Chapter 8
Rory lay alone in the hospital room they had stuck her in. She decided they must have forgotten about her. A horde of nurses had originally surrounded her and did a bunch of things . . . like take her temperature, her blood pressure . . . she really wasn't sure exactly what all they had done, actually. A doctor had then come in, looked over her, and then promptly left. That had been at least thirty minutes ago. She hadn't seen a soul since. Where was her Mom? Where was Dean? . . . Where was Jess?
Jess.
Rory didn't want to think about Jess just yet. She wasn't sure why, but they thought of him suddenly made her want to cry. She looked around the room for something . . . anything to distract her.
Her little room looked quite lonely. There was another bed on the opposite side, but it appeared to be currently unoccupied. The was a curtain separating the two sides of the room, but it wasn't closed. Other than that the only things in the room were two small night stands, and a sitting chair in the corner. It looked suspiciously like a room they would stick you in if you were going to be spending the night. They didn't expect her to spend the night, did they? Rory was suddenly feeling sick again. She didn't need to stay in the hospital. . . she had just a small fainting attack due to her lack of food. She was just hungry, that was all. Didn't they understand the only thing she really needed was to go home?
Rory took a deep breath in an attempt to fight back her rapidly approaching tears. Sitting up straighter in her bed, she reached over and opened the drawer to the bed side table. Inside lay an old, worn, forgotten book . . .
Hemingway.
Rory started to cry. She couldn't help it. The thing she didn't understand though, was why she was crying. The answer was there, pushing it's way to the front of her mind, but she just wasn't quite ready to acknowledge it. She thought back to the dinner earlier that evening. It seemed like such a long time ago. Little snippets of conversation floated through her head. The comment about Dean still loving her seemed to replay itself over and over again.
Rory suddenly admitted to herself why she was crying. And it had nothing to with Dean ... directly that is.
She was in love with Jess.
Really in love. Not the kind of love she had felt for Dean. Not the girlish, fluttery throes of a first love. This was real. Deep and passionate. Rory had thought she loved Dean . . . but she knew she loved Jess. But this was a dangerous kind of love. The kind that could break her heart.
And it would.
Rory started to cry harder. She loved Jess so much. But he didn't love her. Rory wasn't even sure he could. Jess had so put so many walls up over the years. He was so difficult to read, and just when Rory would think she was really getting through to him, he would close back up on her. Rory wasn't sure he would accept her love even if she gave it to him. Jess didn't seem like the type who be interested in a serious, long term relationship. He didn't seem like the type who want to be trapped by feelings of love. He never had, but Rory hadn't been concerned about that when she had originally started dating him. Back before she had fallen in love with him. Now if she lost him . . . what would she do?
And what if he stayed? What if he never realized that he loved her, or even if he did, what if he would never be able to tell her? Could she live like that? In a relationship where the man she loved would never trust her enough to be able to express his own feelings?
Rory suddenly decided this was why the whole fiasco with Dean had upset her so much. She didn't still love Dean. Actually, she was beginning to not even like him that much. However, maybe she did miss the security of being in love. With Dean, everything had always been safe. Jess bordered on downright dangerous. Still, she was smart enough to admit that was one of the many reasons she loved him.
Rory came to a conclusion. Her hidden fear that Jess would never be able to love her was the main reason she had been feeling so insecure about Dean and his new girlfriend ... or cousin ... or whatever. Rory smiled, remembering her comment about him "dating his cousin". They must have all thought she was crazy.
Rory was feeling a bit better. At least she had realized one good thing. She really was over Dean. She hadn't been suffering from jealously after all, and that was quite a relief. It would have to do for now. Rory sighed . . . deciding to deal with the rest of her problems later.
*****
Lorelai made her way down the hospital corridor, her heels clicking on the linoleum. She stopped when she reached room 412. She quickly threw the door open and walked inside.
Rory looked like she had been crying. Well of course she's been crying. She's all alone in a scary hospital and it took her mother an hour to get here! Lorelai silently cursed herself. Lorelai decided to skip the sentimental bit for now, not wanting her daughter to cry anymore. Instead she walked over to her bed with a serious expression.
"So you fainted, huh? Well I certainly hope you did it right."
"What do you mean," Rory asked, sitting up straighter.
"Why, Rory! Whatever do you mean, what do I mean?! There is an art to fainting, dear girl. See, you have to hold your hand up to your forehead, see like this," Lorelai said while demonstrating," and say something like 'Oh my, I do declare I'm going to swoon' and then gracefully descend to the ground!"
"Oh, well, I must have been sleeping the day we had fainting lessons."
"Everybody knows how to faint! Oh well, you'll do better next time."
Rory raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, your right, there won't be a next time. In that case, I'll just block this unfortunate occurrence from my mind."
"You do that," Rory said, pretending to be annoyed.
The two fell into a silence. Lorelai went and pulled the chair out of the corner and took her seat.
"So, umm, I talked to your doctor."
"Yeah?" Rory asked, suddenly feeling nervous.
