Mission #7
Give Presents to Everyone in School
Every student
Down in Hogwarts
Liked Christmas a lot...
But Ravenclaw Prefect,
Who lived in the Ravenclaw Common Room,
Did NOT!
The prefect hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that he's Jewish, so it never felt right.
He didn't exchange presents on the very same night.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his robes were two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His robes or his view,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, being a Jew,
Staring down from Ravenclaw with a sour, bitter scowl
At the warm lighted candles in the Hogwarts Main Hall.
For he knew every wizard in Hogwarts academy
Was busy now, decorating the Christmas tree.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the crew, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on pumpkin juice, just having a ball!
Which was something the prefect could not stand at all!
And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every child down in Hogwarts, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the kids would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the prefect thought of the All-School-Sing
The more the prefect thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for three whole years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE PREFECT
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The boy laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Jewish trick!
With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..."
The Prefect looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Ravenclaw Prefect...?
No! He just simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his friend Aragog. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up Aragog.
Then the Prefect said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the rooms where the kids
Lay a-snooze in their beds.
All their rooms were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the kids were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the Gryffindor room in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Prefect Claus hissed
And he walked through the painting, empty bags in his fist.
Then he crawled through the painting, a rather tight squeeze.
But if a Gryffindor could do it, then why couldn't he?
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out into the common room
Where the little red stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Sweaters! And owls! Wizard's Chess! Wands!
School Books! Galleons! Sickles! And Knuts!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the prefect, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, through the painting!
Then he slunk to the kitchen. He took the whole feast!
He took all the pudding! He took the bread and the yeast!
He cleaned out that kitchen as quick as a flash.
Why, the prefect even took their last can of Who-hash! (Yes, Hogwarts DOES have Who-hash)
Then he stuffed all the food in his parcel with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the boy, "I will tear down the tree!"
And the prefect grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and laughed to himself
Little Harry Potter, who was not more than twelve.
Prefect had been caught off guard by this little chump
Who'd got out of bed to go take a dump
He stared at the Prefect and said, "Santy Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that prefect was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little boy," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
So I'm taking it home to my workshop, see here.
I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head
And Harry relieved himself and went off to bed
And when young Harry Potter went to bed when through,
He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree through!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire.
Then he went through the picture himself, the crazy liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of food
The he left in the room
Was a crumb that was even too small for…Scabbers who had escaped from his cage when no one was looking and was now hungry for a meal so that is why he was foraging about.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other school houses
Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Scabbers who had escaped from their cages when no one was looking and were now hungry for a meal so that is why they were foraging about!
It was quarter past dawn...
All the boys, still a-bed
All the girls, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their robes! The scarves! The ties!
The broomsticks! And the frogs! The posters! The cats!
"Woo-hoo for the Jews!" he was foolishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
The all the kids down in Hogwarts will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the prefect,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the prefect put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the hall.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
"WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?!?!?!?!" bellowed Ron since he woke up extra early to open his presents. Everyone got up and then started looking around and the Ravenclaw Prefect chuckled warmly to himself with his huge stack of stuff behind him.
"Jewish pride!!" cheered the Ravenclaw Prefect. "Now you ALL know how I feel every Christmas!!"
"So…it was you?" came Snape's voice from behind him.
"No! It was Aragog!" said the Ravenclaw Prefect.
"I was wondering why my stocking was empty." Said Snape as he held up a little stocking with the name 'Severus' in gold glitter across the top.
"I took no part in this!" said Aragog as he took the horn off his head.
"I'll have you know, Professor Snape, that these two are responsible for stealing Christmas!" said Percy as he rounded the corner with his sleepy hair. Of course he had his sleepy hair, he just woke up! HAW HAW HAW!!
"I KNOW!!!" Snape yelled as he turned back to Aragog and the Ravenclaw Prefect. "Why would you steal Christmas?"
"Because I'm Jewish!" whined the Ravenclaw Prefect.
"SO?!" yelled everyone.
"No one said Happy Hanukah to me or gave ME a single present on Hanukah!" argued the Ravenclaw Prefect.
"Well, even if you celebrated Christmas, we wouldn't have said Merry Christmas to you or even given you a Christmas present because you don't even have a name and the movie would have been exactly the same if you weren't in it so you would not have been missed." Said Percy.
"Oh, so we're getting back to the fact that you have more lines again, are we?" groaned the Ravenclaw Prefect. "And just because you have a distinguishable hairstyle…"
"ENOUGH OF THIS!!!" HOLL-ered Snape. "You will return all this stuff to all the common rooms and teachers and a million points will be taken from Ravenclaw." Then he stomped away.
"Thanks a lot, Prefect!" cried some first year Ravenclaws. "Not only did you ruin Christmas but now we're down a million more points!"
"Well…no one's wished me a Happy Hanukah yet!" the Ravenclaw Prefect reminded them.
"Hanukah's over!" bellowed Percy. "It ended more than three weeks ago!"
"I feel so insignificant in this chapter." Said Aragog. "Almost as if I did absolutely nothing. Oh well!"
Then a Christmas jingle started playing as everyone froze and a black circle engulfed them.