CHAPTER 31
How did I end up here
Closer to nowhere and in the middle of nothing?
And I am one step back from where I was
Spinning in circles gets old after a while
-Blyss (today's Lifehouse), "What's Wrong With That?"
Rafe paced the family room uneasily. He had to do something; he knew he did. He just didn't know what exactly.
The only thing he did know was that pacing was not helping anything. When he got this jittery, as he often did, only one thing calmed him: his journal.
Unfortunately, his journal was missing at the moment. In her message inside the new journal he'd found, Alison'd said that he threw out his old one, but why would he do that? Why would he throw away his most treasured possession?
It just didn't make sense. Nothing in his life seemed to make sense anymore... except Alison.
He knew that he loved her. Every part of his being told him that. He just couldn't feel it.
That was what tortured him, what stung more than the realization that he was no longer alive: that absence of feeling.
He'd spent his entire life studying the supernatural. It wasn't that difficult for him to believe in the existence of angels. After the initial shock of learning that he was one of those angels, he'd come to accept the idea. But he just could not accept everything else.
He loved his job and everything that came with it. He'd never resented his calling and the responsibilities that it entailed. But, somewhere, in the back of his mind, he'd always wondered, 'Is this it? Is this all I am? Is this all God has planned for me?'
He came from a long line of Kovich slayers. The most recent was his uncle, Valint (Bah-leent), who'd inherited the job when his father, Rafe's grandfather, passed away.
That's what happened with slayers; they acted valiantly 'til the inevitably bitter end. "Papa" Rafe, his grandson's namesake, was killed in action, as was his son. Next it was Little Rafe's turn.
Elena Kovich loved her son dearly. He was her entire world.
She'd grown up listening to her father and her older brother's stories of vampires, demons, and the like. And she'd wanted none of it. All she'd ever wanted was for her son to live a normal, quiet life. But, for a Kovich, that was an impossibility.
Still, she'd tried her best to reason with her family, stating that "Ray" was too young to train, too young to take out into such a dangerously chaotic world.
"It would be easier for you and Valint if Ray stayed at the house with me, Papa," she'd explained innocently. "If all my men are gone, who will protect me?"
Smiling warmly at her words, Papa kissed his only daughter on the forehead, while his only son eyed her suspiciously. Valint knew Elena would do her best to keep her son out of danger. She would rather have had her father and brother stay with her as well, but she knew they were set in their ways and their duties.
But Elena had already lost two loved ones, and she did not wish to lose anyone else. "Mama" Kovich passed away from illness when her two children were young, and Ed, Elena's American fiancé and Ray's father, died suddenly in a plane crash, on his way to visit her and their unborn child.
Valint had always suspected his sister and the American had secretly planned to run away to the States, where they would marry and raise their child. Unfortunately, that would never be, and, instead, Elena remained in Transylvania with her family.
Hoping to make the best in a bad situation, Elena Kovich showered her son with all the maternal love she had never known, the love that had been taken away from her at such a young age. She taught him the skills she believed every civilized person should know: to read and to sew and even to cook a few things, which he wasn't very good at anyway.
"When you get married, Ray," she'd always say, "your wife will be so happy that you can do this. Trust me."
And he did.
But the young Kovich also desired something else. He wanted to go out in the world, to live off his instincts, to hunt and to be hunted, to feel, as Papa and Uncle Valint put it, what it was really like to be "alive." Soon, he would.
Everything changed for the Koviches when Papa died. After their father's murder, when Valint came to her and asked for her thirteen-year-old son, Elena swallowed her pride and all of her dreams and acquiesced to his demands. She had no other choice.
The day he and Valint left was the last time Rafe saw his mother. When they returned from training six months later, Elena Kovich had already passed away.
There was no identifiable reason for her death. Valint theorized that Mama's illness had claimed another victim, but Rafe believed that she died of a broken heart. He was her everything, and he left her. He would never forgive himself.
Rafe spent the next five years tracking and exterminating every evil he could find. His silent rage fueled every move, every decision he made. It was what kept him alive, what kept him going after Valint was killed. It was his life.
Rafe'd hoped that once he destroyed Caleb Morley, his last target, he could finally settle down and marry, as his mother had wished. But Caleb killed the young slayer, and that dream slipped from Rafe's grasp... until someone found it in their heart to sent him back down to earth... and to Alison.
He would remember her and their love. He knew it. He had to. All he needed was time...
