The Trouble with Love
by: Serenthia
The door opened and Severus staggered in, a bouquet of flowers clutched in his hand, a box of chocolate in his other hand and a red outline of Lily's lip on his cheek where she had kissed him.
If it had been anyone else, Sean would have congratulated them, but from the look of pure horror on Severus's face, Sean thought it best to maintain a sympathetic air.
"Oh, dear, she kissed you," Sean said sadly, shaking his head, wishing Florence would plant a good one on him.
Severus cringed, the flowers and chocolate spilling out of his hand as he stumbled to his bed and collapsed on it. His cat, Dark Mark (everyone called him Marky to be safe, who knew what spies Dumbledore had in the Slytherin House) jumped on Severus's chest and laid there, looking rather dead. Dark Mark was a very moody cat.
Nicholas Avery darted to the dropped chocolate, grabbed the box, and ran out the door, mumbling something about finders keepers. Sean picked the flowers up and put a charm on them to keep them fresh. These would be perfect for Florence, especially since it would save him a few coins.
"Lily wants me to take her to a ballet," Severus said, his voice filled with disgust. "I told her I wouldn't be caught dead at a ballet and she.... she swooned! What is wrong with her! The more I treat her like dirt the more she likes it! She's becoming as bad as Potter! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!" he shrieked. "But I can't dump her or her and Potter might breed!"
Sean shook his head, flinging the flowers in the direction of his bed, and sat on the chest at the end of Severus's bed.
"The worse you treat Lily the happier she gets because she realizes that once she finally tames you, you'll be putty in her hands," he explained.
"Putty," Severus spat. "Tame me? I'm already tamed! I'm the most tamed person in this school! It's the rest of you who are insane hormonal teenagers!" he yelled.
"Yes, well," Sean said, with a sigh. "But Potter really hates you."
Severus lifted his head, an evil smirk on his face. "He tripped me," Severus said with relish. "He's beginning to resort to physical violence. I love it. It'll be fists one of these days."
Sean started to get up when Dark Mark lunged at him, spitting, hissing, and swiping with his claws.
"Ouch!" Sean yelled, jumping back, holding his hand where the cat's claws had drawn blood. "Stupid cat!" he bellowed.
That dumb cat was always doing that. Attacking everyone, except for Severus, who was loyal to the Dark Lord. Dark Mark had even shredded books and paper that mentioned the Dark Lord. Sean wondered why and how could a cat read?
Severus cooed at the cat, gathering it in his arms, and glaring at Sean like Sean had caused the whole thing.
"Be nice to Marky!" Severus said angrily. "He's just an ickle kitten!"
Sean rolled his eyes. "He's dangerous," Sean said. "I got sick from the last batch of scratches he gave me."
Severus looked at him witheringly. "It's not my fault your skin is covered with germs," he spat. "Maybe you should bathe more," and with that Severus left for the bathrooms.
Sev always took a cold shower before going to bed; a very cold shower. He charmed the faucet so there was sleet coming out of the thing. No one dared use that shower anymore. The charm didn't last but... who in the right mind would use a shower stall after Severus had been in it? Even the toilets he used were quickly marked so everyone could avoid them. Severus was disgusting.
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Lily, surrounded by everything that society had declared was 'feminine', sprayed the last of the perfume on her slender, and so white, neck. She turned to her three friends, sitting on her bed and all staring at her with what, of course, had to be adulation.
"I kissed him," she declared.
Diana, out of jealousy Lily was sure, fell onto the bed and buried her head in the blankets, her shoulders shaking.
"Really?" Michelle said, putting a delicate hand to her neck, her large blue eyes wide. "What was it like?" she breathed.
Leah nodded her head, though she was looking faintly traumatized. Poor dear, Lily hadn't realized that she, too, had a crush on Severus. But Severus had picked her, Lily, over the rest of the rabble at the school and it was something Lily was quite proud about. Now she got to tame this wild beast!
"I was aiming for his lips," Lily said pensively, ignoring a gasping sound from Diana as she stuffed part of a purple heart shaped pillow in her mouth, "but he got distracted and I hit his cheek instead."
"Was it slimy.. I mean nice," Leah asked, looking green.
"Well," Lily said slowly, she found herself running to the bathroom and vomiting after that little kiss but she was sure things would work out fine later, "wonderful! Took my breath away!"
"You mean you're lunch," Diana mumbled from around the pillow.
Lily shook her head. "You're so jealous."
Diana managed to sit up, her shoulders shaking, tears streaming down her face. "Very," she got out and then collapsed down again.
"Poor dear," Lily mused.
Diana made a choking sound and rolled off the bed and out of sight, laughing hysterically. Michelle looked annoyed at where Diana had fallen and Leah still looked sick.
"Diana!" Michelle said. "Jealousy doesn't become you! We must, as girls, stick together. Lily has found true love!" she squealed. "This is so exciting!"
Lily squealed too and the two of them quickly started to chat about what Lily would wear tomorrow to further tame her 'wild man'.
"If you don't want James," Leah suddenly said, "can I have him?"
Lily flung her hair around to glare at Leah. "He's not mine! If you feel attracted to that.. that 'goody-goody', than by all means, go after him."
Leah waggled her eyebrows. "Oh, I will. He's so cute when he plays Quidditch. Especially with all that sweat dripping down his handsome face. Oh, baby!"
