Title: Ashes of Truth

Author: Anisky

Summary: Cassie speaks, telling us a bit of her story.  Warning: depressing. 

Chapter 6: Through the Eyes of Fire



She is so innocent. 

Sure, some things have happened to her.  A friend of hers died in a car crash coming to pick her up, and she had to deal with guilt from that.  Her boyfriend from when she was really young started smoking pot. Her fiancé dumped her.

Though, if you think about it, the last part was probably a good thing, since things probably wouldn't have worked out.

But she's been kept so naïve.  So sheltered.  I hate that I will have to be the one who shows her that the world can be so cruel and harsh.

She is Hestia, the gentle virgin goddess of the hearth.  That's Lucy all right, through and through.  She's Hestia before she realizes all of the petty intrigues and wrangling of her family and gives up her place as one of the twelve major gods.

What will happen to Lucy when she realizes that she's no longer responsible for her family?  Will she be forced to give up the place she has, as Hestia did?  Will I be the sacrificial flame that Hestia was made the goddess of in compensation for her loss? Lucy compared my hair to fire the other day.  I was startled, but tried not to show it.  It really did cement this parallel in my mind.  Hestia made her own choice when she left her place as part of the Twelve.  I can only pray that it will be Lucy who gets to choose.

I don't want her to know.  I wish I could keep her sheltered as effectively as her parents and family have for these twenty years.  But sooner or later, there are things about me that she's going to find out.  And I know she'd rather hear them from my mouth.

I remember when I first truly saw her.  When she first raised her hand and argued with me that she didn't think that Eris was the true cause of the war, and we had a debate.  The first debate I'd gotten since Swarthmore!  It was so refreshing, I felt so energized!

She asked me why I was at a community college, but I couldn't tell her the whole reason.  What I told her was true, that I couldn't handle the stress.  I didn't tell her exactly why I wouldn't be able to handle the stress, I didn't tell her what happened when I tried. 

What will she say when she finds out the way I used to watch the blood spill from my arm into the sink?  The way I holed myself in my room to work on the math and science that I felt obligated to take? 

And what happened to me wasn't even the worst.

I remember it perfectly; she was my beautiful girl.  She called me up in the middle of the night, telling me that she didn't know if she could make it through the night.  Hannah opted for an acting career instead of college, and she was having a lot of trouble getting a job.  I should have listened to her, I should have rushed over in my car for the two-hour trip to New York, I should have at least stayed on the phone!

But no.  I was just too busy with my schoolwork, too busy trying to figure out some formula; too busy for the girl I loved.  So I told her it would be OK and I hung up.  I hung up!

Stop thinking about this Cassie.  Stop it.  It's not doing you any good.

Lucy.  Think about Lucy.  She's such a pure soul.  I meant it when I said that she's like Hestia.  Poseidon and Apollo both sought to wed her, you know.  But Hestia would not marry either of them, instead becoming a virgin goddess.  I'm sure many boys have fought over Lucy, but something stopped her, inside, from being happy with them. 

It is said that Aphrodite herself could not bend or ensnare the heart of Hestia.  I wonder if that is true.  Does she love me?

Will I fail her, the way I failed Hannah?  Can I even be brave enough to try again? 

I don't think that I'm worthy of her.  She is the untouchable Goddess, gentle, sweet.  I am the destructive fire, the one who destroys without control. 

Lucy has to find out sooner or later.  I just wish I weren't the one who introduced her to the horror and pain that is life.  I just wish I could be what she thinks I am.  I just wish.