How did I end up here
Closer to nowhere and in the middle of nothing?
And I am one step back from where I was
Spinning in circles gets old after a while
-Blyss (today's Lifehouse), "What's Wrong With That?"
Rafe paced the family room uneasily. He had to do something; he knew he did. He just didn't know what exactly.
The only thing he did know was that pacing was not helping anything. When he got this jittery, as he often did, only one thing calmed him: his journal.
Unfortunately, his journal was missing at the moment. In her message inside the new journal he'd found, Alison'd said that he threw out his old one, but why would he do that? Why would he throw away his most treasured possession?
It just didn't make sense. Nothing in his life seemed to make sense anymore... except Alison.
He knew that he loved her. Every part of his being told him that. He just couldn't feel it.
That was what tortured him, what stung more than the realization that he was no longer alive: that absence of feeling.
He'd spent his entire life studying the supernatural. It wasn't that difficult for him to believe in the existence of angels. After the initial shock of learning that he was one of those angels, he'd come to accept the idea. But he just could not accept everything else.
He loved his job and everything that came with it. He'd never resented his calling and the responsibilities that it entailed. But, somewhere, in the back of his mind, he'd always wondered, 'Is this it? Is this all I am? Is this all God has planned for me?'
He came from a long line of Kovich slayers. The most recent was his uncle, Valint (Bah-leent), who'd inherited the job when his father, Rafe's grandfather, passed away.
That's what happened with slayers; they acted valiantly 'til the inevitably bitter end. "Papa" Rafe, his grandson's namesake, was killed in action, as was his son. Next it was Little Rafe's turn.
Elena Kovich loved her son dearly. He was her entire world.
She'd grown up listening to her father and her older brother's stories of vampires, demons, and the like. And she'd wanted none of it. All she'd ever wanted was for her son to live a normal, quiet life. But, for a Kovich, that was an impossibility.
Still, she'd tried her best to reason with her family, stating that "Ray" was too young to train, too young to take out into such a dangerously chaotic world.
"It would be easier for you and Valint if Ray stayed at the house with me, Papa," she'd explained innocently. "If all my men are gone, who will protect me?"
Smiling warmly at her words, Papa kissed his only daughter on the forehead, while his only son eyed her suspiciously. Valint knew Elena would do her best to keep her son out of danger. She would rather have had her father and brother stay with her as well, but she knew they were set in their ways and their duties.
But Elena had already lost two loved ones, and she did not wish to lose anyone else. "Mama" Kovich passed away from illness when her two children were young, and Ed, Elena's American fiancé and Ray's father, died suddenly in a plane crash, on his way to visit her and their unborn child.
Valint had always suspected his sister and the American had secretly planned to run away to the States, where they would marry and raise their child. Unfortunately, that would never be, and, instead, Elena remained in Transylvania with her family.
Hoping to make the best in a bad situation, Elena Kovich showered her son with all the maternal love she had never known, the love that had been taken away from her at such a young age. She taught him the skills she believed every civilized person should know: to read and to sew and even to cook a few things, which he wasn't very good at anyway.
"When you get married, Ray," she'd always say, "your wife will be so happy that you can do this. Trust me."
And he did.
But the young Kovich also desired something else. He wanted to go out in the world, to live off his instincts, to hunt and to be hunted, to feel, as Papa and Uncle Valint put it, what it was really like to be "alive." Soon, he would.
Everything changed for the Koviches when Papa died. After their father's murder, when Valint came to her and asked for her thirteen-year-old son, Elena swallowed her pride and all of her dreams and acquiesced to his demands. She had no other choice.
The day he and Valint left was the last time Rafe saw his mother. When they returned from training six months later, Elena Kovich had already passed away.
There was no identifiable reason for her death. Valint theorized that Mama's illness had claimed another victim, but Rafe believed that she died of a broken heart. He was her everything, and he left her. He would never forgive himself.
Rafe spent the next five years tracking and exterminating every evil he could find. His silent rage fueled every move, every decision he made. It was what kept him alive, what kept him going after Valint was killed. It was his life.
Rafe'd hoped that once he destroyed Caleb Morley, his last target, he could finally settle down and marry, as his mother had wished. But Caleb killed the young slayer, and that dream slipped from Rafe's grasp... until someone found it in their heart to sent him back down to earth... and to Alison.
He would remember her and their love. He knew it. He had to. All he needed was time...