longbottom," Severus said.
Longbottom seemed quite relieved. "So you do recognize everyone?" he asked, hopeful.
"Yes," Severus assured him.
Longbottom's face lit up and then it seem to falter. "That's good," he said softly. "I wish my par....," he trailed off. "I guess you were really strong and wanted to remember people?" he asked.
"I was able to last longer than certain people because I've been under the Cruciatus Curse before," Severus gently said, realizing what Longbottom was thinking. "More than just a few times, in fact. Two certain people had never been under it before. They lasted as long as they possibly could; they tried their hardest."
Longbottom stared at Severus, his eyes rather moist and then nodded his head. "I never want to become an Auror," he muttered, too low for anyone to hear, or so Longbottom thought. Severus had very good hearing. "I'm glad you're doing okay," Longbottom said, "I better go and catch up on some homework."
Severus watched him go, lifting an eyebrow as Longbottom went. He had been right. Longbottom didn't want to become an Auror. He was going to have to watch Longbottom carefully in class and see how much of Longbottom's mistakes were due to actual clumsiness and forgetfulness and how much of them were done on purpose.
"You've been under the Cruciatus Curse before?" Draco asked, interrupting Severus's train of thought.
"About five or six times," Severus said idly. "Maybe more. Never for more than a minute though. Draco," Severus said, glancing at him. Draco was looking slightly pale. "Would you mind taking me to my rooms. I don't like staying here."
"You need someone to watch you," Draco protested. "I'll take you if you let someone stay with you."
"All right," Severus reluctantly agreed.
"I'll go tell Madam Pomfrey," Draco said as he hurried toward Pomfrey's office.
Severus tiredly rubbed his eyes. The thought of anyone, even Draco, in his rooms was not pleasant. Severus had kept to himself so much that even having someone see how he decorated his rooms was not something he looked forward to. Severus liked his privacy. The less people knew about you the less they could take advantage of you. Severus sighed at his thoughts. What was with him thinking the worst about people? Longbottom messed up in his class because he wanted to make Severus look stupid and not because he was afraid to do to well in school. Dumbledore was only nice to him because Severus was his spy and not because Dumbledore actually liked him. Draco was nice to him because he was sucking up and not because he actually liked Severus either.
But Severus did understand why he thought the way he did. You had to think that way to survive growing up in Knockturn Alley. If someone was nice to you, you figured out, quickly, why and didn't trust them. His attitude has saved his life more than once but Severus had to remember that Hogwarts was not Knockturn Alley. Sure there were going to be people who would only be nice to him because they wanted something but he had to learn to, if not trust, at least accept some people's nice gestures towards him. Severus doubted if he would ever be able to trust anyone. He didn't even trust Dumbledore, at least not one hundred percent, though Dumbledore did trust him one hundred percent. Severus often envied Dumbledore's ability to do that. Maybe, one day, Severus would be able to do that too. But not yet. And especially not with the Dark Lord around again.
"She said it was okay," Draco said as he walked from Pomfrey's office and towards Severus. "She apparently wanted you to move this morning anyway since you have trouble sleeping here. Lupin is scheduled to watch you this morning," Draco said with distaste. "I tried to convince her to let me but she wouldn't have it. She thinks its inappropriate for a student to be in an adults rooms without a chaperone."
"It is," Severus said. "I appreciate the offer though."
Draco didn't look happy. "But how am I going to watch you with an adult I like?" then Draco smiled. "Filch would be okay. I don't mind him too much. By the way, you're not teaching tomorrow."
Severus frowned at that. He had never missed a single day since he had started teaching at Hogwarts so many years ago.
"But I...."
"She was insistent," Draco interrupted. "You'll have to be brought back here in the morning and then when classes are over an adult will watch you. You're not going to be teaching all week. Pomfrey wants to keep a very close eye on you. Dumbledore already agreed."
Severus slowly moved his legs over the side of the bed. There was no point in arguing. Dumbledore was the most stubborn person that Severus had ever met and if Dumbledore had already okayed this situation there was nothing Severus could do about it.
"I better go get the werewolf," Draco said grimacing.
Severus watched him go, feeling guilty about Draco's prejudice towards Lupin since it was partly Severus's fault he was so prejudiced. But Dumbledore should never have hired Lupin without informing the students that he was a werewolf. The students had had a right to know that their lives had been in danger every month so they could take the necessary precautions, like being in their House rooms during the full moon so, just in case, Lupin transformed he wouldn't find a student to kill or maim. Severus really didn't care about how many teachers had hated him for doing that, his students safety was much more important that his popularity. Severus just cursed himself for not doing it sooner. If Lupin had killed a student that night he transformed at the end of Potter's third year, it would have been Severus's fault for not standing up to the Headmaster before and doing what he felt was right. Nobody, not even Dumbledore, had a right to put student's lives in danger without informing them about it.