Lily, shocked, stared at Leah. Sweet little Leah who didn't read romance novels because they were smut.
"Leah!" Deborah screamed, getting up from off the bed and lunging at Leah. "You can't have James, I want him!"
Lily and Michelle huddled close together while the two of them went at it, fist flying, hair pulling, nails scratching.
"I want Severus," Michelle said, whirling around to glare at Lily, "he's so dangerous!"
"He's mine!" Lily screamed. "He said I was his girlfriend!"
"Well," Michelle said, eyeing her up and down, "we did study polyjuice potion not to long ago. I'll pretend to be you and dump him and then take him for myself..."
Lily never saw Michelle's hand come to grab her hair but she felt it. The two of them were soon going at it, rolling on the floor, Michelle trying to grab Lily's hair and Lily trying to fight her off.
Someone must have gone to get McGonagall because Lily found herself being pulled off Michelle and shoved onto a bed.
"Enough!" McGonagall hollered. "Lily! I'm shocked at you!"
Lily didn't blush, instead her eyes widened. She was getting into trouble over a man! Ooohhh! This was so exciting! She had to play this for all it was worth, just like those heroine's in her novels.
Flouncing her wonderfully red hair, Lily put her hands on her hips and adopted her 'I'm a rebel for my man' stance.
"She's trying to take my man away from me," Lily declared.
McGonagall almost rolled her eyes but managed to stop herself. "Oh," she said softly, "this is a fight over boyfriends?"
Leah and Diana had straightened up and looked at each other.
"We really should be doing this in front of James," Leah said, scratching her head. "And then he can pick the winner."
Diana nodded at that and the two of them hugged each other and went over to Madam Pomfrey's, both limping and hanging onto each other.
Lily jumped into a martial arts stance (one of her heroines had been a martial artist), and prepared to beat Michelle up. Michelle, who had read the same novel, jumped into the same stance, shaking her backside.
"Stop it!" McGonagall cried. "Who is this boy you two are fighting over."
"Severus Snape," Lily said.
McGonagall stood there, then suddenly her knees went weak and she fell to the floor. "Severus! You two are fighting over Severus!" she said, her body trembling.
Lily and Michelle went to her.
"Yes," Lily said with compassion, "it's okay. I realize you must have feelings for him to be reduced to this state. But you can't like him. He's a student. That would be improper."
McGonagall snapped her head up, her mouth a thin line. "Thank you for reminding me of that. I was about to ask him out on a date this morning but I won't now. So silly of me. Let Severus decide between the two of you. A catch of that caliber," her eyes went wide for a second, "shouldn't be fought over."
Lily and Michelle looked at each other and then burst into tears.
"She's right! We can't let a man come between us!" Lily sobbed, hugging Michelle.
"I certainly won't!" Michelle agreed. "I'm sorry. But if it doesn't work out between you and Severus, can I try?"
Lily nodded her head. "Of course."
McGonagall nodded her head at the two of them and directed them to go to Madam Pomfrey's.
"Now remember," Lily said, turning to McGonagall on their way out, "don't try to date Severus. He belongs to us girls!"
McGonagall nodded her head and the two of them left, hearing someone laughing and pounding the floor.
"Poor McGonagall," Michelle said, looking back at the door, "she must have really wanted to date Severus. She's go broken hearted she's laughing about it."
Lily sighed tragically. "She's a trooper."
Michelle nodded and the two of them went to Madam Pomfrey's, arm in arm.
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Sirius was busily mediating on his bed, legs crossed, James was busily stabbing a crude drawing of Severus with a letter opener, and Peter was mumbling about how unfair it was that his Animagus form was a rat. Peter still hadn't gotten over that. Remus, alone, was doing the homework they had to turn in tomorrow.
Of course, he was the only one that hadn't done it yet. He hated homework.
"I'm not sure if I understand this question," Remus said, fixing a quizzical look on his face as he showed it to James.
James glanced at it, mumbled the answer, and went back to stabbing the picture.
Grinning, Remus quickly asked him the answer for all the questions and James, to busy with his pain over Lily, didn't notice Remus getting him to do Remus's homework for him and went along.
"You're evil," Sirius murmured as Remus went to his bed.
Remus let tears come into his eyes. "Being a werewolf takes a lot out of a person," he sobbed. "I just can't concentrate."
Sirius, not sure whether or not to believe him, patted him on the knee. "There, there."
Being a werewolf amongst sympathetic people did have it's advantages. And Remus was very good at promoting sympathy with his eyes and cute boy looks. The hat had mentioned he would do well in Slytherin but Remus had opted for Gryffindor. And now he was glad. The Slytherins would have never fallen for most of the 'poor little me' routines he did.
"I hate him!" James passionately yelled out, tearing the parchment into pieces. "Die, die, die!"
"You said it," Sirius said with feeling.
"Leave him alone," Remus said, getting two glares directed at him. "Severus is going to fall apart pretty soon, I can see it. Just let it happen."
"Fall apart," James said, "or should I just rip him apart!"
"Yeah," Sirius said, nodding his head, grinning at images of a dismembered Severus more than likely.
Remus slapped his hand to his forehead, an evil idea coming into his mind. If he pretended to be Lily and disgusted Severus so much he couldn't handle it anymore, maybe Severus would dump Lily and James would quit hating Severus.
For the sanity of his best friend, Remus was going to do it.