Ashes of Truth
By Anisky
Disclaimer: Lucy and anyone else who you recognize does not belong to
me.
Chapter 7: Asking Her
Journal, I am so nervous. Cassie
keeps telling me that there's nothing to worry about, but I can't help being
nervous about meeting her parents! Especially since they already know that she
and I are dating. I haven't spoken to anybody
who knows that she and I are dating yet except, well, Cassie. You know, it's just kind of weird.
It's not just that either, meeting her parents. I really have to tell her soon, don't I? I'll never know if I don't ask…I know she
won't dump me just for asking something like this but…it's still a risk. It's still scary.
I can't believe that she loves me sometimes.
She's just so full of life, dancing all the time and living live to its
fullest. I wish I were like that. I've just sort of trudged through life—at
least, it feels like it whenever I'm around her.
Still, there's something in her eyes.
I'm not sure what it is. It
seems… I don't even know what I'm writing here. I'm not making any sense.
***
Lucy bit the eraser of her pencil. It
was so hard to figure out how to put those strange feelings onto paper. It just ended up sounding silly.
"Lucy?" She turned; Ruthie was at the
door.
"Yes, Ruthie?" she asked, closing her journal.
The young girl walked over to Lucy, eyeing her thoughtfully. "I was just curious…is something wrong?"
"Wrong?" Lucy gave a small fake laugh.
"Why would something be wrong?"
"It's just…" Ruthie's eyes narrowed and she took a closer look at Lucy. "Nothing.
It's nothing. Forget it."
"It's forgotten." Lucy smiled at her
younger sister, and Ruthie cast one more odd gaze her older sister's way before
leaving the room.
***
I've said this before, journal, but Ruthie really does scare me. I really think she's going to figure it out,
and I don't know what's going to happen when she does.
Things have been kind of difficult with Cassie. I don't know why things are so complicated all of a sudden! She
hasn't acted differently, I think it's all me…I think that I love her but what
if she doesn't feel the same way? What
if things are totally ruined if I say that to her? G*d, it doesn't make any sense that I'm being this way. She's read my journal entries; she knows
that I was beginning to fall in love with her.
If it were a problem, wouldn't she have told me?
What am I talking about?! What would she say? 'Look, Lucy, I just read your
journal entry, and I think it's good that you're getting out your feelings and
all, but don't love me'?? Yeah, like she could say something like that.
What am I going to say to her parents? What has she told her parents, except
besides the fact that we're dating? I
can't believe she can tell her parents.
I wish I could tell mine. And oh
my G*d, am I really thinking of asking her this?
I'm leaping all over the place, journal.
My mind is so jumbled. I feel
really jumpy. I just got a job too, and
this is what I was thinking of, I want
***
Lucy put down her pencil and shook out her hand. "Ow. I hate that." She massaged her hand for a moment, trying
to get rid of the cramp she felt there, and was about to continue writing when
she heard her mother call from downstairs.
"Lucy dear!" Annie called. "Your friend
is here!"
The woman took a deep breath and picked up her journal and put it in her
purse. She went downstairs, smiling as
she saw Cassie there, with Annie looking over disapprovingly.
"Hey, Cassie," she said, looking her hopefully-girlfriend over. She could see why Annie didn't like the
girl's outfit, even though Lucy loved it.
Cassie was wearing a short wrap-around skirt, dark red with Indian-style
stitching all over it, along with a spaghetti-strapped black top with leather
strings lacing up the front, exposing a tiny bit of Cassie's stomach.
Needless to say, Lucy loved it.
"Ready to go?" asked Cassie, taking out her car keys.
"Wait," said Annie suspiciously. "Where
are you going again?"
"Just to Cassie's parents' house, Mom," said Lucy, following Cassie to the
door. "I'll be back by curfew. I promise."
She waved to her mother, and the two girls crossed the lawn to get into
Cassie's car.
***
Well, here I am, on the way to meet Cassie's parents. This diary really has become a real tool for
getting my feelings out. I carry you
around everywhere, you know, just in case.
Cassie is laughing at me right now for writing in you even now, but I
can tell she doesn't really mind.
Ah, this again. She's also saying that
she can't believe that my mom still asks where I'm going and that I still have
a curfew. She's all, "You're an adult,
Lucy." I wonder if I should tell
her? Is now a good time?
It's hard to write in a car. The script
is all bumpy. Oh well.
I'm not sure whether or not to show my journals to Cassie anymore. And you know that kind of worries me. I used to trust her and all that. Isn't trust supposed to increase as you're
with somebody? Well, I'm not even technically with her, am I? I don't know.
OK, Lucy. Calm. This is supposed to make you all tranquil
and all, not dreg up those bad emotions all over again.
OK… we're at her house… butterflies… butterflies… Ok, Lucy, tell her.
***
"Cassie? Wait," Lucy grabbed Cassie's arm and stopped her from getting out.
"What? Nervous?" She smiled, and
stroked Lucy's cheek for a moment. "I'm telling you, it'll be fine. They're
really nice."
"No, it's…" Lucy looked Cassie straight in the eyes. "It's not that… I have a question."
"Yes?" Cassie asked, turning around to
face her friend better.
"Do you live here? With your parents I mean?" Lucy's voice was urgent.
"Well yes, but my parents give me a free reign and I was thinking about moving
out soon anyway. Why?" Cassie drew her eyebrows together in slight
concern, leaning back in the seat of the car while looking at Lucy.
"Well… I was thinking." Lucy took a
deep breath. "I just got a job, a good
one, at this bookstore and…Cassie, I… I love you. That's it. I love you,
and I was wondering if you…" Lucy took
another breath. She felt lightheaded,
and looking desperately over to the girl she loved. Cassie's face was unreadable.
Lucy took another breath. "I was
wondering if you wanted to…to be, you know, well, roommates?"