Lupin came in a while later and Severus stood up, glad to be finally going to his own rooms. They walked down to the dungeons in silence and Severus noticed how few children he saw along the way.
"Hogsmeade," Lupin explained as they reached his doors. "The Headmaster thought it would be a nice treat so the kids could do any last minute Christmas shopping before most of the kids go home for the holidays."
Severus opened his door and nodded. Christmas? He had forgotten about that. He hated Christmas. Just another reminder that he had no family and no friends. Well, maybe he did have two friends. Dumbledore and Draco. Don't get attached, Severus told himself sternly. It was okay for people to like him, but he shouldn't get attached to them.
Severus watched Lupin come in and wished he had thought to remove the large painting he had over his couch.
"Who painted that?" Lupin asked, staring at it.
"Oh, I don't know," Severus lied. "I picked it up at small odds and ends store that sold junk stuff. It was real cheap."
"Junk?" Lupin queried. "Whoever thought that was junk should be locked up."
Severus snapped his head around to stare at the painting. It depicted a clear lake surrounded by jagged mountains with a rainbow arching over the side of the mountains, hitting the lake. At the point where it hit the lake, the colors of the rainbow bled into the water, remaining separate and heading towards a lone black shrouded figure crouching on the other side of the lake. The colors was only halfway towards him.
"It's very vibrant," Lupin smiled. "Do you know what the medium was."
Severus opened his mouth to reply but caught himself just in time. "No. I don't know anything about art."
"Oh," Lupin said, tearing his gaze of the painting and looking around.
Severus had very little entertaining furniture, never having had guests before. The faded brown couch under the painting, about eight black bookcases full of books, a large old wooden table and a wall lined with roughhewn shelves for potions ingredients. There was a large empty floor space between the couch and table and Severus had never even bothered to lay down a rug. The only bit of color was in the jackets of some of the books and the painting. The dark stone floor, walls, and ceiling added to the rather gloomy atmosphere.
"Too bad that rainbow in the picture hasn't hit this room," Lupin dryly remarked.
Severus shrugged and headed to his bedroom. "I'm going to go to sleep," Severus said.
"Would you mind it if I invited Harry, Hermione, and Ron into your rooms?" Lupin asked, looking at the books Severus owned. Almost all the books were dedicated to potions, the dark arts (legal ones), or herbology and magical creatures (both written from a Potion Makers point of view).
Severus didn't want the Dream Team in his rooms but Lupin would be bored to death otherwise. "Fine," Severus agreed, aware that Black would probably come as well. As long as Severus didn't have to see them, he guessed it wouldn't be too bad. And there was nothing, aside from the painting, that was personal in the living room area anywhere.
Severus went into his bedroom, charmed the door closed, though Lupin could easily break it if he needed to, and flung himself in one of the chairs. He wasn't that tired, not tired enough to sleep, but Severus had wanted to get away from Lupin.
Deciding he needed a shower also, Severus grabbed some loose pants and a shirt and went into his bathroom and charmed the doors closed. He quickly stripped and showered, and changed into the pants, leaving the shirt off for the time being.
Glancing at the mirror, Severus stared at his chest in disgust. He looked a fine mess. Half his chest was burned. Burned from the hip up the shoulder and covering half his front and quite a bit of his back. The skin looked melted, crinkled, shiny and Severus winced, wondering how it would look if he had had proper medical care when it had happened. It hadn't been that bad of a burn, a burn that could easily have been treated, if someone had wanted to. But he had only been an abandoned throwaway and not worth healing properly so he had to live with the disfigurement, aware of the disgust it would generate if someone were to see it.
Severus, distracted by the flame of a candle, stared at it. He hated fire. Hated the way it hungrily ate through wood, beds, and even small bodies. Severus jerked, trying to blink away the memory of the fire that had done this to him. One would think, after thirty years, he could easily forget about it.
Severus slid in his shirt on, half way, and stared at his chest with the burned part covered. He almost looked normal. He would if it wasn't for the two scars that graced this side of his chest. The scar between two ribs was from a knife-fight he had entered in, and won, at the age of eleven, and the other scar, the one on his abdomen, was where he had been stabbed by someone hoping to rob him when he was nine.
He had almost died from that one. He still didn't really know how he had survived it. For a week he had been feverish from the infection that quickly set in and just didn't recall how he had managed to take care of himself during that time. But surely he had to have done it himself. No one else would have bothered. He just wished he could remember how.
Severus buttoned up the shirt and dried the towels with a spell and then sent his robe into the hamper for the house elves to take care of. He went back to his room and laid down, rather exhausted, not caring that his hair was soaking his pillow. Sleep came easily.
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Severus curled up against his mother as he stared at the large green tree that was loaded with all kinds of decorations. There was an enchanted line of fiery red birds that flew, constantly, around the tree, resembling tinsel. There were tiny little white fairies that slept on the branches, appearing like lights. There was real icicles, enchanted not to melt, hanging from the tree. There were very detailed toy miniature's of all sorts of magical creatures: unicorns, dragons, hippogriffs, werewolves, griffins, gnomes, centaurs and others.
"Mommy, I love Christmas," Severus said as he glanced over at his father who was holding a large box and looking at the label.
"This present is to Jacenty from Mikhail," Cezar said. "Whose Mikhail?"
"My sister's future husband," Vasya said. "My parents and his parents have been arranging it for several months now. Today is the day they finally meet, tonight, at Mother's party. I can't wait."
"What about Jacenty," Cezar questioned. "We can't live him alone on Christmas."
Vasya turned Severus around, her face amused. "Jacenty, all the servants are off today. Tonight, you and Ivan can run around the entire mansion as much as you want!"
Severus felt himself getting excited. "Can I eat whatever?"
"Yes," Vasya said. "You and Ivan can eat the kitchens clean if you want. There will be lots of yummy foods left over from the party last night that I had."
"You're spoiling him," Cezar chided.
"And you don't?" Vasya countered, hugging Severus.
Cezar grinned. "Never," he said, mock seriously as he handed the present to Severus. "Your last one, Jacenty."
Severus opened it and stared. Inside was a wooden dragon on wooden wheels with a string attached. It was very intricately carved. What kind of toy was this for a child? It was much too delicate.
"You can put that one with your others," Vasya said as Severus wiggled off her lap, grabbed the dragon, and ran off to his bedroom.
They were in a large room and Severus pulled open of the many identical doors and rushed into his bedroom. Severus gaped while his child self rushed to a bookcase and put the dragon along side a unicorn, a horse, a wolf, a bear, and a griffin just like it.
Severus slowly took in the room while his child self danced around with a giant stuffed bear that had been leaning up against the bookcase.
The bed was ornate. Made from some honey colored wood that was polished to a very high sheen and carved with animals circling up the four posts. The headboard had his name carved in fancy letters into it. The fabric on the bed was of a ivory color with gold trim on the pillows and comforter. The canopy fabric was of the same ivory color with red trim instead of gold. There were bookcases and shelves everywhere, filled with wooden toys, stuffed animals, and books.
Severus climbed onto his bed and started to jump on it. "Ivan!" Severus chanted. "Ivan! Ivan!"
Nothing happened and Severus wondered about this. He thought his mother had said that no one knew about him?
Severus stopped jumping and then fell backwards, giggling. "I forgot! Ivan, come here!"
And on the bed's foot board, a blue house elf popped in. His eyes were large and purple, his nose was small and round, his ears were long and floppy, and oddly, he was wearing clothes. A heavy gold quilted robe with golden fabric shoes and a golden cap with holes for his ears.
Since house elves had to keep their Master's secrets, Severus guessed his parents wouldn't have considered telling Ivan about him telling anyone. And why was Ivan blue?
"Ivan! We get the house to ourselves tonight! And I get to give you your present," Severus said as he jumped off his bed, reached under it and pulled out a long box that Severus had obviously wrapped himself.
"Jacenty gives us present!" Ivan said. "Last year you threw up on us."
Severus blushed. "I was two!" he protested as he handed the box to the elf.
The elf laughed and a box appeared in his own hands. "This is for Jacenty."
Severus opened his present while Ivan opened his. Ivan wrapped his new golden scarf around his neck and beamed at Severus.
"Our neck is often cold! We thank you!" he said, leaving Severus confused.
Didn't giving house elves clothes free them? Or did he have to be their master for that to work and Ivan wasn't calling him Master so maybe he wasn't.
Severus opened his and excitedly took out a bag of a smooth polished stones. "Thanks! We can play 'frog hopping' again!"
Ivan nodded his head. "Yes. And don't throw all the stones into the toilet this time."
Severus put his hands on his hips and stared at Ivan. "I was two!"
Ivan grinned, showing a mouthful of teeth. "When you are four you will be embarrassed about the things you did this year! On February the third, when you turn four, I shall....
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Severus jerked awake. His birthday was February the third? He knew when his birthday was! If these memories were true that was. Oh, he hoped they were.