Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.

Unspeakable
Chapter 13: Falling Forward

I couldn't believe what Takeru said so I decided to come home and see for myself what goes on when no one is home she whispered, closing her eyes tightly. My own two brothers! How sick! No, this can't be happening

Yamato, get up and pack your things, Taichi whispered.

I could only face him with a look of astonishment.

Get up! he all but shouted.

My head was shaking slowly as he threw the covers off and grabbed our duffel bags from within our closet. It was still in the movement of fluttering left and right as Hikari stood clutching the door frame and sobbing her beautiful eyes out. Clothes were stuffed in randomly, as well as other things like my lyric booklet, Taichi's knives and wood carvings. This all being done while I sat on the bed, half naked, shaking my neck and Hikari crying non stop.

Fuck Yamato! Get up!

Clothes were thrown at me, but I could only sit in shock with a shirt hanging off my head and stare at him. He closed the bags, and surprisingly, a good portion of our items were gone from the room, leaving it almost bare and hallow.

If you're not fucking dressed by the time I come back up here, I'm leaving without you!

What are you fucking going to drive with, genius?! I screamed, tears falling down my face.

I'm calling a cab, genius, Taichi mocked. Move, Hikari.

She jumped out of the way as Taichi stormed out of the room. Bursting into tears, I picked the few clothes off the floor that were left in my room, holding them tightly and trying best to ignore Hikari.

she whispered timidy; probably was afraid I was going to become violent like Taichi.

Because I love him, Hikari. And it was so forbidden

she murmered.

I merely attempted ignoring her once again and slowly found myself in an automatic state of getting dressed and gathering my guitar and anything Taichi had forgotten. A few minutes passed with silence heavy in the air, droning out the thumping of my heart, and all I could think of is what it would have been like if I hadn't been apart of this family at all.

Taichi stalked back into the room, taking out our bags one by one, somehow ignoring Hikari as well. When he came for the last thing, he said, All right, let's get out of here.

I'm not leaving, I stated.

Fine. Then stay here and deal with the shit that will occur when Hikari tells my parents.

I swallowed, and took one last look at Hikari. She gulped, her eyes pleading for something––different than what was happening. If only this didn't happen



I slowly followed Taichi out of the room and helped him carry our stuff down the stairs. The last look I gave to the only home I knew was shattered by Hikari pressed against the window, on her knees.

Neither Taichi or I even said goodbye to her.

***
3 months later

Taichi, I think it's time for us to move again.

Taichi walked into the room and shook his head. They won't find us. Come on, let's get to bed.

By , Taichi really meant to have sex. It was more like a comfort between the two of us that we had each other, and neither of us were going to leave the other behind.

I followed him into the bedroom and took my clothes off––so casually that it caused Taichi to frown.

Are we going to spend the rest of our lives like this? Having boring sex and running away from any clues of our disappearance?

Sorry that I'm not fucking good enough, I snapped.

I didn't mean it like that––

Good to know that I'm not sexy enough, or that I'm not hot enough, or good in bed, or––

Taichi silenced me when he pinned me onto the bed and found my lips in an instant. I could only fall under his power. Each time, I would tell myself that it was wrong now, what not with everything that happened, yet I couldn't force myself away from the love he provided me. I wanted to go home so badly, so very badly And I wanted to make everything up, and perhaps move out (for it would be for the best), but now that woldn't happen. We were in Tokyo, living in a rough neighborhood apartment where many run aways lived or even people escaping the law. It felt so wrong

I pushed Taichi away and sat up, searching for something to wrap my naked body with. I want to go home, Taichi.

What?––you actually think Hikari didn't tell them about us? Are you really that stupid, Yamato?

