Part 20:
"I came over anyway." Willow explained, as a red eyed Buffy opened the door to
her home and found Willow there, armed with tissues and cookies.
"I'm glad." Buffy admitted honestly. The pair went upstairs and sat on Buffy's
bed.
"Want some chocolate chip cookies?" Willow asked. "Good for the heart and good
for the soul."
"I'm not hungry." Buffy replied somberly.
"Buffy. Your not happy, right?" Willow asked innocently.
"Of course not." Buffy answered, looking up at Willow, slightly angrily. Willow
put up a had to show she meant no harm and Buffy silently apologized with her
eyes.
"I think you should talk to Spike then." Willow said.
"What!" Buffy almost screamed. "You want me to what, go back and tell him I want
to have a relationship again. Go back and tell him that it doesn't matter that
he lied to me, that he tried to kill me!"
"But he didn't try to kill you, and I don't think he was planning to." Willow
insisted. Buffy took a breath and began again in a softer voice.
"He lied to me. He's not the man I fell in love with. And I may still love him,
but I won't have him knowing that." Buffy said.
"Your punishing him because your angry at him, and I know that he's hurting
because of it. But Buffy, you have done nothing wrong." Willow said. Buffy
looked up at her and nodded. Willow continued. "So why are you punishing
yourself. Why are you in pain for something that you didn't do."
"I…" Buffy began.
"Talk to him." Willow urged softly.
"I…"
"Talk to him. You owe yourself that."
"Fine." Buffy said in a barely audible whisper. "We'll talk." Buffy's face
reflected sadness. However, inside her heart was shining with hope. Talking was
how it was started. And who knows. Maybe talking would make it all okay. It wasn't
like she had anything left to lose.
I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire, the yearning to be near
you…And I don't know how to let you go…
Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachan