Part 22:


"Spike." Buffy called, stepping tentatively into the shadowy mansion. "Spike." The slayer called again. She half hoped that Spike wasn't there, because honestly, Buffy thought that the moment she saw him she wouldn't be able to resist running into his arms. No, she wouldn't give in. She was the slayer, standing tall against vampire…all vampire's…even sexy, sweet, sensitive vampires. Buffy was shook from her thoughts as the aforementioned vampire came into the main hall.

"Slayer." Spike said, pleasantly surprised, a hopeful look in his eyes that it took all of Buffy's will to resist.

"I think we need to talk." Buffy said. Spike nodded, dumbly.

The slayer was even more beautiful than he remembered. A cliché thing to say, but so true. Her hair framed her face in soft blonde curls, and her hazel eyes shined, staring strait into Spike's eyes. Spike could feel emotions coming off her in waves. Pain, which Spike shuddered to think he was the cause of. But also, love, and forgiveness. Spike shoved his thoughts away. He was probably just imagining the love and forgiveness. Slayer's don't date vampire's.

"If you had a do over" Buffy began. Spike looked at her quizzically. "If you could turn back time, change something" The slayer explained "would you tell me the truth?"

"No." Spike answered honestly. Buffy's eyes widened at Spike's strait foreword answer. "I couldn't stand to lose you Buffy. And I know you think that you would accept me for what I am, but you wouldn't. And it hurts too much to think that I wouldn't even have the memories that I have now. It hurts to think that I wouldn't be able to spend any time with you."

"You think you know me so well." Buffy said, staring at Spike defiantly. "I know the world isn't black and white…you think I don't know that?"

"I'm just saying…" Spike began. However, Buffy cut him off.

"You're not even the first vampire I've dated!" Buffy screamed in an exasperated tone.

That stopped Spike. He had been all prepared to deal with Buffy. Ready with comebacks and apologies, ready with plans for how to work through this. But Buffy's admission changed everything.

"What?" Spike asked, his tone breathy, especially for that of a vampire.

"His name was Angel. I broke up with him because I knew I was falling for you. He was…is….a vampire." Buffy explained. "I didn't mention him because I didn't want to talk about him. I wasn't hiding anything from you, I just didn't think bringing up your ex was a greater conversation starter."

"Angel…Angelus?" Spike asked. Buffy nodded, wondering how Spike knew that.

"How do you know…" Buffy began, however, Spike cut her off.

"Angelus was my grandsire." Spike said. Buffy's eyes opened wide.

"I can't…I don't…" Buffy stuttered. However, when she finally came to her senses she spoke again. "That's not the issue at hand. The fact is that you lied to me, and I'm suffering because of it. And that's not fair."

"You're right slayer. You're right about everything. It's not fair that my stupidity, my selfish need for you is causing you to suffer. But you also can't deny that you still love me. That I still love you." Spike said, walking closer to the slayer. Spike moved one step foreword with each word he spoke, watching hopefully as the slayer didn't back away.

"I still love you Spike. And it's killing me to be apart from you. Every time I think of how much pain I'm in my first thought is to run to you, to tell you my problems, so that you can make them go away. But then I remember…you are my problem." Buffy spoke honestly.

"Let me make it better." Spike pleaded, now standing arms length from Buffy, not willing to come any closer."

"We're not going to fix this today." Buffy began, purposefully avoiding Spike's lovesick eyes, afraid she would get lost in them. "It will take time, and trust. But I want to try to make things better. Because I can't live without you. And I do understand why you did what you did. I just need you to know…we're not going to fix this just by announcing that we have a problem. I 'm not going to fall into your arms. I need to make sure that when your arms are outstretched, I feel safe falling into them." Buffy explained.

"I'll wait for you slayer. I just want you to remember. My arms will always be outstretched for you." Spike whispered. Buffy nodded and turned to go. However, Spike's cool hand on her forearm stopped her. She tensed under his touch, it felt so good, and it had been so long. However, when she turned around her face was an unreadable mask.

Spike wordlessly crushed his mouth to hers, Buffy and Spike kissed for a moment, neither willing to acknowledge the fact that they had just agreed to give it time. However, Spike broke off the kiss softly and placed a firm kiss on the slayer's forehead.

"Just so you remember shoe lips the arms are attached to." Spike whispered. Buffy shook slightly from the force of the kiss and could only nod dumbly.

"I'll come visit soon." The slayer promised. Spike nodded and Buffy turned to leave once again. However, a loud thump caused her and Spike to turn. There, sitting in the center of the mansion's main hall lay a curled up figure of a woman, clad in a stunning red dress, the woman was unconscious. Spike spoke one word.

"Drusilla…"







I would rather have had

One breath of her hair,

One kiss from her mouth,

One touch of her hand,

Than eternity without it. One!

Nicholas Cage referring to Meg Ryan in City of Angels