Stop insulting me! Please I can't take it anymore. I thought you loved me. Nice to see I'm fucking wrong––

Shut up! Taichi screamed, jumping from the bed and grabbing a hold of my wristvery tightly. You know I love you with everything I have––

Oh whatever. I don't know what to think anymore, I said, turning away from his face. I just know I want to go home, regardless of the consequences that await us. They're going to find us, Taichi. They will You can't hide forever, and things will only be worse the longer we wait and––

Yamato, please shut up! What's there to go back for? I'd rather kill myself then go back. His voice dropped to a low whisper, Besides, I love you

I allowed him to kiss me again and take off his own clothing, and from there he pushed me onto the bed and ever so slowly prepared to love me in what seemed to be the only way he knew how to, but I wouldn't allow it to happen. Instead, I pushed his body off and said, If you really love me, with your heart and soul, then you will come back with me to Odaiba and explain everything to your parents and my biological mother.

And if I say no?

Then we're through and I'm going back anyway. My voice wavered, and in attempt to hold my ground, I stood and began fetching my clothes.

No, you're not.

You can't tell me what to do! I cried out.

Oh, but Taichi could. When he grabbed a hold of my arm and tossed me onto the bed, I felt frightened beyond all reason. He was so much stronger than me So heavy and forceful, especially when full of rage, which he was when he raped me. I cried as much as humanly possible through the entire ordeal, only ceasing when it had ended. It was then that I fell completely silent and instead, Taichi began to sob.

Look what's become of us! Of me! He curled his knees up to his chest, crying into them. I only stared at him, silent by my own request. I'm so sorry So sorry

Gulping, I wrapped my arms around his shaking body and tried to soothe him, but he only shook harder to the point where he couldn't breathe because of hysteria.

Staggering out of bed, he wandered over to the door leading to the very small balcony installed.

Taichi, stay inside. It's raining God, I sounded so pathetic. So needy, when really, Taichi was the one who needed me

He never listened. Instead, he walked through the door, mumbling of being selfish and a bad person. A dirty person. My heart was tearing I, too, felt dirty So dirty, and it wans't exactly because I had slept with him, even when I thought we were brothers, but more because of what Hikari had witnessed. Taichi was feeling dirty because of what he had done to me a few minutes ago.

Taichi, get back in here! I shouted. When he didn't return, I pulled on a pair of his pants lying around and went out to see him.

The man I loved sat on the railing, hugging his naked body tightly and staring down below. I'm sorry.

Don't worry––

You didn't let me finished. He almost laughed, but stopped himself and looked at me with brown eyes and a tear stricken face (also combined with the rain). I shouldn't have forced myself onto you. You know I love you, right?

Yeah, I do, I guess.

I just wanted everything to work out, he continued. For us to be together. To love each other. And I know we do, and I love having sex with you; you're not boring at all. But it's not working out.

Our relationship?

It could work out, but only if so many things didn't stand in the way. Our supposed brotherhood. Hikari. Our parents. Your bitch of a mother. Shou. They create a disruption between us, you see what I mean?

I suppose I get what you're saying, I whispered. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned against his back; felt him tremble due to the cold.

Are you aware that things are never going to be wonderful and happy because of the disruptions? I could only nod before he continued, Things were almost better before, when we had silently declared this attraction unspeakable. Perhaps if we had left it at that, things would be better. Instead, we took everything too far, and now look at where we are.

What does this all mean? I probed, letting go of his waist.

Let it mean what you want. I'm just stating the facts.

We stood in the rain for a moment longer, before a chill ran up and down my spine, causing me to say, I'm going to bed. Please come in soon.

I think I'm going to, as well.

As I turned around, Taichi let out a shreik. I turned just in time to see him falling forward. Yet, I was paralyzed in fear and shock. I watched my brother and lover fall. It was a moment before I walked over to the balcony railing, shaking in fear and angst.

I couldn't see Taichi's body on the cement, only because it was much too dark and the rain clouded my vision

But I knew it was there. His dead body, pressed into the cement from the high fall.

End of Chapter 13

Sorry if this is a touch sad There will be an epilogue.