"Well, apparently your fainting symptoms were 'unusual'. They doctor said he wanted to run a few more tests, just to be on the safe side, and since it's so late he thought it would be better to just wait and do it in the morning . . ." Lorelai trailed off.
"So we go home and come back tomorrow?" Rory asked hopefully.
"Well no . . . They won't let you go since they don't know what's wrong with you. Your gonna have to stay here tonight kiddo," she said quietly. Noticing the panicked look on her daughters face, she quickly continued, "But don't worry! I'm gonna stay here all night too. I'll sleep in this chair right here. And look! I brought you some stuff from home." Lorelai handed Rory a bag full of her possessions.
Rory peeked in side. She saw some personal items like her makeup, hairbrush, toothbrush, etc, along with a stuffed animal, some books, her CD player, and some CDs.
"You brought me my 20 Best Love Songs of All Time CD?" Rory asked incredulously.
"What, you know it's your favorite!"
"Yeah, but I can't be seen listening to it in public!"
"Oh well, hide it. Listen hun, Luke's out in the lobby. I'm gonna tell him that you're okay and then I'll probably go get some dinner because I haven't eaten yet, but I'll be back right after that, I promise."
"It's ok Mom, take your time. I'm pretty tired. I guess I'll just try and get some rest."
"Alright sweets, love you."
"I love you too Mom."
*****
As tired as Rory was she couldn't sleep. Against her better judgement she pulled out her love songs CD and listened to it for a while. When she glanced over at the clock and noticed it was almost 1:00 in the morning she decided she really ought to go to bed. She carelessly tossed her player and her CD case over onto the little night table. Turning off the lamp, she closed her eyes and tried to get comfortable.
A few minutes later she heard the door swing open. Figuring it was just her Mother, she kept her eyes closed.
Jess stopped in the doorway. Rory was asleep, just as he expected that she would be. He glanced over his shoulder and shut the door. He knew it was past visiting hours, but he didn't exactly care. He figured he had at least 20 minutes before Lorelai showed back up again. She was in pretty bad shape. She was really worried about Rory, and was currently sobbing all over Luke. Her reaction made Jess worry too. He hadn't really expected them to keep Rory over night.
Jess shook his head and sighed. After his encounter with Dean, he had stormed out of the hospital and walked around the block . . . about 20 times, in an attempt to cool his temper down. He had thought about the last thing Dean had said to him.
"You don't even know what love is!"
Once upon a time, Dean would have been right. There had been a time when Jess hadn't known what love was . . . but that was before he had met Rory Gilmore. She had changed everything. He did love her ... so much. But the feeling was so new to him . . . he just didn't really know what to with it. Honestly, even the thought of actually saying the words to her made him feel sick with anxiety. Plus, Rory was so incredible. She was so beautiful and sweet and smart. Could a girl like that every love a guy like him? He doubted it.
Jess quietly closed the door, crossed the room and took his seat in the chair by Rory's bed. She looked so helpless when she was lying there asleep like that. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair as his eyes roamed over to her night table. He saw a CD laying there. He smirked when he saw what it was. He wasn't really surprised though. Rory thought no one knew that she listened to that sappy music, but he had known for a long time that Up Where We Belong was her favorite song. Ever since he had heard her mother tease her about it when they had thought no one was listening.
Jess suddenly had the urge to say something . . . anything to her, to show the way he was feeling. But it would seem so stupid . . . then again she is sleeping. What could it hurt? He glanced around the room one last time to make sure no one was around that might hear him. He leaned down closer to Rory and began to softly whisper . . .
"Love lifts us up where we belong,
Where the eagles fly, on a mountain high,
Love lifts us up where we belong,
Far from the world below,
Where the clear winds blow."
Jess ran his hands through his hair once again, feeling stupid. Not only had he just said the words to a song that he normally wouldn't have even admitted to having ever heard before, he had said them to a girl was fast asleep. I really am losing it, he thought with a sigh. He leaned over and softly kissed Rory's forehead and stood up to leave. He had a feeling he would be walking around the block quite a few more times before the night was over. He had a lot of thinking to do.
*****
Rory's eyes shot open when she heard the door quietly close. He heart was slamming in her chest and she quickly pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She was pretty sure it was real, but .... she couldn't believe it.
Jess loved her.
Oh, maybe he hadn't said the words, and sure he had thought she was asleep, but that didn't change anything. Rory knew Jess. She knew the kind of person he was, and he was not the kind of person to go whispering the words to a sappy love song to a girl that he didn't love. Rory suddenly started smiling, and when she did she couldn't stop. Jess loved her . . . maybe he wasn't ready to tell her, heck maybe he didn't even realize it himself. But he did. Rory would make him realize that he loved her. She knew it wasn't be easy, but she was up to the challenge. In the mean time, she could wait. What he had said to her tonight would be able to keep her satisfied for quite a while.
Well there ya go : ) ok, ok I know ... it was incredibly sappy, but what can I say? *Sigh* I'm a hopeless romantic at heart! But anyways please review and let me know what you think! My exams are over now (and I passed all of them *YaY* lol) so I should be able to finish this up over Christmas break. I've still got a couple chapters up my sleeve! Hehe : ) ~*!*~